Everything Else

At this point, we’re pretty sure Doug Wilson is just trolling the world, and when he gets to about the fourth or fifth round in the draft he just takes the dumbest name possible. Any kid who’s come through the Sharks system has had a dumbass name for what feels like 10 years.

Check out the current roster: Melker? Brenden with an e? Joonas? Barclay Fucking Goodrow? Where do you find these people? They even have a Timo, and we all know the only Timo allowed is Timo Perez and that’s only so Hawk Harrelson can yell at him. C’mon Timo!

This is long-standing tradition in the Bay Area, and maybe that’s why it’s happened. There are plenty of annoying people there with annoying fucking names and maybe the Sharks are just trying to appeal to their base. Mirco Mueller? Eriah Hayes? Hell, even Tommy Wingels needs the prologue of “it’s a name not a condition.”

We also have their dumb-shit beards with Thornton and Burns, and we can only hope they get tangled in each other in a playoff game. It’s like the Sharks are trying way too hard to convince you they’re weird and cool. Which is pretty much the whole area around them as well.

On second thought, just blow up the Bay Area. Wait, all we have to do is be patient and it’ll just go away, right? Yeah, ok.


Game #62 Preview




Douchebag Du Jour

I Make A Lot Of Graphs

Lineups & How Teams Were Built

Everything Else

In about five years, if you’re not already, we’re all going to look back and just wonder how in the hell the Sharks ever came out of the West. It was the perfect storm for them I suppose, as the bottom dropped out on pretty much every other team that had kept them down for so long and they were able to rise by standing still. It might be as good as things get for the Sharks for a while. Teams aren’t supposed to be completely handcuffed by the departure of a 35-year-old, one-dimensional scorer. It’s the kind of thing you buttress your team against. And yet, here the Sharks are, still holding a bouquet of flowers for Patrick Marleau in the rain, unaware that they’ve completely wilted now and wondering just where their love went. And it hasn’t allowed them to come up with too many answers otherwise either.

San Jose Sharks

’16-’17 Record: 46-29-7  99 points (3rd in Pacific, coldcocked by Oilers in Round 1)

Team Stats 5v5: 51.1 CF% (8th)  51.8 SF% (4th)  51.4 SCF% (9th)  7.8 SH% (14th)  .924 SV% (12th)

Special Teams: 16.6 PP% (25th)  80.6 PK% (16th)

Everything Else

I did this a little while ago, and we’ve got a couple days here with not much to talk about. So now that the Hawks are exactly two-thirds of the way through the season, thought we’d check back in on the awards chases. And once again we’ll try and look at these things more logically than the actual voters will.

Hart – Connor McDavid

Earlier in the year, this would have been Sidney Crosby no question. But Sid’s scoring rate has slowed just a touch, and the Penguins are kinda good when Sid isn’t on the ice. When McJesus isn’t on the ice for the Oilers, they are straight up bad. Patrick Maroon already has seven more goals this season than he’s ever scored in a season. Leon Draisaitl is straight up clocking chumps. He leads the league in points. You don’t have to overthink this one much.

Everything Else


Game Time: 9:30PM CST
TV/Radio: CSN, WGN-AM 720
The Ol’ Diamondback Sturgeon: Fear The Fin

Now that the All Star wank-fest weekend has concluded in L.A., the NHL resumes what can be construed as the beginning of the end of the 82 game road to nowhere- the month between the the break and the trade deadline. And the Hawks will begin this stretch in San Jose at the start of a six game road trip while looking to correct some mistakes made to some of the also-rans of the league last week.

Everything Else


RECORDS: Sharks 19-11-1  Hawks 21-8-4

PUCK DROP: 6pm Central

TV: WGN, NHL-N outside the 606

CHUM: @ItWasThreeZero


ADJUSTED TEAM CORSI %: Sharks – 52.5 (8th)  Hawks – 50.1 (15th)

ADJUSTED TEAM xGF%: Sharks – 53.2 (6th)  Hawks – 47.5 (20th)

POWER PLAY: Sharks – 17.8 (14th)  Hawks – 18.4 (14th)

PENALTY KILL: Sharks – 81.7 (17th)  Hawks – 73.3 (30th)

TRENDS: Joel Ward was a healthy scratch in Montreal… Brent Burns leads the league in shots

After quashing whatever was being vocalized from St. Louis about being a competitor in the West, the Hawks will welcome the San Jose Sharks tonight, and these two look for all the world to be headed toward each other again in deep spring. So while there’s no such thing as statement games, if you want to toss around the phrase “playoff preview” it’s actually somewhat apt.

Everything Else

shark vs. Ron-Cey

PUCK DROP: Just after 7pm Central


THOSE HYPERVENTILATING: Pensblog, Pensburgh, Battle of Cali, Canafornians

Figure with only the one game we can give it the usual preview treatment.

You may recall a few years ago, when people still scoffed at the idea of puck possession and Corsi and all that and that having the puck was a good thing (hey that’s today too!), there were some out there who claimed, usually from Toronto, that they were opportunistic. That they played counter-attacking and hence would purposely give up the puck to then spring out faster when it was turned over.

Everything Else

The “Fuck Boston” aspect of this series really isn’t getting enough play. While most are quick to rightfully piss all over Steve Simmons and his vendetta against Phil “Nice Guy, Tries Hard” Kessel, the fact that this is even a storyline along with Joe Thornton is because of the Bruins’ utter ineptitude in the front office. The entire organization perpetuates the city’s self-inflated image of being blue collar white guys getting by on minimal skill. It’s why Joe Haggerty has a dog named Looch and still has a priapism as a result of Shawn Thortnon’s leadership.

The first round picks this team has traded away is almost as staggering as the horseshit return they’ve received for them. Joe Thornton for Marco Sturm and Wayne Primeau. Kessel for picks. Blake Wheeler for Boris Valabik and Rich Peverley (sky point). Tyler Seguin (who was a pick in the Kessel trade) for a useful-but-who-gives-a-shit Loui Eriksson, and Dougie Hamilton (also a pick from the Kessel deal) for basically nothing. The pedigree they have shipped elsewhere because of some mythical and elusive notion of grit and leadership is truly amazing, added to the retrograde thinking at the highest levels of the team that have spearheaded three work stoppages. That they won a Cup in this era with this unbelievably bad asset management will go down as just as big of a “what the fuck?” cup winner as the Hurricanes once history gives proper perspective.

Everything Else

salsa shark vs evil empire

Game Time: 7:30PM Central
TV/Radio: CSN, WGN-AM 720
Optimal Tip-To-Tip Efficiency: Fear The Fin

Due to a fortunate bit of scheduling, the Capades’ stand at the United Center coincided with the NHL All Star game, and as a result the Hawks’ only played four games away from the West Side in their 16 days since last being at home. And they’ll do so tonight against the Sharks, a team no one can figure out what exactly it is they’re doing.

Everything Else

oldschool at salsa shark

Game Time: 3:00PM Central
TV/Radio: WGN, SportsNet (Canada), NHLN (US), WGN-AM 720
Josh Costine Is The Antichrist: Fear The Fin

With the riveting thrill ride that is the Big Ten college basketball tournament taking over the United Center for the remainder of this weekend, the Hawks now find themselves subjected to the extremely rare California matinee. And unlike Thursday in the desert, these two points are actually critical for both teams to obtain.