Everything Else

Decision Day

By 1531

I’ve seen people in some circles complain that we had to wait nearly a full month into the Stanley Cup Playoffs to get a Game 7. None in the first round and all that. Me? I love it.

Game 7s should be the thing you never want to get to. The “Please Don’t Make Us Do This” level. The absolute last resort. The “We’ve tried everything else and now this is the only way we can reach a conclusion. This is our only path to catharsis.” They should only happen a couple times per spring, to keep them special.

Because if you get a spring full of them… most of them turn out to be pretty disappointing. Rarely do you get November 2nd in Cleveland (and I still would have happily taken an easy, 6-3 Cubs win and been just as happy thank you very much) or Seabrook’s shot tipping off Kronwall’s stick and over Jimmy Howard or… well, we won’t mention that other Game 7 at home.

Everything Else

On The Verge Of History…Hilarious History, Glorious History

By 1242

People, do you realize what we’re on the verge of here? Do you understand? We’re all so swept up in watching the Capitals throw away yet another brilliant team and season that I don’t think the hockey world is paying enough attention to what could happen on the other coast. The Anaheim Ducks are just one more, 60-minute spit-up from blowing their fifth-straight 3-2 lead and losing a Game 7 at home.

FIVE! They’ve done this four times in a row! They’re halfway to their 5th! Do you understand the magnitude here?! On level of sports accomplishments, this is Kerry Wood’s 20 Ks, Jordan’s 55 in the Garden, that one game where Cutler was great behind no offensive line (I forget which one). This is going to be a Picasso, a Rembrandt, a Monet of playoff idiocy.

Everything Else

Looks Like Fun: Weekend Wrap

By 1273

You can see just how weird hockey is with the two narratives going around right now. Let’s follow them.

This weekend, one team came out of the gate roaring in a playoff game. They first 16 shots at the opposing goalie, and only give up five. But the opposing goalie has an answer for everything, and then their own goalie suddenly forgets how his limbs work for just one period. Suddenly, they’re in crisis.

Another team comes out roaring, also at home. They outshoot their opponent 29-14 in the first 40 minutes of their game. And while the opposing goalie was good, they found a way to get one goal in their period of pure dominance, and that’s the difference.

And coming out of those games, the Capitals are doing it all again and are an utter mess, whereas the Predators are sitting in the proverbial catbird seat. And really, the only difference between the two was that Cody McLeod was able to corral a puck in the air and a bounce off the outside of the net, and the Capitals got no such bounce.

Everything Else

That Looks Like Fun: Eastern Conference Game 1s and Previewing West’s Game 2s

By 1145

As much as it’s been built up, even by just me, certainly the first round of Caps-Penguins didn’t disappoint. It was just about as fast as you could hope, close, with the biggest names stepping to the fore. And yes, I mean Nick Bonino, of course.

In truth, the Caps were pretty much all over the Penguins for most of the game, kicking them around in shots and possession, the latter to the tune of a 65% adjusted Corsi-share. The Caps can get push from all three pairings from Carlson, ShattenKevin, Orlov, and even Schmidt. The Pens aren’t short of go even without Letang with Hainsey, Schultz, and Daley but it’s just not the quality of what Washington is rolling. And you don’t want to be in a place where you really have to depend on Schultz and Daley, however good they’ve looked in black and gold.

Everything Else

Life Goes On: Western Conference 2nd Round Preview

By 2476

It won’t for most Hawks fans, as we know that the majority of the fanbase heads over to Wrigley once the Hawks are done (and a few lost and desperate souls head to Comiskey, which they should because the food and beer is so much better), but the NHL playoffs do continue once they’re out of it. And they kick off tomorrow night in the West, before we get to what will be the main event on Thursday in the East. And we don’t have much else to do, so let’s preview both series.

Predators vs. Blues

This is probably too distasteful for most Hawks fans, but I don’t really have any bile for the Predators. I think you all know how I feel about the Blues. Luckily, I think the latter is up against it.

Everything Else

Nothing But A Lotta Talk And A Badge: Hawks 0 – Ducks 4

By 1408

I bet before Quenneville decided to rest everyone that matters save The Fun Boys and Kruger and a handful of others–and if the Hawks’ cap space and travel situation would have allowed it they would have iced the entire Hogs team–he looked ahead and saw that the Hawks would be playing a game that didn’t matter to them but did matter to the Ducks. And once he saw that I’m sure he knew that this game was going to involve a far too high level of bullshit that there would be no reason to subject his veterans to. I’m sure he told Toews that he can’t risk putting him out there to deal with any Kesler ridiculousness and losing him for any game that matters. Don’t need any of the top three d-men taking Perry slashes to the ankles, and so on.

And so it played out, the Ducks proving why they would be the most detestable organization in the league if anyone every bothered to remember they exist. This is a team that’s now won it’s division five straight seasons, and do you even give a shit? Of course you don’t, because it never matters in the end. The only time you think about them is when they prove time and time again that the lessons they learned from winning in 2007 have nothing to do with the two Hall of Famers they had on the blue line, the real reason they won. They’re still under the impression that GRIT and HITZ and TOUGHNESS and FAAAARRRRTTTT is currency in this league, which is how they end up re-hiring a giant pimple who can’t make toast as coach.

Everything Else

The Playoff Buffet

By 1466

Much like the players themselves, or so it seems, it’s hard for Hawks fans to stay locked in for the last two and a half weeks of the season. We know where the Hawks are finishing, and other than the “IT’S ALIVE!” method of experimenting with his lineup that Quenneville sometimes delves into, there isn’t a lot of drama.

About the only thing left is for the Hawks to figure out who they’ll be opening the playoffs against, and thanks to how the West has shaped up over the past couple weeks, it could be any one of six teams. And if the Wild keep going the way they’re going, it could actually be one of seven.

As of right now, it would be the Blues again, for the third time in four years. But they’re one point behind the Predators for third in the division. And the Preds are only one point behind the Flames, who hold the first wild-card spot. Who themselves are only one point behind the Oilers and Sharks, who are only two points behind the Ducks, and the Wild are only two points ahead of that. So it could any of that.

What should you prefer?

Everything Else

Why Do Guys Like You And Me Know What A Bernier Is?: Ducks 1 – Hawks 0

By 1218

Box Score

Natural Stat Trick

Well that’s a funny looking strike.

These are the games that really annoy fans like you and us, and not because the Hawks got goalie’d by the Ducks backup. That happens. It’s hockey. This is why it should have been Andy Warhol’s favorite sport, because any jamoke in the gear can have his night. Bernier’s actually been really good the past few appearances, so whatever.

No, what’s annoying is you’ll see a bunch of utterances and belches from players and coaches about how they didn’t get traffic, or didn’t get the greasy goal, or their shot selection is off, because no one can ever admit the guy in the other crease was just better than everyone else. There was nothing wrong about what the Hawks did tonight. They had traffic. They had chances. Another night, they go in. This was not another night. Move on.

Anyway, guess we’d better clean it up.

Everything Else

Voices Scream, Nothing’s Seen: Ducks at Hawks Preview/Spice Garden Class

By 1162

 vs. 

RECORDS: Ducks 34-22-10   Hawks 42-18-5

PUCK DROP: 7:30 pm Central

TV: CSN

GOT A RIDE AND A REASON TO IGNORE YOU: Anaheim Calling, Also Jen Neale of Puck Daddy tweets about the Ducks a lot @MsJenNeale_PD but she’s a gross girl who eats her own boogers and possibly worms so don’t talk to her

Probable Lineups

ADJUSTED TEAM CORSI %: Ducks – 50.2 (18th)  Hawks – 51.2 (9th)

ADJUSTED TEAM xGF%: Ducks – 52.2 (7th)  Hawks – 49.1 (18th)

POWER PLAY %: Ducks – 19.0 (16th)  Hawks – 19.4 (15th)

PENALTY KILL %: Ducks – 84.8 (6th)  Hawks – 76.9 (27th)

It came a little later than usual, thanks to injuries, but the Hawks are going to have their usual “New Toy Night” tonight after the trade deadline, as Johnny Oduya will bring that life-affirming beard back out onto the UC ice tonight, opposite his muse of yore (if two seasons ago can be considered “yore.” I’m not too clear on what the qualifications on “yore” are) Niklas Hjalmarsson who will also return from tonight.

Everything Else

Ducks Spotlight: Not Great, Bob

By 3167

If you’ve followed this site and/or read the program we used to do back when I wasn’t completely dead inside, you know exactly how I feel about the Anaheim Ducks. While the conjecture of recent years has been to move/fold the Coyotes or Panthers or Hurricanes, I would offer up Anaheim as simply the worst hockey market imaginable and not only would I fold the Ducks but I would then implode the Honda Center, then light the remains on fire, then light the ashes on fire, and then essentially neuralize every hockey fan everywhere so we could forget they ever existed. This is one of the dumber fanbases in one of the more terrible places in the country, despite the “happiness” contained just down the street from the Ponda Center, and quite frankly their one Stanley Cup should be erased from the record. A Cup that essentially convinced far too many hockey fans, and basically everyone in the O.C., that the Ducks won the Cup because they fought a lot and turned Brian Burke into a goddamn folk hero which we’re still fucking plagued with. Luckily, one result of that was the Leafs spinning their tires for a good few more years when they bought into that bullshit, so silver linings are always there if you look hard enough. Still, really all Burke did for that champion Ducks team was have the ingenious idea of acquiring two of the greatest d-men of all time in Neidermayer and Pronger. How brilliant.

And why yes, I was in the building in 2007 when Teemu Selanne scored a hat trick against the Hawks, which in no way will be the central point of my note when you find me hanging from a ceiling beam down the road sometime. Also, while we’re on the subject, if a player had the same production curve at the same age as Selanne in baseball, wouldn’t we be all chanting, “H-G-H!” at him? Just a question. But I guess when you’re white and good with the media we don’t do that type of thing, huh?