Everything Else

I’m A Lincoln Monologue, I’m Livin’ Like A God: Hawks 2 – Sens 1

By 1259

Box Score

Natural Stat Trick

“Some guys look at this glass and say it’s half full. Some guys would say it’s half empty. I’m bettin’ you’re one of the half-empty guys.”

“Well what would you, if every day was exactly the same, and nothing you did mattered?”

“That about sums it up for me.”

The last bit of life ennui is brought to you by Guy Boucher, who in high school was voted most likely to take lemons and make it a Chekhov play. Some coaches would look at a roster of 12, fast, and at least decently skilled forwards and think, “Hey, I can make some things happen offensively here!” Guy Boucher looks at a roster of 12 fast, decently skilled forwards and thinks, “Hey, I can use this speed to make sure they all get back to the neutral zone to trap in plenty of time and make every fan question the meaning of existence!”

Everything Else

I’ll Tell Ya Another Thing About Canada, The Beer Sucks: Hawks at Canadiens Preview/Glass Blowing

By 1803

 vs. 

RECORDS: Hawks 43-20-5   Canadiens 39-22-8

PUCK DROP: 6:30 Central

TV: CSN, NBCSN

JEAN-JACQUES SMYTHES: Habs Eyes On The Prize

PROJECTED LINEUPS

ADJUSTED TEAM CORSI %: Hawks – 50.9 (11th)  Habs – 52.4 (4th)

ADJUSTED TEAM xGF%: Hawks – 48.7 (19th)  Habs – 52.8 (5th)

POWER PLAY %: Hawks – 18.8 (17th)  Habs – 20.3 (12th)

PENALTY KILL %: Hawks – 77.7 (27th)  Habs – 80.5 (17th)

The Hawks begin an Eastern Canadian road trip, touring the northern members of the Atlantic division all in a row. It starts with invading the constant carnival that is the Montreal Canadiens. And now this carnival comes with a full compliment of carny folk and a freak show. Because that’s how they want it up there.

Everything Else

Easy There, College Boy

By 1624

Sometimes I wonder how much the Hawks were scarred by having Kevin Hayes spurn their advances and head to free agency after completing his college career. They’ve certainly never let that happen again, though I don’t know how much of a threat that was with any of their college prospects. There were some whispers that John Hayden was looking longingly at the open market, so the Hawks signed him up last night. And they did it by promising he could get int eh lineup this season, thus burning one of the two years on his ELC and getting him to a second contract that much quicker. Because that went so well for Kyle Baun Baun Kyle Baun Baun, Drew LeBlaahhhhh, and all the other jokers the Hawks have punted into a game from the college ranks at the end of a season.

Everything Else

You’re A Big Man But You’re Out Of Shape: Wild 2 – Hawks 4

By 1366

Box Score

Natural Stat Trick

I’ll admit to having been a touch worried about Corey Crawford lately. It was starting to look a bit last year. In both seasons, for the first half of the campaign Crow was asked to perform miracles and paranormal phenomenons to keep the wolves from the door. Last year, under the weight of all that he faded at the end, and was only good in the playoffs which wasn’t good enough. We don’t know yet if this year will see the same fade, but of late he just hasn’t been as good as he was earlier in the year. He’d strung four great starts together, but then there was Detroit–where he admittedly didn’t have any help either. And it’s kind of what we’ve seen from Feb. 1 on.

Today was definitely vintage Crow, which gave his teammates the platform to capitalize on the opportunities they did create. And there’s your difference. The Hawks finished theirs because of their greater top-end firepower. Kane, Panarin, and Hossa on the scoresheet. The Wild didn’t. And this is almost certainly how it will go in May when these two teams see each other again.

Let’s clean it up:

Everything Else

The Jay Cutler Salute: Hawks 2 – Wings 4

By 1271

I suppose it’s fitting that in the first day of the post-Cutler era the Hawks showed about as much verve as he was falsely accused of showing on some gamedays (#CuttyForever). I’m not going to put any more focus onto this wrap than the Hawks did in this game tonight, so here’s a musical representation of just how interested the Hawks were in Joe Louis Arena tonight:

Everything Else

Burn That Seat: Hawks at Wings Preview/PFT

By 1262

 vs. 

RECORDS: Hawks 42-19-5   Wings 25-29-11

PUCK DROP: 6:30pm Central

TV: CSN, NHLN for those not around here

THE UNMENTIONABLES: Winging It In Motown

PROJECTED LINEUPS

ADJUSTED TEAM CORSI %: Hawks – 51.2 (9th)  Wings – 47.4 (25th)

ADJUSTED TEAM xGF%: Hawks – 49.2 (17th)  Wings – 47.3 (27th)

POWER PLAY %: Hawks – 19.3 (15th)  Wings – 12.6 (Dead Ass Last)

PENALTY KILL %: Hawks – 77.2 (27th)  Wings – 81.3 (13th)

The last game at the Joe. There probably won’t be any tear shed by any Hawks fan. I suppose there’s some feeling of lost that this is basically the last “old” building in the league, and it’s going to go the way of all the others. Soon, the Wings will move into yet another faceless, corporate, sterile building to go with their faceless, sterile team. But for Hawks fans, the amount of fucksticks and shitheels that used to grace the surface at Joe Louis Arena will mean sentimentality will certainly be at a minimum.

Everything Else

Why Do Guys Like You And Me Know What A Bernier Is?: Ducks 1 – Hawks 0

By 1257

Box Score

Natural Stat Trick

Well that’s a funny looking strike.

These are the games that really annoy fans like you and us, and not because the Hawks got goalie’d by the Ducks backup. That happens. It’s hockey. This is why it should have been Andy Warhol’s favorite sport, because any jamoke in the gear can have his night. Bernier’s actually been really good the past few appearances, so whatever.

No, what’s annoying is you’ll see a bunch of utterances and belches from players and coaches about how they didn’t get traffic, or didn’t get the greasy goal, or their shot selection is off, because no one can ever admit the guy in the other crease was just better than everyone else. There was nothing wrong about what the Hawks did tonight. They had traffic. They had chances. Another night, they go in. This was not another night. Move on.

Anyway, guess we’d better clean it up.

Everything Else

Voices Scream, Nothing’s Seen: Ducks at Hawks Preview/Spice Garden Class

By 1187

 vs. 

RECORDS: Ducks 34-22-10   Hawks 42-18-5

PUCK DROP: 7:30 pm Central

TV: CSN

GOT A RIDE AND A REASON TO IGNORE YOU: Anaheim Calling, Also Jen Neale of Puck Daddy tweets about the Ducks a lot @MsJenNeale_PD but she’s a gross girl who eats her own boogers and possibly worms so don’t talk to her

Probable Lineups

ADJUSTED TEAM CORSI %: Ducks – 50.2 (18th)  Hawks – 51.2 (9th)

ADJUSTED TEAM xGF%: Ducks – 52.2 (7th)  Hawks – 49.1 (18th)

POWER PLAY %: Ducks – 19.0 (16th)  Hawks – 19.4 (15th)

PENALTY KILL %: Ducks – 84.8 (6th)  Hawks – 76.9 (27th)

It came a little later than usual, thanks to injuries, but the Hawks are going to have their usual “New Toy Night” tonight after the trade deadline, as Johnny Oduya will bring that life-affirming beard back out onto the UC ice tonight, opposite his muse of yore (if two seasons ago can be considered “yore.” I’m not too clear on what the qualifications on “yore” are) Niklas Hjalmarsson who will also return from tonight.

Everything Else

Dr. Livingston, I Presume: Penguins at Hawks Preview/PFT Test

By 1230

 vs. 

RECORDS: Penguins  38-15-8  Hawks  39-18-5

PUCK DROP: 7pm Central

TV: NBCSN (because hoo boy is this a “rivalry”!!!!)

IRON CITY BEER SUCKS: The Pensblog

PROJECTED LINEUPS

ADJUSTED TEAM CORSI %: Penguins – 51.8 (9th)  Hawks – 51.2 (10th)

ADJUSTED TEAM xGF%: Penguins – 54.0 (3rd)  Hawks – 49.1 (16th)

POWER PLAY %: Penguins – 21.6 (9th)  Hawks – 18.9 (16th)

PENALTY KILL%: Penguins – 80.3 (20th)  Hawks – 76.4 (28th)

You don’t get many marquee matchups in the league anymore. No one cares about the Wild yet, despite their bleeding, so the only teams from the West that anyone in the East is the least bit interested in seeing are San Jose and the Hawks (sit down, Kings, no one gives a shit about you either). And really in the East, there aren’t too many more teams you’d make time out for. So over the NHL season, there’s really only six to eight games that would get the dreaded and overused “Final preview” tag. This happens to be one of them, and you better believe it’s what everyone in the NHL offices is absolutely dying to see. Not that it matters, because if any league could completely biff any momentum from the Gone-Plaid-Speed of a possible Pens-Hawks Final, it’s this home for wayward children.

Everything Else

Johnny Kick A Hole In The Sky

By 2447

Yes, that is a Chili Peppers reference and yes, there was a time when the Chili Peppers were good. It’s far off in the distance now, most of you were probably not born or forgot there was a time when you were young. I know I have. But I swear to you, there was a time. And it was more than the time Anthony Kiedis shot himself in the foot in Point Break, which is assuredly the first joke McClure will make and I’m going to beat him to the punch.

BUT THAT’S NOT WHY YOU CALLED.

The Hawks did address defensive depth tonight, something that had been rumored they were thinking about which confused us all, just a bit. They acquired Johnny Oduya from the Dallas Stars for the gimp they’ve been keeping in the cellar known as Mark McNeill, a 4th round pick that can become a 3rd depending on how the spring goes for the Hawks, and the Stars will retain 50% of O.D’s salary. Make your joke about Jim Nill’s water retention here…