Some free agent news breaking the past couple days, which is rare for August but hey we’ll take it.
-Today, the Edmonton Oilers signed Leon Draisaitl to an eight-year, $65 million deal. Drice was coming out of his entry deal, and the Oilers weren’t going to fuck around with a bridge deal, just like they didn’t with Run CMD who starts taking home $12 million a year starting the season after this upcoming one.
And nor should they.
At this point in my life, at least circling the concept of being an adult without actually becoming one, I know that separating the art from the artist isn’t only a good idea, it’s pretty necessary most of the time. I know Jeremy Roenick is getting ever more bloated, both physically and philosophically, and has essentially been a barking face-orifice for the past five to ten years now. So I have to keep his playing career, perhaps the single element most responsible for my Hawks and hockey fandom, separate from the man himself. And most of the time, it’s easy.
But every so often…
We’re bored, it’s August, and Cieslak and I finally have meaning in our lives again with the return of the EPL. So for those of you who are like minded and spend your weekend mornings blisteringly hungover and screaming at various men in shorts that you call “muppets” when you should be in bed, this is for you! Our team-by-team breakdown:
Arsenal: Once again, Arsene Wenger brings back essentially the same team except this time he added a shiny new French striker. I could have written that sentence in 1999, or 2006, or 2010, or 2014. They’ll be really good if they can get Alexis Sanchez to stay, which they should because he can really only go to PSG or Munich. And Munich aren’t going to pony up anytime soon, and I doubt he wants to go wax Neymar’s eyebrows for the rest of his useful career. But you know the drill here. Either they’ll start out on fire, everyone will get hurt in February, and they’ll wheeze to the end. Or everyone will get hurt in September, they’ll wheeze through the middle of the season, and then close with a flourish and probably win the FA Cup again just to provide excitement for next year so we can do this all over again. Either way, they’ll be bitching about Ozil’s effort when it gets cold. At least they can’t give up 17 goals to Munich in the Champions League again.
Likely Finish: Solidly Top Four, but nowhere near title-challenging.
Most of the changes we’ve advocated here the past few days, or have been talking about for a few years, are pretty simple. They’re logical. They make sense. Which is why the NHL is never going to adopt them.
The problem with these discussions is you have to accept that there’s something inherently wrong with the game on the ice. That it’s not entertaining. I don’t know if I buy that. I don’t know that a lack of goals means boring (I say this is a soccer fan, so take it for what it’s worth). Lack of scoring does not mean lack of action. Action is the crux here.
But I could definitely see where people think hockey has a lack of action. While the game has never been faster, and teams are every so slowly stocking their roster with more speed and skill (at least some are), that doesn’t mean it’s all that fluid. A lot of games descend into one team stretch passing to a forward at the other blue line to chip in, and then basically an attempt at a cycle. It can ground down in a hurry, and far too much playoff hockey looks like this. It happens quickly to be sure, but that doesn’t mean it’s all that vibrant.
One day, if it hasn’t already, colleges are going to have classes that demonstrate how replay in sports demonstrate the perils of technological advancement in society. Because when you first hear of it, or in a vacuum, the idea of using video to aid in the officiating and administration of sports makes total sense. And then you get it, and problems you never envisioned lead to other problems you never envisioned and suddenly we’re lost.
So it was with official reviews in the NHL, which used to only be restricted to goals themselves. And then we got the toe-in-the-crease debate. And then that went away. And then goalie interference came into it. And now it’s offsides and delay of game and whatever the hell else. And we end up asking ourselves every time, “Did it count?”
So let’s fix it.
Hey kids. We’re going to be making some changes on here for next season. We’re still hammering out what that may be, but we know that you’re going to like it. There’s going to be way more content in our own special way. Maybe even a new look. A new method, while holding onto the things you have come to love… or tolerate. But in order to do that, we need to hire some new writers.
Not just anyone of course. We’re looking for people who know what we do here. Not just the snark and music/Simpsons references (though if someone else can help out with the wrestling ones, bonus points for you!). Not just being a functional alcoholic (though Slak might not be considered “functional” anymore) But also able to break down games and the sport in the same way we do. So it probably would help if you’ve been reading us for a while, but not necessary.
If you’re interested, email me at committedindian@gmail.com with “New Writer” as the subject. If you have links to previous things you’ve done, great. If you don’t, we’ll come up with some sample ideas you can can tackle to show us what you’ve got.
And ignore the photo, we would certainly welcome long-haired, freaky people.
Per the theme of the posts this week, the descent into a complete fantasy land where the NHL does things that actually make sense furthers. And with that in mind, it’s time to tackle one of the stupider core aspects of a stupid league- the standings.
Over the next few days, or maybe week or two, we here at The Lab will be suggesting things that we think could help the league. These won’t be pie-in-the-sky, go-four-on-four-all-the-time type bullshit, though we may suggest blowing up St. Louis just on general principle. We spend a lot of time around here tearing down. It’s time we tried to suggest how to build back up. Not that anyone ever listens to us. So let’s kick this pig…
As is always the case it seems, the NHL has been beaten to the punch by the NBA. As you might have seen, the NBA this year will have no “home” or “road” jerseys this season. Every team will have four to choose from, one of which will be white, and the home team will pick what they will wear first and the road team will have to then wear something that doesn’t clash. I’ve only been screaming for the NHL to do this for years, pretty much ever since the Leafs-Wings Winter Classic. And long before that.
But that doesn’t mean it’s too late for the NHL.
Here was a headline that caught me somewhere uncomfortable the other day:
“Ryan Johansen’s Blockbuster Deal Could Set Up Predators Dynasty”
Ambitious stuff for a team that’s been past the second round exactly once, don’t you think? Look, I get it. Best top four on the blue line in the league, arguably. A raft of fast, young forwards not bereft of skill. A pretty good coach, though has a track record of flaming out quickly in places. A rabid fanbase and unique (whether you think it’s good or bad) atmosphere that tends to cloud the judgement of neutral observers (don’t tell me that doesn’t happen). A division where everyone appears to be standing still at best, if not falling backwards. Really, who else in the Central has an upward trajectory at the moment? So it’s easy to fall in love with Nashville.
But let’s take a look, shall we?
As a writer, “professionally” so for about 10 years now, I’m always fascinated by how the language is used in some places. I’m always on the look for words bent into adjectives or trying to find better verbs and whatever else (and the fact that I usually resort to “whatever else” means I’m not all that good at this). On the flip side of the coin, watching sports programming most of the time means I’m seeing the language get butchered. The problem usually lies in that those doing a lot of the talking are former athletes which probably means A) they stopped going to school for any real purpose somewhere around 7th grade and B) have been repeatedly hit in the head, knocking loose whatever education they did get.
But they’re not always the culprit. So here are the things that bother me the most when watching broadcasts:
