Everything Else

You Get What Anyone Gets: Saying Goodbye To The San Jose Sharks

By Sam Fels 2221 0

Some of these are easy. And then some of them, like this one about the Sharks, you feel this way…

Because really, what do you think of when you think of the Sharks now? Their games are always on the latest, their jerseys aren’t even that cool anymore, the broadcast has finally given up on trying to claim The Tank is the loudest building in the league (it’s filled with Silicon Valley residents, so how could it be? If you want noise from them try and actually talk to someone on their favorite coffee shop instead of making sure everyone sees you writing on your tablet), and Joe Thornton is old. They play in perhaps the shittiest division in the four major sports, one that let an expansion team run right over it, and they’re just kind of there, like that one shop or business in your neighborhood that you never see anyone go into and yet never closes. Are the Sharks a mob front? Might explain the bail bonds ads behind the bench.

The Sharks, for perhaps the fifth or sixth season in a row, we’re able to just Dead Sea float their way into a comfortable playoff spot without really doing anything. Every year they’re just smart enough to let the irretrievably dumb teams sink past them while an extraordinarily lucky team goes on to win the division. The Sharks haven’t won the Pacific, in whatever form, since 2011. And more over, it hasn’t mattered a fucking jot that they haven’t. You couldn’t name the teams that did win the division in those years, because they never went fucking anywhere. Probably because it’s always the godforsaken Ducks, and we know what a waste of time that is.

The Sharks came into this season with a unique strategy. They wanted to bring both Patrick Marleau and Joe Thornton back, but when Marleau decided to high-tail it for the far more annoying but interesting Leafs, they just took all the money allotted for both and handed it to Thornton. At age 37. “Shit…well, we don’t know what to do with this now so here, you take it!” Maybe the Sharks could have used another d-man…or a d-man, who could actually move? Y’know, to replace the fossilized Paul Martin? Maybe another winger who isn’t a raging scumbag like Evander Kane? Just a thought.

The Sharks did that thing they do every year, sometimes in the fall but sometimes in the spring, where they rip off a winning streak, causing everyone to say, “Oh fuck, that’s right, they exist!” And then we go back about or day and lives, because we know that they’ll lose in the second round before anyone has a chance to really discover a flying fuck about them. What’s your most memorable Shark playoff memory? Losing four in a row to the Kings, right? Maybe Duncan Keith’s teeth? Do you remember they were in the Final two years ago? Of course you don’t. If somehow you do, and you don’t, do you remember anything that happened in the Final? Nope, you don’t. You were watching the Cubs.

That’s the Sharks. You know they’ve played 82 games, and you know they’re in the playoffs, and then when it’s over basically all it is is a record on HockeyReference.com. They exist on paper and nowhere else.

They are rumored to be the likeliest destination for John Tavares, a man determined to play out the rest of his career in the biggest set of shadows possible. Long Island was ok, but Brooklyn definitely wasn’t, so let’s head to like the fifth or sixth desirable location in the Bay Area to live out the rest of his days. If the Sharks ever moved to Oakland he’d demand a trade to Arizona. Or Bolivia.

There he can find a team where everyone who matters is over 30 and been rumored to be leaving or traded for at least five years. And it turns out Brent Burns is just a bearded, better clothed Dustin Byfuglien, as neither has any idea what they’re doing when they’re not shooting the puck. Joe Thornton now has no knees, probably crumbling under the weight of his gross fucking beard, and is still going to eat up most of their cap space to get them 50 assists that won’t matter in the least. Joe Pavelski and Logan Couture will each get their 25+ goals, and then in the spring will turn to each other and ask, “Why did we even bother?” They’ll continue to call up players with ridiculous fucking names like Joonas and Barclay and Timo because it’s tradition at this point, and then for the next five years you’ll hear Sharks fans (you won’t because you don’t know any and if you do you’ve definitely thought about burying a stapler into their nasal passage) “Man, if Ryker or Antenna or Prius can develop into a 30-goal scorer…” And then they never do and then end up in Colorado or Vancouver simply because someone had to.

The Sharks might be the least interesting team in any sport in that place. The A’s at least changed the whole way all of baseball was run. The Warriors might be the best team ever. The Niners are either hilariously bad or now promising with an actual QB and nothing in between. The Raiders are leaving. The Giants have the best park in the league. The Sharks…have that sharks’ head? Yeah, I don’t know either.

Let’s put it this way, the Sharks were the last team to make Ryan Getzlaf look like a force in the playoffs. And that was 10 years ago. That was their window, and they fucking blew it to Ryan Getzlaf. Perhaps this is exactly what they deserve for the next three decades.

So long, San Jose. You definitely completed the schedule.

 

 

Everything Else

Night Songs – Round 2 Day 12: All Good Things…

By Sam Fels 1633 0

Let’s jump right into it:

Caps 2 – Pens 1  OT (Caps win….wait, what?)

There’s a lot to take out of last night’s seismic shift. I think the one that sticks with me most is that since the Islanders won four in a row, no team that’s going for its third straight Cup has gotten past the second round. Now, that’s a touch of a misnomer. If Steve Smith hadn’t fired the puck into his own net in ’86 the Oilers almost certainly win five straight Cups, and the Flames back then were actually an all-time great team that just kept running up against probably the best team of all-time. When they went for a three-peat the second time, they had the small obstacle of TRADING WAYNE FUCKING GRETZKY before that season started. Speaking of which, what would Twitter have been like then if the Kings traded Gretzky and then lost to him in the playoffs, and then won a Cup without him the next year? You think the treatment of LeBron is bad?

BUT THAT’S NOT WHY YOU CALLED.

What I’m saying is the Penguins looked a spent force last night. The will was there but the legs weren’t. Because of Burakovsky’s and Backstrom’s absence, the Caps had no choice but to gum this one up, which they did very well. The Penguins the past three seasons have always been a high-wire act, and it’s something of a miracle they’ve gotten as far as they have. Much like the Jets–there’s going to be a continuing theme here–this is not a team really built to bust traps. You’d think they would be with Letang and Schultz but both seem to be better joining a rush than starting one. The Penguins have lived by pushing and pushing and if their d-men get caught so what? Murray will bail them out. He couldn’t any more last night or really this series, and now they’re going home early for the first time since the Hawks last won, 103 years ago.

At some point, Malkin (who clearly is not healthy) and Crosby run out of miracles. It’s also official now that Olli Maatta sucks. I highly doubt the Pens won’t be contenders next year, but it also feels like things need to go right for them a lot. Then again, that’s true of any team.

I got a huge kick out of Pierre McGuire coming to their defense with the players they’ve lost from last year: Trevor Daley, Ron Hainsey, Fleury, Nick Bonino, Ian Cole. The three d-men aren’t any damn good, the goalie wouldn’t be playing for them anyway, and I guess Bonino is fine but was replaced by Derick Brassard is basically the same thing.

For the Caps, it’s impossible to prove if everyone kind of ignoring them this year helped or didn’t matter, but they’ll take it. You can’t help but be happy for Ovechkin, who’s had to eat a lot of shit because his coaches were fucking morons or his goalies weren’t up to it or they just ran up against a better team. Sure, this won’t matter all that much when they’re turned into processed waste by the Lightning, but at least he’ll get a glimpse.

Predators 4 – Jets 0 (Tied 3-3)

We all would have asked for a Game 7, but I’m not exactly encouraged that the Caps and Preds got to where they are today by having to turn the game back to 1997. The Preds did exactly what they did in Game 4, admit they can’t run with the Jets and hence trap the shit out of them and wait for their opportunities. And once again, because Paul Maurice hasn’t quite left his moron tendencies behind, has Dustin “Have You Tried The Nacho Fries?” Byfuglien skating five more minutes than any of his other d-men. Buff is not a trap-buster, he’s too stupid and lazy. He’s going to provide the mistakes the Preds can capitalize on, which they did. Trouba, who admittedly didn’t cover himself in glory on Forsberg’s ludicrous second goal, barely played more than Tyler Myers, who’s doing a damn fine Byfuglien impression himself. When the Preds put this on the Winnipeg defense instead of their forwards, they’re a lot better off.

Again, just like Game 5, the question becomes do the Preds have the gumption to do this at home and bore the shit out of their fans? They won’t care as long as they win, but they didn’t in Game 5 and they got smoked. And again, the margins are small when you do this. They’ve gotten away with it twice but a third might be asking too much. What happens if the Jets can manage to score first? What if all the dumb penalties the Preds are taking, and there’s a lot of them, finally puts them behind when they just want to trap?

They don’t really have a choice. Giving any space to the Jets is pretty much death. We’ll see if Maurice has the light hit him and figures out a way for his team to stop panicking with the puck when faced with three guys back. The Jets are big and fast and there’s really no reason they can’t find something if they just have to keep putting pucks behind the Preds’ defense and win it back. They seemed reluctant to do so last night, instead just turning it over at the blue line repeatedly.

It should be a fascinating Game 7. I don’t know that it’ll be entertaining.

Everything Else

You Get What Anyone Gets: Saying Goodbye To The Boston Bruins

By Sam Fels 2047 0

You have to hand it to Brad Marchand. Some people saw “Wag The Dog” and just enjoyed it. But some saw it and thought they could apply it to their own lives, no matter the forum. Because look at all the things his wandering tongue distracted us from.

The first and foremost thing we stopped paying attention to when Marchand wanted to know how to get to everyone’s chocolate center was that the Bruins overall were something of an illusion. Actually, a massive illusion. They were one line and a goalie having a renaissance season.

How do we know that? Because of the way everyone drops when Patrice Bergeron wasn’t on the ice. Charlie McAvoy, the moon-faced mouth-breather that looks like every Tufts student who got lost in Kendall Square on a Saturday afternoon that went wrong, spent most of the year bathing in the plaudits and accolades and the little cartoon tins of Skoal that emote from admirers in Quincy and Dorchester. He was great when Bergeron was keeping the puck in the other end. But every time you looked up this spring, he spent more time in the trail-technique than Sargent Stedenko.

Brad Marchand’s taste-buds-in-wanderlust also kept most people off the fact that Zdeno Chara is old and slow, which tends to happen when one is the size of an armored truck and 40. Good thing they re-signed him for another year. The Hawks beat the Bruins five fucking years ago by going straight at him with speed. How was that going to get better now?

It also, somehow, convinced people that Rick Nash–Rick Goddamn Nash who has been the posterboy for playoff incompetence since just after the last Tool album was released–was a prime deadline pickup.

Rick Nash.

Rick Nash had the same exact season that Brandon Saad did and yet everyone thinks Saad should be turned into cow feed. But it makes Rick Nash the piece you have to have. Seriously, what is this happy horseshit?

All that teeth-gnashing over tongue-lashings, combined with Pierre McGuire’s hit-fetish, swayed people from paying attention to David Backes–he of the $6 million for three more years–managed all of one goal this playoff run. Goes nice with his one goal from last year’s. They make a nice set! Too bad he won’t be able to count to two from here on out but hey, shit happens.

But perhaps the biggest piece of genius that Marchand touched upon when he touched his tongue upon those who did not invite it was that Marchand continued his playoff dog ways that he’s been perfecting since 2012. Coming into this spring, in 47 playoff games Marchand had managed six goals. And sure, the cure for that, at least temporarily, was to play a team that didn’t have a defense and a goalie who was convinced he was a glass of orange juice in Toronto.  There’s curing the disease and just treating the symptoms, though. Put in front of an actual goalie and defense, Marchand managed no goals and four points in four straight losses. Fucking dynamo stuff, that.

It’s kind of amazing how the Bruins got here, with that defense and nothing behind that top line. Sometimes hockey is just fucking weird. It also helped that they were in a division with five garbage teams they could harvest the organs of. Going 12-0 against Ottawa, Detroit, and Montreal sure provides a hell of a shine. Better than turtle wax, you’d have to say.

Naturally, Boston fans and media are taking this defeat lying down like they always do, doing the reverse sirens’ song they specialize in that makes everyone want to leave the East Coast the minute they get off work. Next fall we can look forward to really hot, “NO ONE SANG THE ANTHEM LIKE FAHKIN’ RENE! NO ONE DENIES THIS!” God help us if the Bs hire a woman or minority to replace him, given the oh so liberal nature of the Boston sports scene. It’ll be a full week on FartStool. That is if they’re done complaining about the refs by then. Or 2050.

The Bruins look set for the future, though if McAvoy’s face continues to get in the way of his vision and defense it might not matter. And there’s still Don Sweeney in the GM chair, the guy who decided Dougie Hamilton wasn’t worth it but Torey Krug and his broken GPS were. Highlight stuff there.

So goodbye, Bruins. You were a Copperfield trick that had us all fooled. But eventually, Claudia Schiffer wises up.

 

 

Everything Else

Well Pilgrim, Not Until You Eat The Peanuts Outta My…-FFUD’s Player Reviews: Artem Anisimov or He’s Kinda Like Dave Grohl

By Sam Fels 1792 0

We’ve had three years of Artem Anisimov now. And we’re still not sure if he’s anything more than an obelisk. And a lot of offseason plans hinge on what the Hawks want to do with him, or think they can. It was something of an odd year, for everyone but Arty especially. Let’s do the thing.

Artem Anisimov

72 games, 20 goals, 11 assists, 31 points, -17, 22 PIM

49.3 CF%, -3.51 CF% rel, 45.5 xGF%, -4.81 xGF% rel

As far as goals go, this was pretty standard Arty stuff. 20 goals, as he’d put up 22 and 20 the tw years before. What didn’t go up, and went down, were the assists, as he wasn’t playing the entire year with Kane and Panarin. And what became clear this season is that Arty didn’t really add a lot to those two’s games when they were here and he was permanently the 2nd line center.

Anisimov spent most of his time with Kane, and Schmaltz, but spent more time away from Garbage Dick this year than he had in the two previous combined. And when you look over Arty’s WOWYs, you realize that just about everyone is better away from Anisimov than with him. Kane’s, Schmaltz’s, and Jurco’s, possession and chance-percentages all go up away from Anisimov, and those were the three most common wingers he had.

What became clearer and clearer this season is just how much Arty’s lack of speed hurts him. He doesn’t win any draws, as we know, and the fact that he doesn’t move much is fine when Kane or Panarin can just hold the puck for 10 seconds and let him get to the net. They also had the talent to just play without him. But the only way the Hawks could replicate that this season was having Kane and Schmaltz do it, and Schmaltz is better in the middle, which put Arty on a wing and no one wants to see that again either.

Anisimov and Jurco combined to form a nice bottom six line, whichever one you decide it is. But you also get the impression Jurco was doing most of the work, and you could find someone faster, cheaper, and younger to basically do the same job. You would lose a power play weapon of course if Arty goes, because he can be the obelisk in front as it doesn’t involve skating back really.

Perhaps the strangest part of the year was when Elliotte Friedman reported that teams had called about trading for Anisimov but the Hawks had refused to even discuss him. Really? Perhaps they didn’t want to ask to have him waive his full no-trade when it is now a partial and they can have him just submit a list, but that seemed weird. The Hawks need the cap space and in a league and especially division that is speeding up, Arty didn’t fit. We shall see.

Outlook: In a normal world, Arty’s ass would be grass and he would be moved no later than the draft. The Hawks need to get quicker everywhere they can, they could really use $4.5 million in space for the next three years that punting him would generate, and quite frankly you can just do better there. And maybe that’s the plan here.

But he can’t be traded under a partial NMC until July, and given how much Eddie and Pat–nothing if not the team’s bullhorn–bleat on about Annette Frontpresence all the goddamn time, you wonder if they don’t value Arty’s ability to stand up in one place more than they should. We’re almost sure the coach does. So the Hawks might genuinely think he’s a piece they have to keep, where they can watch oh, Turris, Little, Staal, Jost, and whatever other second and third center on opponents skate around him every night.

Arty is a lot like Dave Grohl. If he’s a support piece to much better players doing the work, you’re fine with it. If you’re asking him to be the lead guy, you’re going to get a lot of crap. Sadly, like millions, I think the Hawks might be mesmerized by the empty crap.

Everything Else

Night Songs – Round 2 Weekend 2 Wrap: The Truth Comes Out

By Sam Fels 1627 0

Found out a lot about a lot this weekend. Let’s get to it:

Winnipeg Leads Nashville 3-2

This series has basically been delicious. It confirms everything we thought about the Preds, in that they were more Pekka Rinne than they or any of their sycophants who just want to drink on Broadway again in the spring for free wanted to consider. The Preds got back into the series by trapping and basically playing 90’s Knicks basketball, and they still needed a miracle save from Rinne to make that work. Back at home and in front of a crowd too busy trying to memorize all their chants that are just variants of the word “suck,” they didn’t feel they could do that. They tried to go toe-to-toe with the Jets, and they got stomped. Sure, the shots and attempts charts will tell you this was a more even game. But an even game with the Jets isn’t an even game. They have more firepower than just about anyone in the league at forward. So if you’re getting the same amount and type of chances they are, most likely they’re going to bury more of them.

And Kyle Connor turning Treat Boy into bucket-and-mop material didn’t do my heart any worse either.

So now Laviolette has a choice. He can try and trap and stall his way back home to a Game 7, a method that works but has a very low margin for error. One bad deflection undoes all the work. And if it doesn’t work he’s going to face some tough questions about why he was fucking with his lineup all playoffs long to get guys like Scott Fucking Hartnell in the lineup but not Calle Jarnkrok or Kevin Fiala. It’s especially hilarious because next year is almost assuredly the time on Lavvy’s clock when his players start to regard him as a bellowing meat sack and tune him out. It’s happened everywhere he’s been, and it’s a miracle he’s lasted in Music City this long. A lot rides on tonight.

Knights defeat Sharks 4-2

I had suspected that the Sharks weren’t all that good, but hoped for better. Then again, I don’t know what you do when a goalie is throwing a .965 at you at evens, which is what Marc-Andre Fleury is doing. And that’s really what it comes down to. It’s not that the Knights aren’t deserving winners of this series. But if Fleury were playing at a mere mortal level, even with like a superb .930 or something, this series is headed back to the desert for a Game 7 or it’s already over the other way.

The Sharks will have some decisions to make this summer, as every key player they have is over 30 with the exception of Martin Jones. They’re considered the leaders to get Tavares, which would certainly change the complexion of the next couple of years whether Thornton stays or retires or goes because of it. If they don’t get Tavares though, you wonder how much longer they can keep coming up with decent seasons and playoff runs. Especially if  Calgary and Edmonton were ever to get their act together (don’t need to worry about the latter, thought).

As for the Knights, my suspicion, based on anything normal, is that this all comes to an end against whoever’s next. They can’t outrun the Jets for sure, and though the Preds’ might isn’t what most think they can match Vegas’s forwards and have a fleet defense that won’t be overawed by Vegas’s forecheck. They also wouldn’t insist on playing Paul Martin for a portion of it because they’ve been hit with a brick when they weren’t looking. But that assumes a normal goalie performance, and Fleury is doing anything but that. To bet against him is a fool’s errand.

Also, with Rinne and Fleury having career renaissances at 33 and 34 as they have, that gives you faith that should Corey Crawford ever be healthy he can maintain the level he was setting too.

Capitals lead Pittsburgh 3-2

Oh, Caps. Won’t you ever learn? Don’t you see where this is taking you? Haven’t you walked this road again and again? We know this road. We know exactly where it ends.

As sick as I am of Caps fans everywhere nailing themselves to a cross every four minutes, it’s about time Alex Ovechkin broke through. Sure, they’ll get railroaded by the Lightning in the next round, who are now going to be rested and having played just 10 games to get this far. But do you trust them? Do you trust Holtby to play well enough to keep the Penguins down for two games? Do you trust the Caps to get goals from anywhere else besides their top line? Do you trust Tom Wilson not to completely fuck up Game 7 when he comes back?

It could happen. These things always seems to reverse at some point. Even the Canucks got to a Final once. The Penguins just might be out of gas. Their defense might just be too creaky and the Caps might have sensed they can get behind it whenever they want. Maybe Sid doesn’t have any magic jewels left in his bag.

But which way would you wager?

Lightning Beat Bruins 4-1

We’ll save most of our thoughts for the eulogy, but the Bruins might have been the biggest mirage we’ve seen in a long time. They were one line and a goalie playing well, and because that one line was so other worldly it masked all their other problems. But when that one line couldn’t go for three a night, they got utterly stomped.

The hockey season is long enough that there’s plenty of time to outthink yourself. The Bolts were the best team before the season started, and there really was never a reason to think they were otherwise other than boredom and injuries. They have four lines and three pairings, though someone is going to expose Dan Girardi and Anton Stralman. It won’t be the Caps or Penguins though, at least not the Caps. We should be all in for a Lightning-Jets Final, not only because it would piss NBC off to no end and you’d get many hockey writer tears about not being able to go to Nashville or Vegas on the company dime, but because it would be a Final packing more firepower than any since at least 2013, probably 2010, and maybe even longer than that.

Everything Else

Night Songs – Round 2 Day 8: Once It Cools…

By Sam Fels 1515 0

It felt like we got back to what we’re used to seeing in playoff hockey after the mainlining Special K that the first few games were. And that’s fine, as coaches aren’t here to entertain. Maybe we’ll get back there, maybe we won’t, but we won’t be short on drama at least. But man did I miss the high.

Capitals 1 – Penguins 3 (Tied 2-2)

The theme coming out of this one seemed to be the Capitals thought they missed a chance to really take a hold of this series, Capitals history being littered with excellence after going up 3-1 of course, but I don’t have any idea where that came from. Matt Murray didn’t have to work all that hard to keep them to one goal, as Ovechkin and Oshie–presumably their two biggest scorers–didn’t come up with a shot at even-strength all night. Oshie at least bagged one on the power play, but Ovie and Kuznetsov got Sid and Guentzel in their face on every shift and were left with tire tracks on their intestines. I don’t buy into the Ovechkin as playoff failure narrative that everyone is so eager to trot out (there are dozens of other reasons the Caps have never managed eight playoff wins) but after a fine Game 3 it was pretty damn clear why Sid has the hardware last night, both from his performance and his teammates. Again, I don’t always go for this kind of thing but this heatmap seems pretty telling of the events last night in The Burgh:

That’s a pretty easy night for Murray. Heading back to DC either Trotz is going to have to put Backstrom back with Ovechkin or get Ovie and Kuznetsov out against someone else for the majority of the game.
Caps fans will bitch that the league is out to get them, ignoring the fact that Wilson probably should have been suspended longer for repeated offenses, in a world that made sense Oshie might be looking at one for his Fosbury flop attempt into Kris Letang’s head that was only five seconds late, and they got the Gift Of Parallax (my favorite Jethro Tull song) in Game 2. They’ve been on the margins for both of their wins, and will have to find a gear this organization has never found to get out of this one alive. I’m here for however this goes.
Predators 2 – Jets 1 (Tied 2-2)
Goddamn you, Peter Laviolette.
Realizing that playing at the most ridiculous pace anyone’s seen was not going to benefit his forwards who were outgunned by the Jets, Lavvy went all NHL-coachy last night and man did it work a treat. As McClure discovered yesterday, the first three games of this series were averaging 129 attempts for 60 minutes of even-strength play. For comparison’s sake, the Kings-Hawks tilt-a-whirl of ’14 averaged 114 in Games 5-7 when that one went plaid. So yeah, we might not have seen anything like that before.
Well, the Preds weren’t having it last night. They kept their third forward especially high in the offensive zone, and every time the Jets looked up there were three Preds back, and they were contained between them and two hard-back-checking forwards. This is a problem the Jets have, as the only thing close they have to a trap-buster on defense is Byfuglien and he’d have to care more to really be one. It’s not really Trouba’s game and though Tyler Myers is under the impression it’s his that is most certainly not the case. That leaves the forwards to do it but then there really isn’t anyone to get in on loose pucks chipped into the Preds’ zone and the Preds also have the fleetest defense to win those races anyway.
It was not an especially good night for Paul Maurice. Again, if I squint I can see why Buff by far was the busiest d-man for the Jets, because in theory he’s the only puck-rusher of the bunch. That ignores the fact that when he’s not in the offensive zone he blows. He took the penalty that resulted in the difference on the scoreboard because he’s a dumb and lazy defender, getting completely pantsed by known-magician Matthias Ekholm. Maurice tried to get Buff out against the bottom six of the Preds but even that didn’t work, as he managed a 38% share and was his fat ass was harassed and bothered all night because he didn’t bother to move. Buff is fine if he can outscore all his problems, which he’s mostly done these playoffs. He scored in Games 2 and 3, and that’s enough to ignore that he’s mostly been getting his head stuck in the pencil sharpener for the entirety of the games. When he doesn’t score, it’s impossible to ignore.
Still, this approach from Laviolette made the margins all that smaller, and if it wasn’t for Pekka’s knob (oh lord) then this could have gone sideways on him anyway. The Jets would have had the lead, the building rocking, and it’s a lot harder to stay patient with all that going on. Fascinated to see if they Preds can do this at home in front of their crowd demanding a higher pace. We were also treated to a Ryan Hartman playoff goal, which is going to have the construction worker focus group McD keeps outside his office window in a fine mood.
It also was a shit night for hockey coverage, because scratching Kevin Fiala for Scott Hartnell is a shit decision no matter what your plan is. And Hartnell didn’t do anything all night except yell and smell but because the Preds won, this is hailed as genius. Try it again, Lavvy, I dare you.
Everything Else

Well Pilgrim, Not Until You Eat The Peanuts Outta My…-FFUD’s Player Reviews: Tomas Jurco or Just Good Enough To Not Matter

By Sam Fels 1609 0

It seemed like Tomas Jurco played more than just the 29 games he got, but that’s the number. Maybe it’s because those 29 games were such a slog thanks to the goaltending they felt like 60. That’s not Jurco’s fault. Anyway, Jurco ended up being a pretty effective 4th liner. The question is will it matter in the least going forward.

Tomas Jurco

29 games, 6 goals, 4 assists, 10 points, +1, 12 PIM

51.8 CF%, +2.03 CF% rel, 51.9 xGF%, +5.18 xGF% rel

The interesting thing for Jurco is what he’ll mean for how the Hawks will build their roster going forward, but we’ll get to that. Jurco always seemed like a tweener in both Detroit and here. He wasn’t really skilled enough to break your top six, but he wasn’t grind-y, sandpaper-y, fart-y to be on the bottom six for coaches who only saw the game one way. Even if you wanted to do the patented “3+1” model the Hawks have either had or strived for, getting him on the top nine was a real squeeze. We’re talking about a guy who in basically 3+ seasons in the NHL has only managed 22 goals and 50 points. If he were really that skilled, he would be clobbering bottom-six opposition which he was facing. That was most certainly not the case before this year.

But this year something seemingly changed. He looked spikier, there was a little more oomph or punch to his skating and playmaking in the offensive zone. And he wasn’t a disaster in his own by any means. Jurco was also attached to Artem Anisimov his entire stay in Chicago, which you wouldn’t think would accentuate what he does well, and Anisimov was more than competent with him and pretty much a disaster without him (39.8 CF% away from Jurco). Perhaps with a quicker and more skilled set of linemates, Jurco’s abilities could really shine as he does have vision and he does have a sense for the net.

Outlook: Here’s the problem for Jurco. Barring any disasters or trades, the Hawks have a pretty big group of forwards guaranteed spots next year. Toews, Saad, Kane, Schmaltz, DeBrincat, Sikura, Ejdsell, Hinostroza (maybe?). That’s eight right there.  You’d have to think Duclair would have to go way out of his way to not get a spot either. They may be serious in not wanting to trade Anisimov, which is 10. You can totally see them re-signing LOCAL BOY Tommy Wingels again, which is 11, basically leaving one or two spots on the team. And given their fascination with size, John Hayden will once again get every chance to bungle away a spot because he just will, and Highmore and other Rockford flotsam might get looks as well.

But to me, what the Hawks do with Jurco (he’s an RFA) will say a lot about how they’re going to build their team, and if they’re going to change the thinking in doing that. Because if the Hawks are looking around at the Preds, Knights, and Penguins, and one or two others, and just decide they’re going to pack the forward spots with as much speed and skill as they can, Jurco has a place. If the Hawks are going to employ more of a “Get It The Fuck Up The Ice As Quickly As Possible” style that the league will go to more and more, Jurco has a place on the third or fourth line (and Anisimov, Hayden, and Wingels most certainly don’t). He can get you goals against bums on the other teams’ nether regions.

But if the Hawks stick to their third line being a “checking” line and/or the fourth line being the home for wayward children who don’t read good, then Jurco probably doesn’t have a place. He’s not going to be a checker, and he’s certainly not going to be a grinder. Maybe if you squint he can be a homeless man’s Michael Frolik, but Michael Frolik’s are unicorn in nature. And even Frolik was more of a nod to packing your forward corps full of speed and fury. Bolland-Kruger-Frolik is a fourth line you’d see in today’s game. The Hawks were ahead of their time and seemingly have ignored it since.

Jurco won’t be expensive. He’s due a raise of just $80K and will probably clock in at $900K or so. Given the candidates, he seems to provide as much or more than anyone else who could warrant a bottom-six role.

Everything Else

Night Songs – Round 2 Day 7: He’s Just Not That Into You

By Sam Fels 1564 0

Bit of a comedown last night from Tuesday night’s Fury Road type action, and maybe we all needed it.

Lightning 4 – Bruins 1 (TB Diddlers lead 2-1)

Watching the Bruins more and more these playoffs, I can’t help but think I’m seeing a one-line mirage. Granted, that one line might be the best line we’ve seen in the league in quite some time, and they clearly bandage all of the numerous wounds the Bruins have elsewhere. But even though it’s only 2-1 and it felt like the Bs could get their way back into last night’s game at any moment, they’re still basically getting held at arm’s length like the younger sibling while flailing their too-short arms hilariously nowhere near the target.

Again. Bergeron’s line was mostly great, and because Chara and McAvoy mostly play behind them they came along. And even Krejci’s line was good last night. But the bottom six, because the Lightning are just deeper, are getting turned into chum pretty much every shift, and the Bruins defense behind that top pairing, which just might not be that good to begin with, look like those twisted Little Lungs ads after every shift. And seeing as how Tuukka Rask isn’t doing Marc-Andre Fleury things, the Bruins seem pretty doomed.

All of this could flip, of course. Rask could get hot or Bergeron’s line could get off the chain for a few games and then we’re back to square one. But when that line doesn’t score, whatever their possession numbers might be, and score a lot, this team is waiting for the vacant gapes of Rick Nash and David Backes to contribute. Let’s ask all of their former teams how that’s worked out for them in the past. That weird sound you hear is multiple fanbases curling up into a fetal position simultaneously.

Knights 0 – Sharks 4 (Tied 2-2)

Amazing what happens when Fleury isn’t stopping 98% of the shots he sees, no?

The Sharks womped the Knights last night, which is the first time really they’ve done so this series. While the past three games have seen them at least be able to control the Knights to an extent at evens and then make good with their power play or even at 4-on-4, which is weird because you’d think the Knights would have the advantage there, last night was the first time they were better everywhere. I’d like to believe it was because they finally sent Paul Martin to a farm upstate and inserted Joakim Ryan to give Brent Burns a minder, but that wouldn’t explain all of it. The Sharks 4th line had the best of it again, which isn’t a huge shock because at the end of the day the Knights’ 4th line is still comprised of bottom of the barrel castoffs and rejects, and no amount of chips on shoulders and “revenge on the world” rhetoric is going to change that.

If Fleury is merely good the rest off this series, Vegas will lose. If he goes back to other-worldly, they probably won’t. Sometimes it’s simple.

Everything Else

Well Pilgrim, Not Until You Eat The Peanuts Outta My…-FFUD’s Player Reviews: Patrick Sharp or You Can’t Go Home Again

By Sam Fels 2118 0

There’s little point in rehashing the details of Patrick Sharp’s farewell tour here. You know how it went, I know how it went, he knows how it went. And really, for the $1 million he was paid and the 4th line role he basically played, it wasn’t a disaster. Maybe his mentoring of Alex DeBrincat will become more important than we can realize here on the outside. Who knows? Sharp came back, it kind of just happened, we all shared our memories of him again (and there are so many), and we’ll all move on.

Still, Sharp’s acquisition raises some discussion about just what the Hawks do in the front office. Because no matter what your conclusion is, none of it makes you feel good about the inner workings of how the Hawks put together a team. So there are three ways this could have happened, right?

One, Stan Bowman saw Sharp decompose in Dallas, along with the hip surgery, and thought he could genuinely help this team. Maybe he figured it was only a million bucks, it was a signing his coach would actually give every chance to which most certainly has not been the case with a lot of signings, and took the plunge. Either way, there were many other fourth liners for even cheaper, and third liners, that the Hawks could have gone out and got and probably would have contributed more. Sharp hardly torpedoed the Hawks season, nor would someone else in that slot have saved it, it’s just somewhere you could have done better.

Two, John McDonough came down and told them they needed to sell more of the new jerseys with the reverse-preacher collar and bringing back ol’ #10 would help them do that. It would continue a pattern for the Hawks of getting the band back together, which has simply never worked in the past. The only “Old Boy” to come back and make any contribution that mattered that I can remember is one Kris Versteeg rush in Game 5 against Tampa that Antoine Vermette scored the winner off of. But McD has got to sell his shirts, he’s got to get his headlines, and he’s got to get pats on the back from the construction workers who yell at him outside his office window (even though that building is done now I assume McD keeps those workers there so he can have a barometer of how he’s doing).

Three, Joel Quenneville is still fuming from the trade of Niklas Hjalmarsson (and he would piss all over all season to the detriment of the team) so Stan and/or McD decide to throw him a bone by bringing back yet another player he once loved. And this has been the thinking in bringing back Versteeg, Ladd, Oduya, and whatever other stiff I can’t remember right now that basically gurgled in place once they returned. Stan recognizes a problem or deficiency on the roster, knows how other acquisitions have gone over with his coach, and resigns himself to bringing back a player at least he knows Q will play. Q’s circle of trust takes eons and miracles to expand, so Stan is restricted to getting players who were already in it and are past it or hoping and praying that a new player can enter within. It only took Connor Murphy 60 games, and he was the Hawks best d-man the whole fucking season.

So either the Hawks’ pro scouting sucks to high heaven (it just might!), the president who doesn’t know shit on shit about hockey is getting to make some calls that don’t have shit on shit to do with hockey, or the coach is still getting to make the call on some toys which quite simply has rarely worked out. Hmm, wanna know how you win three playoff games over three years?

None of this has much to do with Sharp, of course. He was what he was, and it’s not like he didn’t try or didn’t do what he could. And I don’t need to pile on. McClure has written a better eulogy than I could for his Hawks career when he was traded. Hess did it again in our final spotlight for the final game of the season. We had a podcast section about it.

So I’d love to wax poetic about the shorthanded goal in Game 2 against Vancouver in ’10, where he basically just decided he was scoring, but we’ve been there. What I will say is that watching Patrick Sharp’s first few games in red in the first season out of the lockout, it was really the first sign that Tallon and the Hawks got it and were working on something. It was immediately clear Tallon had gotten it wrong out of that lockout, and to him as well. There was no way to see what Sharp would go on to accomplish (unless you were McClure), but you could tell he was intelligent, fast, and there was more skill there than was billed on arrival. And you thought to yourself, “If Tallon can get a few more players like this, nail a couple picks, and have a couple kids develop out of nowhere…” It was a long road to envision, but Sharp helped you finally see it.

Anyway, good luck to Sharp-shooter in whatever’s next. He won’t be a Hall of Famer or anything, but he’ll go down as something of a cult Hawks hero. And that’s more than ok.

Everything Else

Night Songs – Round 2 Day 5: That’s Good Squishee

By Sam Fels 1597 0

If the first round was some underwhelming appetizer that you had to order because some jackwagon or two at the table insisted and now you’re sharing everything, the 2nd round appears to be the main course you came for. The momentum didn’t stop last night.

Bruins 2 – Lightning 4 (Tied 1-1)

Here’s the thing that most of the Bruins apologists–which appears to be an overwhelming majority of hockey media these days–probably won’t tell you quite yet. The Bruins have gotten their ass kicked in the first two games, but because everything went in for the top line in Game 1 this series is split. But once the Bolts were able to get THAT line on a leash, even for just most of the game, look what happens. Even in a 3rd period where they were trailing and really should have been throwing everything including the gas tank at the Bolts, the Bruins managed just a 32.9% share of attempts. That’s a whole lot of not good.

Swingin’ Jon Cooper once again threw Brayden Point, Tyler Johnson, and Ondrej Palat at Bergeron’s line, except this time it worked for the most part. They got the better of the possession, and outscored that top line of Boston two to one at evens. When that happens you can bet the Bruins are going to lose unless Rask goes completely goofy. The encouraging aspect for the Bruins is that they got a dominant game from the DeBrusk-Krejci-Nash line, it just didn’t score (which is kind of a Rick Nash thing and his Game 1 outburst is only meant to infuriate Bruins fans more when he goes the rest of this series without scoring which he absolutely is going to do).

Interested to see where Bruce Cassidy takes this at home. The Lightning top four has slow spots, namely Dan Girardi and Anton Stralman (and Ryan McDonagh isn’t all that quick either) and if the Bruins get the matchups that allow them to press the pace even more it would behoove them. But that leaves their defense more vulnerable, as every time Charlie McAvoy retreats into his own zone…

(C’mon, you knew I’d get to this eventually)

Adam McQuaid got his doors blown off last night to the point that Kansas twisters were like, “Wow, that’s some shit right there!” And Chara wasn’t much better. This series turning up the volume even more would be extremely fun, especially as it could lead to the Bruins getting axed and we’d never complain about anything bad happening to Boston around these parts.

Knights 4 – Sharks 3 OT (Knights lead 2-1)

This was a weird one. The Sharks actually were far the better team in the 2nd period…and gave up three goals. They were pretty much kicked around in the final frame…and scored two goals to send it to overtime. The top line did most of the heavy lifting for the Sharks, and the way they got back into it in Game 2 was the rest of the crew helping out Logan Couture. And yet they’d be up 2-1 if not for a ridiculous save by Marc-Andre Fleury, who continues to be a lifeform yet unnamed in these playoffs. That’s how these things go. This series has been more fun to watch than I thought, matching the other three for drama and intrigue. What a trea.