Everything Else

Your Friends And Neighbors – ’17-’18 NHL Team Previews: Silicon Valley Bubble Burst

By 1956

In about five years, if you’re not already, we’re all going to look back and just wonder how in the hell the Sharks ever came out of the West. It was the perfect storm for them I suppose, as the bottom dropped out on pretty much every other team that had kept them down for so long and they were able to rise by standing still. It might be as good as things get for the Sharks for a while. Teams aren’t supposed to be completely handcuffed by the departure of a 35-year-old, one-dimensional scorer. It’s the kind of thing you buttress your team against. And yet, here the Sharks are, still holding a bouquet of flowers for Patrick Marleau in the rain, unaware that they’ve completely wilted now and wondering just where their love went. And it hasn’t allowed them to come up with too many answers otherwise either.

San Jose Sharks

’16-’17 Record: 46-29-7  99 points (3rd in Pacific, coldcocked by Oilers in Round 1)

Team Stats 5v5: 51.1 CF% (8th)  51.8 SF% (4th)  51.4 SCF% (9th)  7.8 SH% (14th)  .924 SV% (12th)

Special Teams: 16.6 PP% (25th)  80.6 PK% (16th)

Everything Else

Sit Back, Relax, and Strap it Down – ’17-’18 Blackhawks Player Previews: Richard Panik

By 1979

It’s often hilarious to remember that the Blackhawks got Richard Panik from the Maple Leafs for alleged professional hockey player Jeremy Morin. Poor Mr. Morin has found himself traded aproximately 200 times in his career and has never stuck at the NHL level. I don’t even know if he still plays for any organization in North America, and I truly don’t care to Google it and find out. Richard Panik is still here and could be important for the Blackhawks this season. He’s certainly important for those jokes about that one band.

2016-17 Stats

82 GP – 22 G – 22 A

49.6 CF% – 50.0 oZS% – 50.0 dZS%

14:44 Avg. TOI

A Look Back: Panik had a rather productive season last year, and in terms of what was expected from him he just about blew up. His 44 points were far and away a career high, and a cool 35 of those came at evens. He benefited greatly from playing with Toews and/or Hossa for most of the season, but in many ways also helped to redeem the season for those two as well. It’s not often that a forward of Panik’s ilk makes such a big leap forward in his age 25 season, especially after basically putrid production numbers in the past, but you’ll find no complaints around these parts about him being able to do so. His possession numbers weren’t exactly encouraging, but with a dead even split in zone starts, and the competition he faced alongside Toews, he wasn’t going to light up the Corsi Files anyway.

The most encouraging thing about Panik’s season is that it is extremely easy to find how and why he was able to jump up in production so easily. The cynic’s brain would likely seek to attribute it to an unsustainable spike in shooting percentage, as he registered a 14.2% conversion rate, but that was actually down last year from a 15.4% mark in 15-16, and was below his career mark of 14.4% as well. I was actually not that shocked upon seeing those numbers, because Panik does have a good wrist shot, with a quick release and damn near devastating speed on it.

Shooting was the reason for his uptick in production though, as Panik put 155 shots on goal last year. That’s 1.89 shots per game, well up from his 1.3 shots per game in 15-16 and career mark of 1.19 per game heading into last season. Shooting more often is pretty much going to increase just about anyone’s production, but when you’re a career 14% shooter, not shooting whenever you get the chance is damn near a crime.

A Look Ahead: My assumption is that Panik will stay with Toews on the top line this season but flip to the right side while Saad flanks the left. Given that Saad and Panik both play Hossa-type games, and Saad is better than Hossa was anyway (I am aware of the punishment for blasphemy, thank you), it wouldn’t be surprising to see those three gel together nicely atop the lineup. I don’t expect Hossa-like results from Panik, but he can at least embrace a bit more of a Hossa-esque role by getting into the corners and filling up the slot, allowing Saad and Toews to be themselves.

What I do want to see out Panik is even more shooting. Seriously, if you’re a 14% shooter, just find open ice and scream for the puck. I don’t want it to get to Sharp/Panarin levels of standing around and waiting for one timers, but Saad and Toews are both creative enough playmakers to get Panik in good situations to shoot frequently. If he can get two shots on goal per game, I wouldn’t be surprised if he put up 25 goals and 50 points this year. And assuming he spends more of the season on the top line and sees an increase in time on ice, he will probably have the chances to do just that.

Now, if he doesn’t end up producing very well, that wouldn’t make him invaluable to this team. He can still fit in nicely as a quasi-scorer on a two-way third line, possibly next to Anisimov. That wouldn’t be the worst outcome either. For $2.8mildo, if he can even put 15 goals on the board, it’ll be money well spent.

Statistics via Hockey Reference.

Previous Player Previews

Corey Crawford

Anton Forsberg

Duncan Keith

Connor Murphy

Michal Kempny

Brent Seabrook

Gustav Forsling

The 6th D-Man

Artem Anisimov

Lance Bouma

Laurent Dauphin

Alex DeBrincat

Ryan Hartman

John Hayden

Vinnie Hinostroza

Tanner Kero

Patrick Kane

Everything Else

Sit Back, Relax, and Strap it Down – ’17-’18 Blackhawks Player Previews: Patrick Kane

By 1576

Thankfully we’ve made it another offseason without Patrick Kane drunkenly committing crimes. Unfortunately for Kane the Blackhawks traded away his running mate of the last two seasons, and he heads into this preseason without an obvious fit for linemates. Luckily, Kane is still good enough to succeed with just about anyone that Q could think to put him with, and is also capable of elevating the play of those players around him. I just hope he isn’t giving them offseason activity ideas.

2016-17 Stats

82 GP – 34 G- 55 A

52.2 CF% – 64.4 oZS% – 35.6 dZS%

21:24 Avg. TOI

A Look Back: Despite not putting up league leading numbers again, Kane turned in yet another impressive season on the scoresheet last year, playing in all 82 games and producing more than a point per appearance in the process. His 89 points tied him for second in the NHL with Sidney Crosby, and his 34 goals had him in a three-man tie for 10th in the league. He managed 27 of those goals and a total of 64 points at 5v5, which actually wasn’t down that much from his 29 goals and 69 total points (NICE) at evens in 2015-16. The consistency there is a big encouragement, and also shows just how power play heavy his 106 total points that won him the Art Ross and Hart Trophies in 2016 were.

Kane spent most of the season with Artemi Panarin again, who saw his feet slowly started to fuse with the top of the left faceoff circle last season as he turned into the one-timer version of a bobblehead. Seriously, Kane and Panarin probably could’ve had another 5-10 points each last year if DoughBoy hadn’t been possessed the ghost of Patrick Sharp (who, based upon his play this preseason, is assuredly dead). Panarin is gone now, but he’s not necessarily missed. You’ll be hard pressed to convince me that it was Panarin who helped channel Kane’s success and not vice versa.

A Look Ahead: Obviously Kane is going to need at least one new linemate, and possibly two depending on how scrambled Anisimov’s brain is  after his concussions last year. I will maintain that DeBrincat should be on Kane’s opposite wing until it happens or I die. He has the speed, vision, and creativity to slot well on a line with Kane, and they would feed into each other’s strengths just like Kane and Panarin did. Those two would be a dynamic offensive duo regardless of who their pivot is, though I’d love to see Schamltz there. As I said in my ADB preview, Schmaltz’s playmaking ability would mesh well with ADB’s scoring ability, and having a top-five NHL player to distract opponent’s would free up ice for those young guns. Kane would be a solid bet for another 60+ point season at evens, and those two would take a huge step in their development as well.

Otherwise, we might see Anisimov pivot Kane again while Patrick Sharp flanks the opposite wing. Anisimov is still a good fit as a center for Kane due to his size and ability to crash the net/shove his ass in goalies’ faces, so that part isn’t so bad. The problem is that Patrick Sharp is like 50 years old, can’t skate, and has a cardboard hip. And he’s not even the Blackhawks’ hottest player anymore. Putting him on the wing opposite Kane would be like tying a piano to the back of your Hellcat. Kane could probably still produce fine with Sharp on his wing, and he’d probably even get Sharp to score 15-20 goals if they were together long enough, but it’s not the best fit at all. Please, Joel, do not do this (he definitely will).

In terms of production, Kane has been a point per game player in all but three of his NHL seasons. I’d call it a safe bet he does it again this year. My official prediction is an 85+ point season, or at least an 85+ point pace should he get injured. Pray that doesn’t happen, though, because even with the young offensive talent the Hawks have, losing Kane would take a huge chunk out of their offensive firepower.

Statistics via Hockey Reference.

Previous Player Previews

Corey Crawford

Anton Forsberg

Duncan Keith

Connor Murphy

Michal Kempny

Brent Seabrook

Gustav Forsling

The 6th D-Man

Artem Anisimov

Lance Bouma

Laurent Dauphin

Alex DeBrincat

Ryan Hartman

John Hayden

Vinnie Hinostroza

Tanner Kero

Everything Else

I Watched This So You Don’t Have To: Bruins 4 – Hawks 2

By 1327

Let’s just run through it real quickly.

-The Hawks basically rolled out the B-team, and that was generally a problem whenever Bergeron and Marchand were out against them, or Pastrnak. But I doubt we’ll see Rutta-Forsling out against lines like that in the regular season.

-Speaking of which, it was not a night Forsling is going to put on the video reel to show his kids one day.

Everything Else

Your Friends And Neighbors – ’17-’18 Team Previews – Dept. Of False Hope

By 1769

While many of the flapping heads are pronouncing the local squad as now having a closed window and figure to be on the outside looking in come playoff time, it is the two-time champions on Figueroa who have won but a single playoff game in the last three seasons since their last championship. And though they cleaned house in coaching and management with complete scumbag Dean Lombardi finally getting launched and the decidedly unfunny and cantakerous Darryl Sutter going with him, many of the same pieces that have never been able to buy a fucking goal are still here, just now older and with even more miles on the odometer.

Everything Else

This Above All: To Thine Own Self Be True

By 1564

Let’s get one thing straight—the owners of NFL teams are terrible people. They’re succubi who feed off of young men, particularly young men of color, by profiting from the damage done to those young men’s short- and long-term health in exchange for a large sum of money that, while still large, is actually a fraction of the wealth of the owner, and more importantly, a fraction of the wealth that the player will bring to the owner, who ends up coming out way ahead in that deal. They’re succubi who feed off of taxpayers by extorting stadium funding, the receipts from which go overwhelmingly back to the owner, rather than the community that paid for the building. This is the most blatant of their extortions, but they also suck out subsidies and tax breaks that, like a slow bleed, drain resources away from the very community that is then threatened by the owner with the loss of their team.

Everything Else

Sit Back, Relax, and Strap it Down – ’17-’18 Player Previews – Tanner Kero

By 2055

I miss Marcus Kruger already, don’t you? There was a level of trust there after years of reliability that I just don’t have yet with the newer centers. But what’s done is done, and with the merry-go-round of forwards the law of averages would say that there has to be a suitable replacement among them, right? Well, there just might be one in our very own Working Class Kero.

Everything Else

Your Friends And Neighbors – ’17-18 NHL Team Previews: Straight Outta Edmonton, Is A Crazy Mofo Named Draise-Cube

By 1896

If the Leafs are going to be the annoying bandwagon team in the East, whose fanbase will be the constant drone of the season as they try and flagellate themselves as publicly as possible, then the Oilers are going to be that in the West. They won their first playoff round in 10 years last year, and probably should have beaten the Ducks in the second round. It won’t take people long to point out that Toews and Kane won a Cup in their third season, and that Crosby was in a Final in his third. The training wheels are off Run CMD and the boys. It’s basically June or bust for them. Unfortunately for them, their dumbass GM may have put too many roadblocks in their way. Or more to the point, behind them on defense.

Edmonton Oilers

’16-’17 Record: 47-26-9  103 points (2nd in Pacific, out in 2nd round to ANA)

Team Stats 5v5: 49.9 CF% (18th)  51.0 SF% (9th)  49.7 SCF% (19th)  8.2 SH% (9th)  .927 SV% (7th)

Special Teams: 22.8 PP% (5th)  80.7 PK% (17th)

Everything Else

Your Friends And Neighbors – ’17-’18 NHL Team Previews: Give Me Throwbacks Or Give Me Death

By 2269

Maybe a week ago, I would have told you that I was pretty excited to see what the Calgary Flames have in store this season. It has one of the most exciting young players in the game in Johnny Gaudreau, even if he’s a MAGA dipshit. He plays on a very entertaining line with Sean Monahan (is there a chance he could bend?). They have Michael Frolik whom I adore, who’s on a line with fellow hockey Zobrists Michael Backlund and Matthew Tkachuk. They have three #1 d-men, and just added Travis Hamonic who could be one of the better #2-3s in the game. And VERSTEEG! is here!. They look poised to make some serious noise in the West since 2004.

And then their owners started bitching about their arena deal not getting done and now I hope they go 0-82. Because fuck those guys. And wear the fucking throwbacks all the time, dillholes.

Cal And Gary Flames

’16-’17 Record: 45-33-4  94 points (4th in Pacific, torqued in 1st round by ANA)

Team Stats 5v5: 50.5 CF% (10th)  50.5 SF% (10th)  49.9 SCF% (18th)  7.6 SH% (16th)  .920 SV% (22nd)

Special Teams: 20.1 PP% (12th)  81.5 PK% (12th)

Everything Else

Sit Back, Relax, and Strap it Down – ’17-’18 Player Previews – Vinnie Hinostroza

By 2226

Vinnie Hinostroza—whenever I hear that name, I’m immediately back in Elmwood Park at my great-uncle’s cousin’s house for some random relative-of-a-relative’s baptism, or maybe a birthday, stuck in an Easter-egg colored taffeta dress with tights, making awkward conversation with the other pre-pubescent kids who are there not by choice. And I bet if you ask Vinnie, he would know it’s called gravy, not sauce.