Everything Else

All You Need To Do Is Ask

By Sam Fels 1866 0

It’s not a huge surprise to hear that the Hawks will go to Duncan Keith and give him the choice of whether to stay or go at the trade deadline. On the surface, the reasons are pretty clear.

One, Keith has seemed the most fed up with what’s going on. You can tell by his postgame comments in the press and the like. Second, while he’s declined at a slower rate than his longtime partner Brent Seabrook, he’s also far less likely to regain any prominent place on a contending team than the two forwards who are pillars. At best, he can probably be a second-pairing d-man? It would need an adjustment in his game, which we’ve pontificated on enough already. Third, he probably still has some value, as his play hasn’t totally erased the weight his name would carry, like good ol’ Bottomless Pete. Fourth, his cap-hit is absorbable for a team and his actual salary even more so.

So it all adds up in those senses. But look any deeper, and the whole thing stinks.

One, while Keith has some value, if you’re going to cash in on one of your “core four” to get the most back, you’d add 86 to the number of the player you’d trade and make it Patrick Kane. He by far has the most value, and even though you probably couldn’t do any better than 75 cents on the dollar in a deal for him, that’s still more than you’re going to get for Keith. But for one, Kane is still a top-ten to top-five player in the league, and may stay that way for a year or two or three, and could be here when the Hawks are actually useful again. Second, Kane, rightly or wrongly (wrongly) is still one-half of the marketing campaign. He’s on the Chevy ads. He’s on the billboards. He’s on the local and national TV promos. Keith is still essentially flipping everyone the bird.

And it also seems like more wheel-posing to not have to simply scratch Brent Seabrook regularly, or eat half his salary while shipping him off for absolutely nothing. So was demoting Henri Jokiharju. Seabrook doesn’t belong on their top-six, and yet the Hawks can’t admit it. And moving Keith would clear some of the logjam that’s coming next year, though they would still have a Seabrook discussion then. And it’s also a tip that the Hawks don’t really want to move Erik Gustafsson, even though he’s nothing more than a third-pairing bum-slayer.

Would Keith take the chance? It’s impossible to say. Again, you get the impression he’s had it with the organization’s incompetence here, knows the clock is ticking on his career more than Seabrook, Kane, and Toews, and might not want to spend the last two or three years he has getting instructions from Coach Cool Youth Pastor. Keith says he wants to play until past age 40, but I’m not sure I buy it.

But on the other side, it’s not like he’s a free agent after the year, can try somewhere for a few months, and then decide what he wants to do. Were he to go, he would stay where he goes or end up being hot-shotted around without any control after waiving his NMC. This is the only place he’s ever known, and if he decides that this is where home is then he has every right to say he’s staying.

Jake Muzzin got the Kings essentially three lottery tickets, and I suppose with the right circumstance with the right opposing GM, Keith could get you more. A first-round pick plus would sure be nice. But who else is looking for a second-pairing d-man for the run-in? Calgary to pair with Hamonic? Could you pry one of their kids loose in Kylington or Andersson? Would they try and stick you with Hanifin instead? We know that Western Canada would have the most appeal.

The Sharks don’t need him. The Hawks aren’t trading him in the division, and the Preds and Jets seems set anyway. The Avs have a need, if the Hawks got over their Central residence. I would argue the Lightning could use some buffeting on the blue line, but they wouldn’t. Bruins? Pens? We can keep going.

Putting it on Keith is a half-answer. If you’re rebuilding, then go all-in and make everyone available. If you’re trying to jettison what you believe to be flotsam, then make Seabrook first on the chopping block. It’s not that it doesn’t make some sense, because it does. It just doesn’t make total.

Everything Else

How to Not Be a Mansplainer: Sports Edition

By Sam Fels 2440 0

Today, hockey Twitter responded with justified derision of Pierre McGuire mansplaining hockey to two-time Olympic medalist Kendall Coyne Schofield during her broadcast debut on Wednesday Night Hockey. Coyne responded brilliantly, with the calmness and confidence of someone who knows their shit, and McGuire…well, he didn’t exactly apologize so much as get in the ballpark of, “everyone called me out for being an ass, whoops.” And as most women are all too well aware, often that’s the best you’re going to get in terms of an apology.

And now, there’s the inevitable Twitter backlash of men who can’t believe an incident like this would be put in gendered terms and are horrified—HORRIFIED—that a man’s behavior or words could be criticized in such a way or shown back to him as an example of being foolish. It’s depressingly familiar, but I’ve got good news, guys: only YOU can prevent mansplaining sports! Here’s how:

1. Don’t defend Pierre McGuire. Let’s start with this immediate situation because I’m getting pissed with this backlash. Yes, McGuire says dumb shit to everyone every day. It’s literally what he does for a living—spout off dumb bullshit about the record a guy had as a Bantam in some bumblefuck Canadian backwater. But just because he does that doesn’t mean that THIS dumb shit is no big deal. He was an asshat to a woman eminently qualified to be taking the career step she was taking. Being a condescending dipshit in this very public forum isn’t wiped away just because he’s normally irritating and full of useless information and likely grossly overpaid for it. Accept that, and move on.

2. Women understand sports. Now to get a little broader in the mansplaining realm…You may have read that statement and thought, “Of course women understand sports!” Congratulations, you’re in a small minority of dudes! You may not believe me, and you may know other dudes who discuss sports with women, watch sports with women, etc. But as an actual woman who discusses/watches/follows sports I can tell you in no uncertain terms that the vast majority of guys out there do not understand that we understand sports. Period.

A lot of this comes from embedded cultural attitudes that take a really long time to change (read, calm the fuck down, just hear me out). Girls are discouraged from being “tomboys” and are bombarded with overtly feminine toys, imagery, and anything colored pink literally from before we exit the womb. You can scoff, but this means that boys are taught to talk to each other about sports and play sports together, and that by and large, girls are still in a transition to a time and place where sports and athleticism are viewed as equally valuable in them as they are in boys. It’s changing, yes, but it’s a slow process and for those of us older than just reaching voting age, this was a much less prevalent mindset when we were growing up.

What does this mean? It means it’s tough to overcome that hard coding of “TALK SPORTS WITH DUDES” attitude that’s been drilled into you since childhood. It means that when you take a date to a game, you may assume she doesn’t know what the lines on the court are for, or why a batter bunts, or why anything is happening in a certain way. It means that when women describe why a zone entry failed, or why a screen pass was a terrible play call on a third and long, or how a pitcher didn’t keep his fastball down, you’re more likely to stare blankly than you are to respond thoughtfully, because you can’t compute that a woman just said that.

If you want to avoid mansplaining, you have to start from the premise that a woman—whoever it is, a rando, someone you know, whoever—understands the basics of the sport taking place in front of her, whether live or on TV. She may not be an expert, but then again, she might be. You probably don’t know for sure (and if you do know, like McGuire did with Coyne, you’re a fucking moron), so operate from a place of respect. Sports permeate our culture and more girls than ever are playing, so it lowers your chances of making an ass of yourself if you assume knowledge, not ignorance, in your female friends, relative, colleagues, and fellow bar patrons.

3. Would you say that to a guy? And that brings us to the other side of that gender stereotype situation I described. It’s true: a lot of women don’t follow sports. No one is more painfully aware of this than me because honestly, I’ve only had a handful of female friends who enjoy watching major sports. A lot of that is thanks to a lack of interest, a lot stems from those same attitudes and behaviors hard-wired when we were kids. They reinforce each other.

So I get it, maybe a woman in your life really doesn’t understand why a third down is nerve-wracking, or why one hockey team has fewer guys on the ice for a time. When that happens and you go to open your mouth, ask yourself: Would I say this to a guy? Would Pierre have ever told Mike Milbury which benches the Lighting and Penguins were on? No. If your “explanation” to a woman is not the same as what you’d say to a dude who isn’t familiar with the sport at hand, you’re mansplaining. Full stop.

And that’s the thing—when #notallmen dudes get all up in arms and when Twitter backlashers get all self-righteous, they’re overlooking the key thing feminists want: to be treated equally The actual definition of feminism is the belief that men and women are equal. All other connotations are the result of misogynists creating false interpretations to justify their actions and attitudes. Yes, it is. (Come at me, I stand by this.)

So if you speak to a woman about sports the same way you’d speak to a guy about it, you won’t be mansplaining. You won’t be speaking with the inherent condescension of a response tailored for an audience you assume is unfamiliar (well, maybe you will be if you’re a condescending jerk to start with). Instead, you’ll be providing information like a normal human being. If you get technical and your female listener doesn’t understand, she’ll do the same thing a guy will: ask a follow-up question. And then what you have is a conversation, maybe even an opening of a common area of interest. But if you dumb down an answer (or an unsolicited statement) simply because you’re talking to a woman, you automatically sound foolish.

Because here’s the kicker—you probably aren’t that much of an expert, either. I’ve had guys plead for me to “make her understand football” in reference to their wife or girlfriend. (I field this question a lot but we’ll keep this example to football, far and away the biggest source of these requests.) My response is: explain to her the system of downs. When she understands the system of downs, the game makes sense, and she’ll understand what’s going on, why it’s exciting, all of it. I’ve given this advice more times than I can count. And without fail, the male friend or acquaintance gets a blank look, mumbles something, and walks away. Every. Single. Time. Know why? Because they don’t understand the system of downs. Or at the very least, they have no idea how to describe it.

So dumbing down strategy or play calling for a woman may seem easy, but would you phrase it that way to another man? No, because it would be obvious to him that you’re bullshitting and didn’t know what you were talking about. Guess what? It’s obvious to women too.

Like so much else between us all, when it comes to talking sports, be yourself. Don’t change what you would say based on the audience. Answer honestly about what you know, and be truthful about what you don’t know. Start from a place of trust, and believe this person may know more than you expected, despite having a vagina. Because we’re gonna figure you out either way.

Everything Else

F*ck You, Chicago. You Took My Only Friend

By John Pullega 3289 0

It’s been a banner morning for Hawks and hockey fans, which is ironic because the next time this team raises a banner, we will all be dead from exploding heart syndrome. Before we jump into the meat that is Jokiharju’s demotion, I’d like to give a gigantic FUCK YOU to Pierre McGuire for proving yet again that no matter how terrible you are at everything you’ve ever done professionally, if you’re old, white, and know a few people, you too can be an enormous, bloviating, pontificating asshole on national television and get paid millions to do it. The horseshit he pulled on Coyne Schofield last night is a microcosm of why the NHL continues to be a toilet-tier league. The NHL is for everyone, unless you’re a woman, gay, of color, or end up with a head injury.

Now, let’s talk about the move our resident Brain Geniouses made this morning. Henri Jokiharju was sent down to the AHL on the eve of the end of break. As if the terror of this sideways turd of a hockey team having to play games again wasn’t enough to drive us all insane, we now get to watch as supreme talents like Slater Koekkoek, Carl Dahlstrom, Gustav Forsling, Dun-I-Can’t-Find-A-Fuck-To-Give Keith, and Bottomless Pete, nature’s cruelest mistake, continue to push Collin Delia farther into leather-working as a full-time career.

There’s an argument to be made that moving Jokiharju down is a chance to showcase other players as the trade deadline approaches. I am not going to make that argument, because it’s bonafide, Grade-A horseshit. Here’s the list of players that will now have a chance to play over Jokiharju:

Duncan Keith (Full NMC)

Brent Seabrook (Full NMC)

Connor Murphy (One of the Hawks’s two best D-men this year)

Erik Gustafsson (A forward playing defense)

Slater Koekkoek (Sucks deep pond scum)

Carl Dahlstrom (Played OK for 10 games once)

Gustav Forsling (Sucks)

Jokiharju has been playing alongside those top four guys since the beginning, so there’s no reason to send him down to showcase those four. Keith and Seabrook aren’t going anywhere, as Self-Proclaimed Marketing Genius John McDonough continues to insult the intelligence of Hawks fans by implying that they want to pay money to watch legends make them forget how good they once were. Trading Connor Murphy should be considered malfeasance, as he’s been one of the Hawks’s two passable D-men, is still young, and isn’t an anchor on the salary cap. If the Kings can get a first for Muzzin, the Hawks should expect to get at least a second for Gustafsson, but even if you could, can you really see this fucking team pulling the trigger on that with the power play being as effective as it is with him on it?

So that leaves you with a showcase of Koekkoek, who just got traded for Jan Rutta; Carl Dahlstrom, who is about as much of “a guy” as you can be; and Gustav Forsling, who’s basically Erik Gustafsson without any of the offensive output. At best, you’ll get a low pick (think 6th or 7th round) for any of these guys. Stunting Jokiharju’s development by putting him in a league he’s outgrown (yet again) is worth a low draft pick. Fucking wonderful.

It would be one thing if Jokiharju were actually struggling in the NHL, like these water carriers want you to believe. But he really hasn’t. He leads the Hawks with a CF% Rel of 5.5. He leads the Hawks with a 54.1 CF%. Despite the constant jerking around, he’s posted 12 points in 37 games, which ranks him sixth among all NHL rookie D-men for points and fifth among rookie D-men in points per game (minimum 20 games).

When playing on his correct side, his possession numbers are strong: 53+ with Keith, 54+ with Gus, 72 with Murphy (small sample size with Murphy). It wasn’t until the Born on Third Bunch decided to put him on his off side with the worst defenseman the Hawks have—after sending him back to Finland against his will to beat up on a bunch of children he’s already beaten up on before—that his numbers came crashing down. In the limited time he played with Sbarro, Harju had a 36 CF% with Seabrook and a 54+ away from him. This isn’t news: Of all active Hawks defensemen, everyone except Dahlstrom has had better possession numbers away from Seabrook. Just look!

This is the most frustrating part about the demotion. You can showcase the water balloons filled with diarrhea that are Koekkoek, Forsling, and Dahlstrom without demoting Harju BY SCRATCHING THE WORST DEFENSEMAN YOU HAVE. For all those high-falutin degrees Bowman and McDonough are always latently reminding you about (fuck Notre Dame at all levels for all time), that they don’t understand how a fucking sunk cost works is absolutely mind boggling. And as always, kiss my ass with any appeals to “asses in seats.”

Who could have ever imagined that Joel Quenneville—a man whom we’ve all dumped on for not giving young guys a fair shake—would be the one who handled Harju the best? Sending him to Finland was bone-headed, but this is the kind of galaxy brain shit that, had any other team done it, we would giggle at and ask, “Maybe those idiots will take [insert garbage player here] off our hands next.”

The Hawks have nothing to showcase that requires Harju’s demotion. Nothing. Anyone whom they can realistically showcase has already been playing concurrently with Harju. This demotion is simple cowardice. Colliton, Bowman, McDonough: Whoever is making the lineup decisions is too cowardly to tell Brent Seabrook, “We are scratching you because you do not give us the best chance to win.” Because after all, that’s all they’ve been talking about since the beginning of the season: They expect to win, they expect to be a playoff team, they expect to pull within .500, they expect to scratch for every single point.

Demoting one of your top two defensemen is not how you do any of that. All it does is fuck up the development of a 19-year-old part of the future who had the audacity to play fairly well when given the chance. He’s no Rasmus Dahlin, but no one asked him to be that. All we ask is that you give him 20 minutes a night (he’s averaged about 17 since Colliton took over and about 14 since coming back from Finland) and play him with someone, anyone, who complements his puck-moving, strong-vision style.

Instead, they’re sending him down to a league where the only thing he’ll learn is that the AHL is rife with guys who, five years from now, will specialize in getting kicked out of bars for poking strangers and screaming “I PLAYED PROFESSIONAL HOCKEY” before headbutting them when they say, “Sir, I don’t know who you are please stop harassing me.”

My, my what a mess we’ve made.

Everything Else

Is This The Realia Life

By Adam Hess 1866 0

One of the last remaining aspects of this Blackhawks season worth giving a damn about is the play and development of Collin Delia, who has worked himself into the conversation as the potential Corey Crawford heir. Were that prospect to come to fruition, it would be a rare bright spot in this season and carry the potential to accelerate the Hawks’ eventual return to relevance, even if they end up missing out on Jack Hughes, Kaapo Kakko, and/or Erik Karlsson in June.

It’s no secret and certainly not difficult to see that the NHL has become a goalie’s league, even moreso than the NFL is a quarterback league. It’ll never get proper recognition, and hockey playing 4th fiddle in the US will play a major role, but at this point NHL goalie has become the most important position in sports. Sure, quarterbacks get the praise and attention, but NFL teams can have success even with below average or even bad quarterbacks – The Ravens and Cowboys won their divisions on the strengths of their defenses this past season, and some would make the case our beloved Bears fall in here, too.

Of course in the NHL it’s possible to make the playoffs without an elite netminder, but that’s just cuz more than half the league makes the playoffs. No one goes anywhere come April without top level goaltending. Look at the top-4 from last year: Braden Holtby, Marc-Andre Fleury, Andre Vasilevski, and Connor Hellebyuck. That’s a top-3 goalie, a Cup winner, and two of the best goalie prospects from past few years who were finally coming into their own.

So that brings us back to our Irish Boy, who has only played 10 games so far and has been equal parts incredible and terrible at time. Look no further than that mid-day game two Sundays ago against the Capitals – he made at least one save he shouldn’t have, probably two or three or more you didn’t think he would, and was mostly solid throughout. But if you had just watched the goals he gave up, particularly the first two, you would’ve wondered how his ass didn’t get pulled.

His numbers tell an encouraging story – he’s got a .936 save percentage at 5v5, which is good enough for 8th among NHL goalies with 300 minutes played in the situation (Natural Stat Trick doesn’t let me do games played). He’s also got a crazy .927 shorthanded, which is really something behind that PK unit. That’s second-best in the damn league. Add in that he’s managed not to royally screw up when the Hawks are on the PP and you have his .923 overall, which is good. Even along with that, he’s got a GAA of 3.00 because the Hawks blue line is a mess.

Obviously all of that comes with a rather large grain of salt given that he’s played just 10 games. There’s a lot more to be shown here, but the early returns are clearly encouraging. The question is if it is going to end up meaning anything.

I wrote last week about how I still think the Hawks should go about tanking in whatever fashion they can (though it won’t look exactly like a tank given what they have to sell off), and touched on how Delia represents a really hard Catch-22 situation. He’s unlikely to be able to keep playing at the pace he’s been at so far this year without some good fortune, but assuming he does so there’s a good chance he could ruin your shot at Hughes. If he does that and ultimately proves that’s who is, it’s fine. If he does that and next year comes crashing back to earth, you’re still in a precarious spot.

Meanwhile, if he crashed back to earth and you get Hughes, that’s fine, but would it result in the Hawks abandoning hope on him being the franchise goalie? I’m inclined to believe they’d have more perspective, but I definitely don’t put it beyond a desperate Stan Bowman to make a rash decision like that given that his ass could be on the line next year. So if he really does have that top level ceiling and they give up on him, even if you have Hughes you are still in a precarious spot.

That being said, Delia does have a 3.00 GAA even with all those impressive save rates, and that’s because this team is ass. So, it’s possible he could still play well and this team could still be in pits of the standings come late March, and we have the best of both worlds.

In the end, the answer to the whether or not Collin Delia is the real thing is not going to be found this season. But he’s off to a good start and how the year winds down for him will be telling, and provide something for us to keep an eye on heading into next season. We just need the Hawks to not screw this up. What could go wrong?

Everything Else

Where To From Here: If Crawford Comes Back?

By Rose Rankin 2016 0

A few weeks back I wrote about how Corey Crawford should retire in light of his latest concussion. I still believe what I said in that piece, and with the accomplishments he’s racked up and what we know about the effects of multiple head traumas, it seems unnecessarily risky for him to return to playing a contact sport.

But much to everyone’s surprise, including mine, Crawford has been skating and working out with Jimmy Waite so a return this season certainly seems possible. And regardless of what I think, at the end of the day I’m just a fan with an opinion, as far removed from the inner workings of the team and as giardiniera-soaked as everyone else (possible more so—I have literally made a scene when actual giardiniera was unavailable in a sandwich place. I’m a peach).

So if Crawford chooses to return to the lineup, the Hawks will obviously play him as their starter, which they would be foolish not to. What would that mean for the team and the season? Let’s examine what should happen (based solely on how I would like things to turn out), and what will happen (based on cruel realism). Shall we?

Goaltending & Defense

What should happen: Crawford returns to his Vezina-quality form and plays obnoxiously well, turning the end of the season into a punctuation mark on how he’s one of the best and most underrated goaltenders in the league and has been for a damn good stretch of time. The blue line as a whole dials up its give-a-shit meter as a way to offer him additional protection, and they reverse the depressing trend of defensive play that’s left them league-worst in both scoring chances given up and high-danger chances given up. The Hawks finish the season out of the playoffs, but out of the basement as well.

What will happen: Crawford comes back and his performance will be middling, similar to where he was when he got hurt in mid-December. Some periods and some nights, he’ll be the Crow of old and be lights out; other times he’ll be human and not be able to win the game on his own, and he won’t make saves that he once would have. His save percentage will hover somewhere in the low nine-hundreds, probably around .905, as the Hawks’ awful defense strands him with 40 SOG a night. Their inability to handle Colliton’s man defensive scheme will leave guys with all day in the slot and around the crease taking those high-percentage shots. The Hawks finish the season in the basement.

Roster Moves

What should happen: The front office convinces Cam Ward to waive his no-movement clause and they trade him for a bag of pucks. If Bowman found GMs dumb enough to take Manning and Rutta off our hands, you gotta believe he can unload an experienced back-up goaltender who has only been a partial dumpster fire. Then, Collin Delia stays up with the top club and handles a little more than typical back-up duties, maybe close to splitting the remaining 31 games with Crawford (think a 17-14 split, Crawford-Delia).

This way, Delia continues to play at the NHL level and we have a relatively reliable alternative for any time Crawford throws out a turd for the night, or whenever he just needs a couple days to rest. The season is fucked anyway, so it’s not like we need a hot hand to have momentum going into the playoffs. Let Delia learn and improve while Crawford has extra support.

What will happen: One of two things will happen, thanks to the organization’s brain geniuses—either Delia will get sent to Rockford or he and Ward will switch off being healthy scratches. The former wouldn’t be completely terrible because at least Delia would be playing nearly every night. Granted, the Ice Hogs suck too and probably won’t make the Calder Cup playoffs, plus the AHL is goonville and I honestly fear for the safety of anyone playing in that league. But it would be better than the latter option of the Hawks keeping Ward and Delia here, and wasting a roster spot that could go to a young forward currently in Rockford.

And it would all be because they gave Ward a stupid contract. I couldn’t even blame Ward if he chose not to waive his NMC…that’s just looking out for his own interests and you can’t fault a guy for that. But it would be another glaring example of contract incompetence, as Delia would only get to play maybe six or seven more games, and when he’s rusty and not progressing, gets sent back to the press box where no one ever became a better hockey player, and/or has shattered confidence. It would spell the beginning of the end for him here.

Overall

What should happen: Crawford should retire and protect his future health, which will also allow the Hawks to limp to the finish line with an overpriced back-up and a youngster who learns to be an NHL-caliber goalie or proves he isn’t one. The front office makes moves accordingly in the offseason to address whatever situation they have with Delia, and whatever implications that carries for the rest of the roster.

What will happen: Crawford comes back at a level far below what we’re used to, and the coaching staff is put between the proverbial rock and a hard place with the roster. This bizarre ménage a trois becomes yet another depressing storyline at the end of the season, as everyone ponders what to do to get out of it.

Everything Else

Just Win, Baby and Other Notes

By John Pullega 2261 0

The bye week/All Star Break is about halfway over for our Men of Four Feathers, so it’s time to start thinking about Blackhawks hockey again. After a piss-poor but not entirely unexpected first half of the season, the Hawks sit last in the Central, 27th overall (two points out of the cellar, ahead of the Senators, Devils, Kings, and Flyera), and 30th in goal differential, ahead of only the Kings. Help isn’t coming, and the only reason the Hawks aren’t sitting in dead last in everything is because of a brief spell of competence spanning late December to early January. It doesn’t look good, dear reader.

And yet, I still want to watch this team win, lottery be damned.

On Friday, the Beast From the East (time zone) Adam Hess laid out a case for the Hawks doing everything they can to tank the rest of the year. To SparkNotes it, no, that doesn’t mean telling the players to Black Sox it. In its most extreme case, tanking would involve trading someone like Patrick Kane, assuming his dad would be OK with it, and starting all the way over. And as much as I would be happy with, say, a straight Kane-for-Subban trade, we all know that isn’t going to happen.

I understand why there’s a contingent that would push for a tank: It would lay the groundwork for the future, give Colliton a chance to play guys whom the decision makers believe are part of the future, and give those same guys a chance to adjust to the expectations foisted upon them. But with the roster as it stands, this team is about as close to tanking as it can be. The only way this roster can get much better as it is, is to rotate Seabrook, only play Ward in back-to-backs, and keep Anisimov on the fourth line. The guys who are a part of the future are pretty much already here: Strome, DeBrincat, Harju, Kampf, possibly Delia. All we’re really waiting on is Boqvist and maybe Beaudin and Barratt.

But even if it were possible for this team to tank any worse, I’m not sure I’d want to see it.

Even though this team sucks like a Kirby, I still celebrate the wins. I still jump off the couch and scare the bejesus out of the dog when Top Cat takes a cross-ice pass for a quick one-time goal. Every time the Hawks go on the power play now, I stand and pace in anticipation for a goal that’s more likely than ever to come. And you better believe I nearly lost my goddamn mind when Delia made that jumping save against the Caps a while back, even though it was the result of him completely losing his ass in the crease.

With the expectations as low as they were coming into the year, there’s still joy when the Hawks aren’t puking all over their shoes. Toews’s Renaissance has been a much-needed relief. Watching Alex DeBrincat outdo himself in his sophomore year (he’s on pace for 40+ goals right now) gives hope for a brighter future that might not be as far away as it seems. David Kampf is one of the best defensive forwards in the entire league, which is as shocking as it is exciting.

And though the defense has been a recycled marital aid this entire year, seeing Connor Murphy play well and with confidence is somewhat vindicating. Erik Gustafsson, for all his warts, has been fun in the offensive zone and on the power play, defense be damned. And Collin Delia’s performance, funk and all, has been a respite from the professional ass pickers the Hawks have trotted out since Corey Crawford’s untimely demise.

For all the pissing and moaning I do about this team, there’s still joy in watching them win, even if that shaves at their chances of winning the lottery. I want to see some deadline moves, particularly involving Anisimov; any one of the Shitty Bash Brothers in Hayden, Martinsen, and Kunitz; and possibly Gustafsson if the price is right. But all in the name of winning as many games as possible, because it’s still fun to watch them win, especially when they’re not supposed to. We may have problems with the people running it, some of the players on it, and the countless off-ice embarrassments it’s self-inflicted, but we still derive joy when this team wins. If you didn’t, why would you bother with it?

When the Hawks won the lottery in 2007, they were slated to pick fifth. Even if they lose out, nothing is guaranteed. Whenever possible, I’d rather not leave things up to chance. So, just win, baby.

– Kendall Coyne Schofield is less than one second slower than Connor Mc-fucking-David. Brianna Decker was the best of the best among passers at the NHL All Star Game by more than three seconds—and if you’re taking the NHL’s word that her time was “unofficial” and that her “real time” was slower than Draisaitl, I don’t know what to tell you. This is a league that doesn’t know what goaltender interference is and can’t get goal calls right with all their technology, and now, you want me to believe they know what they’re doing? Anyway, with the league kind of moving toward more skill and speed, you wonder which team is going to give a woman her shot to play in the NHL first.

Think of it this way: If an amateur male hockey player did what Coyne Schofield or Decker—both Olympic gold medal winners—did, front offices would be busting down the gates, right now, to talk to that player about playing in the NHL, or at least getting a try out. There wouldn’t be angst about, for instance, Decker not getting paid prize money, because that amateur guy would likely have a league-minimum contract (currently, $650,000) in front of him by the end of the week.

The NHL took a step in the right direction by letting Coyne Schofield and Decker show off their skills, which are objectively impressive regardless of the context. I very much liked that and would like to see even more of that, by which I mean I would like to see skilled and successful women playing hockey in the NHL in real games throughout the season. I would rather give someone like Coyne Schofield or Decker a look over someone like current Chris Kunitz, Ryan Reaves, or any of the other trash pail assclowns front offices try to trick us into thinking are hockey players today. That they—along with Fast and Johnston—got money to donate to charities, endorsements from adidas, and a chance to show their stuff is awesome, and I want to see more of that. Getting to watch skilled hockey players who aren’t in the NHL upstage hockey players who are in the NHL is 100% my jam.

I’m sure there will always be concern trolls wringing their sticky hands over “What happens when a woman takes a hit from Tom Wilson?” or “How will women cope with the way hockey players act around each other?” or whatever other socially inept excuse they want to peddle to cover for their disdain of women. I do not give a single lingering fuck about what those people think at all. If a hockey player is as talented as Coyne Schofield or Decker proved to be (once again) on one of the most-watched hockey stages around, the question shouldn’t be, “But how can a woman fit into a real game?” It should be, “How can we get this talent on the ice?”

Ain’t no one worried about how Alex DeBrincat will deal with a hit. And if your behavior around “the guys” is so reprehensible as to draw questions about how women would “cope with it,” then fix your fucking behavior. There’s too much talent at risk to waste time fostering whatever illusions these hockey-playing hayseeds have about their masculinity.

Still, I’ll move forward with cautious optimism that the NHL will keep showing us the best Women’s Hockey has to offer until the league takes the logical next step and offers it themselves.

– The Hawks traded Arizona’s fifth-round pick to the Kings for “Another” Dominik Kubalik. He’s a 23-year-old winger whom the Kings drafted in the seventh round back in 2013. He’s playing in the top Swiss League and has 20 goals and 23 assists so far this year. He’s still youngish and, like most guys who hop the pond, needs more ass to his game, but it’s fine. It’s a low-risk, high-reward trade if everything breaks right.

Everything Else

High On The Hog: An Hour’s Worth

By Jon Fromi 3098 0

Like many of you, weather and work kept me away from the BMO this weekend. I pledged to pack in an hour of Hogs-related musings. The clock starts…now.

First off, the kids down in Rockford put together a gritty weekend at home and came out with a pair of victories. Friday night, the IceHogs tied the game with a Jordan Schroeder goal with three seconds in regulation, completing a comeback from two goals down in the final two minutes with a 4-3 shootout win over Manitoba.

On Saturday, Rockford hosted Iowa. The Hogs got enough rubber past Kaapo Kahkonen knock off the Wild 3-1. The game-winner came off the stick of Terry Broadhurst early in the third period. First star of that game was Anton Forsberg, who stopped 33 of 34 Iowa shots.

So…for the sixth time this season, the IceHogs have a two-game win streak. Plus, Rockford joined the rest of the AHL on the 100-goal plateau this season, though those 105 goals are still last in the league.

Just once in the 2018-19 campaign has Rockford stretched a streak to three games. Conversely, the piglets have compiled losing streaks of six (twice) and four games. Rockford (19-19-3-5) shares the Central Division basement with the Moose. Both teams sport a .500 points percentage.

Can the IceHogs parlay a pair of home wins into some sort of climb up the division ladder? I just don’t know. As was the case at this point last year, the piglets were not a playoff-level squad. A lot of things had to change on the personnel side in February of 2018 to transform the roster into the juggernaut that reached the conference final.

As of this morning, this is not a roster that’s going to be competing for a postseason berth. Prove me wrong, boys.

Are there additions from the Hawks roster that could make a difference in the next couple of months? Not unless you think Gustav Forsling can come down and have the impact Cody Franson had in Rockford the last three months of last season. Which I don’t.

Even with some tinkering from above, the hole may be just a bit too deep for the Hogs to vacate. Like last year, the prospect talent alone isn’t close to being able to go on an extended tear through the league. Now, Rockford is two games into a stretch of nine home dates in a span of ten games. If this team has anything resembling a hot patch in it, now would be a great time to display that fire.

Broken record, but the goalies have really been good. Kevin Lankinen and Anton Forsberg have been splitting the work in net and the Swedish Connection continue to stand out despite some less than optimal goal support.

A quick look at this weekend’s AHL All-Star Classic puts things into perspective. With goalie Collin Delia in Chicago, the only representative is Western Conference captain Andrew Campbell.  The veteran defenseman was not selected for his play on the ice.

Anthony Louis is the team’s leading scorer with 27 points (10 G, 17 A). He’s on his way to a similar showing to last season’s 44-point effort. Dylan Sikura leads the team with 12 goals to go with a dozen assists. Jacob Nilsson picked up his 11th goal this weekend, while Louis and Jordan Schroeder each have ten.

Rookie defenseman Lucas Carlsson has been a bright spot, with seven goals and 15 helpers. Darren Raddysh has identical numbers, though he had just a single point in his last 12 games.

Alexandre Fortin assisted on Broadhurst’s game-winner Saturday. The trouble is that was his first point in a month. As was the case last year, Fortin hasn’t made an impact on the scoreboard, with just six points (2 G, 4 A) in 21 games.

Well…the sands are running out on me this week. Rockford hosts the Wolves this Friday, then visit Milwaukee Saturday. With two wins to close out the month, perhaps February is more hospitable to the IceHogs.

Follow me @JonFromi for tidbits on the Hogs throughout the season.

 

Everything Else

That Dirty Little Word

By Adam Hess 2453 0

Here in the middle of the NHL All-Star Break, I find myself in a familiar place as last year – we’re 51 games into the Blackhawks’ season, and I’m about to talk about how they should probably tank. No, really, click this link and I literally wrote about the tank last year at the same 51 game mark. Funny how these things have a way of, erm, working out. At least I get another chance to use that ridiculous photoshop I made last year.

When I did this last year, I was basically contemplating an impossible. The Blackhawks were probably a bit too far out of the running for last place to make a true run at it, and even then they ended the season with the 7th-best lottery odds and actually ended up getting jumped and ended up picking 8th. They did address the main need area of the blue line with their pick of Adam Boqvist, and his ceiling appears to be rather high.

This year, the potential for “tanking” is much higher, because the Hawks are a measly two points ahead of the last place tie between the Ottawa Senators and New Jersey Devils. The problem is there are five other teams who can make that claim as well, and three others that are only six points ahead of the Sens/Devils. That being said, our local idiots have played at least one more game than every other team below them in the standings, and three more than the Devils (who boatraced them last week, lest we forget), so the case for them being the worst team in the league and the front runner for the last place sweepstakes is not a hard one to make, though Detroit has a case as well considering they’re tied with the Hawks through 51 games played themselves.

The situation is eerily similar to last year as well. If I wrote the following today, it would still apply , but I assure you that this cut and paste from the article referenced above:

The Crawford situation has become a lose-lose for the Blackhawks. Crow’s health is obviously the most important thing, and you don’t want to rush him back and risk anything going wrong in the future because he is going to be the key to this team contending in the years to come. And we’re seeing how well things are going without him – you have two dudes who never spent significant time in the NHL trying each game to not play as bad as they did last game. So you don’t want to rush Crow back, but without him you’re up shit’s creek without a paddle.

Then you also have the question of whether Crawford coming back this year at all is really even worth it, even if you don’t rush it. We’ve already seen reports that he might miss the whole season, so it may not be a stretch to say that the Hawks bringing him back at all could be a form of rushing him back. And even if he does come back and squeeze you into a playoff spot, is it really going to be worth playing those extra games just to more than likely get bounced by Nashville or God forbid WINNIPEG? Even if your draft lottery odds are the longest shot, that’s better chance at the apparently generational talent of Rasmus Dahlin than zero.

Clearly Rasmus Dahlin is not available this year, but insert Jack Hughes – or Kaapo Kakko if that’s your fancy – in for him (and maybe remove generational, cuz Hughes is good but certainly no McDavid/Eichel/Matthews) and it’s current. The Hawks are in a really nasty spot with Crawford and it’s arguably worse this year than it was last year, because now we’re in round two of a serious concussion problem. He’s been skating already so there’s a decent chance he returns, but as the podcast crew talked about this week he probably isn’t giving you anything more than half of the remaining games if he does come back, and even then he hasn’t had the kind of season that would see him carry them back into the playoff hunt.

Who has that kind of season is Collin Delia, who’s posted a .923 save percentage in his 10 games this year, doing so behind a defense so bad that even with that impressive save rate he still has a 3.oo GAA. If Delia proves to ultimately be a franchise goalie, then him de-railing any kind of last place finish race would definitely be okay by me. That being said, we probably won’t really know quite yet if he is a franchise goalie, even if he does help them go on some kind of run and keeps them well out of last place this year. So that’s a bit of a Sophie’s Choice for us in the pro-tank crowd – do we prefer the potential franchise goalie plays bad to help secure a franchise 1C, or do we prefer Delia ruin our chances at a franchise 1C even if he won’t ultimately be a franchise goalie? If you have a firm answer to that, I envy you.

Further complicating things is the simple fact that you can’t coach a team to tank – though Coach Cool Youth Pastor running this man-to-man system with a roster not nearly fast enough to do it properly is about as close to doing so you’ll find. Despite the system, Colliton can’t convince Patrick Kane or Jonathan Toews or Alex DeBrincat to stop being extremely good at hockey, and he certainly can’t tell anyone else not to try. Even if most of these players are not long for the roster if this franchise is going to return to competing, they’re still auditioning for NHL jobs either here or elsewhere and they owe it to themselves to play well. On top of that, a lot of this team is young and we still need to see what we have in them – Dylan Strome, Henri Jokiharju, and Delia are all examples of this. So we need them at their best.

So it comes down to if Stan Bowman is going to ultimately admit that everything he and McD have tried to force feed us this year about this team competing was just a bunch of bullshit. It’s kind of started already, but they’ll never come out and explicitly say “actually this roster sucks ass and we wanted it this way,” and they certainly won’t cop to signing shitty players in an effort to give Joel Quenneville enough rope to hang himself – which, based on what we’ve seem from this team since Q was fired in favor of CCYP, he didn’t even truly manage to do.

And if Bowman does decide to that he’s going to sell off what he can in order to maximize lottery odds, what does he really have to sell? Do you really think shipping Erik Gustafsson out of here is going to be the final straw that bottoms out this team? Has Chris Kunitz really brought enough to the table for this team to such when he leaves (the answer is no, they’ll actually get better with that)? If you can even convince Cam Ward to leave, and convince some team to take him, does that make the Hawks chances of winning the games he would’ve played that much higher?

So yeah – personally I think that tanking, in whatever form the Hawks might be able to do so, is the best way forward for this year’s Hawks. They have a decent crop of forwards locked up for the future, but there’s no 1C of the future here, so Jack Hughes is more than welcome. Even if you end up with Kakko, that’s an improvement for the future and he might even wind up as this year’s Patrick Laine.

The thing is, like last year, there is no clear and obvious way to go about “tanking” that really results in a tank, because outside of the unrealistic Kane trade that Rose talked about on Wednesday, you’re not shipping out much talent worth anything. So, like last year, we’re almost stuck hoping that the team ends up bad enough – and the teams below them string enough wins together – to have the Hawks end up with the highest possible lottery chances, and then we again hope and pray for the ping pong balls to favor us. It’s – still – the good ol’ hockey game.

Everything Else

Now Calm Down, Jeremy-Diddily-Diddily-Diddily-Diddily – Colliton’s Future and Weathering the Storm

By John Pullega 2671 0

Stats gathered from NaturalStatTrick.com, NHL.com, hockey-reference.com, unless otherwise linked.

Imagine you’re Jeremy Colliton. You’re young, allegedly great at communicating, and coming off a deep Calder Cup run. You’re the lad in waiting behind a legendary coach who looks to have lost the room, and who’s certainly and ironically fallen out of the Brain Trust’s circle of trust. When the front office drops the hammer on the Joel Quenneville Era—and along with it the groin-grabbing ecstasy of a dynasty bygone—they turn to you, the 33-year-old, out-of-the-box hire who’s had success everywhere he’s gone.

Then you go 12–18–6. And now, the question is, “Who’s to blame,” or, more specifically, “Is Colliton a long-term answer?”

Before we dive asslong into the why and why not regarding whether Colliton’s the answer, let’s get a few things out of the way. First, 36 games do not a coach make, but it does give us an idea for what a coach can be, so consider this a halfway review of sorts. Second, despite what Bowman and McDonough wanted you to believe, this team was a fringe wild card team if everything went perfectly, a 70-point team max if not. Third, Colliton has a contract that runs through the 2020–21 season. With these givens in mind, let’s putz around for a proof for both scenarios.

The Case for Colliton as the Answer

1. Time: In a November 25, 2018, interview with Scott Powers, Stan Bowman had this to say about Colliton’s slow start (emphasis added):

Coming in, we didn’t want to change a lot of things off the bat, but we want to try and change some of the tendencies. The hardest part is guys have played one way for a while. You get habits engrained with you. It’s hard to change them without a lot of practice time, without also thinking on the ice, and I think we’re seeing some of that.

While there’s a ton to unpack in this quote alone, the part I’m focused on is the time factor. Colliton has had very little time to implement the systems he wants to implement. The wholesale changes he has tried to make—man-to-man instead of zone defense, primarily—have been done on the fly. Only one systemic change, the power play, has worked so far (and given the depth of scoring talent the Hawks have always had, that shouldn’t be so surprising). As The Maven so eloquently pointed out a few weeks ago, if Bowman had any courage whatsoever, he would have fired Quenneville before the season began and given Colliton more time to try to implement his systems in a more controlled setting, rather than making him shit his pants, dive in, and swim.

Whether those systems work or not is a question more adequately answered with more preparation. With this season swirling down the drain like piss in the Wrigley troughs, one of the things to look forward to is what Colliton can push out after a full offseason of tinkering. Right now, it’s obvious that the man-to-man system is a diaper fire. It’s possible that that’s just what it is, but it’s also possible that the guys he has just haven’t been comfortable making such a marked change in in-game situations (on top of the sucking, instincts tend to take over).

If Colliton is given at least one offseason to prepare—rather than hoping that guys older than him will change the way they’ve played for a decade on a dime—it’s plausible that the system is only as bad as players within it, which is a bit easier to solve than a broken system.

2. Talent: You and I both knew that unless everything went perfectly, this Hawks team wouldn’t be a playoff team. You can’t really blame Colliton for having a roster whose blue line is the personification of a middle finger in Quenneville’s face foisted upon him. (You can blame him for how he uses it, which we’ll do shortly.) But there might be hope.

At the rate the team is going, they’re likely to be in the running for a top-2 pick in the draft, which could inject young, NHL-ready forward talent into the mix immediately. By most accounts, Boqvist could be ready next year, as might Beaudin. The Hawks have cap space to use for a genuine top-4 defenseman in the offseason, which needs to be the foremost priority for Bowman, lest he’s trying to get fired.

If Colliton’s system requires speed, the Hawks have some waiting in the wings, and they have the salary cap means to go get some.

3. The Power Play: Of all the things Colliton has done right, this is it. Since December 18—which is when the current iteration of the PP1 took over—the Hawks are the absolute best power play team in the league with a 39.6% conversion rate (19 goals/48 opps.). They’re on a nine-game PP goal streak. They’ve climbed from deadass last to 16th in the league in that span. The next closest team to them in that time frame, the Penguins, are nearly 8% behind them at 31.8% (14 goals/44 opps.).

This is what gives me the most hope that Colliton is the answer. For nearly 11 years, the Hawks have had some of the best scoring talent on the planet yet only finished in the top 10 for PP% three times. Their woes on the PP were without a doubt systemic. It took Colliton about a month to fix that. When given the talent, Colliton tapped into it quickly. The power play is just a part of the whole, but if given enough time, you can’t help but wonder if he can fix other systemic problems the team has. So, I’ll argue that that power play is a case study in what Colliton can do given the appropriate talent and time.

The Case Against Colliton as the Answer

1. Firing Bowman: Bylsma–Murray in Buffalo. Hakstol–Hextall in Philly. Peters–Francis (Geraci) in Carolina. While it isn’t a hard-and-fast rule that a new GM will bring in a new coach, there is a history of it. And the drum that beats louder and louder every day is FIRE STAN BOWMAN. There’s certainly a case for it: From trading Teuvo, to signing Manning and extending Rutta as a “fuck you” to Quenneville, to claiming that he saw this team as a playoff contender, Bowman’s recent decision making has been, to put it politely, pigshit.

If Bowman is fired after this season, it’s possible that whoever replaces him will want to go Bret “Hitman” Hart and wash out the old-man smell Bowman left behind. That could include tossing Colliton. This is the most likely scenario in which Colliton doesn’t stick: a new GM throwing out the baby with the bathwater because the baby was born in the bathwater.

2. Lineup Management: Sometimes, the new boss looks awfully similar to the old boss. We’ve recently watched Henri Jokiharju take a healthy scratch in favor of Slater Koekkoek and Carl Dahlstrom of the “not part of this team’s future” collective. When asked why he did that, this supposed Great Communicator babbled about “fast forwarding his development” by benching him, claiming “you can’t play everyone” (skip to 5:43 in this audio clip). What started off as a somewhat believable answer about Harju’s scratch (82-game season, takes time to adapt, don’t want to burn him out [though sending him to the WJC kind of fucks that narrative, doesn’t it?]) devolved into the question we can’t stop asking: “When is it Seabrook’s turn,” or, more accurately, “Why isn’t it Seabrook’s turn?”

And it’s not just that. It’s making DeBrincat play not-top-6 minutes with guys who are only skating because they won a fucking drawing (which is something Colliton has changed recently, which is good). It’s starting Cam Ward in situations that aren’t back-to-backs. It’s slotting Anisimov over DeBrincat and Saad (which is finally changing, too). The talent is what it is, but it’s the management of that talent that’s questionable. In a perfect world with this lineup, you’re looking at something like:

DeBrincat–Toews–Kane

Saad–Strome–Kahun

Caggiula–Kampf–Kruger

Perlini–Anisimov–Hayden

Murphy–Jokiharju

Keith–Gustafsson

Dahlstrom–Seabrook, Koekkoek (rotating)

Delia

Although time is a factor in figuring out what you’ve got, it’s not really a mystery anymore. Load up the top 6, let Jokiharju create, and if you want to rotate your D-men, rotate the ones who either suck or aren’t a part of the future (this possibly includes Gustafsson). Until Colliton shows us that he can scratch Seabrook or Keith after a bad game, his “we might rotate guys” schtick will be hard to take seriously. He’s been put in an impossible situation with the defense, but if they’re really trying to win, when Seabrook and even Keith’s play warrant it, scratch them. (And kiss my ass with any cynical “asses in seats” arguments you want to make. If McDonough is as good a marketer as he says he is, he’ll find a way to market the team as it transitions away from the Old Guard. Even name recognition stops drawing after too much losing, so position the team to win more now.)

3. The Stats: Let’s look at this in two ways: Colliton vs. Quenneville this year; Colliton vs. Quenneville last year after Crawford’s injury. We can control for Crawford’s appearance this year because he wasn’t very good in the time he was here.

Team Stats CF% SCF% HDCF% PDO Points%

Colliton

2018–19

(36 games)

 47.85 (26th) 45.73 (29th) 41.76 (31st) .994 (T-21st) .417 (30th)

Quenneville

2018

(15 games)

 51.5 (10th) 49.17 (20th) 43.64 (27th) .989 (22nd) .500 (22nd)

Quenneville

2017–18

(47 games*)

 51.96 (8th) 51.99 (6th) 46.88 (25th) .979 (29th) .394 (28th)

* = After Crawford Injury

CF% = Corsi; SCF% = Scoring Chances For Percentage; HDCF% = High-Danger Chances For Percentage; PDO = Shooting Percentage + Save Percentage

No matter how you slice it, the Hawks are statistically worse across the board than they ever were with Quenneville, and that’s with marginally better luck (i.e., higher PDO) than Quenneville ever had (and Colliton’s PDO would likely be higher if he weren’t throwing Cam Ward and his .888 SV% out there with aplomb). They possess the puck less, have fewer scoring chances, and give up more high-danger chances. It’s no coincidence that they’re the worst in the league in HDCF% and second-worst in points percentage, in front of only Ottawa, a team that should be relegated to the AHL.

What’s even more worrying is that the team is getting statistically worse under Colliton despite marginally better talent. This year, Quenneville didn’t have Murphy or Strome (whether he’d use them properly is another story). He had Manning and Rutta, and we don’t need to sing that song again. He didn’t have Collin Delia to throw a .923 despite facing 35+ shots per game. While neither Murphy, Strome, nor Delia are saviors, they are better than what Quenneville had to work with.

So, What Are We Doing Here?

In the end, despite the record and the stats, you let Colliton ride out his contract at the very least. Watching what he did with the power play is enough to wonder what more he can fix, given time and talent. Whether it’s Bowman or someone else (other than Chiarelli), the key to Colliton’s success will be getting something resembling defensive talent on the roster. Connor Murphy can’t do everyone’s job.

Boqvist, Beaudin, and Mitchell (once he finishes college) are supposed to be those guys soon, but you still need to bring someone in via trade or free agency. Karlsson is probably a pipe dream. We know that Carolina wanted Saad for Faulk. Would they take Saad, Gustafsson, and a prospect like Beaudin for Hamilton? If they would, would you do it? All of these guys could fit the system Colliton wants to implement. The question is, “Will he have enough time with them?”

We always knew this team would be bad, but Colliton was supposed to at least stabilize that. He hasn’t really done that yet. With more time and a full offseason, we’ll have a better idea for what Colliton can do. I want to see.

Everything Else

The Question No One Wants to Ask: Should They Trade Patrick Kane?

By Rose Rankin 4034 0

Even with winning the last two games, I think it’s safe to say that this season is in the toilet and the possibility of the Hawks going on some insane run to squeak into the playoffs is rather low. The players will of course never say as much because, one, they’re going to keep repeating what they’re told to say, and two, I’m sure they’re not actually trying to be awful and would like to go on an insane run.

The front office will probably remain a little more subtle about it, although Stan Bowman’s latest comments about how they’ll “be better a year from now than we are now and two years from now” definitely belie the One Goal bullshit and reveal they know this season is a lost cause at this point.

So if we’re living in reality, and it’s clear the rebuild is necessary and not some on-the-fly nonsense, it’s time to evaluate what that rebuild actually entails, and not just the merits of whether or not to tank for a draft pick. I’m talking about something else: because to rebuild something you have to knock it down first, and that means the Hawks should look at trading Patrick Kane.

But Rose!, you’re saying. That’s insanity and he’s their best player and he’s part of the core and you’re a fucking lunatic and HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT. Calm down. This is a thought exercise around a move that probably won’t happen but maybe isn’t as disastrous as it initially seems. Let’s explore this together.

A Dose of Realism

As we’ve covered and as everyone basically knows, Patrick Kane is having a career year. As of this writing, he was leading the Hawks in points (by a wide margin), leading the team in goals, and his shooting percentage is the highest it’s been since his Hart-winning 2015-16 season. He’s also in the top ten league-wide for points and goals, and he’s the Hawks’ only representative at the All-Star game this weekend. Yes, his possession numbers are underwater but that’s never been his strong suit and my god, did you see Artem Anisimov on his line all those games?

On top of the numbers, there’s no reason to think this can’t carry over for a couple more seasons. Kane just turned 30, so undoubtedly the clock is ticking. But he implemented some new training regimen this offseason that apparently is working for him (it was described by another player in the article where I read about it as “jedi shit”), and we know Kane loves the adulation and the high of scoring (probably the high from other things as well but that’s none of my business). When he cups his hand to his ear to egg on the crowd or does his fist pump move, you can see him feeding on that energy. That’s why it’s also blatantly obvious when his give-a-shit meter is at –12.

And that meter has been pretty damn low for a lot of games, not just this season but over the last couple. It’s entirely possible Kane would welcome a trade to a team that’s actually a contender or could be one. What if, say, the Hurricanes or Sabres came calling? Or what if Erik Karlsson and Joe Pavelski both walk from San Jose after the season and the Sharks find themselves with $11 million? Or what if, now that hell has definitively frozen over and Pete Chiarelli has been fired into the sun, the Oilers start making smart decisions? None of these are necessarily LIKELY to happen, but just consider them. I highly doubt Patrick Kane feels such undying devotion to Rocky Wirtz and Jon McDonough that he wouldn’t even entertain the possibility of playing his last good years somewhere where it’ll matter and could result in some more hardware.

All Games, All Price Levels

But the front office would be insane to do it, right? Ticket sales would tank! Well, I’ve got news for you in case you haven’t been listening: judging by all those GREAT SEATS STILL AVAILABLE plugs from Foley and Olczyk, ticket sales are already tanking. And with how this season is going to end, there is nothing here currently to stop that process.

You know what does help? Being good. Consistently good. Even unexpectedly good. And the most likely way the Hawks are going to get there is by admitting the problem and rebuilding. Yes, they could try to make the right trades, add pieces, wait for Adam Boqvist, and close their eyes tight and hope. But how has that been working out so far? There are still issues like Seabrook’s contract and all the things we’ve pondered and dissected for lo these many months. Which brings us back to the inevitable need for a rebuild and the fact that Kane is the movable piece.

Denial, Anger, Bargaining…

Now for the Hawks, this would obviously demolish their scoring capability in the short term (at least). But if this is the way forward, it’s time to get a bunch of puzzle pieces and see if they fit. And Kane’s 10.5 mildo a year can buy a shitload of puzzle pieces. The other big contracts on the books are much less likely to be moved, for all the reasons you already know: Seabrook’s is an albatross, Toews probably does have undying devotion, Keith appears not to give a flying fuck about anything, etc. That leaves a willing Patrick Kane as the most sensible way to exchange a big contract for many small ones.

And it doesn’t have to be all at once. In this scenario, they should trade him this year at the deadline, but given the sullen paralysis the organ-I-zation appears to be in (five stages of grief and all that), trading him in the offseason seems likelier. In either situation, the Hawks would have time and space to tinker with whatever they got for Kane in the trade, and add guys on the cheap during the 2019-20 season.

With the youngsters coming to the defense, they might as well land a bunch more for the forward corps. In full-on rebuild mode it would no longer be necessary to get a solid top-pairing defenseman, so no more even pretending to pay Karlsson or Dougie Hamilton or anyone else to come here. Boqvist, Mitchell, and Beaudin, in some combination or all three, would be playing on Madison St. with zero-fucks-to-give Keith and Immovable Nachos as VETERAN PRESENCE. Maybe one of two of them gets packaged for a deal of equally talented youngins’. Toews would play the elder statesman role on the offensive side, and they could see what randos and kids can do with Alex DeBrincat and Dylan Strome for the next year.

This would also open up roster space for guys already in the Hawks system, read: Dylan Sikura. Oh, and remember Victor Ejdsell? What the hell ever happened to him? (He was hurt, yes, but I mean in the larger sense.) The Ice Hogs are bottom feeders right now too, so anyone in Rockford with any talent isn’t likely to develop in any meaningful way, so let’s see if they can do anything with the top club. And if they can’t, move them out. Then the pipeline is open to start gathering the talent and assets necessary for the Hawks to be consistently good again in a few years’ time.

Shut Up, Lana

I know, you understand how rebuilds work. But any logic or sensibility in this plan is overshadowed by the visceral feeling of loss. The loss of a player who, for better AND for worse, is beloved by a huge contingent of fans. And the loss of any pretense that the Hawks are still the same team we’ve known and loved these past 10+ years. Sure, some of the core would still be here, but without Patrick Kane this isn’t the same team, and there would be no chance of even pretending this is the same organization that won three Cups in five years. Quenneville’s firing was the wake-up call to that; Kane leaving would be the final death knell of any remaining argument.

That’s what hurts the most. Knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that a golden age has ended and that mediocrity and, at best, normalcy are stretching out interminably before us. But it’s coming sooner or later. Something has to change significantly or else this team and this situation isn’t going to get any better. And nostalgia shouldn’t stand in the way of progress—the good times can be remembered and celebrated, but if we ever want them to come back, this road is coming.