Everything Else

American Gothic

By 2074

There isn’t much I can add to what everyone else said last night about Team USA. We basically knew this team was doomed the minute the preliminary roster was released and Justin Abdelkader was on it. We knew they were further doomed when the U-23 players wouldn’t be available, though we were suspicious that they would have been picked anyway given USA Hockey’s, and really hockey in general’s, adherence to veterans and #GRITHEARTSANDPAPERFAAAAARRRT.

Last night I spent a fair amount of time baffled at how Dean Lombardi had put together two Cup winners (though I guess it’s really one team that won twice when they’re that close together) if this is what he prioritized for Team USA. But the thing is, there was a time when Lombardi totally got it. While the Kings first Cup team was big and nasty and relied on Quick to bash their way to a parade, the 2014 team beat the Hawks at their own game. Lombardi saw what needed to be done and added Gaborik, called up Pearson and Toffoli and let them run. All of that was added to Doughty, Martinez, Voynov, and Muzzin who could really push the play. Remember the pace at which that Conference Final was played. That wasn’t neanderthal hockey. That was hockey as it should be. Where did that Dean Lombardi go?

Apparently he was lost long ago as he tried to back it up after that with the likes of Milan Lucic, Brayden McNabb, and Vinny Lecavalier. Maybe he was on drugs in 2014?

Everything Else

Russia Tries Something New

By 1551

See now this is what I’m talking about.

We have our most exciting game of the tournament, Russia-North America from last night. And while we wax poetic about the Olympics and about the two Canada-US games from 2010, how many other great games do you remember from the Olympics? Maybe one or two others? This was as good as anything that tournament has offered up.

Ok, sure, it’s one made-up team that essentially got to pick current or about-to-be All-Stars while everyone else had harder restrictions. But it was still faster than just about anything you’re going to find in an NHL game. And that’s the point. These international tournaments are supposed to be of a higher level than what we get in the league. This is why soccer fans love the World Cup and European Championships (even though the last version of each of those has been rather dogshit). It’s the best the sport can produce. That’s what we got last night.

Everything Else

The Program, A Couple Other Announcements, And World Cup Weekend

By 1442

So as training camp approaches, it’s time for us to announce a couple changes going on here at our humble home.

First and foremost, the gameday program I have done for the past eight seasons is not coming back this season. I have a couple other projects I’m working on that really wouldn’t allow for the time to do it, and more importantly I just don’t feel it anymore. Those of you who read it every game are owed a level of dedication and focus that I just don’t think I’m capable of right now.

However, I won’t leave you totally bereft. If you feel the need to “complete the set,” I’m making every back issue available here.  It’s $10 bucks for each season, and all three commemorative issues are included with the three seasons they won the Cup. If you feel you need it, it’s there.

Everything Else

I’m Miss World Cup, Watch Me Break And Watch Me Burn: The Young Go-Hards

By 1991

We come to the end of our World Cup preview with the team that’s probably going to be the most heavily watched and the most confusing. There’s no question that Team North America is going to be the most entertaining team, at both ends. Just like a good curry. But a lot of us won’t be able to shake the feeling that this team quite simply shouldn’t exist. And seeing as how, as Feather pointed out, the US’s second and third line in on this team, it’s kind of infuriating.

The reasoning behind this team, if you squint really hard, is to market the game’s younger stars. But if you hold that theory up to any kind of light it falls apart in a hurry. One, Gaudreau, Saad, Matthews, Eichel, Larkin, Jones and Trouba would just as easily be marketed on Team USA, the team with the audience that the NHL is really trying to get to pay attention to this fucking thing and this fucking sport. Is that audience more likely to do that when they can wave the flag a bit and root for their home nation or when they look up to the bar TV and see a bunch of guys dressed as if they’re straight out of Tron? I’ll give you a minute to decide.

Everything Else

In The Time of Chimpanzees, I Was a Monkey: Pre-Tourney Thoughts & Such

By 1335

I admit; Following NHL hockey as long as I have, you set yourself to be disappointed or let down on almost everything. This way, it won’t so much when you do get dragged through the mud. There are very few things the league does or creates with the consumer in mind. They rebuilt their website to horrific results this past year, which for me, nearly caused a full on depression. Hey, remember when you could watch a game from 1994 when Roenick scored a hat trick against Winnipeg at the Old Barn whenever you wanted? Yeah, that’s no longer available.

Everything Else

I’m Miss World Cup, Watch Me Break And Watch Me Burn: Flew Into Miami Beach BOAC…

By 1624

Every time we have a big international tournament, a lot of us get sucked into the belief that Russia’s premier talent will finally shine through. Maybe it’s still the echoes and ghosts from the Red Army teams. We grew up with Russia being an international monster. It’s still somewhat ingrained.

But now they simply biff it every time. They looked a real force in the opening round in Vancouver ’10. They then gave up 19 goals to Rick Nash in the first period. They had the next Olympics at home. They were basically awful for the whole tournament and were easily swatted aside by Finland. It just never adds up to what you think it should.

If you look at two facets of this team, you’d think they have every chance of winning this thing. The forwards are loaded with scoring and speed. They have two goalies who have won Vezinas and can go supernova for two weeks at any point.

The problem is the in between is a giant sucking sound. Like, the hole that Gwar throws shit into onstage.

Everything Else

I’m Miss World Cup, Watch Me Break And Watch Me Burn: You Don’t Look Finnish

By 1492

How many Yellow Submarine references am I allowed for this? That should be the last one. After all, there’s nothing jolly about the Russians, right?

After winning two of the past three World Juniors, one would think that youth would be starting to spread onto the top international team for Finland. It doesn’t usually work out like that for international teams though. Russia’s win in Buffalo five years ago didn’t propel them to much, and the US team that won in 2013 hasn’t made huge inroads to the senior team (mostly because the core of that junior team is jammed up on Team North America).

So while the future could be bright for Finland, the present just isn’t quite there. Though it might help if their coach wasn’t making a baffling decision in net.

Everything Else

I’m Miss World Cup, Watch Me Break And Watch Me Burn: We All Live In A Yellow Submarine

By 1415

If there’s any hope for anything other than a procession for Team Canada to win this thing at home, it’s going to be wearing yellow. That didn’t work out so well in Sochi though, and now the Swedes would have to topple the hosers two out of three on their own turf. But hey, that’s only three games, and they just might be capable.

This is a sneaky solid squad, with probably the best blue line in the tournament (and it’s not even as good as it could be), bolstered by one of the two best goalies in the world, and a forward corps that might lack true star power but is littered with solid contributors up and down the lineup. It’s like the anti-USA.

Everything Else

I’m Miss World Cup, Watch Me Break And Watch Me Burn – C.I.’s World Cup Preview: Czech Republic

By 1400

Pavel Nedved is certainly more worth talking about than any of the players on this squad. Come at me.

We finish out Group A with the team almost certainly destined to be the wooden spooners of the group, the Czech Republic. It’s hard to believe now that when the Olympics first allowed the professionals to be involved, and just two years after the US had won the first World Cup, the Czechs were the ones taking home the gold medal. That’s what happens when you have the two best players at the time, one in goal in Dominik Hasek and one at forward in Jaromir Jagr (was this the last goal Jagr scored that actually mattered for anything? Discuss amongst yourselves). Sad to say, that was probably the last time the Czechs mattered on the international stage.

I’m not sure this preview has to go much further than to point out that Roman Polak is on this squad. That’s how you know it sucks deep pond scum. One day, people will figure out that Roman Polak simply can’t play. I await that day excitedly, a bottle of champagne constantly chilling in my fridge.

Everything Else

High On The Hog: Touring The Farm

By 1302

The Rockford IceHogs, Chicago’s affiliate in the American Hockey League, had their share of turnover this summer. Some familiar names depart for other opportunities, to be replaced by the hope of fresh prospects.

I will be sending weekly reports from the jewel of Winnebago County throughout the hockey season. Before the Hogs drop the puck on their regular season, I’ll be back with a more finite look at the roster once everything shakes out at Blackhawks training camp.

For now, though, I thought I’d get my mind back on hockey by taking a look at some of this summer’s activity and how the little piggies could look when things start to get serious here in a few weeks.

Jump on the tractor and let’s tour the old homestead, shall we?