Everything Else

I’ll Tell Ya Another Thing About Canada, The Beer Sucks: Hawks at Canadiens Preview/Glass Blowing

By 1784

 vs. 

RECORDS: Hawks 43-20-5   Canadiens 39-22-8

PUCK DROP: 6:30 Central

TV: CSN, NBCSN

JEAN-JACQUES SMYTHES: Habs Eyes On The Prize

PROJECTED LINEUPS

ADJUSTED TEAM CORSI %: Hawks – 50.9 (11th)  Habs – 52.4 (4th)

ADJUSTED TEAM xGF%: Hawks – 48.7 (19th)  Habs – 52.8 (5th)

POWER PLAY %: Hawks – 18.8 (17th)  Habs – 20.3 (12th)

PENALTY KILL %: Hawks – 77.7 (27th)  Habs – 80.5 (17th)

The Hawks begin an Eastern Canadian road trip, touring the northern members of the Atlantic division all in a row. It starts with invading the constant carnival that is the Montreal Canadiens. And now this carnival comes with a full compliment of carny folk and a freak show. Because that’s how they want it up there.

Everything Else

Habs Q&A With Mega-Nerd Andrew Berkshire

By 1610

You can catch Andrew’s work just about everywhere, but mostly at Sportsnet.ca and RDS.ca. Follow him on Twitter @AndrewBerkshire.

Ok, explain why the Habs think they need every asshat they can find and why it will or won’t work when things matter?

Bergevin has it in his mind that the number one reason why the Habs collapsed last season was that they were “easy to play against”. That was probably because they let in a goal every 5 shots scored on one of every 20 for like 3 months, then everyone got injured, but the team took it to mean GRIT and other crap. This same thing happened after the 2013 playoffs when the Habs throttled the Senators by every metric but Anderson stood on his head and Price was playing with a torn groin, so they lost in 5 and Bergevin brought in Douglas Murray and George Parros in the offseason. He’s a conservative GM for the most part, but he’s also extremely reactionary and seemingly mediocre at diagnosing weaknesses. 

Everything Else

Easy There, College Boy

By 1588

Sometimes I wonder how much the Hawks were scarred by having Kevin Hayes spurn their advances and head to free agency after completing his college career. They’ve certainly never let that happen again, though I don’t know how much of a threat that was with any of their college prospects. There were some whispers that John Hayden was looking longingly at the open market, so the Hawks signed him up last night. And they did it by promising he could get int eh lineup this season, thus burning one of the two years on his ELC and getting him to a second contract that much quicker. Because that went so well for Kyle Baun Baun Kyle Baun Baun, Drew LeBlaahhhhh, and all the other jokers the Hawks have punted into a game from the college ranks at the end of a season.

Everything Else

You’re A Big Man But You’re Out Of Shape: Wild 2 – Hawks 4

By 1334

Box Score

Natural Stat Trick

I’ll admit to having been a touch worried about Corey Crawford lately. It was starting to look a bit last year. In both seasons, for the first half of the campaign Crow was asked to perform miracles and paranormal phenomenons to keep the wolves from the door. Last year, under the weight of all that he faded at the end, and was only good in the playoffs which wasn’t good enough. We don’t know yet if this year will see the same fade, but of late he just hasn’t been as good as he was earlier in the year. He’d strung four great starts together, but then there was Detroit–where he admittedly didn’t have any help either. And it’s kind of what we’ve seen from Feb. 1 on.

Today was definitely vintage Crow, which gave his teammates the platform to capitalize on the opportunities they did create. And there’s your difference. The Hawks finished theirs because of their greater top-end firepower. Kane, Panarin, and Hossa on the scoresheet. The Wild didn’t. And this is almost certainly how it will go in May when these two teams see each other again.

Let’s clean it up:

Everything Else

Trying To Find A Balance – Wild vs. Hawks Preview, Daylight Savings Spring Ahead

By 1397

 vs 

Game Time: 11:30AM CDT
TV/Radio: NBC, TVA-S, WGN-AM 720
Makes No Sense At All: Hockey Wilderness

Late season, weekend matinee games suck out loud regardless of the two teams involved. The thought process behind having them is clear, with both college and pro football shuttered for their respective seasons, and baseball yet to move north from Arizona and Florida, there is a void that can be filled by the Winter Tenants for viewership when there’s really only Law & Order: SVU reruns on elsewhere. But the vast majority of hockey games are played at night, and professional hockey players, like all athletes, enjoy their ya-ha time after a game and generally keep later hours. There is always at least a 24 hour break going into them so it’s not totally cutting into physical recuperation the way Thursday Night Football does, but circadian rhythms are still fucked with, and now past the deadline there are many teams who are just playing out the string. Couple that with the overall quality of the league due to a flat salary cap, and it’s left an absolute dogshit product on the ice on par with Thursday Night Football by any absolute or relative measure. And on top of that Daylight Savings just kicked in, so now two teams who at least on paper who are still jockeying for the top spot in the Central and the West, are effectively facing off at 10:30AM local time, all for the sake of courting viewers that the NHL is never going to grab. Nice work everyone.

Everything Else

The Jay Cutler Salute: Hawks 2 – Wings 4

By 1250

I suppose it’s fitting that in the first day of the post-Cutler era the Hawks showed about as much verve as he was falsely accused of showing on some gamedays (#CuttyForever). I’m not going to put any more focus onto this wrap than the Hawks did in this game tonight, so here’s a musical representation of just how interested the Hawks were in Joe Louis Arena tonight:

Everything Else

Burn That Seat: Hawks at Wings Preview/PFT

By 1242

 vs. 

RECORDS: Hawks 42-19-5   Wings 25-29-11

PUCK DROP: 6:30pm Central

TV: CSN, NHLN for those not around here

THE UNMENTIONABLES: Winging It In Motown

PROJECTED LINEUPS

ADJUSTED TEAM CORSI %: Hawks – 51.2 (9th)  Wings – 47.4 (25th)

ADJUSTED TEAM xGF%: Hawks – 49.2 (17th)  Wings – 47.3 (27th)

POWER PLAY %: Hawks – 19.3 (15th)  Wings – 12.6 (Dead Ass Last)

PENALTY KILL %: Hawks – 77.2 (27th)  Wings – 81.3 (13th)

The last game at the Joe. There probably won’t be any tear shed by any Hawks fan. I suppose there’s some feeling of lost that this is basically the last “old” building in the league, and it’s going to go the way of all the others. Soon, the Wings will move into yet another faceless, corporate, sterile building to go with their faceless, sterile team. But for Hawks fans, the amount of fucksticks and shitheels that used to grace the surface at Joe Louis Arena will mean sentimentality will certainly be at a minimum.

Everything Else

Wings Spotlight: THE STREAK (Extreme Wanking Motion)

By 1181

It’s gonna die. All things do, but we’ve waited for this one for a long time now. It should have died a while ago. It should have died in 2013, but Columbus spit up all over themselves. It was so close. And then Bruce Boudreau had to go and give it credence by then spitting up all over himself in a Game 7 at home, the first time he’d done it with the Ducks but the fourth time overall after departing DC. It shouldn’t have had to come to that.

And then they fucked off to the Eastern Conference, after Quenneville woke up just in time in 2013 to save us from the ultimate embarrassment. Had they stayed in the West beyond the lockout year, this streak would have died ages ago. Oh sure, they stretched the Lightning to seven games by some miracle once, and have gotten clocked twice more. They’ve never been a threat. And now that the East has finally usurped the West as the power conference, even though they play in the far worse half of it, they’re going to miss out. It’s finally over.

Everything Else

Why Do Guys Like You And Me Know What A Bernier Is?: Ducks 1 – Hawks 0

By 1231

Box Score

Natural Stat Trick

Well that’s a funny looking strike.

These are the games that really annoy fans like you and us, and not because the Hawks got goalie’d by the Ducks backup. That happens. It’s hockey. This is why it should have been Andy Warhol’s favorite sport, because any jamoke in the gear can have his night. Bernier’s actually been really good the past few appearances, so whatever.

No, what’s annoying is you’ll see a bunch of utterances and belches from players and coaches about how they didn’t get traffic, or didn’t get the greasy goal, or their shot selection is off, because no one can ever admit the guy in the other crease was just better than everyone else. There was nothing wrong about what the Hawks did tonight. They had traffic. They had chances. Another night, they go in. This was not another night. Move on.

Anyway, guess we’d better clean it up.