Everything Else

The Maple Leafs Are Fine, Which Is Why Everyone Hates Them

By Sam Fels 1699 0

At some point we’re going to have to rename the team in Toronto “The Poochies,” because it seems the hockey world can’t spin unless we check in on the Leafs first. Only after they’ve been bookmarked is everything allowed to continue in its normal fashion.

In case you somehow have just the right type of noise cancelling headphones that pick out the exact frequency of loudmouths in their mom’s basement drinking their own piss, the Leafs have lost four of five. That’s after going 6-1-1 in their last eight, but we have to ignore that fact because it doesn’t convey the right state of panic everyone clad in blue needs you to know they’re in. In those four losses, two were unsightly as they were to the Hawks and Senators, and the other two were to the Lightning and at the Predators last night, which happens. Sandwiched in there is a pretty comedy-sketch of a win against the Flyers where they gave up six goals.

26 goals surrendered in five games isn’t exactly thrilling our confidence inducing, but pretty much everyone has a stretch like that (or if you’re the Hawks, a month or two). Before this rupture of a defensive artery the Leafs were about 10th in the league in GA/g, at 2.85, and now have risen all the way to 3.00 which ranks them 16th. Right behind the Penguins, and also ahead of the Capitals and Sharks who are considered Cup contenders by some or most.

More importantly, the only games the Leafs have looked truly second best in were the ones against Tampa, which is an affliction 29 other teams have, and the first 30 minutes against the Hawks, which isn’t acceptable. What the Leafs are really going through is Freddy Andersen having a Game 7 spasm in March. Maybe that’s scary, but it shouldn’t be unexpected.

If it took these five games for the Toronto media to figure out their team sucked defensively, then I don’t know what to tell them. The Leafs rank 29th in shots against at even-strength, and 26th in scoring chances against. This was all masked when Andersen was near Vezina level, and that mask fell off with a ground-shaking thud when his level dropped.

While those with press passed decked in blue have gone all gaga for Morgan Rielly’s counting stats or Jake Gardiner’s impending free agency, they tried to fool themselves into thinking this blue line was any good. It never was, and that hasn’t changed in the past five games just because they gave up 39 shots to the Hawks (what?).

The blame is going to Mike Babcock, but he seemingly is doing what only available open to him, and that’s playing as fast and loose as the Leafs can to try and impose their forwards on almost every other team that can’t match them. That’ll lead to bad weeks every so often. Yes, using Ron Hainsey a lot is a weird choice, but again, the options aren’t exactly flowing especially with Gardiner hurt. There are actually Leafs fans clamoring for Justin Holl, because if you’re a Marlies legend it obviously means you’re a celestial being that only Toronto residents can recognize.

It’s really no different than the mewling about the playoff format, which will see the Leafs turned into a party hat by the Lightning in the second round at best. I’ve never understood what the difference between losing there or the third round would be, and even under the old system the Leafs couldn’t really avoid Tampa in the second round anyway. Either you’re good enough or you’re not.

But Toronto’s problem is everyone’s problem, or at least they’re going to make sure that it is. At least when the Yankees and Red Sox’s following turn their angst over their sixth-inning reliever into national news, they have the jewelry to back it up. But the Leafs use that vacuous trophy case as just another reason to amplify their noise across the land, because this is a crisis that must be solved after all.

There has been nothing new learned about the Leafs in the last week and a half, other than Andersen was never going to be around .930 for a whole season consistently. Perhaps the pain for Leafs fans is what they shielded their eyes from since September finally couldn’t be ignored anymore, and they’re just mad at themselves.

I eagerly await a first-round flameout followed by a Babcock-Quenneville switch, and then see what Q does with this blue line with no new additions. We have plenty of evidence that he can’t make chicken salad out of chicken shit, and I wonder how Toy Boy would handle seeing Trevor van Riemsdyk getting second-pairing assignments. It’ll be excellent theater.

Everything Else

Tonight I’m Gonna Rock You Tonight – March 19th

By Sam Fels 1039 0

First Screen Viewing

Penguins vs. Hurricanes – 6pm

Both these teams are getting closer to “in,” as the Canadiens have proven to be a decent-sized ball of suck. But they’ll want to avoid the wildcard spots and especially the “Get turned inside out by Tampa” spot, which the Canes are currently one point ahead of with a game in hand on the Jackets. They could still catch the Penguins too as a win tonight in regulation puts them just a point back with two less games played. The Pens have started to find it a bit, which means this one will be up and down and our dear sweet boy will get looks at Erik Gudbranson. Tune in just for that.

Second Screen Viewing

Maple Leafs vs. Predators – 7pm

One can only hope their win in San Jose doesn’t signal that the Preds are finally ready to roll, though we can hope it starts a playoff goalie controversy between Juuse Saros and Rinne, as the former has been the better goalie for a while now. The Leafs have been an utter mess, as they backed up that loss to the Hawks with one to the Senators, sandwiching a comedic 7-6 win over the Flyers. They’ve given up 23 goals in four games, which is…something. So here are two teams who didn’t think they’d have questions to answer with questions to answer.

Other Games

Bruins vs. Islanders – 6pm

Red Wings vs. Rangers – 6pm

Canadiens vs. Flyers – 6pm

Capitals vs. Devils – 6:30

Oilers vs. Blues – 7pm

Avalanche vs. Wild – 7pm

Panthers vs. Stars – 7:30

Blue Jackets vs. Flames – 8pm

Everything Else

Beto O’Colliton’s Rough Night

By Sam Fels 1901 0

There’s no other grade Jeremy Colliton will get for this season other than “incomplete.” We won’t have any idea if he truly knows what he’s doing until he has an actual NHL blue line to work with, and perhaps an improvement in forwards (though the forward group now is probably better than some teams that are in playoff positions). The excuses are running a little thinner as the season goes on, but he’ll basically have until next Christmas before we can fairly usher in a verdict.

However, last night is not going to encourage anyone. Or it shouldn’t.

Off the top, the Hawks have played themselves into three situations this year where you would say it was a “big game.” They’ve lost them all. The first was Colorado, which, fair enough, came down to a couple individual mistakes that a team this mediocre is just not going to be able to avoid all the time. The second was the following game against the Stars where they came out flat, fought back against a team that had played the day before, and then took a too-man-men penalty to cost themselves the game. The third was last night, very loosely, in which the Hawks lost to a team again playing for the second straight day (also flying in from Dallas) and for the most part looked like they couldn’t be all that bothered. It’s not a great look.

In the game last night, there were some very curious decisions. One was to swap Patrick Kane and Brandon Saad on the first and third lines for the last 40 minutes. The only button Colliton knows or can seem to find is “Play Kane Until He Pukes.” As I said on Twitter last night, pushing Kane’s ice time has become what Robitussin was to Chris Rock’s father (pour some water in the bottle…MORE KANE). It’s his catch-all. He played 24 minutes last night, the 19th time this year he’s played 24 minutes or more.

But to have him bank that much time with Sikura and Toews didn’t make a lot of sense, especially against a team that was employing the tactics that Vancouver was. They were clamped down, trapping, and that required puck-winners. Which in that formation, forces Toews to be and it’s really not the thing he does anymore. Certainly not as well as he did (more on this in a minute). Saad was the only one who figured out last night that the only way through the Canucks was to get the puck behind them and just go get it. He’s also the only one who can. Which means how Coach Cool Youth Pastor had it, Kane would be setting up Sikura, he of the no goals this season. That’s when they could get the puck loose, which wasn’t all that often. Meanwhile Saad was working his ass off to gain possession and create space for…Artem Anisimov and Dominik Kahun. Who both stared blankly at it.

There’s a time and place to get Dylan Sikura a goal, and he deserves that. But it’s not down to a trapping team in a game you kind of have to have two points.

Going further, the Hawks never adjusted to what the Canucks were doing. To be fair to Coach Cool Substitute Teacher, without a blue line, it’s a little hard to do. The Hawks don’t have a trap-buster. Gustafsson and Forsling are too slow and too dumb. Keith doesn’t have the handles anymore. But once again, an opposing team simply sent one forechecker deep, kept the other two wingers along the boards high, and then jammed up whenever the Hawks tried to exit around the wall, which was every goddamn time. If the Hawks found any space those two forwards simply sank into the neutral zone, which the Hawks still tried to Barcelona/tiki-taka their way through. Really a brilliant plan for a team lacking passing talent and skill and speed against a team specifically set out to jam up the works between the lines.

No, the Hawks aren’t a dump and chase team and they’ll struggle against any team forcing them to do that. But at some points, you just have to roll up the sleeves and try. If nothing else, it keeps the Canucks having to go 200-feet, which they’re not all that skilled at doing anyway. Funny how the Canucks second goal came off a lazy and silly turnover from Kunitz trying to pass through that neutral zone trap, and then not covering in his own zone.

Compounding his line-makeup mistakes, Colliton seemed hellbent on sending Toews out against Bo Horvat and the Canucks’ one pairing of NHL players, Edler and Biega. The other pairings contained rookies or Luke Schenn. You’d think you’d want to try to get at them. And you don’t need Jonathan Toews to deal with Horvat, especially when Toews isn’t really all that interested in defense this season. That’s what David Kampf is for, right? Does it pretty well, actually? Maybe try it for a shit or two? Could it have gone worse?

In a game the Hawks at least claimed they had to have, their coach got pantsed by Travis Green, who I’m sure spills something on himself once a day. Their veterans didn’t look all that interested. And they gave up yet another power play goal. At what point am I supposed to be encouraged?

-Taking your chances in overtime is always a 50-50 proposition, so there’s little point in getting too worked up about anything that happens in the gimmick. Still, this needs to be talked about:

Yeah, Gustaffson’s gap and stick-work aren’t great here, but I don’t expect any better from him. When this play is at the blue line, Toews has Horvat in his sights. He’s clearly aware of the danger. And in past years, he’d get shoulder to shoulder with him and probably muscle his ass off the puck while barely exhaling.

This time, he just stops. He lets Horvat get ahead of him, takes a half-assed swipe at him and then just basically gives up. He can’t possibly have expected Gustafsson to deal with it, because he’s been watching Gustafsson all year like we have. He catches Kane unaware because Kane is probably expecting him to do what Toews normally does, though obviously Kane could have done better here too.

The discussion lately around the lab here is whether Toews has forgone some of his defensive duties because he knows this team is so bad defensively it won’t matter anyway, or he’s just that hellbent on focusing on his offense. It’s probably true he can’t do both anymore, and that’s fine I suppose. Being over 30 probably means that. But again, this was a game that the Hawks had to have, and this is the effort in overtime you’re getting from your two veteran forwards.

Then again, both might have been completely exhausted given their usage. Could also be a reason Kane’s production has dropped from “galactic” to merely “very good” in March. Again, this isn’t the best look.

Everything Else

Atop The Sugar Pile – The Hounds Of Justice

By Sam Fels 1612 0

The Dizzying Highs

Brendan Perlini – Get on with your bad self, son. Perlini posted his first career hat-trick, then added tallies in Toronto and Montreal. Perls still has a little work to do to top last year’s 17 goals in Arizona, so before we go all gaga we should understand he’s done this kind of thing before. Up until the last three games, Perlini and his linemates were putting up some seriously impressive metrics as well. But they’ve crashed to Earth with the rest of the team in Canada, and weren’t particularly impressive last night against a trap that no one on the team seemed to recognize or deal with. But hey, five goals is five goals. Hopefully he closes strong and gives us a good, “HE’S ON THE TEAM FOR NEXT YEAR!” feeling.

The Terrifying Lows

Gustav Forsling – In what was a pretty decent week for the Hawks, at least results-wise, it’s hard to find anyone to pick on. So I’ll go with my usual target, and really weep that I’m in a world where I have to justify hating Forsling getting in the lineup over Carl Dahlstrom. Seeing as neither should be on the team next year anyway. Whatever, Forsling got himself clocked by both the Leafs and Habs, and the Coyotes in a six-goal win as well. If I watch him lose another race or bail out of it altogether I’m basically gonna plotz. No, Slater Koekkoek isn’t any better, but at least he stood up Brock Boeser last night to draw a penalty, which is one more defensive contribution than Forsling has made all season.

The Creamy Middles

Corey Crawford – That seems harsh, as his last five appearances he’s carrying a .960 SV%. That should put him in the first column, but the thing is we kind of just take Crow’s brilliance as the norm. We shouldn’t, and after his injury odyssey of he past year-plus, we really should treasure any kind of spirited displays we get from him. We don’t know how long they’ll last. But we knew before the season, and we knew during the season, that Crow remains the Hawks most important player. Look, he’s playing well for the most part since he came back. He’s made eight appearances, and the Hawks are 6-1-1 in those. This is not a coincidence. He’s going to get every start save one half of the back-to-back against Colorado at the weekend until the season stops mattering. And if he continues to do this, it might matter all the way to the end.

Everything Else

Game #72 – Canucks 2, Hawks 2 (Canucks win tic-tac-toe) – Something Wagered, Nothing Gained

By Adam Hess 1839 0

It could’ve be more fitting of a situation than for the Blackhawks to play well against a few decent/good teams (or at least teams in playoff spots in the West) when I don’t have to pay a huge load of attention, only to then take a dump all over all 200 feet of ice when I am on wrap duty. No, this isn’t about me, but something about them playing their worst game this month when the most pro-tank FFUD writer is locked in is kinda hilarious. And yeah, up until the last 8 or so minutes, this might’ve been one of the worst performances of the year for this team. Let’s do it, and see if I can find much to say:

– The Hawks really were lucky to be down one for as long as they were in this one, because they were getting killed by Vancouver for nearly the entire first 50+ minutes. Even when the Hawks were on the power play at times, it didn’t feel like they had the advantage. Vancouver just looked like the hungrier team, kind of being everywhere defensively, which was really the extent of their gameplan – defend well and hope to sneak shit in when the chances come. Not coincidentally, the Hawks are built to basically do the opposite, so it’s a smart gameplan from the Canucks. And in the end it worked. They should’ve had a bigger lead and were unfortunately stuck with just a 1-goal lead for most of the game, and forced to play an unnecessary overtime against a Hawks team that got a point from this one that they didn’t deserve.

– Let’s talk a little bit about what led to some of that Vancouver dominance. Primarily, this question – why are Brent Seabrook and Gustav Forsling on the ice at the same time ever? To have those guys on the ice together at any time is inexcusable, and at one point it led to a very-extended offensive possession by Vancouver in the second period that resulted in a few good scoring chances, though no goals. Had it not been Crawford back there, they would’ve been murdered for it. You can’t have the blind leading the blind in your defensive zone with a long change.

– Another important defensive question – why is Erik Gustafsson the defensman of choice to be the solo-dolo blue liner on the ice with Kane and Toews in the overtime period? I understand the idea of trying to generate offense, but that’s basically what you have Daydream Nation out there to do. And sure, the pickings are slim in terms of capable defensemen who are capable of playing very good defense in OT, but if you have 19 and 88 together, you don’t need 56 to generate anything. Put Murphy back there and shore yourself up in case you lose the faceoff and face a rush – oh shit, that’s what happened! Gustafsson got burned and Crawford got beaten by a shot he wouldn’t have had to face if his defenseman could keep his shit together in the zone.

– By now if you pay attention to the bylines (or just the opening to this) you know that I, Adam, am of the mind that the best thing long-term for this team is being not good. I’ve written it in back-to-back years, basically advocating for a tank I knew wouldn’t and couldn’t come. I think losing and maximizing the draft selection is the best route forward. With that being said, watching this team play like complete garbage after a string of good performances is beyond frustrating. I have never thought they were a very good team, and their last really meaningful win over a truly good team was in January. But shit, when you know that they are capable of competent, good hockey, watching them play incompetent, awful hockey, is difficult. Let’s just win the lottery, draft Jack Hughes, sign Erik Karlsson, and be good next year, okay?

Everything Else

Game #72 – Canucks vs. Hawks Preview, Server Rebuild – So This Is What A Must-Win Looks Like These Days

By Matt McClure 1841 0

vs

RECORDS: Canucks 30-32-10   Hawks 32-30-9

PUCK DROP: 7:30PM CDT
TV/RADIO: NBC Sports Chicago, NHL Network, Sportsnet, WGN-AM 720
SEA TO SKY TOILET: Canucks Army, Nucks Misconduct

Every season in every sport takes on a complexion of its own, for better or for worse. Water finds its own level, and certain truths are exposed over a large enough sample size whether they make sense or not, and they seem wholly confined to within the context of that league year. So it’s with that being said, that despite the two teams tonight being objectively horseshit, it is a critical, must-win, FOUR POINT game on West Madison for both the Hawks and Canucks.

For the visiting Canucks, this is precisely where any right-thinking fan of theirs (and there are about six of them, admittedly) does not want the team to be. Sure, they are bad, but they aren’t fully bad enough to put themselves in the best position possible to draft a transformational forward (whose brother just happens to be in the Canucks’ farm system), and they aren’t at the tail end of any window with any aging veterans who could realistically justify a go-for-it mentality, or at least not anymore, with the last remaining holdover from the “glory” years of nearly 10 years ago now being Alex Edler and his elbows. Sure, they have the likely Calder trophy winner in Elias Petterson, who has been sensational and leads all rookie scoring despite a) being hurt a significant portion of the year and b) basically doing it with zero help, as Brock Boeser has been hurt just as often as Petterson has.

At 60 points in 61 games, Petterson is the Canucks’ leading scorer in all three categories, and has all the tools one would ask of a true superstar in the making – he’s fast, he’s an elite stickhandler and passer, has a quick shot, and has great scorer’s instincts. He’s currently centering the aforementioned Boeser and his huge shot, along with fellow prospect Nikolay Goldobin, who has taken a slight step back in his first full season in the NHL with only seven goals in 62 games after eight in 38 last year. It could be a bout of bad luck as he’s only shooting 6.7% this year while getting more shots on net, but even still he’s good for 1.67 per game in all situations, as opposed to Boeser’s nearly three per game.

So at least with those three forming a top line, GM Jim Benning can get a good look at what the future might hold while deluding himself that his team is in a playoff chase. Behind them however, things are far less interesting. As of last night, Bo Horvat is centering whatever is left of Loui Eriksson and Leafs castoff Josh Leivo, and Adam Gaudette is getting another look at the show with bottom six minutes between the suddenly well-traveled Tanner Pearson and Zack-Kassian-Cosplayer Jake Virtanen. Big free agent acquisition Jay Beagle still patrols the fourth line, just more expensively now, and between the likes of the other Granlund no one cares about and Fifth Feather’s favorite guy Tyler Motte.

On defense the Canucks are even less conspicuous, with the aforementioned Edler being about as default a #1 defenseman as there is in the league. He’s paired with the potentially useful Troy Stetcher, but it’s difficult to say how useful he could end up being considering he’s only ever been on teams that’ve gotten their dicks kicked in. And when looking at the rest of this blue line its easy to see why Quin Hughes would want to take his time getting here, unless 21-year-old former 3rd round pick Guillame Brisebois getting his first taste in the league or the corpse of Luke Schenn excites you, which it shouldn’t.

In net tonight will be another prospect after Jakob Markstrom made 44 stops in a shootout win in Dallas last night, Thatcher Demko, who might have the worst name in the sport. After two years in Utica, Demko has spent most of the year hurt, with four appearances for the Canucks and 16 in The A. He hasn’t been particularly impressive to this point, with an .895 overall and an .892 at evens, which is always impressive when the EV mark is lower. But Demko has consistently put up solid numbers at every level when he’s been healthy, and given the far more protracted growth curve for goaltending, none of this should preclude him from future success.

As for the Men of Four Feathers, getting four points in regulation against Toronto and Montreal when they weren’t expected to get any kind of makes up for shitting their pants against the Kings and failing to capitalize on the Avs and Stars a few weeks back, but not fully. And Corey Crawford throwing up a shutout in his home town (where he always performs well) is certainly a bonus, but everyone involved would have preferred it not taken him 48 stops to do so. Granted, the dam didn’t break until the Hawks went up two early in the third, but 48 shots is still 48 shots. He’ll get the call again tonight, as all of the sudden Crawford’s posted a .929 overall in March.

In front of Crawford the Platoon of Ineptitude between Slater Koekkoek, Carl Dahlstrom, and Gustav Forsling is likely to continue, though Forsling has managed to stay in the lineup by some act of god. There’s nothing really that can be said about this unit, they’re historically bad and they’re not going to stop any time soon, so just duck and cover and try to get out of each 60 minutes alive.

Up front, the Brendan Perlini Debutante Cotillion continues (just as Fifth Feather sooth-said on the podcast), as on top of his insurance marker on Saturday he’s just today been named the NHL’s second star of the week with five points in three games. It’s all well and good, and certainly playing with the Otter Boys maximizes his obvious tools, but he’ll need to continue this output if the Hawks are going to keep this charade of playoff hopes alive.

Whether anyone likes it or not, this game has playoff implications for both teams, such is the fetid state of affairs in the Western Conference this year. Even that context aside, given the rosters of both teams and the fact that the Canucks were on the road last night and took the maximum time necessary to come away with two points, the tale of the tap says that the Hawks should walk away victorious. But this team has found new and exciting ways to trip over its own dick when encroaching on competence multiple times this year, so to assume this game is a gimme would be stupid. In any event, six is better than five. Let’s go Hawks.

 

Game #72 Preview Suite

Preview

Spotlight

Q&A

Douchebag Du Jour

I Make A Lot Of Graphs

Lineups & How Teams Were Built

Everything Else

Game #72 – Canucks vs. Hawks Spotlight: The Curse Of The Hobey

By Sam Fels 1573 0

If every sport wishes to be more like the NFL, or at least come anywhere near the stratosphere of their profits, then the NHL got at least one thing right. The winner of its most prestigious, individual college award tends to go on to do dick in the NHL, much like the NFL.

Adam Gaudette won the Hobey Baker last year, NCAA hockey’s answer to the Heisman. Hawks will nod in the knowledge that Dylan Sikura‘s running buddy from Northeastern has looked useful, full of hustle, but can’t seem to score all that much. Gaudette has 12 points in 45 games, which is slightly behind the past of Sikura’s seven points in 25. Though Gaudette has actually found the net, so there’s that.

Hawks fans will remember former Hobey winner Drew LeBlahhhhhh’s thrashing attempts to play NHL hockey, and that’s generally been the trend of winners of the award. Of the past 10 winners, only Johnny Gaudreau and Jack Eichel have gone on to star in the league. And the key is that both won it as underclassmen. Eichel was a freshman and Gadreau a sophomore, and both quickly bounced to the pros. If you show up and immediately dominate the NCAA, you’re probably a thing. If you have to wait until you’re older than everyone, well…it’s kind of like punk rock, we guess.

Beyond that, Will Butcher and Jimmy Vesey have gone on to be at least contributors to an NHL team, if nothing resembling stars. Hell, if you go through the past 20 years, you’d only add Ryan Miller and Chris Drury to the list that Gaudreau and Eichel reside, and maybe Matt Carle to the other one. It’s not something you want to hang around college for all that badly. Because if you’re hanging around college that long, chances are you’re not going to do much after. Actually, that’s true with all of college, isn’t it? Remember, Otto nearly got tenure at Brown.

It hasn’t been that different than the football award. The last winner to truly dominate in the NFL is Cam Newton, and the debates over him aren’t finished yet (for legitimate and non-legitimate reasons). Baker Mayfield looks like he might have a chance to be something, but Johnny Manziel is a coked-up punchline, Marcus Mariotta just got replaced Ryan Tannehill, Jameis Winston should be thrown in a hole with no bottom. Derrick Henry at least looks serviceable, Sam Bradford is close to the same joke that Manziel is, and let’s not get into Tim Tebow. Strange how these things go.

To be fair to hockey, rarely is anyone drafted because of their award, as generally they’ve already been. However, Vesey, Butcher, LeBlahhhhh were signed after winning, and well, you get what you pay for.

As for Gaudette, he isn’t needed to be that much. With Pettersson and Bo Horvat taking the top two center spots, he can be something of an annoyance as a third center while hopefully providing more scoring than a normal checking center would.

It’s the checking part that Gaudette is going to have to work on. At the moment, Gaudette has the worst xGA/60 on the Canucks, and the worst xGF%. And that’s with starting two-thirds of his shifts in the offensive zone, so he’s got some work to do before he establishes himself as a piece they have to have going forward. To be fair to him, he’s been dragging around Antoine Roussel and especially Jake Virtanen most of the year. Roussel has use. Virtanen does not.

Anyway, beware the Ides Of Hobey…

 

Game #72 Preview Suite

Preview

Spotlight

Q&A

Douchebag Du Jour

I Make A Lot Of Graphs

Lineups & How Teams Were Built

Everything Else

Game #72 – Canucks vs. Hawks Q&A: The Hockey Dipshit

By Sam Fels 1590 0

Every so often when the Hawks and Canucks meet, we’re lucky enough to get to talk to The Hockey Dipshit (@HockeyDipshit). Today is one of those days. 

The Canucks playoff chase seems to have died out, such as it was. Sitting in fifth for the lottery. This was always the better outcome, no?
Oh, absolutely. Next year is when they should start maaaybe thinking playoffs. This year was a combination of Pettersson being unreal and the West being a big pile of burning, stinky trash. People are going to paint this season as a big step forward for the team, and in certain ways, it was. But they’re still spinning their wheels with what seems like dozens of faceless replacement-level players. I’m just glad I don’t have to see Markus Granlund get completely caved in by the Flames or the Sharks. And hey, [In extremely exhausted tone of voice], maybe they’ll get lucky in the lottery this year.
 
Are the last couple weeks dependent on Quinn Hughes and Will Lockwood signing up and coming over?
Hughes is up and if I had to guess, he’ll make his debut later this week against Calgary. He’s been battling a foot injury, and as much as I’d love to see him play, I also don’t want to see him hurt himself in a completely meaningless game. I can’t see Lockwood signing before the season is up, and even if he did, I doubt he’d get any playing time. Which is too bad, because it would have been nice to see what he could do with, let’s see here… Tim Schaller? Ah… never mind.
 
Elias Pettersson, the one bright spot, has stalled out a bit over the past few weeks. Is that anything more than playing so many games and being the main and perhaps only weapon?
I think it’s a combination of it being a long season and other teams keying in on him more. He’ll still do at least two totally bonkers things a game regardless of whether or not he actually hits the scoresheet, though. He recently said he had to try to be more selfish on the ice, and then proceeded to rip home maybe his most ridiculous shot of the year against the Devils… so hopefully his selfish streak continues!
 
We asked this of Petbugs last time, but with Pettersson and Hughes and maybe Demko and one or two others and a ton of cap space, how are they going to fuck this up?
I am 100% sure the Canucks are going to sign Tyler Myers to a massive, franchise-crippling deal. Possibly Wayne Simmonds as well. And they’ll be picking 7th overall. Looking forward to it!

 

Game #72 Preview Suite

Preview

Spotlight

Q&A

Douchebag Du Jour

I Make A Lot Of Graphs

Lineups & How Teams Were Built

Everything Else

Game #72 – Canucks vs. Hawks Douchebag Du Jour: The Upcoming Breaking Of Thatcher Demko

By Sam Fels 1597 0

First of all, Thatcher is a dumb name. And you should get used to it because all Canadian parents have done for the past 15-20 years is find dumber and dumber names for their children. Watch especially what comes out of the Western Hockey League and soon the NHL will be filled with guys who you’re going to want to punch simply by hearing what they’re called. There once was a “Motorboat Jones” in minor-league baseball. You’ll long for that when you’re hearing about Ryker and Cage (we assume the former doesn’t know how to sit in a chair either).

Anyway, Thatcher Demko is NEXT in Vancouver, and they’ve been waiting for him for a bit after he starred at Boston College. Except no one cannibalizes their goalies quite like Vancouver. Roberto Luongo couldn’t wait to get out of there, and came to hate his contract that kept him longer than he wanted to be. Then Cory Schneider went. They apparently kept Eddie Lack’s soul when he moved along to Carolina.

But it’s not just the cycling through, it’s what’s pinned on them. Either because of all the rain, or their isolation, or just their general oeuvre, no one likes to stab themselves where everyone can see more than the Canucks Army. And that almost always comes through the goalie. That’s after they spend years telling you how this is going to be the one to save them, only to turn on them after their first playoff loss.

So welcome to it, Thatcher. An entire province’s self-worth will ride on you one day. And don’t worry, they won’t let you forget it.

 

Game #72 Preview Suite

Preview

Spotlight

Q&A

Douchebag Du Jour

I Make A Lot Of Graphs

Lineups & How Teams Were Built