Everything Else

I’m Saving Myself For Something Beautifully True – Hawks at Blues – Game 1 Preview, Debt Consolodation

By 1455

evil empire at imos blues

Game Time: 8:30PM CDT
TV/Radio: CSN, NBCSN, SportsNet360, TVA-S, WGN-AM 720
If A Urinal Cake Were A Town: St. Louis GameTime

As far as inevitabilities go, the Hawks and Blues meeting in the first round of the playoffs this year is right up there with death, taxes, and David Haugh writing something profoundly ignorant, stupid, and damaging. And with this series, all of the old war horses once again will be trotted out, from the Hawks “turning it on” and hockey followers everywhere from local to national believing beyond a shadow of a doubt that this time it will be different for the Blues.

Everything Else

Reasons For Optimism… No, I’m Serious. Don’t Look At Me That Way

By 1387

You might say things look a little dark in Hawkdom these days. You might say they look darker than a black steer’s tookus on a moonless prairie night. Their most important skater is facing a suspension that has a chance of seeping into the playoffs. They don’t know when their goalie who is most responsible for their record this year is going to be able to return. Their other MVP isn’t scoring at near the rate he has before as teams have focused on that line and the top one hasn’t been able to bail him out. We’ve been over the defense.

But all is not lost, my friends. There are reasons that the Hawks could yet have a long spring. I’m totally serious. Let’s go through them. Caveat: None of these mean shit if either or both of Keith and Crawford miss significant playoff time. Then they’re totally boned. Sorry.

Everything Else

4th Time’s the Charm: Wild at Hawks Preview/Sunday Dinner

By 1435

Zakk-Wylde-by-Ivan-Chopik vs. Hawk Wrestler

PUCK DROP: 7:30 Central

TV/RADIO: NBCSN, WGN Radio

GOIN’ CRAZY OUT BY DA LAKE DERE: Hockey Wilderness

Wild Stats

Wild War On Ice

The Hawks get to round out their tour of Central Division jobbers tonight with a home date against the Green and Red from the Twin Cities. Even though the Wild are going to have scrape and claw to just get the last playoff spot over the Avalanche, that doesn’t mean they haven’t been a total headache for the Hawks this season. It’s something you’d think the Hawks want to set straight, but at this time of year we’re never certain where the Hawks focus is.

Everything Else

Outside The Velvet Ropes: Kings 5 – Hawks 0

By 1670

Box Score

Event Summary

War On Ice

When you play two first place teams in a row, and you lose by a combined score of 10-2, that’s not exactly encouraging. If you chalk it up to the normal nonchalance of the Hawks at this time of year, that’s pretty extreme nonchalance even from them. While this one looks bad, I’m not sure it’s quite as bad as the scoreline would indicate. Although, when they don’t get a power play goal, this has kind of been what it has looked like.

But to the point, in the first two periods when the game was still either tied, within one, or within two, the Hawks got some prime looks from down low. They hit the post twice, they missed the net twice, and had one or two others saved or deflected that on another night would have turned the game in a vastly different direction. Falling behind the Kings is never a good idea because they can just sit around their net and dare you to get shots through from the point, which is what they did basically after Lecavalier scored. But early in the game, the Hawks could have put themselves right there.

Everything Else

Modern Day Catastrophists – Kings vs Hawks Preview, Hypnotherapy Session

By 1319

20232_king-of-hearts vs evil empire

Game Time: 7:00PM Central
TV/Radio: CSN+, NBCSN, SportsNet, WGN-AM 720
Hollywood Bowl: JFTC, Royal Half

On paper, it’s surprising that what’s become very clear as the vocal majority of Hawks fans aren’t more nakedly jealous of Kings fans. With basically an equal amount of success as the Hawks, Kings fans have been able to enjoy the organization from management to players being unrepentant pieces of since the summer of 2012 (when Drew Doughty was also accused of sexual assault and no one even to this day still seems to give a shit about) without having to mansplain themselves to Social Justice Warriors out to ruin the good times of white men everywhere.

Whether that’s a function of no one giving a fuck about the Kings on a national level even after winning two of the last four cups and leading their division for most of this year, or that Kings fans as a whole merely think it’s funny when it happens to other people without the slightest bit of self-reflection, their loyalty remains largely unquestioned to this point. The option of being able to enjoy their shit SPORTS franchise in uninterrupted complacency without being made to ask larger questions is certainly an option most would take.

Everything Else

As You Were – Hawks at Blues Preview, Dog And Pony Show

By 1494

evil empire at bluestrumpet_jersey

Game Time: 7:00PM Central
TV/Radio: NBCSN, TVA-S, WGN-AM 720
Literally A Fucking Radioactive Trash Pile: St. Louis Game Time

Because literally nothing John McDonough and Jay Blunk do is on accident or by coincidence, the NHL’s quiet announcement that they have concluded their “investigation” of Patrick Kane and have predictably found nothing calls into question a couple other media blips over the past 24 hours.

First, yesterday afternoon the geniuses running the Hawks’ social media department thought it was important to include Patrick Kane and his mother in a tweet acknowledging International Women’s Day, which is insulting and disgusting. And today it leaked that Sports Illustrated will be doing a (regional) cover story on just how much Garbage Dick has had to overcome this year on his way to being the league’s leading scorer and a Hart Trophy front runner. Because John McDonough is very good at his job, these events are not to be viewed as anything other than deliberate and connected.

And the purpose of it is potentially two-fold. At the very least, with any bureaucratic loose ends now tied up with the conclusion of the NHL’s farce of an investigation, which allows McDonough and Blunk to start building a ground game and controlling a narrative ahead of what they figure to be a bright and direct spotlight once again on this team into May and June. The second more stomach-churning purpose is for a potential Masterton Trophy nomination, the NHL’s perseverance award for which every team submits its candidate. It would be a tremendously nauseating and ballsy move on their part, considering recent winners include a widower, a bereaved father, and an MS sufferer. But John McDonough is known for big moves after all.

[extremely sportsy radio host voice]….just like tonight’s big rivalry night tilt in St. Louis between the Blues and Hawks!

Everything Else

Crow For Hart

By 1473

Yesterday I tweeted out the hashtag #CrowForHart, mostly tongue in cheek but with some sincerity. It’s only based on the fact that I like to jump all over pretty much anything Eddie Olczyk says, and for the past little while Eddie Plugs has been saying that Holtby should not just win the Vezina, but should be a finalist for the Hart Trophy as well, along with Patrick Kane and I assume Alex Ovechkin (though Seguin, Benn, and especially Erik Karlsson would have serious cases as well).

So the following comes with some caveats. One, this article only works if you believe in Eddie’s claim that Holtby should get Hart consideration, because I’m going to show you why then it makes more sense that Crow should get that if you believe that. Second, really, a goalie should probably always win the MVP, because no one holds more sway over a team in any sport. Seriously, the Panthers would probably be looking at competing for the #1 pick without Luongo instead of leading the division until the weekend. The Rangers probably would have made the playoffs once in the past decade without Lundqvist. We can go up and down on this. So if you think that goalies should be contained to to just Vezina consideration, I totally understand.

Anyway, let’s do it, and we’ll start with this:

Screen Shot 2016-03-07 at 1.39.16 PM

Everything Else

Gotta Get In To Get Out: Wings 1 – Hawks 4

By 1307

Box Score

Event Summary

War On Ice

You’ve probably written this wrap in your head before you even get to this. The Hawks aren’t great, Crawford holds a deluge of shots and chances at bay, Hawks get enough from the power play and a couple mistakes from the opponent to make it look like an easy win. I don’t know how many of the Hawks now 41 wins would fall into this category, but it’s gotta be approaching 40% or 50%. It matters not, he is your king.

I thought the Wings would try and come out a little more conservative than they did on Wednesday. Shows what I know, Detroit was even more aggressive this time, though it led to a bad pinch for the first Hawks goal and a penalty for the second that each came on Hawks rushes.

But after that… well you could safely say the Hawks were rolled. From the time Keith scored in the first until Anisimov scored in the 3rd period the Wings had 43 attempts. The Hawks had 20. The Wings constantly buzzed the Hawks defense down low, causing a gaggle of turnovers and mistakes. Their defense held the line and the Hawks couldn’t get past them. They couldn’t play at the Wings’ speed, but it didn’t matter because Crawford was in net. You don’t take advantage of dominance like that, you’re asking for it when playing a team like the Hawks. Sure enough, Hawks get a PP in the 3rd, ballgame. It’s just that simple.

To the bluffs!

Everything Else

You Used To Be Beautiful: Red Wings at Hawks Preview/Can Can

By 1310

1202413387 vs. Hawk Wrestler

PUCK DROP: 4pm Central

TV/RADIO: CSN, NHL Network, WGN Radio 720

PIZZA!PIZZA!: Winging It In Motown

Red Wings Stats

Red Wings War On Ice

A rare Sunday late-afternoon start will see the Hawks and Wings wrap up their now miniature season-series, because their fans were tired of having to stay up past 11pm or something. It’s not what it was, but the limited engagements does make them feel special in a different way. Beauty is not in permanence, it would seem.