Everything Else

Watching The Party – FFUD’s 2nd Round Preview: Winnipeg vs. Nashville or How S**T Kicker Can We Get?

By Sam Fels 1567 0

 vs. 

SCHEDULE: Game 1 Friday, Game 2 Sunday, Game 3 Tuesday, Game 4 May 4th

While Boston-Tampa will take most of the attention by merely being on the East Coast and everything Boston must be covered at all times otherwise Bill Simmons urinates on most of LA, this is the series that will hold the most entertainment value. These are certainly the two best teams in the West, and two of the four best in the NHL. Both are simply stacked at forward so goals should be prevalent. This one is going to be a coke-binge and catch as much as you can.

Goalies: Connor Hellebuyck didn’t really have to do much in the first round than maintain requisite oxygen intake in the first round, because the Minnesota Wild were barely there. But that’s probably a perfect way to wet your feet into playoff hockey, and he’s going to have to be much better this series. It did not go well for Hellebuyck in the regular season against the Preds, as he gave up 19 goals in five starts against them. That doesn’t really matter here, but you’d have to be the most cockeyed, Jets optimist with a fair amount of glue to huff to think that Hellebuyck is going to completely stonewall the Preds. How he reacts to his first playoff adversity is anyone’s guess.

It would be totally on course for the Pekka Rinne Ride to be pretty mediocre last regular season to a playoff marvel and then switch it this year to a Vezina-worthy season this year to turning into a Jalopi in the playoffs this year. He was very not good against the Avalanche, and they only have one line, which is daunting considering the Jets have four. Maybe he was playing down to the competition, maybe the whole team was. But a .909 against the Jets is going to see the Preds go home and probably rather quickly. He’s going to have to be better.

Defense: Again, it’s hard to learn much from the first round about the Jets’ defense when they were playing a bubble hockey opponent. The Jets look like they’ll get a boost back here with Toby Enstrom returning for this series, and he’ll be the one who holds the leash on Dustin Byfuglien. Trouba and Morrissey were excellent against the Wild, and punting Tyler Myers down to a third-pairing bum-slayer role is exactly what he was cut out for. You worry about what the Preds might do when Byfuglien goes out walkin’ after midnight searching for a McGriddle, but the rest of this outfit is pretty solid.

What it isn’t is as dynamic as the Preds’ blue line, though maybe as deep. They conspired to give up a ton of chances to the Avalanche, figuring they’d win a track meet with their depth. That’s what this blue line does, with Subban, Ellis, Josi, and Ekholm all willing and able to get up and down the entire surface. They know no other way, but leaving gaps against this Jets team is a different story than doing so against the Avs. Still, overall, possession-wise, the Preds kicked around Colorado, especially the pairing of Subban and Ekholm. Rougher ride here.

Forwards: The Jets depth is truly scary, and just about everyone chipped in during the first round. What we’re most looking forward to is if either coach settles for fighting fire with fire and has Scheifele match up with Johansen, because we’re fairly sure he’ll inhale Treat Boy. Johansen won’t find much more shelter with either Little or Stastny either. The Jets didn’t lose a step when Ehlers had to miss a game, but he’ll be back for Game 1. The best forward grouping in the league.

The Predators are hardly thin, but don’t boast quite the weapons on their bottom-six as the Jets do. And Forsberg isn’t going to get to go traipsing through three guys whenever he wants like he did against the rotted scarecrows of the Avalanche. If the Jets keep the top line of the Preds somewhat quiet, you then wonder if the Preds can come up with enough goals to run with them. Turris didn’t really do anything against the Avs, and this is much deeper water here and you feel like he comes out barely even or worse against either Little or Stastny. And Mike Fisher is not keeping up with this crew.

Prediction: Been waiting for this one for a while. The Preds have become everyone’s darling while ignoring what their flaws are. It’s a great blue line, but the Jets advantage at forward is just a touch bigger than the one the Preds have on defense. The goalies could be a wash, though you could see either melting down. With how many goals they’re likely to share, just about anything could happen. But if we expect, and Scheifele and Wheeler outplay Treat Boy and Forsberg, the Jets take this. But it’s going to be a ton of fun getting there. Jets in 7. 

Everything Else

Night Songs- Round 1 Day 7: It’s much funnier when it happens to someone else

By Adam Hess 1792 0

Last night was an exercise in the duality of these NHL playoffs. I can’t really remember the last time I felt like the NHL playoffs were somewhat resembling the NBA’s tournament, but this year kinda feels like that – there are a few series which have a clearly dominant team for whom winning seems inevitable, and then a few series that definitely could go either way. In this case, we watched Winnipeg continue their dominance of Minnesota, which has felt inevitable since puck drop of Game 1. We had Washington and Lumbus, which has been very even – because both teams suck, not because they’re both good – and went to OT for the third time in three games. Vegas and LA was kinda even but the Knights ended up completing a sweep because the NHL is a urinal.

Capitals 3 – Jackets 2 (20T) (CBJ leads 2-1)

Barry Trotz finally stopped out thinking himself and put Braden Holtby in net. I know Holtby didn’t have a stellar season, but ultimately I still think it was foolish to not start him in this series to begin with. And yeah, I don’t know how much of a difference it would’ve ultimately made given both of the first two games went to OT as well, but overall Holtby is a better netminder than Grubauer and I’m willing to bet he stops that Panarin winner from Game 1. This game was just as evenly played as the other two have been, and I think CBJ might really end up eliminating this Capitals outfit. And hey, Caps fans, at least losing to the Jackets would save you from losing to the Penguins again.

Jets 2 – Wild 0 (WIN leads 3-1)

We all would’ve been better off if the Wild had just accepted reality and let Winnipeg run over them in Game 3 as well, just accepting the defeat of a sweep. Instead they got mauled again last night – the Jets controlled nearly 60% of the shot attempts in all three periods! – and are in for another belt-over-a-raw-ass beating again in two days. I wish I could feel bad for them, but I most definitely do not. Chicago is the state of hockey, bitches.

Golden Knights 1 – Kings 0 (Knights sweep series 4-0)

The NHL is a urinal. A team made of paper mache and scrap heaps just swept the Los Angeles Kings out of the playoffs. Look, I know the Kings were hardly a force to be reckoned with this year, but neither should Vegas have been. I think there’s probably something to the idea that the underdog status and borderline disrespectful expectations for them, even as champs of the Pacific Division, is motivating them, but an expansion team with a bunch of guys who have had to add “who?” to their name in their career sweeping a team with one one of the league’s best 1C/1D combos is just outrageous. There is no way this kind of shit happens in any of the other leagues that isn’t a single entity. But, this league is a urinal.

Everything Else

Night Songs – Round 1 Day 3: Disband The Kings

By Sam Fels 1735 0

Clearly the highlight of the evening were the reaction shots of Bruce Boudreau as the Jets put his Wild to the sword again last night. You can tell he knows he’s utterly fucked here, and would have been even if Ryan Suter had been healthy. I wonder if that filters down to his team. We know his panic stations-like attitude in previous Game 7s always did. Anyway, let’s run it through on this drippy Saturday.

Flyers 5 – Penguins 1 (Tied 1-1)

See, a lot of people think the Brian Elliot Experience means he’s getting punctured like Boromir every outing. Not so. The Elliot Experience means that he’s going to put together just enough good games, or stretches, to make you believe in him before he becomes a turned-over turtle. So was last night. He was excellent, Matt Murray definitely wasn’t, Flyers win, and now they’re believing again. But don’t you worry. Elliot will shit a chicken either in Game 3 or Game 4, and the Penguins will assuredly win the next two, whichever it is. This is the way he wants it.

Wild 1 – Jets 4 (Jets lead 2-0)

There probably isn’t going to be a more lopsided series than this one. The Kings-Knights one has been but Jonathan Quick has kept it from getting silly. Devan Dubnyk quite simply is not capable, nor are the Kings facing the firepower the Wild are. It sounds weird to gush about just how loaded the Jets are, but there was their fourth line, a dominant fourth line, getting their third and icing goal last night. There’s nowhere for the Wild to turn. And the first two Jets goals were a result of a d-man simply going cowboy. That’s Dustin Byfuglien’s thing of course, it’s not as much Tyler Myers’s. But that’s what it takes at this time of year, because it’s the only way you’re going to outnumber the defensive team and get coverage to break down. This looks a lot like the Wild’s 2013 series against the Hawks, where they hung around in Game 1 but didn’t have another gear to find in Game 2 when the superior team could relax a bit. Sure, they might spasm a home win, but they’re toast.

Kings 1 – Knights 2 OT (Knights lead 2-0)

Everyone needs this series to end now. The Kings might point to the absence (deserved, by the way) of Drew Doughty as the reason they basically went Mourinho on this one, but it’s no different than what they did in Game 1 when they had the gap-toothed scumbag in the lineup. They’re terrified of the Knights’ speed, because their blue line is slow and basically bad, so they’re going to do everything to keep it under wraps. The result has been two games that have set the sport back 20 years, and basically have us longing for the NBA Playoffs today. Compare Kopitar and the Kings this year to Toews and the Hawks all you want, but if the Hawks put on this kind of faire you wouldn’t watch and we’d resort to doing ketamine or something. Maybe Kings fans constantly complain about the individual awards their players don’t win simply so they can feel anything after watching this team all season. The lyrics to “Comfortably Numb” were written about watching a full season of this.

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Watching The Party – FFUD’s 1st Round Preview: Wild vs. Jets or We’re Really Rivals, Guys. Please Believe Us!

By Sam Fels 1454 0

 vs. 

SCHEDULE: Game 1 Wednesday, Game 2 Friday, Game 3 Sunday, Game 4 April 17th

We move to the Central, where we have a supposed “rivalry.” At least it is according to the Wild broadcast. When it isn’t the Hawks, of course. Watch any game against the Jets from the Minnesota side, and you’ll hear the Jets only referred to as “our great rivals.” I’m sure the Jets have no idea what they’re talking about. Because like, you could drive it if you really wanted to? Because they’re both frozen hellscapes? Because they’ve both been irrelevant for their entire existence? Probably the last one. Anyway, one of those teams is probably going to change that this time. Hint: it’s not the ones who wear green.

Goalies: The Wild didn’t get the other-worldly goaltending from The Doobie Brother that they usually do when they’re this high in the standings. He was just about league average overall, which is probably what he is. The problem for the Wild is that he’s been pretty putrid in the playoffs, though last year he simply just got out-dueled by Jay Gallon. And we should thank him for that, because it caused the Blues to trust Allen for another season and look where it got them. Dubs isn’t going to win this series, there’s a chance he might lose it, but most likely in the middle.

We don’t know anything about Connor Hellebuyck in the playoffs, because this is his first foray. But he was excellent in the regular season, and the Jets have so much firepower up front that he might not be required to do more than simply not lose it. If he does better than that, and the Jets simply don’t freeze under the bright lights, then things could get awfully silly for a while up in the Frozen Tundra With No Airport That’s Not Green Bay.

Defense: The Wild took a major hit when Ryan Suter broke his leg. While he might not be what he was, he’s still the their anchor. Without him, some combo of Jonas Brodin, Matt Dumba, and Jared Spurgeon is going to have to do the heavy lifting. All of these guys are good, and Spurgeon is more than that, but with their depth eroded and the Jets having at least 10 forwards who can hurt you, the problems are farther down the lineup. And no, Nick Seeler and and Nate Prosser aren’t going to do anything other than get caved in when they’re on the ice.

This might have been a problem before, but with the return of Trouba it won’t be this series. Keeping Byfuglien away from the hard stuff is what he’s built for, and if Trouba is near his best he can nullify just about any top line. Josh Morrissey has been a surprise, and Toby Enstrom could return during the series though he’ll miss Game 1. It’s not the best blue line in the division but it’s hardly embarrassing.

Forwards: Another huge advantage for the Jets. While Eric Staal had a revival season, and Mikaeal Granlund is great, and Jason Zucker had a breakout season, there’s just not enough here.  Mikko Koivu is going to have a hard time keeping up with Scheifele, Charlie Coyle is never going to be anything. Nino Neiderreiter couldn’t buy a bucket this year. The bottom six is going to be a real issue, even with Jordan Greenway now here.

Meanwhile, the Jets boast what might be the deepest crop of forwards around. Blake Wheeler is an under-the-radar Hart candidate. Scheifele is a monster. Kyle Connor could be rookie of the year. Ehlers and Laine are on the second line. Little and Perreault on the third. Adam Lowry is the egg-head’s case for Selke. There’s no let-up here. Every line they throw out should be better than whatever Gabby throws over the boards.

Prediction: Hockey can be strange. I don’t know if Paul Maurice remains an idiot or finally put it together this year, but he doesn’t have to do much to defeat Bruce Boudreau who manages every playoff series choking on a ham bone. Chase any sort of matchup or structure and you’re ahead of Gabby. Sure, Hellebuyck could lose it in his first playoff series. The sticks could go cold under actual expectations this time. Dubnyk I suppose could go nuts. But that’s a lot of motherfuckin’ ifs. Jets in five. 

Everything Else

Game #82 – Hawks vs. Jets Q&A: Gametime Art Traveling In Time

By Sam Fels 1712 0

It was only two weeks ago that the Jets were at the UC, so here’s what @GameTimeArt had to say about them then. 

So the Jets have lost to the Preds twice in the past couple weeks. Does that put any fear into your playoff hopes or does the fact that the Jets (barring something stupid) will win their first playoff game and quite possibly series since being resurrected be enough for everyone?

In a strange way it doesn’t really put fear into most Jets fans because those last two meetings have been with a Jets team with four or more regulars out of the lineup including their top center and top defenseman and really save for a stretch of ten minutes at the end of one game and ten minutes at the start of the other, a depleted Jets lineup hung in ok against the Preds, so I think there is still hope that if the Jets can get healthy, they should give Nashville a good fight. That said, I think everyone expects good things from the first round and then we’ll worry about a potential second round blood bath against the Predators.

Blake Wheeler has 89 points. He shifted to center when Scheifele was hurt. And yet he doesn’t seem to be getting any Hart Trophy love. While it would be hard to make a case for him over say MacKinnon or Hall or Malkin or Kucherov, shouldn’t he at least be discussed?

Maybe a little… If there was an award for most inspiring leader who leads inspiringly – is that the Messier award? – then Blake should get that hands down. As far as most valuable player, I’d say he deserves a brief mention but I don’t even know if he’s the MVP on the Jets as I’d argue Connor Hellebuyck has been far more important to the Jets win totals than anything Blake has done. Then again, maybe I’m just not used to seeing actual good goaltending for my team so I could be biased.

Flying under the radar a bit is Kyle Connor, thanks to Wheeler and Laine and Barzal in the Calder race. What’s most impressive about his game as a rookie?

I love Connor’s ability to weave in and out of traffic when he has the puck, especially when it comes to skating into the offensive zone. He seems to have this ability to find just enough room on the ice to make a move past a defender or at the very least give himself an extra second to move the puck forward or pass it off to a teammate.

How much has Trouba been missed?

A lot and really it’s only because with Trouba out, it has meant Tyler Myers I’d argue has gotten more minutes per game than he can handle and Myers’ game – especially in the defensive zone – has suffered because of it. Byfuglien has done well in stepping up as he does and Josh Morrissey is quietly good as always, but Trouba is kind of the lynchpin that holds the Jets defense together. To put it in a much dumber context, Trouba to the Jets defense is like syrup to waffles. Sure, the waffles are ok without it, maybe even good depending on the quality of the other ingredients you have, but syrup just makes the entire dish so much better. Jacob Trouba is syrup.

What do you foresee for the Jets come the spring?

Increased health going into the playoffs for one thing, a first round series where the Jets have home ice and which should be a win because I think they match up well against Minnesota, Dallas or Colorado and then a second round where the limits of my heart being able to function properly will be severely tested.

 

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Game #78 Once in a While You Can Get Shown the Light – Hawks 6, Jets 2

By Rose Rankin 2344 0

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Corsica

It felt a little like an Irish wake tonight. Yes the season is effectively over, yes the run of playoff appearances is dead (sky point), yet the mood was celebratory, and rightfully so. Nights like tonight are why we watch sports, because when and where else does this much crazy shit happen? We’ll get to the debuts by the kids and the goalie drama a little later, but the main story tonight was that Brent Seabrook hit 1,000 games. To the bullets:

–We give Seabrook a lot of shit around here, but neither his contract nor the natural aging process from which he’s suffering will diminish any of the contributions he’s made. Seabrook is only the fifth player in franchise history to reach 1,000 games, and it was both extremely fun and extremely nostalgic to watch the pregame ceremony and video montage. On the ice there wasn’t much to write home about tonight (one shot, 47 CF%). But it was fun to be reminded of all the positive Seabrook memories, and overlook the problematic present.

–Then later in the first period they ran another video montage, this one for Eddie Olczyk, celebrating him beating colon cancer and getting a clean bill of health recently. The fans gave him a standing ovation, and as this is a subject close to my heart, I was happy to see everyone cheering something positive, which is all too rare these days both in terms of the Hawks and just the world in general.

–And then there were the kids! Dylan Sikura made a very good first impression tonight, with four shots total, three of which came in the first period alone. He had an assist on Gustafsson’s goal for his first NHL point, and then followed it up with another in the third on Top Cat’s goal. The Sikura-Eggshell-Top Cat line was just plain fun to watch, even if they did make me nervous when they were in the defensive zone. (They obviously made Q nervous too because they took 75% of their starts in the offensive zone, but that’s cool.) I prefer my hockey with speed and skill, so despite their inexperience (not counting Top Cat in that) and two of the three of them being of small stature (counting Top Cat in that), I am legitimately excited about what these guys will achieve.

–The saga of the Hawks goaltenders continued. Seriously, we’ve reached Spinal Tap drummer status here, with Anton Forsberg somehow getting hurt in warm-ups or some pre-game shenanigans, of course just as he was having a couple good games and making a serious case for himself as the backup for next year (please backing up Crawford please backing up Crawford I ASK FOR SO LITTLE). He must have trashed a gypsy’s magical tent and gotten cursed or something, because Forsberg is truly the most unlucky man in the NHL.

In his place was Collin “One Too Many Ls” Delia, who WAS the second feel-good goalie story this year until the third period. He was stinking it up in the ECHL for most of the season, turned it around, got brought to Rockford recently, and now found himself here after Berube fucked himself out of the job. Delia looked better than the previous fuzzy-moments-story in goal, the Jeff Gl-ASS Experience. Despite giving up a goal to Bryan Little on a tough redirect, and one to Scheifele (which , come on, can you really hold that against the guy?), Delia looked relatively confident in the crease, made some big stops on the likes of Blake Wheeler and Kyle Conner, and had 25 saves until HE TOO got hurt, and had to be replaced by literally some dude off the street. I know it sounds like hyperbole, but it really isn’t—it was a guy named Scott Foster who’s 36 years old and playing in a men’s league at Johnny’s Ice House. You can’t even make this shit up. And yet Foster was perfect, and managed to make a few saves including on Patrik fucking Laine late in the third. It will certainly make for a good story that this guy can tell his grandkids one day.

In all seriousness, the Hawks really need someone to make it through a game for these last few coming up, but at this point, fuck it. They should just hit up the Salt Creek Sports Center in Arlington Heights and grab some roller hockey men’s league goalie, I know a few I can recommend.

–Tomas Jurco had two goals, who knew?

–Now, in all honesty the Jets weren’t REALLY trying all that hard, and you can’t blame them. So that sort of skews the results, making the score look more impressive than it really was. But this was genuinely a wild, feel-good, party atmosphere game. I really hope Delia is OK just because that sucks for him, and same for Forsberg. However it was one of those games where I’m just glad I saw it, because if someone just told me about it I wouldn’t have believed it. Despite everything—all the disappointment, missing the playoffs, all of it—this is exactly why we love this sport, it’s exactly why we keep watching even when it “doesn’t matter.” If you didn’t see it, I just hope this does it some justice.

Beer du Jour: 312 by Goose Island

Line of the Night: “Dustin Byfuglien woulda said ‘No, we’re going out there!'” —Foley ejaculating about how classy the Jets were for being on the bench for the Seabrook ceremony.

 

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Game #78 – Jets vs. Hawks Preview/Foot Exam: All The Kids Are Right

By Sam Fels 1817 0

 vs. 

RECORDS: Jets 47-19-10   Hawks 31-36-10

PUCK DROP: 7:30

TV: NBCSN Chicago

STOP SAYING THE YEG: JetsNation.ca

Well now it’s really New Toy Day for the Hawks.

They will spend the next two games unveiling all sorts of things, getting a look at some kids who could be something and some who could just be on a flier (not a Flyera). Tonight sees Dylan Sikura make his Hawks debut, on a line with Alex DeBrincat, and if you already have images of them doing this for a decade together, I won’t stop you. They’ll be centered by EggShell, so hey, all the kids are here. and all right. Maybe.

Tomorrow night will see Blake Hillman, or Hill Blakeman, not sure which, and Collin Delia with his superfluous L make their debuts in Colorado. If you were a fan of the Cubs from 2012-2014 or the White Sox now, you know this feeling. There are some kids who come up late in the season that are worth getting excited about. And then there are some that they’re just throwing against the wall (strangely, it was Mike Olt for both teams). That’s what those two feel like, but hey, you never know.

The presence of Delia might just be what lit a fire under Anton Forsberg, if you consider two competent starts in a row “a fire.” It’s barely a kindling, but in this season it just might count. Then again, Delia wasn’t really that good in Rockford, and played in the ECHL this year so basically you can conclude he kinda sucks. We’ll get to this tomorrow, though. Forsberg is probably only going to get three more starts, with the two back-to-backs remaining, at most four. He has to basically crush all of them if he’s going to compete for the backup job next year. And even that probably isn’t enough, though he’ll get a chance in training camp regardless. It’s not as if no one has anything to play for.

As for Sikura, the talent really isn’t the question. The kid has serious hands and serious sense. The question is can he get into areas and stay there with his diminutive size, the way Top Cat does. Another question is how much of a product playing with the best center in college hockey he is. Most think he is just a touch below the level of Adam Gaudette, so we’ll see. The Hawks wanted Sikura earlier than this season, and generally the guys they’ve picked out of college early have been effective (Schmaltz, Hinostroza, Leddy to name a few). You’re allowed to have high hopes on this one.

As for the rest of it, it’s kind of the same. Gustafsson and Murphy get a chance to prove they can be a top four pairing next season (only one of them can). Brent Seabrook can look forward to having Blake Wheeler target him on every single zone entry as is his way. That’s about it.

The Jets don’t have much more to play for. They’re entrenched in second. They’re almost certainly getting the Wild in the first round, and they really should pound the shit out of them when they get there. They’re staring at a second round bloodfest with the Predators, which is going to be an awesome time even if you want both teams to lose. They’re getting healthy, as Scheifele has returned to center the top line, making for perhaps the scariest top nine in the NHL. Jacob Trouba and Toby Enstrom should be ready to go for the playoffs. Trouba has played a couple games though looks like he might miss out tonight. They’ll need them both, as that’s their weak spot, the blue line.

Connor Hellebuyck has won his last five starts and hasn’t lost one in regulation since March 8th. He’s playing as well as can be, and if he keeps the streak going into April then this team can go as far as it wants. Which is weird to say about the Jets, but the world doesn’t have to make sense.

Only five more to go.

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Game #78 – Jets vs. Hawks Spotlight: Paul Maurice And His Changing Stripes

By Sam Fels 1698 0

If you are or were a fan of the Jets for a while, they have been one of the more frustrating teams to follow. If you haven’t been a Jets fan, then they’ve been a hilarious team to follow. Because the results you’re seeing now isn’t borne out of new talent. Sure, Patrik Laine is only in his second season. Kyle Connor is in his first full one. Ehlers has only been around for three, but most everyone else has been in Winnipeg for years. Clearly, they should have been better than they were, as they’ve been sporting one of the best forward corps at least for years now.

The goaltending, rightly, got a lot of the blame as Ondrej Pavelec, Michael “Something About You Girl” Hutchinson, and Connor Hellebuyck spent most of their time finding more and creative ways to Nickelodeon-slime the rest of their team the previous few years. Hellebuyck cementing the role as his own this year is the biggest factor as the Jets soared to near the top of the conference.

The other is that Paul Maurice is no longer acting like one of the dumber coaches in the league, nor taking his team with him.

The previous three seasons, the Jets finished no lower than 6th in penalty minutes per game. In terms of just minor penalties, the ones you tend to end up on a penalty kill for, the Jets finished 1st, 3rd, and 4th as far as most minors taken. This year, they’re 17th in penalty minutes per game, and 12th in total minors taken. And don’t think it wasn’t an approach. Maurice accentuated the Jets assholic tendencies, and didn’t really mind if they took swipes after whistles or went for hits out of line because of “intimidation” and “grit” and “beer fart.”

Taking a lot of penalties in the previous years was a monumentally dumb strategy for the Jets, because they were a basket case penalty killing unit. The previous three seasons they finished 13th, 25th, and 26th in penalty kill. So not having a good kill, and putting themselves on it a lot was always going to be a major obstacle for them to actually be any good. So they were bad, and didn’t win a playoff game.

The difference is clear. In special teams goals, the Jets are +13 this year. Last year they were -13, including giving up five 5-on-3 goals. A turnaround of 26 goals is a lot of points they’re banking simply by not being so dumb that they didn’t get last year because they were idiotic.

It also helps when your goalies are unconscious when shorthanded. While systematically the Jets were middling-to-clueless on the kill, they’re goalies simply were waving at more pucks than an octopus trying to catch balloons. Their team SV%’s on the PK were .874, .860, and .849. This year it’s .902, which is unholy, and best in the league. That doesn’t really have much to do with Maurice, but at least they’re not asking as much of their goalies. Given the attempts and chances they give up on the kill, which is higher than the previous three seasons in both, it’s not like Maurice has figured out a better way to kill penalties than “hope my goalie isn’t playing like he’s drunk.” And Hellebuyck hasn’t, so that’s worked. But hey, taking way less penalties is a step in the right direction.

Don’t think this won’t make a difference. Unless they really fuck up, the Jets are staring at what should be the de facto Western Conference Final in the 2nd round. And the Predators are one of the most penalized teams in the league, as Peter Laviolette hasn’t done much to corral the snarl and growl and dumbassery that the Preds developed last spring. A huge gap in special teams, given how good both the Jets’ PP and PK have been, could tilt that series.

And we’re certainly here for a series the Preds lose because they were dumber than the Jets.

 

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Game #78 – Jets vs. Hawks Douchebag Du Jour: Canada’s Team

By Sam Fels 1630 0

You know it’s coming. With only two of the seven Canadian teams making the playoffs (two too many, clearly), there will be a movement to adopt either one as the representation of the entire nation to claim what they feel is still rightfully theirs. Never mind no Canadian team has made the Final since the Canucks in 2011 and hockey fans everywhere haven’t gone into collective cardiac arrest over it. We’ve all seen how the coverage works in the spring.

Sure, the Leafs will take most of that, because Leafs fans and media are already under the impression that they are Canada’s team, even though pretty much everyone despises them. But make no mistake, there will be some counter-revolution up there to make the Jets the country’s fave, because the Jets are far less likely to get stomped in the first round by Boston, because they’re not as popular, because Winnipeg has been shit on enough (it hasn’t).

And hey, the Jets don’t have the “HEY EVERYONE LOOK AT HOW HARD I’M CUTTING MYSELF” tendencies that Leafs Nation does. But don’t fret, just because they’re not nearly as large as Toronto’s fanbase doesn’t mean they don’t have the same annoying, know-it-all-yet-still-so-tortured complex.

You should hope no Canadian team ever wins a Cup until the league has to fold due to paying out billions in the concussion lawsuit (so like three years). Their oafish and blind media, their thug-ish fans, and their completely borked and creepy development system are not things that should be celebrated. And the US’s attempts to copy them isn’t helping either.

They are no more deserving or appreciative of a Cup win than fans in Nashville, or Tampa, or Pittsburgh are. Just because you’ve never froze your ass off to drink a flat Molson while watching teenagers in some barn in a place that sounds like an infection in your colon (Kelowna, Medicine Hat, Regina) doesn’t mean you’re not a true hockey fan. These are people who actively encourage their children to fight each other to live out whatever fantasies and combat whatever false emasculation is in their frozen, Timbo’s-filled heads.

The only Canadian team you should ever root for is the Expos when they bring them back.

 

Game #78 Preview

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Game #71 You Can’t Close the Door When the Walls Caved In – Hawks 2, Jets 6

By Rose Rankin 2005 0

Box Score

Natural Stat Trick

Corsica

Let’s just be honest—the steaming pile of dog shit that was the first period tonight ended things just as they were getting started. Sure, they managed another goal but that did nothing other than temporarily hide how embarrassing the score actually was. To the bullets:

–So the aforementioned pile of dogshit…really the first was a comedy of errors. The first and third goals were squarely on Forsberg, who got pulled after giving up three goals on six shots, before they even reached the halfway point of the period. The second goal was a direct result of Kampf and Gustafsson just dithering over who would take the puck in the corner, and Armia stepped in and helped himself to it. Moments later, Wide Dick Arty got completely out-muscled at the blue line, which led to Roslovic’s goal (OK, so maybe that one wasn’t ALL Forsberg’s fault). Then with Berube in, a shitty change led to Little’s goal, and on and on it went.

–The saddest part is this all happened after Saad caught a break and they let his goal barely 10 seconds into the game stand, when it could have been called back for being offside. IMHO, in the parlance of our times, it deserved to be a good goal because there wasn’t indisputable evidence to overturn in (and you know we’ve dealt with this shit before), but I was truly surprised the dumbass war room didn’t overturn it in their infinite lack of wisdom. The fact that they couldn’t muster a camera angle that showed the entire blue line and thus had to give us the shruggy emoji as their explanation of the call is really a perfect metaphor for the league as a whole right now. But that excitement and stroke of luck was authoritatively crushed by the Hawks’ incompetence within minutes.

–That’s not to say that Winnipeg played badly; they didn’t. They led in possession all night, which kinda makes sense when you’re scoring a shitload but they kept it up in the second as well, ending that period with a 52 CF%. In the third both teams were even with 50, but again, by then the outcome was a foregone conclusion. And jeebus is Patrik Laine a beast. He only made the score sheet once with an assist, but he was rolling right past guys like they were standing still (well, in a lot of cases they pretty much were, but you know what I mean). He ended the night with four shots and a 66.7 CF%, and if you went by the eye test alone, he played even better than those numbers.

–Speaking of numbers, the top line actually tried to play, and they managed to be above water in possession and get six shots. Saad had flashes of what we’d been hoping to see this season, but Toews missed the net a bunch as usual and Kane’s give-a-shit meter was down around a 2.5. They were not the truly embarrassing part of the game, even though they weren’t that great.

–The defense was pretty embarrassing, as you might expect in a game where they give up a half dozen goals. Murphy and Keith were caught in that shitty change, Gustafsson’s turnover led to the third goal, and Oesterle and Rutta were mostly invisible. But those re-signings, THAT’S what they needed to do to improve the blue line.

–OK, one bright spot: Despite being thrown in unexpectedly and seemingly struggling at first, Berube looked mostly solid. Yes, he gave up two goals, but let’s pretend he started the game and had given up a total of two…that would be a decent performance for a back-up. By the second he had settled in, and he made some impressive stops in both the second and third periods. Unfortunately by then it was too late, but he handled 30 of the 32 shots he faced and finished with a .938 SV%. Although neither he nor Forsberg has really seized this opportunity to become a top-tier goaltender, he’s definitely made the stronger case for himself as a serviceable backup.

In a way I wished they had given up one more goal just so I could have posted the monkey-peeing-in-his-mouth video, because really that sums up the night quite vividly. Maybe next time. We only 10 more to go, guys!