Everything Else Football

Matthew Stafford Has A Fat Face. Is Really Good At Football.

By Brian Schmitz 3822 0

I have an unpopular opinion to share: Matthew Stafford is a Hall of Fame Quarterback who is more skilled than Tom Brady and Peyton Manning. Additionally, if Stafford played in the Patriots system his entire career, he would be the GOAT and it really wouldn’t even be that close.

Now that I have your attention, let’s look at some all-time career numbers that back up my above-noted proclamation:

  • Career Passing Yards Per Game = 2nd
  • Career Passing Yards = 18th
  • Career Passing TD’s = 19th
  • Career Passer Rating = 22nd
  • Career 4th Quarter Comebacks = 10th

What is most impressive about these numbers is that Stafford is doing it with a Lions organization that can’t draft or develop anybody and has a long and dubious track record of having the worst front office in all of football.

Finally, don’t come at me with the whole “Stat Mafford” idea that his stats are ballooned because they are always trailing, and thus, have to throw the ball. Brees, Brady, Manning x2, Marino, Favre, Rivers, Elway, Roethlisberger, Flacco, and A.Rod are just SOME of the names that have attempted more passes than Stafford.

What you are going to see Sunday at Soldier Field is a guy who may be having the best year in a Hall of Fame career. This season, league-wide, Stafford currents ranks:

  • Total Passing Yards = 4th
  • Passing Yards Per Game = 1st
  • Touchdowns = 2nd
  • Passer Rating = 5th

In an effort to better explain Stafford’s 2019 numbers, let’s look at how they compare to Bears QB Mitch Trubisky:

  • Total Passing Yards = Stafford 2,499/Trubisky 1,217
  • Passing Yards Per Game = Stafford 312/Trubisky 174
  • Touchdowns = Stafford 19/Trubisky 5
  • Passer Rating = Stafford 106/Trubisky 80

There is nothing like comparing an opposing QB to Mitch in an effort to better build your case for the former.

Thru 7 games this season, Stafford’s throw charts are as impressive as it gets. In recent weeks, you can clearly see that the preference for deep balls to the left hash and outside is his go zone; the last 8 out of 10 TD throws have gone to the left side and 12 of 19 TDs have been thrown to that side of the field.

This is as impressive as it is scary; especially for the Bears secondary, who is coming into the game playing as good as they have all season. They’ll have to continue this trend because Kenny Golladay is coming into town and he’s not fucking around. Golladay ranks in the top 10 in almost every receiving category and leads the league in TD catches with 7. Marvin Jones will line up opposite Golladay, and actually has more catches (42) and only 1 less TD. Veteran receiver Danny Amendola (31 catches) rounds out a very formidable receiving corps.

Stafford doesn’t rely very heavily on his backfield in either the running game or the passing game. Running Back Kerryon Johnson is averaging about 50 rushing yards and only about 2 passing targets out of the backfield per game. All told, the Lions average just fewer than 100 rushing yards on 26 attempts per game.

Defending Stafford is difficult due to his ability to stay in pocket. He is tough, and will take some hits in order to complete a pass. He will also be a little careless with the ball, both in holding onto it and taking chances on throwing into tight spaces.

In predicting what we will see from Stafford on Sunday, I feel he will be able to make a lot throws, but will also give 1 or 2 back to the Bears. Ultimately, Stafford’s vertical passing and play-action game will make the difference in a close game.

Bears 17, Lions 20

Baseball Everything Else

Burden In My Hand – White Sox Offseason Wishlist: Yasmani Grandal

By Andy Jonathan 1542 0

Now begins the season outside of the season, and potentially the most important one in the tenure of Rick Hahn’s career as general manager of the White Sox. With the team looking poised to possibly contend in 2020, Hahn must now shift gears. Trading away players like Chris Sale is easy. Everybody wants a Cy Young-caliber ace who strikes out 1.5 people per inning. Now Hahn has come full circle, as he was once the seller now he must be the buyer (Darth Vader quote goes here).

As with anything involving Jerry Reinsdorf and the Sox front office the first, last, and only question will be about money. Is he willing to spend it? The implication after the failed pursuit of Manny Machado was that THE MONEY WILL BE SPENT, most likely in ways that our mere fan-brains could not possibly understand. Now it’s time for them to live up to that bold declaration by rolling down the MLB equivalent of Rodeo Drive and making it rain.

What do the Sox really need? Well based on every metric that counts any type of offensive production, the Sox were the god awful-est at the DH position and any outfield spot where Eloy Jimenez is not currently standing, waving at his mom.

On top of that, other than Yoan Moncada and Zack Collins (who is an unfinished product in and of himself) the Sox are very light hitting from the left side of the plate. So who fits the bill?

Enter: Yasmani Grandal

Why Him?: Because he checks almost all the boxes above, and some that I didn’t even mention. Grandal is a switch hitting catcher who hit 17 dingers from the left side of the plate last year. He also tagged 11 of them from the right side, so it’s not a situation like Yoan has where all his pop comes from a single half of the plate. In addition to that, he’s an excellent pitch framer, 6th best overall in the league for any catcher who caught more than 1700 pitches. In the “Runs From Extra Strikes” category (which converts strikes to runs saved on a .125 run/strike basis, and includes park and pitcher adjustments according to Statcast) he’s the 3rd best in the league (the fact that Tyler Flowers has become one of the top framing catchers in the league will not be discussed here.) In addition, while he only had a DRS score of +1 last season, the previous 3 went +9, +17 and +13.

Despite James McCann‘s assistance with turning around the career of Lucas Giolito, he was dead last in framing last year which cost the White Sox 16 runs. Ask Reynaldo Lopez or Dylan Covey (if you can get through to him in his padded room where he mutters “sinker didn’t sink” to himself over and over) what they could’ve done with a few more strike calls going their way last season.

He also can play 1B and DH, which would result in a combo of Jose Abreu, Zack Collins and Grandal at DH at any point in the season which would instantly provide the best output at that position since before Adam Dunn shuffled off into the sunset. Yes, I am operating under the assumption that Jose will be back next season because duh. Did I mention he hits the shit out of the ball?

Why Not Him? Age maybe? He’s entering his 30th year on the planet this season, so by the time his deal is up he will most likely be 35ish? I dunno, this signing makes far too much sense for the Sox to pull it off. Can’t wait for the news media to interview Kenny Williams at spring training in his Mercedes golf cart and have him tell us all if he took off his solid gold Oakley sunglasses you’d see just how shocked he was. /wanking motion

How Much Is This Free Resort Weekend? Ahhh to the meat of the problem for the Sox: he’s not going to work for free. Last offseason he shot down an offer from the Mets (always a wise plan) for four years, $60 million and settled on a one year “prove it” deal with the Brewers. He then proceeded to mash almost 30 home runs with 80 RBI and was worth 5.2 WAR.

I would guess the bidding would start around $22 million for at least four years, and that’s the base. Grandal bet on himself last season and put up when some others thought he was crazy. The Sox had interest in him last year, and with a majority of the stuff they need contained in one human being Rick Hahn needs to find a way to get this done. Offer him four years, $90 million with a team option for a 5th at $25 million/or a $3 million buyout. I would think that would be enough to seal this deal, because I want to see what Giolito and Lopez can do with all those extra strikes Grandal can frame for them. Not to mention the two starting pitchers Hahn should sign this offseason (don’t worry, they’re next).

Everything Else

Game #13 – Hawks vs. Ducks: Lineups & How They Were Built

By Sam Fels 875 0

Hawks

Notes: Life it seems to fade away…getting farther every day…

Ducks

Notes: Toward the end of their last game, Ritiche and Rakell switched spots so look for that tonight…it’s Getzlaf’s 1,000th game. Celebrate by walking around your house doing a whole lot of not much before tossing your spouse a peanut butter cup every 12 minutes…they really miss Manson, who dovetailed with Hampus! Hampus! far better than the monolith Gudbranson will…

Everything Else

The Vault- Bears vs Eagles Fog Bowl 1988/ A Plea for Drugs

By Tony Martin 1340 0

Welcome back #Vaultgang to another edition of THE VAULT, my weekly podcast- in blog form! Every week I take a look back at a game between our perennially disappointing Bears and whatever team they’re playing this week, but get this- I look at an old matchup! It’s super relevant to all of us, I know.

I wanted to talk about Bears/Eagles, but honestly I’m getting tired of bringing up the 1998-2009 teams as much as I have so I’m switching it up today and I’m sure as shit not talking about last January’s playoff game. The Fog Bowl, played on New Years Eve 1988, took place two years and a few months after I was born, so it’s probably even less vivid for me than it was for the players on the field that day. While looking at the pictures I was totally like “woah this looks like weed smoke lol” and then instantly was like “I should write about weed lol”and so here we are.

Beloved #Vaultgang member, I don’t drink. There’s some addictive genes in my septic tank that I call my DNA, and I’ve always been swamped with extra work for most of my adult Bears fandom life, so I’ve naturally preferred the loving embrace of weed instead. I’ve got my medical card, so what I’d like to do is prepare you, the Bears fan and maybe casual pot smoker, for Illinois legalization to help you find the strains to best enhance your gameday experience. Basically I’d like to be a shot lady that you’d see at the bar but with one hitters at your tailgates. Since the Bears will be out of the playoff hunt and you’ll be looking at marijuana to assist you in your playoff football watching, here’s-

The Vault Guide to Football and Weed:

Durban Poison: This South African strain is now most likely grown in greenhouses that are administered by people named “Moonbeam”, which is kinda cool I guess. Durban Poison is a heavy sativa. Smoke it and you’ll be productive, creative, and want to go outside. It’s a great first half weed for Bears fans, when things seem optimistic and fun, and hey if the Bears start to suck you can always take a nature walk. Since the Bears won’t be in the playoffs this year, feel free to light up some Durban Poison and take the dog for a super long walk when whatever bullshit team emerges from the AFC South to get fed to the Patriots or Chiefs and goes down by 21 in the first quarter. Sorry, Jacoby Brissett.

Katsu Bubba Kush: With a super high THC content, this heavy ass indica will knock you on your ass. I smoked it immediately after the Bears loss on Sunday and sunk deep into the couch, unconcerned with my fantasy team also taking a shellacking in the late games. Felt great to erase the bad taste that the Bears game left in my mouth and instead replace it with weed that tastes like paradise. This isn’t quite “sad bastard weed” that will leave you lazily listening to Fleetwood Mac and thinking about rolling joints with Ashley, your high school girlfriend who’s parents worked till late, but it will most certainly make you eat as much as your 16 year old ass did when you got home and raided the pantry before taking an entire box of cereal to your basement bedroom.

Cheese and Chong: Oh I get it, like the actors! Fuckin hilarious, guys. Whoever names weed must also name craft beer and think they get bonus points for naming their beers after Stooges songs as if those songs aren’t all 60 years old already. This weed smells like “oh shit even if I hide it in the trunk if I get pulled over I’m fucked” weed. It’s a hybrid on the sativa side, apparently used for motivation and daytime pain relief, and for our purposes it’s a great Super Bowl strain. Fire up a joint of this shit at your Super Bowl party and all of a sudden everyone loves all the commercials during the game. They say it tastes like fancy cheese when smoked. To me it tastes like weed but it’ll sure as shit have you standing by the food spread throughout most of halftime, which is fine because I like both J-Lo and Shakira, but their collective hips will still be telling the truth if you choose to watch it on Youtube later.

Dead Cherries: I guess this is some proprietary strain, which means it was designed, sold, and made by one company? Harsh tokes, man. This shit is fire and will knock you on your ass, it’s the perfect “rainy Sunday” weed. It hit me so hard at first it made me feel like… well, super high. Maybe too high. I smoked some of this during the Chiefs/Packers game and was like “damn, maybe Andy Reid was right to punt the ball”. Basically, this shit will turn you into a terrible coach. Don’t smoke Dead Cherries if you have any logistical decisions you have to make for the next couple hours.

Throughout the year I’ll be including weed flavors for you to use during upcoming Bears games, and if you like what you read pitch in to my football/weed fund on Patreon under the name xXxBearsFan42069xXx.

Oh, also, don’t smoke weed and drive. You suck at it.

Everything Else

Game #7 – Knights vs. Hawks: Lineups & How They Were Built

By Sam Fels 1046 0

Notes: Alex Tuch is technically allowed to come back tonight from being on LTIR, but there’s been no word on whether he will or not..Stone is shooting 20%, so he’ll come back to somewhere around Earth soon enough…They moved Stone to play with Eakin and Pirri last night and it was utter disaster so we’re expecting the normal look tonight…Pacioretty also dragged down the top line, leading us to believe they’ll go with what they have for most of the year…

Notes: Dach and Strome together is an odd fit, and that line doesn’t have a puck-winner. Which you have to have against this team, so look for some shuffling around mid-game…If Andrew Shaw takes another offensive zone penalty because he’s lazy and stupid send his ass to the fourth line for a game or two and let that marinate…You fear for Seabrook and Maatta tonight, they are not built for this at all…

Everything Else

Game #6 – Capitals vs. Hawks: Hedley Lamarr’s Buggerers, Bushwhackers, Hornswogglers

By Sam Fels 1393 0

Tom Wilson – The head halfwit/nitwit/dimwit not just of the Capitals, but perhaps in the entire league. Simply a workplace hazard for everyone around. Wilson hasn’t popped off this season yet, and has been pretty useful on the second line. We know that won’t last, and he did brain someone in the preseason. The next time it happens, he should be suspended 40 games if not more, but the NHL doesn’t have the stones to do it. One day, he and the league will get sued by someone for someone’s rough retirement.

Radko Gudas – The Caps either wanted to save money by swapping out Niskanen for Gudas, or they felt they didn’t quite have the asshole level on defense to match the one at forward. What’s infuriating about Gudas is he is actually a good player when he’s not trying to be Freddy Krueger out there. He’s always on the plus side of the metrics and can be a steady centerfielder for a more adventurous partner. But he just can’t help himself.

TJ Oshie – He still makes engine noises while skating around the ice.

Everything Else

Game #5 – Blue Jackets vs. Hawks: Lineups & How They Were Built

By Sam Fels 1090 0

Notes: Merzlikins is as close as we’ll ever get to having a player named “Fu-Schnickens” in this league or any other. Anyway, from the looks of it he’ll make his second career start and the first one was a disaster, as the Penguins pumped seven by him. Though giving up 40 shots for your rookie goaltender making his first start on the continent is probably not the smartest idea…the Jackets have the same PK problems as the Hawks, currently only killing off 70% of their penalties…Alex Texier is the analytic darling here, rocking plus-60% metrics when on the ice…

Notes: Lehner gets the start tonight, and with the schedule ramping up for the rest of the month you can probably expect him and Crawford to straight split starts for while…no changes otherwise, as there shouldn’t be…if the Kampf line did that to McDavid, they should simply run over Dubois and Atkinson. But Atkinson has a habit of scoring against the Hawks, and the Jackets are much deeper than the Oilers…Still, rookie goalie that just gave up seven, KILL….

Everything Else

Game #2 – Sharks vs. Hawks Preview – Shield Your Eyes

By Matt McClure 1728 0

vs

Game Time: 7:30PM CDT
TV/Radio: NBC Sports Chicago, WGN-AM 720
Trillions of Tech Dollars Won’t Solve Homelessness Because It Is Cruel: Fear The Fin

No, unfortunately the season isn’t already over after one game 8000 miles away a week ago. In fact, there are still another 80 of these to get through after tonight’s home opener against the visiting Sharks, which will kick off a seven game homestand, which might be the longest this team has had in over a decade. And fortunately for them, tonight’s opponent comes in as an abject mess.

Everything Else Football

The Vault: Bye Week

By Tony Martin 1389 0

Welcome back to THE VAULT, where I revisit some of the best vintage games our beloved Bears have played against whatever team they match up against this week.

The Bears don’t have an opponent this weekend, but I’m trying so hard to make THE VAULT indispensable; think of me as Matt Nagy, and THE VAULT as Cordarrelle Patterson. THE VAULT KNOWS NO BYE WEEKS. I’m picturing Matt Nagy and Patterson this week in an otherwise empty Halas Hall, practicing 5 yard outs in the darkness.

So, let’s talk bye weeks. Bye weeks were brought to the NFL in 1990, supposedly to give players the chance to rest, but also to provide more TV revenue, since they were restructuring their contracts with the networks. Good to see how important player safety is, y’all.

What’s your Bye-Week tradition? I feel like what someone does on the Sunday their favorite team is off tells me more about someone’s fandom than what they do during the games themselves. So, pick your “My Team is Off This Week” trope from the guide below:

Family Time: You’ve been spending your Sundays on the couch, and your significant other is begging you to do all the fun fall stuff that you ignore every year. Go to the pumpkin patch, take the kids mini golfing, go to Bath and Body Works and smell all the candles for free? Do you, friend. Family time rules.

Fantasy Dork: You still park your ass on the couch and watch RedZone for SEVEN COMMERCIAL FREE HOURS, listening to Scott Hanson slowly lose his mind and get too excited to call a Raheem Mostert one yard touchdown during the late games because nobody has scored in 32 minutes of real time. Also, if anyone knows where I can find recordings of those tasty riffs they play while running highlights let me know. I’ll pay Hansonly.

Any Football is Cool: You’ll watch whatever national game is in your viewing network. I swear, it was football hell growing up and watching whatever game was on Fox while CBS showed the World Bull Riding Championships or whatever. Now that I’m an adult, I gladly pay extra to not have to spend my afternoons watching Minnesota play Detroit and hoping for James Brown to jump in and tell me the Dolphins are now down by 31.

The “Cultured Fan”: You watch playoff baseball, NBA games, shit you’ll even watch golf? You must hate your family.

The Space Cadet: You have spent so many Sundays (and Mondays… and Thursdays) ignoring your responsibilities, it’s time to catch up. Fuck football for a day, you haven’t caught up on your grading, or you haven’t played guitar in weeks, or your dog needs to get in some kickass dog park hangs before it gets too cold.

Helping Hand: Mow the lawn, clean the basement, prune the tree. Today is the day that you make up for all the stuff you’ve been forgetting to do on the list. It doesn’t have to be all bad, make it fun! Walk around and see what needs to be done and yell at it like Chris Jericho. Tell that pile of leaves it just made the list!

Full Hesher: Do like my pal Nick does and go to a Bills bar and get blackout drunk. I feel like if I really wanted to just say fuck it and tie one on, Bills fans would be the ones I’d do it with. The Bears being on bye seems like the best time to get put through a table.

Binge Watching: You’ve missed a lot of great television while opting to watch Matt Nagy be himself on Sundays/Mondays/Thursdays. You’re gonna spend your Sunday catching up on, uh, actually I don’t know if there’s anything good on since I pretty much only watch sports these days. I’m fucking lame.

I’m gonna be honest, I’ll be watching RedZone. Fuck it, I might as well enjoy some good football this week. I’ll spend my morning listening to fantasy football stuff as I cook lunch, and enjoy the bye. I’m not inviting a damn soul over, I am going to sit on my ass and just love watching football.

Loving the Bears is fucking stressful, we all need a week off too.

Everything Else Football

The Vault- 2015 Bears vs Raiders

By Tony Martin 2524 0

Content Warning: Self-Harm

I got a text at 11:45pm this last Monday from my main football watching homie that just said “I can’t do it anymore, thank you for always being real. Love ya.”

I wake up at 5am for work so I was asleep and therefore missed it, but as soon as I saw it I messaged him until he woke up. Turns out he was drunk and sad and lonely and in a very very dark place, and had no recollection of sending me that text message. I told him if he ever tried to hurt himself I would beat him to death with my own hands.

My guy has been there for me since I was 17, so pretty much exactly half my life. We’ve lived together and helped each other out, and if I had a “real” wedding, he’d be the best man for sure. Football is a big part of that bond, as I’m sure it is for a lot of the people reading this and their friends. It takes a special kind of friendship to be able to sit there in silence for hours except for the occasional snarky comment or mention of how awful your fantasy team is looking this week.

You know the old adage: “If horseracing is the sport of kings, then surely football is… a very good sport as well.” What makes sports so great for me, my buddy, you reading this: the escape. Fuck your dead-end job or your overdue car payment, and that term paper can wait until Sunday night, because it’s Bears football. The thing you grew up watching. The team that means so much to you even though there’s no logical reason to explain why.

That Sunday time is a sort of collective unwinding time for those of us lucky to not be at work, leaving us (hopefully) recharged for the next week of new or repeating nightmares. It’s for that reason that I stopped being so emotionally invested in the outcome of Bears games and just love the experience of watching “My Team” play on Sundays, regardless of what the final score reflects.

Writing “The Vault” has become one of my favorite assignments during the week, because as I’m looking at box scores and game notes and trying to remember how to spell player names, I’m also going back to old memories. I can remember where I was when so many of these games happened, from the couch I sat on to what I ate to how it felt watching Johnny Knox damn near break in half.

My friend was there for so many of those afternoons or nights. The amazing second half comeback against Arizona in 2006. The entire Super Bowl run, when we looked at each other after Devin Hester’s opening kickoff touchdown and knew this was the year without saying a word. We were horribly wrong and smoked the saddest blunt when we got home.

I knew he was lonely and depressed, but one of the hardest things to break out of is the mask of masculinity that we all wear, especially when a lot of the time you spend with someone is spent watching hours of the most bro sport in existence.

Sometimes it doesn’t get any deeper than “what should we get for lunch?”, but I need to do a better job. We all need to do a better job. Maybe it isn’t a good time to ask if someone is doing okay emotionally when the Broncos go ahead late with a 2-point conversion, but football brings us closer together and I hope we can use the bonds we’re strengthening with every yell at the television to notice when our football friends aren’t acting like we’re used to. Prince Amukamara posted the picture and caption on Instagram that I used for the banner image this week, presumably to let his friend Roquan Smith know that he has his back no matter what, and that, combined with my friend’s scary text on Monday really changed how I wanted to do this piece today.

As I sat down to write this, I looked back at the 2015 Bears/Raiders game, and I watched highlight videos. I looked up how to spell Sebastian Janikowski, I looked at how open Marty Bennett got for a Jay Cutler pass, and I got sad. All I could think about is how hard it would be to reminisce on these games if I lost the friend that I spent so many weekends watching them with. So I hope you’ll understand if today’s Vault is more of a reflection on why it is that Bears football means so much to me, and also a plea to you, the reader: check in with your friends, because okay doesn’t always mean okay.