Everything Else

Your Friends And Neighbors – ’17-’18 NHL Team Previews: That Old Dirty Water Is A Pretty Good Metaphor For This Lot

By 1806

With Labor Day behind us and something of a crispness in the air, and the incompetence of the Bears about to be on display, it’s time to look forward to what will go on inside the heavily sponsored walls of various arenas around the continent. We’ll go team by team over the next month, so let’s kick this pig…

Boston Bruins

2016-2017: 44-31-7  95 Points   3rd in the Atlantic   Lost in 1st Round (Ottawa 4-2)

Team Stats: 54.3 CF%  55.2 SF%   55.7 SCF%  6.6 SH%  91.3 SV%  21.7 PP%  85.7 PK%

It only seems like 16 years ago or so that the Boston Bruins were an Eastern power, racking up a Cup and another Final appearance. But it all decomposed so quickly, much like Zdeno Chara’s mobility. Hey, think those things might be linked? Toss is some hilariously bad roster and cap managing, with a focus on just about all of the wrong things, and you get a tired, old roster with not enough kids that are going to be able to make up for it. This Bruins teams looks like it’ll happen in a vacuum, as they’ll play the 82 games their allotted and you won’t remember any of them.

Everything Else

I’m Miss World Cup, Watch Me Break And Watch Me Burn – C.I.’s World Cup Preview: How Dumb Can Canada Be And Still Win? Let’s Find Out!

By 1234

Moving on to the overwhelming tournament favorites and the hosts, Team Canada. I’ll give Canada this; they’ve gotten away from trying to pick a “team,” like the US is still intent on doing, and got them in trouble in some junior tournaments, and are just picking the most talent they can find. When you have this much to pick from you clearly don’t need checking and 4th lines. They’re not doing the best job of it, of course. But it also doesn’t matter given the talent gap they have over the rest of the world.

It would probably be more fun to try and pick a team that Canada left at home and see how well they’d do. It would start with Subban and Letang. You could have Martin Jones or Roberto Luongo in net. Behind Subban and Letang you’d have Mark Giordano, T.J. Brodie, Ryan Ellis, and a host of others. That’s probably enough right there.

Speaking of which, how is the corpse of Jabe O’Meester ahead of any of those guys? That’s the thing about Canada’s decision makers. They’re still wrong. And still dumb. And it doesn’t matter. Why is Alex OrangeJello here ahead of Subban or Letang? Because he’s right handed? Kiss a sick monkey’s wet ass. Should Weber be ahead of them? Probably not. Still, Vlasic, Burns, and Doughty is more than enough to push those players down the chart and not make too much of a difference.

Everything Else

Innuendo And Out The Other – Bruins vs Hawks Preview, Bloody Mary Bar

By 1270

bruins fallon fever pitch vs evil empire

Game Time: 11:30AM Central
TV/Radio: NBC, SportsNet, TVA-S, WGN-AM 720
You White, You Ben Affleck: Cup of Chowder 

There really is zero excuse for an 11:30 start this morning, as the game isn’t necessarily running as counter programming to anything specific. But the NHL and marketing sensibility have never exactly gone together like bologna and Miracle Whip. So somehow what they’ll bill as in important game between two ORIGINAL SIX teams in its final pre-scheduled Sunday matchup still will start while the vast majority of the country is still sleeping. Great job again, everyone.

Everything Else

My Legs Keep Moving, Don’t Seem To Stray: Hawks at Bruins Preview/Icee Party

By 1325

Hawk Wrestler vs. bruins country bear jamboroo

PUCK DROP: 6pm Central

TV/RADIO: CSN, Sportsnet Up Dere, WGN Radio

THEY FORGOT THEIR NAME, THEY TOOK A SHOT ON THE CHIN: Stanley Cup Of Chowder (sky point Days Of Y’Orr)

Bruins Stats

Bruins War On Ice

The Hawks will attempt to immediately back up a pretty satisfying victory over Former Scum with toppling the Bruins at home. Which these days, just about everyone does, as the B’s have been pretty putrid in the darks and pretty damn good in the whites. They’re basically East Coast Sharks, and that comparison actually works on a deeper level as much like San Jose it’s hard to figure out just what in the hell the Bruins are.

Everything Else

The World Is In Your Way – Game 1 – Bruins vs Hawks Preview, Pregame Thread, Freshman Orientation

By Matt McClure 1345 0

bruins country bear jamboroo vs AltLogo

Game Time: 7:00PM Central
TV/Radio: NBC, CBC (Anglo), RDS (Franco), WGN-AM 720
The Impression That I Get: Cup of Chowder, Days of Y’Orr

Now the real fun begins. After an abbreviated 48 game season of intra-conference play and three playoff rounds with their fair share of scares for each team, the Hawks and Bruins will meet in the post season for the sixth time ever, and for the first time ever in the Stanley Cup Final. With the Bruins two years removed from their last title and the Hawks three, it’s a juggernaut matchup that the league has dreamed of, but probably doesn’t deserve after what it’s put everyone through. And though superficial analysis would have one believe that these two teams are diametrically opposed stylistically, they’re actually far more similar than one would expect.

Everything Else

Not In Rivers, But In Drops – Previewing The Bruins Special Teams

By Matt McClure 1374 0

In 2011, the Bruins won their Stanley Cup with a lockdown penalty kill, and a power play that bordered on comically bad. Stop me if this sounds uncomfortably familiar. Finding no reason to fix what isn’t (totally) broken, the Bruins are on much the same trajectory as they were two years ago, though the Blackhawks certainly should not take that as a cue to tempt fate by marching to the box as they have to this point in the post season. Furthermore, the Hawks finding a way to somehow take advantage of the Bruins’ penalty kill will go a long way toward mitigating the physical liberties Boston will no doubt plan on taking.

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You’re Living All Over Me – Previewing The Bruins Forwards

By Matt McClure 1366 0

After dispatching the defending champion Kings on Saturday, the Hawks’ attention now turns east, where they will now take on the other most recent champion in the Boston Bruins in the Stanley Cup Final.

There were many concerns about the Kings’ size and forechecking ability against the Hawk defensive corps, but those now seem quite trivial when looking at the team that perfected what the Kings did the year before, and are replicating it this post season with even more offensive flair. The Bruins forwards are large, angry, fast, and unlike the Kings, can finish and have been doing so with ease and frequency.

Everything Else

You're Living All Over Me – Previewing The Bruins Forwards

By 1281 0

After dispatching the defending champion Kings on Saturday, the Hawks’ attention now turns east, where they will now take on the other most recent champion in the Boston Bruins in the Stanley Cup Final.

There were many concerns about the Kings’ size and forechecking ability against the Hawk defensive corps, but those now seem quite trivial when looking at the team that perfected what the Kings did the year before, and are replicating it this post season with even more offensive flair. The Bruins forwards are large, angry, fast, and unlike the Kings, can finish and have been doing so with ease and frequency.