Vancouver Canucks – Page 3 – Faxes from Uncle Dale

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Game #55 – Canucks vs. Hawks Douchebag Du Jour: Alex Edler, Last Of His Kind

By Sam Fels February 7, 2019 1468 0

It may be hard to believe, but while the Hawks still sport Toews, Kane, Keith, and Seabrook from battles with Vancouver past, only Alex Edler stands for Vancouver from what used to be. They’ve all gone elsewhere or retreated to the garbage dumps from which they hatched. Kesler, Burrows, Luongo, The Children Of The Corn, Hansen, and more. Only Edler is left in the rubble where once stood…well, honestly, it was just bigger, uglier rubble. It never really amounted to much.

Edler contributed to the ire and bile of the fable, he wasn’t merely a bystander. There wasn’t any hit that Edler couldn’t leap into with his elbows floating up like water-wings, and then claim to be the aggrieved. There isn’t anything Duncan Keith has done to a Canuck that Edler didn’t attempt to a Hawk first. Keith was just better at it and more thorough. There was a reason we remarked, “When Eds The Swede gets here, his elbows are going to jump for joy!”

Edler’s career has gone kind of the way of the Canucks since then. It hasn’t helped that he’s made of stickum and snot, as he hasn’t played more than 75 games in a season in seven years. While there was a time, in the midst of all of the mishegas, that he looked like he might become a dynamic puck-mover, he stalled out with the rest of the organization and hasn’t bested 40 points since 2012.

And much like they did with pretty much everyone else from their “glory” days, they missed the window to trade Edler and get something tangible for him. He’s hurt again, on IR after trying to kiss the ice surface at high speed. He’s a free agent this summer, and any team that is interested in trading for two months of Alex Edler isn’t interested in giving up much to do it. He’s 32 now, and there was a time a year or two ago where he would have been worth far more.

He won’t play tonight, and hence for the first time in a long time, Hawks fans will look upon the squad in white and green and blue and not see any villains from battles past. There will be no reminder of what was, what hockey could be at its most passionate and dangerous. No one to make you remember, however faintly, what it was like to actually have your blood boil. Perhaps when they return in March we’ll get one more chance to recall the confrontations of yore. Perhaps we’re not really ready to say goodbye just yet. Not until the next rival identified.

Game #55 Preview Suite

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Game #55 – Canucks vs. Hawks: I Make A Lot Of Graphs

By Sam Fels February 7, 2019 1259 0

Game #55 Preview Suite

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Game #55 – Canucks vs. Hawks: Lineups & How Teams Were Built

By Sam Fels February 7, 2019 1291 0

Notes: Coach Cool Youth Pastor should be targeting the bottom six of the Canucks, because it SUCKS. With last change, get your top lines out against them as much as you can, and see if Kruger and Saad can’t deal with Horvat or Pettersson. It’s worth a shot…Pettersson hasn’t stopped, with 23 points in his last 18 games…Roussel has four points in his last three games, and makes a habit of scoring against the Hawks…with Demko hurt Markstrom is going to take just about every start…Stetcher has been sneaky good metrically, hopefully the Canucks underrate and lose him somehow…

Notes: Kampf’s injury is bigger than you might think. He and Saad had dominated possession with unfriendly zone starts, and it’s a real question that Kruger can hold up his end of the bargain, though Edmonton was a good start…Forsling comes back in for Dahlstrom, which makes you wonder who CCYP is going to throw at Pettersson, and pray to god it’s not Keith and Seabrook…Delia and Ward are apparently just going to swap starts, which probably isn’t the worst way to bleed Delia into the league but you know at some point Ward is going to go Cam Ward…Saad has seven points in his last seven…

Game #55 Preview Suite

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Game #13 – Hawks vs. Canucks Preview: Get Here And We’ll Do The Rest

By Sam Fels October 31, 2018 2417 0

vs.

RECORDS: Hawks 6-3-3 Canucks 7-6-0

PUCK DROP: 9pm

TV: WGN

THEY DON’T THROW GARBAGE ANYMORE: Nucks Misconduct

It still doesn’t feel right. This trip is supposed to take place at the end of November. That’s when the Hawks go to Western Canada. That’s how it always was. It was understood. There was a rhythm to this.

But thanks to Rocky Wirtz making the (correct) decision to do away with the circus (though maybe not for the right reasons but whatever), the “Circus Trip” is no more and the Hawks are headed to the land of darkened arenas and misplaced Olympic bids now instead of on either side of Thanksgiving. They’ll kick it off tonight in Vancouver, where the memories of past epic battles and triumphs are starting to fade and yellow. That wouldn’t be a bad way to describe the opponent, either.

The Canucks will tell you they’re in a rebuild, and that’s partially true. The Children Of The Corn have toddled off to wherever strange twins go (Argentina, boss?), and the Canucks are moving into a new era. And they have found some young players where you can see the foundation of something at least useful could be built upon. The new toy is Elias Pettersson (WHO WANTS TO WALK WITH ELIAS?!), 2017’s first-round pick. He joins last year’s phenom Brock Boeser. So does Adam Gaudette, who made Dylan Sikura look like something we should care about last year at Northeastern. Bo Horvat continues to have an upward trajectory that no one really saw coming. Troy Stecher on defense is at least a piece if not a big one. Quinn Hughes likely is that big piece on defense when he joins next year. They’re not bereft of hope.

But those kids are surrounded by some of the dumbest-ass signings and trades which make you wonder what it is exactly they’re trying to do here. Here’s a tidy list: Loui Eriksson, Brandon Sutter, Jay Beagle, Antoine Roussel, Sam Gagner, Erik Gudbranson (twice!), Michael Del Zotto. And none of these guys were just one-year signings that they hope turn into gold at the deadline. These were part of a plan, or something they thought was a plan, or maybe just part of a ton of shit being thrown at a wall (which is how Canucks fans celebrate and court the opposite sex, as we know).

Not that if the Canucks used all that money wisely they would be a contender. But they’d be better positioned when they are one, that’s for sure.

Anyway, for tonight the Canucks also come in pretty beat up. Baertschi, Beagle, and Sutter are all out, depriving them of a whole line. Christopher Tanev and Alex Edler and his amazing rising elbows are both out as well, taking their top pairing away. Which means Ben Hutton and Gudbranson have to fill in there. Might have something to do with them losing three of their last five, and one of those wins was a shootout.

For the Hawks, there don’t appear to be too many changes other than Marcus Kruger might pay the price for his penalty-happy ways lately. This seems a touch short-sighted, as Kruger is just about the only one not giving up better chances than he’s on the ice for, especially given the dungeon zone-starts he gets. But it’s one game, so we’re not going to sweat it too much. Perhaps Jan Rutta slots back in after being banished to a timeout on Sunday after his magic show for a confused cat on Saturday, replacing Brandon Davidson. EAT ARBY’S.

The Canucks only threat is Pettersson and Boeser. And they are heavily sheltered, starting 80% of their shifts in the offensive zone. Q might be loathe to do it, but it would make sense to use Toews in his own end more than most of this season to keep the two kids quiet. It’s certainly beyond SuckBag Johnson or David Kampf. If you can keep the Vancouver’s top line off the scoresheet, it’s hard to see where else they’d get it unless you really fuck up and Corey Crawford has a full-body dry heave in net.

It was a disappointing weekend for the Hawks, and they’ll need to make up for it on this trip. While we’ve been slightly encouraged by the Hawks’ start, it still leaves them behind four teams in the Central and you’d have to think this is the pace that’s going to be necessary all season to be relevant. The Oilers and Flames don’t suck out loud but can be had. The Canucks very much so. Get it while you can.

Game #13 Preview Suite

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Game #13 – Hawks vs. Canucks Spotlight: He’s A Pettersson With A Record, Dude

By Sam Fels October 31, 2018 1572 0

You get the feeling the Canucks never really planned for the post-Sedin era. Maybe Bo Horvat was envisioned as something that could, possibly, if everything went right and a few cracks in the Earth swallowed some other centers could be that guy. But that didn’t seem like much of a plan. Maybe they thought the Sedins would play forever, and given how creepy they were that wasn’t a totally ridiculous thought. What else were they going to do? They can’t play with their toy cars that much.

Good thing the Canucks got lucky and Elias Pettersson fell to them at #5 in the 2017 draft.

Not that any of the four teams ahead of the Canucks that year are complaining about Nico Hischier, Nolan Patrick, Miro Heiskanen, or Cale Makar. But Pettersson was either considered a fall or a reach by scouts, they couldn’t agree. Anyway, Pettersson looks like he might end up being the best player in that draft. Y’know, if we’re judging after seven games. Then again, in those seven games he’s already almost halfway to Patrick’s goal-total from last year.

While Pettersson is a center, he has a lot of Patrick Kane in his game. You won’t find a pair of better hands anywhere on the Canucks, and some of his stick-handling looks like it came from that online game of NHL ’18 you lost by six goals to some kid in Germany who doesn’t even go to school anymore. And don’t worry, thanks to E-League or whatever he’ll be making more money than you in the next few months. Life was never promised to be fair.

Like most Swedes (has anyone bothered to study how they develop players and emulate it?), Petterss0n’s game isn’t just on one side of the ice. He knows where to be and is determined on the defensive side of the puck and ice. The one problem he faces at this level is that he’s in desperate need of a sandwich. Yes, he’s 6-2 but he’s claiming 176 pounds and that’s if he’s carrying someone’s dog at the time. So while he may be willing and in the right spot, some nights he’s just going to get knocked around and over. But that’s correctable, and you can be sure the Canucks will have him one of Vanvouver’s dispensaries soon to give him a non-stop case of the munchies.

Pettersson could have gone top three in that draft if he didn’t have a weak ’17 World Juniors. The Canucks must have been beaming when he corrected that in ’18 and led Sweden to the silver medal, including PWNing the host US in the semifinals. Needless to say their fans were pretty pumped about it.

Pettersson continues a really strange record for this particular Canucks regime. They’ve drafted well, and you can see the makings of another good Vancouver team through the fog here. Quinton Hughes next year will join Pettersson, Brock Boeser, Adam Gaudette, Thatcher Demko, and Troy Stecher as a pretty good nucleus. Not great, but good. But that has been so shrouded in just god-awful contracts to free agents and bewildering trades (or not trades) that you wonder when they can extricate themselves. Antoine Roussel is around for three more seasons. Loui Eriksson for four, and no one’s coming for that. At least in the next two years they’ll clear out Erik Gudbranson and Michael Del Zotto, and Sam Gagner is in the AHL at the moment. Jay Beagle? Brandon Sutter? It doesn’t give you a lot of confidence that they can surround the young talent they have discovered with the necessary pieces.

But at least they don’t have to worry about the #1 center slot. And that can be the hardest one to fill.

Game #13 Preview Suite

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Game #13 – Hawks vs. Canucks Q&A: THE Hockey Dipshit, Not Just A Hockey Dipshit Like Usual

By Sam Fels October 31, 2018 1526 0

Stefan Heck is @HockeyDipshit. We don’t need to tell you much else.

The Canucks have Brock Boeser and Elias Pattersson and Adam Gaudette, so they do know how to find young players. And yet Antoine Roussel, Loui Eriksson, Brandon Sutter, Jay Beagle, and a host of other bewildering contracts and decisions are here as well. Do they have a direction or is this a mass shit-flinging at a wall?

I’ll admit it – this regime is much better at drafting than the Gillis regime. Unfortunately, they’re still much worse at trading, free agency, and a host of other things. I think the players Jim Benning has drafted will eventually form the core of a solid team, but I don’t think he’ll be GM whenever that eventually happens. Also, I was right about Elias Pettersson. Just wanted to mention that.

Let’s stick with Gaudette. His running buddy at Northeastern, Dylan Sikura, was sent down by the Hawks and we’ve always had a raised eyebrow when it comes to him. We chalked his production up to getting to play with Gaudette at the college level. What are the first impressions over there?

Gaudette is way faster than I imagined he’d be. He works his ass off, and if he had a bit more puck luck, he’d definitely have his first goal by now. The points will start to come in the second half of the season, I’d imagine. He’ll either stay on the team because of his play or because “Canucks” and “injuries” are like peanut butter and chocolate. Hey, I’ll give Gaudette this: he’s about six billion times more watchable than Jayson Megna.

Is this finally the Bo Horvat awakening?

Horvat continues to surprise even the most loyal of Canucks fans. I honestly thought he might peak at, like, a Daymond-Langkow-in-Calgary 77 point season, but now I don’t know. I think a large part of his goal explosion this year is that his toe-drag bull-rush to the net move seems to be working way more often. He’s definitely been a lot of fun so far, and seems to be that classic player that gets better the more you underestimate him.

Is Thatcher Demko taking over in net when he’s healthy?

Demko’s concussion issues are worrisome, and Markstrom/Nilsson have been solid so far – although given everything we know about those two, that could change in a minute. I am genuinely concerned that his concussion will keep him out for a really long time, but I’d say even when he’s 100% healthy this year, he’ll only see playing time on the Canucks if one of the two Swedes gets hurt or traded.

Game #13 Preview Suite

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Game #13 – Hawks vs. Canucks Douchebag Du Jour: An Ass In Blue Is Still An Ass

By Sam Fels October 31, 2018 1477 0

Antoine Roussel may have escaped to the Pacific Division and out of the Hawks division, but that doesn’t mean he’s changed his ways. He’s second on the Canucks in penalty minutes behind monolith Erik Gudbranson, and it appears he’s not going to let the Canucks down if they paid good money for an ass-rash.

Of course, one might wonder why you’d commit $3M a season to a third-line pest at best (see what we did there?). Roussel has never bettered 14 goals in a season, though he’s had decent underlying numbers in his career. That said, these types of players don’t tend to age well as they can’t keep up once they get around 30, and that only keeps players from believing in their bullshit even more.

Still, Roussel carries on a tradition of Canucks shitheads, and he would have fit perfectly on this team six years ago. It’s the only thing they seem to do well, and look where it’s got them! So many banners…that celebrate the fans….

Roussel can be as annoying as they come, and perhaps the most annoying thing about him is how hard he tries to be annoying. Players like Brad Marchand and Tom Wilson, as detrimental as they are to the league, it comes naturally to them. You don’t think they ever go out of their way for their shenanigans. But Roussel, the whole thing smacks of effort, man. He’s like a small child begging for attention and doesn’t care how he gets it. Pretty soon he’ll be stomping his feet and holding his breath.

At least it keeps the Canucks from fading into obscurity. There wasn’t much about them before, especially with the Sedins now at a farm upstate. They lost any sort of personality or notability, other than a couple kids who show promise. Anyone can do that. But the Canucks brand of ass-hattery, that’s what made them special.

From their failing hands they toss the torch to you, Antoine. Be yours to hold it high.

Game #13 Preview Suite

Columbus Blue Jackets

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You Share The Same Fate As The People You Hate – ’18-’19 Team Previews: A Team In Vancouver That Apparently Exists

By Sam Fels September 27, 2018 1427 0

You would think it would be hard to not think about the Vancouver Canucks anymore. After all, we’ve been through so much together. Maybe it’s their isolate placing on the continent. All tucked away down there. But that can’t be it. At least not solely it. Maybe it’s that their rebuild is too shrouded is monumentally dumb signings that mean they’ll never be relevant. Which is fine. Maybe it’s without the Sedins I can’t really identify anyone who’s there, nor do I care to.

This is how it used to be with the Canucks. They played in either a really dark arena or then moved into a really brightly lit one. They wore bad uniforms, and that’s really all you knew about them. They were the extras for the real show, which was the Oilers or Kings or Avalanche or whatever else.

What’s funny, and perfect, about the Canucks is that what sprung them out of anonymity is Todd Bertuzzi assaulting Steve McCarthy. No one thought about them before, and after that we weren’t able to get rid of them until now. And mostly it was for additional, cowardly, despicable acts. No one’s ever really marveled at anything they’ve done hockey-wise.

It’s kind of amazing that this organization ever figured out how to contend. Although the truth is they never did. The Canucks only run of consequence came when the Wings got too old, the Hawks had their first cap problems, and the Kings hadn’t matured yet. It also helped they played in the worst division in hockey history before realignment, and that includes the one made completely up of expansion teams in 1967. Once the Hawks recovered and the Kings figured it out and one or two other teams became good, the paper tiger that has been the Nucks in their entire existence folded back into the shadows. Where they belong.

So let’s run through whatever this is and get on with our lives.

2017-2018: 31-40-11 72 points 218 GF 264 GA 47.6 CF% 46.5 xGF% 7.2 SH% .921 SV%

Goalies: Contrary to popular belief, Jakob Markstrom is not the substitute teacher from the Simpsons that Lisa became infatuated with. He apparently plays goalie for the Canucks. And much like the rest of the team, he was indistinguishable from the scenery. He put up a .912, which is just a tick under league average. IT was his first full season as a starter. He turns 29 during the season, so I think we can probably say this is what he is. They’ll be pining for Thatcher Demko pretty quickly.

Backing him up will be Anders Nilsson. He was good is spot-duty in Buffalo two years ago. He wasn’t in Vancouver last year. He’ll be 29 as well this season. Again, these are placeholders for Demko to replace, if he can.

Defense: Alex Edler and his magical flying elbows are still somehow here. So is Chris Tanev, who clearly should have been traded last year as he was the only piece they could have gotten anything for. Tanev has two years left oin his deal so the deadline would be THE TIME to move him, which you can be assured the Canucks will biff.

For some reason they have a second pairing of Michael Del Zotto and Erik Gudbranson, possibly to construct the most-overhyped-in-the-past pairing in the league. Both of these guys belong on a third-pairing if that, and that they’ll be getting more minutes for the blue and green shows what kind of season they’re headed for. Troy Stetcher might be good…or it might be a term for some living room device that only rich people have. I’m not really sure.

They need help, and they seem excited about Olli Juolevi and one or two other kids. You’ll see some of them before the year is out.

Forwards: It’ll be the first season since 1984 that the Canucks will line up without The Children Of The Corn. Passy and Shooty Twin have moved on to their matching houses with matching yards and matching outfits somewhere in the suburbs of Vancouver or Sweden, not that it matters.

Which means Bo Horvat is now the #1 center. Which means watching this team should be considered community service. Horvat has never lived up to his draft position and probably never will. He’ll get to play with Brock Boeser, or Bose Brocker, or Brick Boser. Whatever his goddamn name he is the only genuine talent anywhere on this roster. His 29 goals were no fluke, and he has one of the best shots in the league.

Elias Pettersson and Nikolay Goldobin are the only other hopes, and Pettersson turned some heads at camp at 19. But if it’s bad contracts you want, boy are you in luck! Can I show you Sam Gagner? Are you interested in a Jay Beagle at $3 million a year to not be anything more than a checking center?Brandon Sutter at over $4 million for a fourth-line center? How about Loui Eriksson for $6 million a year until the sun swallows us all (thankfully) to score 22 goals you’ll never remember? Sven Baertschi at $3 million to do….something?

Oh, and Jake Virtanen is still here. And he still sucks.

Outlook: With Stetcher, Demko, Boeser, Pettersson, and possibly Goldobin, there are some kids here who could possibly make up the next Canucks team that isn’t a fart in the wind. I would imagine Adam Gaudette will be up at some point in the season, and we can only hope he doesn’t prove to be the only reason anyone cares about Dylan Sikura (though that’s more on Dylan). Kole Lind is another they’ll keep an eye on.

But they are hardly enough to wash away the massive amounts of shit you dig out of your eye when you wake up that populates this roster. The goalies aren’t impressive, the defense is terrible, and the forwards don’t have enough scoring or speed or anything else. And the coach might be an idiot. If the talent ever spikes in Arizona, this is an outfit headed for last place.

Not that you’ll notice. Because in every fashion, the Canucks are a dark room.

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Game #75 – Canucks vs. Hawks Preview/Pegging Session: Friends And Family Only

By Sam Fels March 22, 2018 1757 0

vs.

RECORDS: Canucks 25-39-9 Hawks 30-35-9

PUCK DROP: 7:30

TV: NBCSN

OUR FELLOW WALLOWERS: Nucks Misconduct

Look people, I’ll level with you. We’ve done our best to maintain the same standard throughout this season. You’ve earned and expected and paid for that. Even though this season has spiraled into the hell toilet, we’ve tried to treat every game the same, because it’s still the Hawks and it’s what we do and such. And there’s only a few of these left, the finish line is in sight, and we’ve got enough wind to make it through to it with our energy intact.

But this one…

Good lord. I mean these are the games the marketing team wakes up in a cold sweat thinking about. This is the type where it becomes real just how much of a fart-gone-wrong this season has been. Two bad teams battling in front of people who aren’t quite sure how they got there and what it says about them that they are there (unless you know exactly what it says that you are there, and that’s never, ever good). A game that will take place basically in a vacuum within the walls of the United Center. It might not even get highlights on “On The Fly” or TSN. Oh sure, there will be cameras there and it will be broadcast, but will any of you admit to watching it to anyone you care about?

We used to be accustomed to these. Hell, all 82 Hawks games in certain seasons were basically this. We had left these behind a decade ago, but now they’re back. A stark illustration of what both teams have become. Someone will win, but no one will know why.

So I’m not going to dress it up for you. The Canucks blow, and they’re dumb, and they appear like they’re going to be both for a very long time. The Sedins are old and Passy Twin can’t score at all but they can still spasm offense here and there. Brock Boeser is hurt and he was the only reason to bother at all. Reid Boucher is on this team, which is the international language for, “This Team Isn’t Worth Anyone’s Time.”

The Hawks blow. I’m not sure they’re dumb but I’m also not sure that they’re not. Toews is hurt so there’s even less to make them watchable. Vinnie Hinostroza will play center, which hasn’t worked well in the past. But now it doesn’t matter. JF Berube will start, because the rules say you have to have a goalie. Actually, do they? Maybe the Hawks should try it.

Please, for the love of all that you hold dear, leave this one to us truly sick and twisted. We can’t be saved, but you can. Don’t do this to yourself. We have no choice.

Game #75 Preview