John Pullega – Page 10 – Faxes from Uncle Dale

One of the worst shows I have ever seen live was Beirut at the Aragon in, like, 2011–12. I showed up for the first half hour, got bored, and left. It’s no wonder this game felt so familiar, because that’s the exact tack the Hawks took with this eminently winnable game tonight. After a hot start, the Hawks got buried by their own incompetence, which is just another way of saying business as usual. Let’s do this quickly: We’ve all got Feats of Strength to finish, I’m sure.

– Coming into this game on a three-game winning streak and fresh off Collin Delia’s stoning of the most dangerous line in hockey, Jeremy Colliton decided to ride the Cam Ward wave. This is some true Galaxy Brain shit. On the one hand, complaining about Ward getting the start tonight probably has a bit of looking a gift horse in the mouth to it. Coming into this game, he had a .949 SV%. On the other, those two games came against a floundering and hurt Preds and an even more hurt Dallas team. Also, in case Ward spasming a couple good games had made you forget, Cam Ward is really a used-car-lot wavy-arm guy who moonlights as a goaltender.

Ward should have been pulled after the first goal. For reasons that can only be deciphered by true Brain Geniouses, Cam Ward came out to challenge Hawryluk after Hawryluk overpowered Dahlstrom/Dahlstrom lost his edge. Except after getting about halfway out, Ward flinched and tried to go back, leaving Hawryluk—a guy who has never scored an NHL goal—a yawning net to shoot at. I don’t have adequate words to describe what a shitshow this goal was because there’s no excuse for a 1,000-year veteran to do what Ward did. You wouldn’t see that in a fucking beer league—as Scott Foster once showed us—and yet, here we are.

Then, as if to retroactively adjust to completely losing his ass and crease on the first goal, Cam Ward turtled into the net on Hawryluk’s second goal. Huberdeau’s stretch pass between Keith and Gustafsson was art, and those two probably share part of the blame, but at no point did Ward look like an NHL goaltender on this attempt.

The third goal was more on Forsling than anyone—as Forsling totally froze as Hoffman stepped up after Toews pressured Weegar up top, giving Hoffman too much time to pick his spot, which happened to be the back of the net via Forsling’s groin—but that fourth goal was the result of a rebound that would have made Dennis Rodman blush. And the fifth goal, because fifth goals are things we talk about when Cam Ward starts, was a simple short-side snipe that an NHL-caliber goalie probably puts some leather on. But alas, Cam Ward is not an NHL-caliber goalie.

Jeremy Colliton has done a lot right lately. Starting Cam Ward tonight is decidedly not one of them. Fucking ride Delia until he gives you a reason not to. Starting Cam Ward doesn’t do anything for this team.

– Dylan Strome is officially good. You can mark it down. His assist on Our Large Irish Son’s first goal of the year was a clinic in vision and patience. After stealing the puck at the offensive blue line, Strome set up behind the net off a Perlini pass, waiting for help. Murphy crashed, Strome fed him, and the rest is history. But the patience and nerve Strome showed behind the net was otherworldly. Strome had another steal around the same spot in the second, which led to two high-quality chances from Kane. He capped his night off with a goal off a Kane pass. Strome was the most impressive forward of the night, and it looks like the Hawks really have their #2 center in him.

– Our Sweet Boy Connor Murphy also had himself a night. You saw the goal he scored, which was a testament to his positioning and sneaky good wrister. Murphy played a big role in the Hawks’s third goal, leading the rush off a good Forsling outlet pass and grabbing the secondary assist on Strome’s goal. He also led the Hawks in even-strength TOI, led all Hawks D-men with a 51+ CF% at 5v5, and did it mostly against the Huberdeau–Barkov–Dadonov line. On top of all that, Murphy looked much more comfortable with the puck in his exits, which was a weak point in his game last year. Between Strome and Murphy, there’s a lot to hope for regarding the future.

– Here’s your gamely “Alex DeBrincat is not a third liner” alert. His goal was a bit flukey, as he was trying to pass to Kane through the slot and had the good fortune of sweeping in a pinballing puck, but a goal’s a goal. As much as we’d like to see him flip with Anisimov, he’s still making shit work where he’s at.

– Regardless of what Colliton ends up being, it looks like he might go down as the guy who fixed the power play. The top unit of Gus at QB; Strome in front; and Top Cat, Toews, Kane across has looked legitimately dangerous when it’s out there and Gus and Kane can be bothered to give a shit. It scored again due to Toews’s roving and retrieval and the movement Kane, Gus, and Top Cat show up top. It’s probably way too early to pronounce the PP truly fixed, but when’s the last time you looked forward to the PP?

– Just a quick reminder that Cam Ward sucks and we could have had Delia in net, who likely stops at least three of the five Ward allowed tonight.

– Dylan Sikura and Brendan Perlini led all Hawks in CF% tonight, with shares above 70. Perlini is going to be frustrating, as he’s big, fast, and has no finish, as evidenced again tonight with his janking of a shot toward a wide-open net early in the Hawks’s first PP. Sikura’s no savior, but he’s good on the third line.

– Carl Dahlstrom ended up in Coach Cool Youth Pastor’s doghouse tonight, spending the latter part of the game with Seabrook. You can maybe partially blame him for the first goal. But other than that, I’m not sure what else he did noticeably poorly. He and Murphy didn’t have the best game together, as Murphy’s peripherals spiked away from Dahlstrom, but I’m not sure what triggered Colliton to switch them up.

– Saad and Toews looked good in the first, then got completely horsed for the rest of the game. Erik Gustafsson also flashed evidence that he has a Give-a-Shit meter, and it was hovering around zero for the last two periods. You can trace much of the loss to these facts, along with the fact that Cam Ward blows.

It wasn’t all bad, but it certainly wasn’t good. The Hawks will get a few days off before welcoming the Minnesota Mild to the UC on Thursday. Until then, stay toasty and toasted. Merry Whatever You Celebrate.

Beer du Jour: Miller High Life and Death Wish Coffee

Line of the Night: “It’s tough waking up and seeing how ugly I am now. I knew I didn’t have the looks before, but this doesn’t help.” –Connor Murphy explaining to Steve Konroyd how he felt after the Tyler Pitlick elbow.

Everything Else

Game #37 – You Say It’s Enough, in Fact It’s Too Much, Every Time I Wanna Get Down – Hawks 5, Stars 2

By John Pullega December 20, 2018 2078 0

Don’t look now, but the Hawks have put together two quality games. It sure is nice to watch the Hawks plunge the knife every once in a while. Let’s do the bullets.

– This may have been the best game Erik Gustafsson has played as a Blackhawk. He started 15 seconds in, keeping a puck that squeaked by Ward from farting across the goal line. That’s the kind of goal that’s been typical of the Hawks of late (and Ward when he’s gotten his chances in the crease), so having Gustafsson tidy it up early was absolutely necessary.

From there, Gustafsson was a force, plowing home a PP goal, setting up Kane’s empty-net backbreaker with a stretch pass from his own zone, and looking downright responsible in his own end. Though his CF% was 44+, when adjusting for score and venue, it sat just north of 50%. Given that he and Keith were on the ice for 24 minutes apiece and played primarily against the Klingberg–Benn–Seguin trifecta, you’ll take that every day. If this is the kind of game Gustafsson can play with any regularity, he could be a second-pairing guy with fringe first-pairing potential. There’s still a long way to go, but you love to see games like this. The offensive potential is there, and it throbs when it wants to.

– Let’s talk about that PP goal. Fifth Feather often says that it’s movement rather than Annette Frontpresence that leads to the best scoring opportunities, and the PP was a perfect example.

The Hawks were set in a 1–3–1, with Strome in front of the net; Gustafsson at the point; and Top Cat, Toews, and Kane going left to right. Rather than handing the puck off to Kane and having all four guys watch him stick handle, the Hawks elected to let Gus take the lead. With Toews roaming around in the mid-slot and acting as a dual retriever/safety valve, Gus, Top Cat, and Kane had more room to play a triangle passing scheme. Kane also had the freedom to skate on either side, with Top Cat and Gus rotating to fill, and that strategy is what led to the goal. With Faska missing his stick, Kane broke the script and skated around him to DeBrincat’s spot on the far-board circle. DeBrincat cycled to the point and Gus dropped lower toward the circle on the near boards as the Stars defense sagged, leaving DeBrincat and Gus all the space in the world to play catch and open a lane. Once Gus got the return pass, he had all the time and space in the world, and it was because the Stars had to keep an eye on Toews in the middle and Kane wherever Kane decided to be.

Sure, Strome was in front screening, but the movement on that PP was something I haven’t seen from the Hawks in a long, long time. It was simply gorgeous.

– Patrick Kane was spry tonight. His backhander in the second was special, and his skating and vision set up the PP goal. That creep can roll.

– Cam Ward had himself a nice game. Sure, he did something you don’t often see—whiffing on covering the puck with his glove, leading to the Stars’s second goal—and he looked stabby and gooey at times, but he made several high-danger saves too. The defense wasn’t nearly as bad as it has been in front of him tonight, which certainly helps.

– I’m not going to be too hard on Carl Dahlstrom, given that he’s been thrown into the deep end. But he probably could have done more to prevent the Stars’s first goal. He got beaten both to and off the puck by a streaking Gurianov, even though it looked like Dahlstrom had a better angle as the play was developing. He then overcommitted trying to stop Benn’s pass after Benn cut back behind the net, leaving Seguin all the room in the world. Although the real culprit on this goal is the Fels Motherfuck, because saying Seguin couldn’t throw a grape in the ocean in the preview was just begging for him to score.

– It mostly worked out tonight, but I’m still baffled that Artem Anisimov gets to play with Strome and Kane. Granted, his pass from the near boards to set up Kane’s goal early in the second was nice. But after that? In the lead up to Seguin’s goal, Strome and Anisimov had a 2-on-1 developing. Watching Anisimov and Strome try to execute a 2-on-1 is like watching slugs fuck. Strome just kept waiting for Anisimov to beat his man, and he may as well have tried to light water on fire. Strome probably should have taken that shot, but you know who would have made it to the spot he needed to be at? Alex DeBrincat, who continues to prove he isn’t a third liner.

– Which means that of course DeBrincat scored on the third line. Credit to Kampf for getting enough of the puck on the faceoff to give Sikura a chance to complete the set play, dropping the puck onto a waiting DeBrincat’s stick and past THE BISHOP! Though the fancy stats don’t do DeBrincat justice, he had a few good takeaways to go with a few bad giveaways. All in all, a definitely-not-a-third-liner performance.

– I’m not sure what Dominik Kahun is, but it doesn’t look like he’s bad. He led the Hawks with a 56 CF% on the night. He, Toews, and Saad clicked well tonight. Brandon Saad was a force in the first and good throughout as well. And of course, Toews’s renaissance continues. The Hawks may not have a ton going for them right now, but the top line looks legit.

– Our sweet Irish son was having himself an alright game before Tyler “I completely deserve my last name” Pitlick took a page out of the Tom Wilson Being a Horse’s Ass for Dummies book and drove his elbow directly into his mush. With all the blood spilling on the ice, it looked to be a broken nose, and in a best-case scenario, that’s all it will be. Like Gustafsson, Murphy’s raw CF% wasn’t great (44+), but adjusted for score and venue, it was a robust 51+ despite facing mostly Benn, Seguin, and Klingberg. Small sample sizes be damned: Murphy has been the best Hawks D-man overall, and they can’t afford for him to miss more time.

What’s baffling is that Pitlick didn’t get a call on his cheap shot. He had more than enough time to adjust to the play, which happened smack dab in the middle of the ice as the Stars were starting a breakaway. That the refs missed the call was nearly as egregious as Pitlick’s outright assclownery. Pitlick saw Murphy over his shoulder and drove his elbow into his head anyway. What a dickhead. I hope he has a bad Christmas.

– Brendan Perlini continued his tour de force of being really fast and having no finish. Still, you like his straight-ahead speed, which is obscene at times. THE BISHOP! did a fine job of stuffing him twice on a breakaway midway through the first, but Perlini got his, potting the final empty netter and icing the game.

– Gustav Forsling looked fine tonight. If he can continue to look fine, that would be OK with us.

Two wins in a row feels nice, especially since the Hawks haven’t looked overmatched for the most part. Tomorrow will be a true test against the nightmare that is the Avalanche. Collin Delia would do well to smoke ‘em if he’s got ‘em, because it’s not going to get much tougher than what he’s going to see tomorrow.

But tonight, we said we were hungry and they gave us meat. Get down, make love.

Beer du Jour: Miller High Life

Line of the Night: “Hawks Win!” – Pat Foley with a minute left

Everything Else

Atop The Sugar Pile – Oh, What a World

By John Pullega December 17, 2018 2008 0

Since about the time the organ-I-zation fired Q, this year has been a Sisyphean attempt to roll the boulder up the hill after slamming your hand in a car door. Except now, with Crawford’s year (and perhaps career) in jeopardy, we’ve got a rabid dog chewing around the crotch, picking at what little usefulness this team has left in it. So let’s.

The Dizzying Highs

Dylan Strome – He’s certainly passed the eye test recently, and he’s got two goals in his last four games to boot. It looks like Colliton is done pretending to throw the ball and then laughing when the dog can’t find it, as Strome has begun skating with Alex DeBrincat and Patrick Kane from the outset recently. The biggest knock against him, his skating, hasn’t been as bad as advertised, and the instincts and hands are there. He’s only 21, and unless Kane’s dad decides that his son is done playing in Chicago, a DeBrincat–Strome–Kane line is something to rebuild around.

The Terrifying Lows

Corey Crawford – We featured him here last week based on performance. In the two-plus games he played since then, he looked to be working out whatever bugs he had in his system. Sure, a .903 SV% isn’t winning any awards, but he managed to drag the Hawks into three of four points against the Penguins and Jets. And he didn’t look terrible last night against a Sharks team that outclassed the Hawks with all the playfulness of a cat dropping a spider in its water bowl and batting at it while it drowns, waiting for the perfect point of saturation to finally eat it and end its suffering.

But Crow isn’t here for his performance necessarily. He’s here because watching him smack the back of his head against the post because Evander Kane can’t be bothered to do anything like a fucking human being with any understanding of any kind of social contract in any context was by far the worst moment of this foregone fuckfest of a season. He’s confirmed to have a concussion, and with how long and difficult it was for Crow to come back from the last one—which itself occurred on Dec. 23, 2017, because whichever god Crow has bothered adheres to an awful schedule—there are serious questions about whether he comes back at all. Sometimes, hockey just isn’t fucking fair.

Concussion recoveries vary, so it’s possible he’s back this year. You hope he is, because at least with Crow in the net, there were hopes that the Hawks could win a given game. Being elbow deep in this season, I simply can’t get onboard the tank train, even though I understand the sense it makes logically. I still want to watch this team win, even if it hurts their chances at Jack Hughes. So, in that context, watching Crow go down to a concussion again is a double heartbreaker. He wasn’t at the top of his game, but he gave this team hope. Now that he’s gone—at least for a while and in the worst case for good—the light has gone out of our lives.

The Creamy Middles

Connor Murphy – You knew we weren’t going to do this without mentioning my sweet Irish boy, didn’t you? Murphy was never going to be a savior for the Hawks, as that’s simply not his game. He’ll always top out at “good,” but for a team that yearns for “competent” and rarely gets it, Murphy may as well be a savior. He got the primary assist off a point shot yesterday for his first point of the year. He’s slightly above water in CF%, with a 50.31%. He’s playing primarily with Carl Dahlstrom, but no matter whom Murphy’s been paired with, that’s consistently looked like the best pairing on the ice. We’re five games in and it’s safe to say that Murphy’s the Hawks’s best D-man, which, as you all know, isn’t saying much. But it’s hard not to like him, both on and off the ice, and on the ice, he’s looked as good as a tall guy with a bad back can look.

Henri Jokiharju – Our other “tops out at ‘good’” D-man, I wanted to be mad at him yesterday for a couple goals. But looking back, Jokiharju has two things working against him: First, he’s 19. We knew the learning curve was going to be steep, and at times, it has been. Second, Duncan Keith—and you’re going to get tired of us reminding you about how much we love him before we dump on him, but with all he’s given this team, he deserves the kisses we blow before the punches we throw—refuses to adjust his playstyle to what his body can do. That often leaves Jokiharju to clean up messes he’s probably not capable of cleaning up yet. Still, over his last four, he’s on the plus side of the possession ledger. His 98.6 PDO on the year probably tells the story for Jokiharju best. I’d love to see what a Murphy–Jokiharju pairing would look like, but the price of admission for that is Keith–Seabrook and Gustafsson–Dahlstrom. I don’t think any of us have the emotional or physical wherewithal to watch those two snuff films night in and night out.

Dylan Sikura – He’s been a ghost since his call up, but his power recovery, penalty draw, and SOG that led to Brendan Perlini’s goal last night were outstanding, so he gets a mention. He’s probably not much more than a third liner at the end of the day, but that’s fine.

Everything Else

Game #30 – Resist All the Urges That Make You Wanna Go Out and Kill – Hawks 3 Knights 4

By John Pullega December 7, 2018 1999 0

This game was Laura Powers ripping Bart’s heart out and kicking it into the trash. After taking the lead for the first time in nine games, the Hawks gave up two goals in 12 fucking seconds. Up until that point, the Hawks were playing well! Aside from spotting the Knights their requisite two goals early, the Hawks dominated possession until the third. Whatever, let’s fucking do this already.

– Let’s just get the shit out of the way. Brent Seabrook can retire now and have a wonderful legacy. He’s done so very, very much for this team, and the greatest thing he can do now is just stop. Just hang them up, take the assistant coach position from actual goblin Barry Smith, and go down in history.

Seabrook’s turnover on the game-winning goal for Vegas was one thing. But watching Alex Tuch bowl through him and jam the dagger into everyone’s fucking skull is utterly embarrassing. We can complain that Patches interfered, and I don’t think we’d be wrong. But regardless, Tuch manhandling Seabrook was the perfect microcosm of what this team has become: bloated, behind, and thrashing in a sea of shit.

As much as I want to get completely red and nude about what Brent Seabrook is now, I just can’t. It’s like watching your 16-year-old dog, your lifelong companion, shit in the middle of the floor, only to hang his head in shame. He knows he shouldn’t do that, but he’s just so old. The anger melts into grief, which only makes you madder and sadder. What’s worse is you know no one else will take him in, and you just can’t bear putting him out to pasture. So you let him shit on the floor, over and over, just wishing the nightmare would end.

– Certainly not one of Crawford’s best either. It’s a given that he’s going to have to make outrageous saves every night, because this fucking team is an unwashed armpit crawling with impetigo. But the game-tying goal from Marchessault in the third is inexcusable. The dying emu off Engelland’s stick in the first was another one Crow probably should have had. Konroyd, who manages to be both an idiot and a Milhouse, kept saying it bounced off Toews, which is proof positive that it didn’t and Crow just missed it. Even the first goal he gave up was a result of poor rebound control, which gave Reilly Smith a chance to Baryshnikov his way to the game opener.

– I don’t know how many times we are going to have to say it, but Alex DeBrincat still isn’t a third liner. When you had Top Cat–Strome–Kane on the ice toward the end of the second, they were dominant. DeBrincat and Strome were toward the bottom in TOI in the first, which is inconceivable. I want to know what the grand conspiracy against DeBrincat is, because there’s no logical explanation for why Dominik Kahun or David Kampf get plush spots over him. You’d think the GREAT COMMUNICATOR would have this explanation front and center, and yet we wait and wonder.

– Brendan Perlini sucks. He’s Kris Versteeg with a pedigree.

– I tried being nice, but Brandon Manning can go right back to eating my toenails after a long, hot run. It’s one thing if, like, Erik Karlsson storms the blue line on the PK to try to force a turnover. But there was Brandon Manning, doing just that prior to Vegas’s first goal. In case anyone’s forgotten, Brandon Manning sucks so much he blows, and you could see Marchessault giggling as he shuffled a pass right past him, leaving Seabrook all alone to defend. I’d take Connor Murphy eight weeks ago over him.

– On the plus side, Jonathan Toews was a force. He scored his goal from behind the goal line. He won faceoff after faceoff late in the third in the offensive zone, giving the Hawks hope. He took everything and then some, and it still wasn’t enough.

– Dylan Strome could be something. For all the worrying we did about his supposed lack of speed, he’s almost always in the right place. You don’t expect him to pot shots like the bad angle one he did in the second with any regularity, but it’s nice to know that he’s got it in his bag of tricks. Imagine what he and DeBrincat could do with Kane on the wing.

– Patrick Kane was also dominant tonight, and he did it while playing more minutes than anyone on the Hawks. Though he spent most of his time with Kahun and Wide Dick, which is such a goddamn waste.

– Credit to Artie though. Forcing a turnover and giving the Hawks their first goddamn lead in nine motherfucking games was nice, even if it was fleeting.

– I want to know whose idea it’s been to continue doing the neutral zone/own zone drop pass, because I’m going to pull my brain out from my asshole and piss on it until it dissolves like a skidmark if it keeps happening. This skullfuck of a strategy led to sustained pressure for the Knights WHILE THE HAWKS HAD A MAN ADVANTAGE during the second PP in the second period. I know I shouldn’t yell about that, since the PP is worse than a Truth commercial, but did you ever think it could possibly get worse? Fire whoever is in charge of making that decision out of a cannon into the motherfucking sun.

It was right there for the Hawks, and they threw up in their shoes. With the insufferable game at Notre Dame against Boston coming up and the Hawks falling farther and farther down in the standings, don’t be surprised if the next few weeks are the swan song for Bowman and maybe even Colliton.

Eat Arby’s.

Booze du Jour: Four Roses straight from the bottle

Line of the Night: “Artem Anisimov puts the Hawks ahead for the first time in nine games!” – Pat Foley

Everything Else

Game #29 – You Will Obey Me While I Lead You and Eat the Garbage That I Feed You – Hawks 2 Ducks 4

By John Pullega December 6, 2018 1587 0

Call the Blackhawks what you want, but you have to admit they’re consistent. They once again found themselves down early, spasmed an effort in the second (which ironically saw them post a 35+ CF% against the second-worst possession team in the league), and got buried in the third. Swiss watches don’t keep better time than this script at this point. Watching the Hawks now has all the feel of finding a mole in your taint and deciding “Yes, I’m going to pick this out with my fingernails.” It’s gross and awful, and we’re not sure how we really got to this point, but we’re an inch and a half deep, so there’s no turning back. Let’s try to clean up the blood.

– We’ll start with some good, because there’s so little to be found. Erik Gustafsson’s goal was the beautiful result of vintage Patrick Kane and Duncan Keith. If you only just started watching Blackhawks hockey and saw that play, you’d wonder how this team’s record is such piss. Kane’s preternatural ice awareness let him swing a no-look pass through the slot to a wide-open Keith, and Keith’s shot fake led to a month-long ban on all jock strap sales to John Gibson at sporting goods stores nationwide.

– Gustafsson’s goal and later post are what make him such a nightmare to watch. You can see that there’s offensive potential, but you have to dig through an awfully deep pile of shit to get there. If the Hawks ever decide to admit that this isn’t a playoff team (which they should have done after firing Q), don’t be surprised to see Gus on the move. He can certainly find a spot on someone’s (read: Toronto’s) third pairing and bum slay. As much as I hate to admit it, he—like many of the Hawks’s peripheral players—is a toy.

– Don’t look now, but Brandon Manning has spasmed a Jordan Oesterle over the last few games. If you ignore the fact that he had a 27+ CF% (and you should, because I sure as shit am), you can probably argue that he was at least fine last night. Or at least in the first period. He created the mad scramble in front of the ice that led to Brandon Saad’s crossbar, then managed to follow up with a shot off Pontus Aberg after Aberg cleared the paint. He then drew a roughing penalty late in the first. These are the straws we are grasping at here, but if Manning can look at least competent for a stretch, some throbbing sack of toxic masculinity will trade a pick for him.

– Alex DeBrincat’s goal was a clinic in puck handling. After Jonathan Toews settled a turnover down, he delivered a pass almost directly into DeBrincat’s chest. DeBrincat not only settled that down but also flicked a shot past Gibson to tie the game. As is the refrain: Thank God he’s 5’7”.

– I have two fun facts for you. First, here’s a sampling of forwards who played more 5v5 time than DeBrincat last night: John Hayden, Dominik Kahun, Dylan Strome, David Kampf, Brendan Perlini, and Artem Anisimov. Second, and this fact is really fun, NONE OF THOSE FORWARDS SHOULD BE PLAYING MORE 5V5 TIME THAN ALEX DEBRINCAT. You can talk to me about how DeBrincat played four minutes on the PP and I will tell you to run headfirst up my asshole. There is simply no excuse for this no matter how you slice it.

If you are a massive brain genious who thinks that this team is still playoff hopeful, then you have to have your best pure shooter on the ice as much as possible, especially since the Hawks have scored exactly two goals per game over the last three games. If you think that it’s time to Lose for Hughes, then you want to see what your young crop can do, and wouldn’t you fucking know it, Alex DeBrincat still isn’t old enough to legally buy a drink.

I don’t know whether this is a Colliton decision (when approached by, I think it was Lazarus, about the fact that DeBrincat played only 46 seconds at 5v5 in the first, Colliton said “that’s not right,” as in he was refuting a fact) or Barry Smith and the front office telling Colliton what they want, but neither gives me the warm and fuzzies. And when you add the rumbling about bringing Artemi Panarin back to this weirdness, it gets even more frustrating, because DeBrincat does more than Panarin does, is younger, and doesn’t cost $10 million.

If you want to make a case for Top Cat playing with Strome, fine. But make those two, plus whichever unpainted sad clown you want to shove with them, your second line and be done with it. Alex DeBrincat is not and has never been a third fucking liner, and when even Coach Mr. Turner is treating him as such, you have to wonder if this is a decision being made by the HOCKEY MEN in the front office.

– And what the fuck is this new “drop pass behind center ice off the boards” horseshit? It happened two or three times last night, which indicates that this is no accident. I don’t know whether this is Colliton drawing it up or THE CORE just doing shit they’re comfortable with, but it’s got to stop. I never thought I’d yearn to see a drop pass at the opponent’s blue line, but here we fucking are.

– Be happy Duncan Keith had that incredible shot fake, because outside of that, he got horsed all night. On the ice for six high-danger chances for the Ducks at 5v5. Several turnovers in his own zone leading to sustained pressure. An interference penalty in the second because he couldn’t keep up. He will go down as the best Hawks D-man in history, but with each passing day it gets harder and harder to remember that.

– We all said that if Corey Crawford came back and was Corey Crawford, we might have a fringe playoff team. Last night was another instance of forcing ourselves to ask “What if this is what we’re getting now?” Crow probably should have had both the second and third goals Anaheim scored. On the second, Seabrook forced Daniel Sprong to almost below the goal line, and Sprong still managed to shelf it over Crow’s glove-side shoulder. In the third, Ondrej Kase did much of the same, albeit with a slightly better angle. This isn’t to put the blame for the loss on Crawford—given how many incredible saves he made on the night—but if you’re waiting for a Crawford miracle, it might be too late for you.

– Even if you count the four posts as shots on goal, the Hawks still got outshot by the Ducks. Even for the Hawks in their current state, that’s simply unacceptable.

Jeremy Colliton is in a really tough spot, with young guys who mostly suck and a Core that either can’t or won’t do the things it’s expected to do. You and I both know what this team is, and all we can hope is that Coach Mr. Turner starts focusing on getting Strome and DeBrincat more time on the ice. Because what else is there, other than another late game tonight?

Just cut my head off and kick it into the lake.

Booze du Jour: Four Roses and High Life

Line of the Night: After the inane Hayden fight, the national broadcast made a comment about how “He probably didn’t have to do that at Yale,” then proceeded to namedrop Yale a few more times. It was a great moment in Mute Lounge History.

Everything Else

Game #27 – And If It’s Heads I Go to Tennessee, and Tails I Buy a Drink, If It Lands on the Edge I Keep Talking to You – Hawks 2 Preds 5

By John Pullega December 1, 2018 1819 0

Through the first four minutes, this game had all the feel of a sudden onset of diarrhea after your morning shower, punctuated by slipping off the toilet seat because you didn’t have time to dry your ass off. While things got marginally better and there were some bright spots, the song remains the same: a flaccid start and a broken heart at the end of it all. Let’s clean it up.

– We don’t condone fighting usually. We get red and nude when anyone in the broadcast booth starts alluding to physicality and barbaric dickery (more on that later). But it’s not hard to understand Duncan Keith completely losing his goddamn mind and assaulting Miikka “I let a cat walking across the keyboard name me” Salomaki early in the first. It was a blindside hit along the boards. I’m sure people will try to argue that the hit came from the side and THIS IS HOCKEY and all that happy horse shit. Those people are wrong, and the Venn diagram of people who defend that hit and who own more than zero piss-yellow Mike Ribeiro sweaters is the same fucking circle.

Along the boards at an angle that Linda Blair would have had a hard time twisting to see, let alone Keith playing the puck, is inexcusable. I’m not going to defend Keith trying to piledrive Salomaki and getting the match penalty for it, but I sure understand it. There aren’t many good tit-for-tat arguments, but if you wanted to make one for Keith after the no call, I’m open to it.

– Gustav Forsling is still only 22, and he missed a good portion of last year to injury. But with each game, it gets harder and harder to figure out how he fits in among a D-corps that you couldn’t trade for a cup of coffee along with the two dollars in your pocket. When he’s not getting overpowered (by Ryan Johansen on Goal 1 and Kevin Fiala on Goal 3), he’s freezing up in his own zone (Craig Smith, Goal 4). His vision is questionable at best, and are we really sure he has the skill to be the breakout D-man we thought he was? At this point, you let him shit his pants, dive in, and swim, but you wonder if the clock is starting to tick on whether he’s a guy they keep long term.

– A quick word on Erik Gustafsson: You might be able to capitalize on whatever offensive potential he has when Connor Murphy gets back. Maybe. But he’s just as bad as Forsling in his own zone, if not worse. You’d excuse that if he’s a point per game D-man, but he’s playing more like an eleven-year-old with a mustache who thinks running head first into a wall is a good way to impress girls.

– There were some positives here. Brandon Manning was by far the best D-man the Hawks had out there tonight. All of his metrics flesh it out: He had a 55+ straight CF%, a 51+ CF% SVA (score and venue adjusted), and contributed offensively. His assist on Artem Anisimov’s goal was flat-out gorgeous, splitting traffic in the slot and allowing Wide Dick to just be there. He also hit the crossbar off a Henri Jokiharju rebound in the second. You hope that this kind of play continues from Manning, because he’s exactly the kind of guy you can trade for a young flyer or mid-round draft pick later down the line.

– Brent Seabrook flashed some of the old style of play too. Outside of his terrible turnover that led to the Preds’s second goal, he was, for lack of a better word, crafty with the puck. He nearly set up David Kampf with a semi-breakaway off an area pass, and managed to juke Roman Josi out of his skates with a fake shot in the third, which led to a quality chance for Dylan Strome off a Forsling point shot rebound.

– Brandon Saad—who has more goals than Artemi Panarin on the year, thanks—did that voodoo that he do so well again. When Saad gets a full of head of steam along the boards, there aren’t many people who can stop him. And he managed to overpower both Ryan Ellis and Pekka Rinne on his goal, swatting his own attempt out of mid-air. Anyone who doesn’t want to admit that Brandon Saad fucks is a jerk.

– I don’t want to see Alex DeBrincat fighting. In the moment, it’s fun, but let’s not make that a thing in the future.

– We rag on the broadcast for falling back into the MORE PHYSICAL trope all the time. And while Eddie was guilty of it a few times tonight, nothing was quite as weird as Steve Konroyd after the first intermission. I get being mad about the Keith hit, but Konroyd went so far as to say that a guy like John Hayden should “go after one of Nashville’s smaller guys” to “help bring them [the Hawks] together.” Motherfucker even acknowledged that “that may not be right” and called his own idea “kinda barbaric,” then proceeded to justify it as something to bring the team together. It may not seem like anything more than Konroyd tossing meat to the worst kinds of hockey fans, but this kind of mind-set contributes to guys like Tom Wilson constantly having the chance at gainful employment in the NHL. It’s fucking gross to imply that someone should put a horseshit hit on an opponent as a team-building exercise. Stuff your mouth with my dog’s fart blanket with that suggestion, Stevie K.

The Hawks get a heaping helping of mulligan stew with a tilt against Calgary tomorrow. If they play anything like they did in the second period tonight, it’ll be fun. But at this point, any wins the Hawks get should be considered gravy, because even if the brain geniouses in the front office won’t admit it, this team is in rebuild mode.

Onward. . .

Booze du Jour: Four Roses and Eagle Rare

Line of the Night: “The Mute Lounge was conceived for nights just like this one.” –Matt McClure

Everything Else

Game #24 – Saturday Night’s Alright for Fighting. Get a Little Action In – Hawks 4 Panthers 4 (Blackhawks Win Grand Prize Game)

By John Pullega November 24, 2018 1865 0