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Game #38 – Hawks vs. Flames: Douchebag Du Jour – How much wood would a Tkachuk chuck if a Tkachuk could stop being an idiot?

By Adam Hess 4004 0

They say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, but in the case of the Tkachuk family, I think it’d be better to say that the shit doesn’t flow far from sewer. Keith Tkachuk was often a shithead and an occasional committer of the dirty hit/play. He averaged 1.85 PIM/game in his career, so damn near a minor penalty per game, which is honestly almost impressive. The only redeeming quality of Keith was that he was a good hockey player, with 1065 points in 1201 career games, or a .88 PPG.

His son Matthew is none of those things. No, Matthew is always a shithead, and a frequent committer of the dirty play, as you can see here. Seriously, what kind of special asshole do you need to be to have enough evidence of you being an asshole that a twelve minute video can be made to document you showing your ass just one year into your career?? He doesn’t commit penalties at quite the same rate as his dad, but with 143 PIM in 112 games so far in his career, he’s at 1.28 PIM/game already with potential to climb. He doesn’t even score at a similar rate to his father, with 70 points in his career thus far, or a .625 PPG. That basically makes him Milan Lucic (coincidence? I think not).

The problem with young Tkachuk tho is that he sometimes manages to be fun to watch. He managed to do this just a few weeks ago, which was pretty cool. And he sometimes has good taste in targets for his bullshit. But being fun to watch isn’t a redeeming quality of an asshole. If anything, it makes it more frustrating, because there is no need to engage in that useless bullshit when you can do cool hockey things instead.

But being a hockey fan might be less fun if we didn’t have villains to hate, and while there were no shortage of those before Tkachuk hit the league, it’s nice of him to be such a willing participant in ensuring there won’t be a shortage in the future either.

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Game #37 – Hawks 3 – Oilers 3 (Hawks win Quarters): They Don’t All Have To Hang In The Louvre

By Sam Fels 1944 0

Box Score

Natural Stat Trick

So no need to intro this. Shared a few thoughts on Twitter last night so a couple new ones and expounding on what we talked about before. Sorry for the delay. Technology is not my friend.

-We bitched about Duncan Keith’s lackluster effort on Thursday in Vancouver. And apparently he wasn’t pleased with it either, or got the message that his coaches weren’t. However, Duncan Keith trying to do everything is only slightly better than Duncan Keith doing nothing. He makes things happen, like Top Cat’s power play goal by standing up at the blue line that was vintage Keith. He also leaves his partner out to dry a few times. Or he doesn’t make the simple play like in the last minute when he was a foot from the red line and could have just dumped the puck into the Oilers’ zone.

You can see the thinking. If Keith can successfully cycle back into his own zone and hold onto the puck they kill more time. But it could also lead to what it did, which is a scramble, a turnover, and then a goal you can’t give up.

Keith has been put in a tough spot all year, as the only player that can play with him and allow him to do all the things he’s done is Connor Murphy, and that would frontload the defense too much. So he’s having to make up for all sorts of deficiencies. And I guess we’d rather have the super locked in and super hyper Keith than the one that’s just kind of there.

-I guess I could warm up to Jordan Oesterle’s “KEEP FIRING, ASSHOLES!” approach to the game in the offensive end. The Hawks lack any sort of threat from back there now that Seabrook can’t move and Forsling is usually in quicksand in his own end. And Oesterle usually gets his shot through. It would be better served on a third pairing. But then again, we can say that of six of the eight d-men on the Hawks right now.

-Michal Kempny once again had a 60+% Corsi. I’m sure he’ll sit on Sunday so we can see more of Cody Franson pinching in the neutral zone to a puck he won’t get within five feet of.

-As I said last night, I’m sure a lot of people expect me to point out that Jeff Glass’s rebound control was awful. Or that he lost his net too many times. Or that his glove seemed to be made of superballs. But let’s leave that aside. At the age of 32, he won his first NHL start. He spent seven years in Russia for this. Sometimes, it’s just a good story.And this one is. There’s certainly a place for it, and it’s one of the big reasons we love sports. Let’s just hope the coach doesn’t fall in love with it.

-That said, in the pregame they had a clip of Q’s pregame presser where he said he hoped that it would cause a spark and the team to rally. Clearly he wasn’t thrilled with the team’s effort in games this year. But I don’t think he’s talking to the kids. Forsling’s problem isn’t he isn’t playing hard enough. Neither is it Rutta’s. Certainly not Schmaltz’s or Top Cat’s. So where do you think that was aimed?

-Still, Q didn’t do Glass or his team any favors again. Three times in just the 1st period, he sent Schmaltz out for a defensive zone draw. You know McDavid is coming out for those. Yeah, sometimes the rotations don’t leave you much choice. But two of these were after TV timeouts. Is that a matchup you really want? Thankfully it didn’t result in any goals.

Anyway, onwards…

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Tonight I’m Gonna Rock You Tonight – December 29

By John Pullega 1349 0

Running a bit behind due the tragic crapping out of Fels’s keyboard (SKY POINT), no doubt due to the fist slamming we’ve all been doing over the Jackson Pollock in Poo version of the Blackhawks we’ve been stuck with this year. Have a look.

First Screen Viewing

Predators at Wild (7 p.m.)

Fresh off a win against St. Louis to end a three game losing streak (0-2-1), Nashville heads up to the tundra of contiguous America in an effort to widen the gap between themselves, and the Jets and Blues. Nashville continues to lead the Central Division on the backs of Forsberg the Better, Kevin Fiala, and the Most Electrifying Man in Sports, P.K. Subban. Shit Hip looks to get the start in the first game of a home and home, and tonight’s game away from Music City on national TV will spare us the piss yellows. Devan Dubnyk gets his first start in six games after suffering an injury in the lower body area, which in this cold is applicable to everyone. Minnesota holds a tenuous grasp on the last wild card spot and will undoubtedly bore their way through the dregs of the season, as is tradition.

Second Screen Viewing

Blues at Stars (7:30 p.m.)

If for nothing else than because the Hawks are looking up at both of them in the standings with little time to spare. The Bishop! will go in his sixth straight after earning the Stars six points over their last five. The Blues, sans Jabe O’Meester, can leap over the Preds in the standings with a win and a Preds loss (though with three games in hand), driving the stake of this mediocre Hawks season further into our hearts. The Blues have only managed two points in their last five games, which means they’ll likely come out spitting, snorting, and dragging their dicks around like John Lackey at a Texas Roadhouse happy hour. With any luck, the sun will explode during this game and we can all clap about the stars at night shining so big and bright that both teams come out losers.

Other Games

Buffalo at New Jersey (6:00 p.m.)

Columbus at Ottawa (6:30 p.m.)

New York Rangers at Detroit (6:30 p.m.)

Philadelphia at Tampa (6:30 p.m.)

Pittsburgh at Carolina (6:30 p.m.)

New York Islanders at Winnipeg (7:00 p.m.)

Toronto at Colorado (8:00 p.m.)

Calgary at Anaheim (9:00 p.m.)

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Game #37 – Hawks vs. Oilers Preview, Gut Check – Try Not To Trip Over Your Own Dick On Your Way To Hell

By Matt McClure 2108 0

 at 

Game Time: 8:00PM CST
TV/Radio: NBC Sports Chicago, Various SportsNet Affiliates, WGN-AM 720
Peter Pocklington’s Hairpiece: Copper N Blue, Oilers Nation

With no time to mull over whatever the fuck that was last night in Vancouver, the Hawks stay in Western Canada and head to its northern reaches in Edmonton, where they find an Oilers squad in a similar situation to themselves, with their season still stuck in second gear as well.

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Game #37 – Hawks vs. Oilers: Spotlight – The Nurseman

By Sam Fels 1903 0

There probably isn’t a non-Hawk we’ve watched closer than Darnell Nurse the past three years. We were smitten when seeing him on the ’15 Canadian junior team. He was big, he was fast, he played as if someone just broke into his car. He had skills, too. We have had too many trade proposals in our head to get him to Chicago, and far too many of them involved Brent Seabrook to think we aren’t completely delusional. Yes, we do think Peter Chiarelli is that stupid.

Still the first two years of his career, Nurse didn’t quite pop. There were flashes, but the blue line was the weakness of the Oilers and the glaring sign of “Under Repair.” But as we know, it takes young d-men some time to learn the NHL game. The benchmark is usually 200 games. It doesn’t always have to be that way.

It might just be that Nurse needed 103 games. Or maybe last year’s playoff run showed what he needs to do. Either way, the hellbeast we always envisioned might be on display now.

Nurse has simply killed the competition this year. He has a 54.8 CF%, which puts him nearly four percent above the team-rate. He has a 56% xGF%, which puts him 4.5 points over the team-rate. Most impressively, as Nurse has taken more and more minutes, he’s lowered the amount of attempts again, he’s seriously lowered the amount of shots against, and the big leap is in the types of chances he’s allowing to be aimed at Cam Talbot (because the Oilers backup goalie is an actual husky). Last year his xGA/60 was 2.65, and this year it’s 1.97. Nurse sees only about half his zone starts in the offensive end, and has been taking on the toughest competition for the Oilers all season.

Perhaps most impressive is that Nurse has done this while dragging around some real deep-frier-runoff as his partner. Most of his season has been with Adam Larsson, who is the very definition of “fine.” Away from Nurse, Larsson’s rates–Corsi, Fenwick, scoring-chances, whatever–all fall somewhere between 5-10%. Lately, Nurse has been skating with Russell, the most ear-flush partner you can get. All of Russell’s rates drop 10% or more when away from Nurse. He is the tonic for this team, and could set the blue line to be just fine for a while.

That will be something of a challenge for the Oilers, of course. Nurse’s entry-level deal is up after this year, and the Oilers only have somewhere between $15-$20 million, depending on what the cap does after this season, to sign somewhere around 10 players. That’s thanks to Run CMD’s extension and Draisaitl’s as well. It can be done, especially if they fill some gaps with other kids, but they’re going to have hold down Nurse’s new contract number.

Whatever Nurse wants, the Oilers shouldn’t hesitate. They have a real #1 d-man in the making here, and it doesn’t take much more. The Kings got two Cups because of Drew Doughty turning Jake Muzzin into something useful and like one other second pairing guy. The Penguins barely had a #1 d-man. The Lightning have Victor Hedman, two second pairing guys in Stralman and Sergachev, and that’s it. Perhaps no position makes more of a difference than having a true #1 d-man who can just punt the play up the ice every time he’s on the ice.

Nurse might not ever be a huge offensive contributor, but he doesn’t have to be if his feet and defense simply get the puck up to McDavid and Draisaitl quickly and let them go. He could rack up points the way Duncan Keith did, standing up at his line, creating turnovers there, and getting the puck up to his forwards ASAP. The Oilers have others who can score from there.

This season may have been a downer so far for EdMo. But this is the biggest highlight so far.

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Game #37 – Hawks vs. Oilers: Q&A With Some Shaved Ape We Found

By Sam Fels 1961 0

Scott Lewis works for some alternative station in Toronto. He claims he used to work at TSN. We’re not sure. But he’s an Oilers fan, or at least a fair approximation of one. So we let him do this, and rewarded him with many treat pellets as a result. Follow him on Twitter @TheScottLewis.

Why do the Oilers blow chunks?
The Oilers’ struggles begin and end with Peter Chiarelli. They’re thin on the wing after he traded one of the league’s best in Taylor Hall so he could sign his large adult son Milan Lucic. Then he shipped Jordan Eberle out for Ryan Strome, who’s probably got a couple All-Star campaigns in him in the AHL. On top of that Chiarelli values Kris Russell’s severe case of shittiness because he spends most of his ice time chasing the puck around or diving in front of it because he’s shitty. Did I mention he traded picks, including a first rounder that became Matthew Barzal, for Griffin fucking Reinhart? I don’t know how PC hasn’t been levied with a restraining order to stay away from under-25 talent.
Why won’t they just let Draisaitl play center and be deep down the middle like most good teams with Run CMD and RNH as well?
Draisaitl with Hall on the wing was one of the deadliest Oilers duos I’ve watched since 1988. I’m just a former NHL media body and decent EA Sports GM, but I may have given them a run together on the second line with a full healthy season from McDavid on L1. I guess Chiarelli’s self-induced dearth on the wing is why Draisaitl doesn’t see regular duty at center.
What dumbass(es) are they going to end up trading Nugent-Hopkins for?
Seeing as the Oilers are in desperate need of help on the wing, I fully expect GM PC to move RNH for some bag of bones like Radim Vrbata and picks. Maybe James Neal when Las Vegas crashes back to earth. If it’s RNH for an defenceman I’d put money on Cody Ceci. That’s a Chiarelli move for sure. I’m aiming low because I’m a realist.
Is Darnell Nurse closer to being the new Chris Pronger that we’ve always hoped he’d be?
I’m in the Nurse’s shot at becoming a legit top-pairing defenceman ship has sailed camp. It’s hilarious that the Edmonton media went wild for Nurse after he pounded the ever-loving piss out of an unwilling and  vulnerable Roman Polak a couple years back. I still think he can be a solid second-pairing D-man. I’d love to be proven wrong here.
Somehow, the Oilers are still only four points out of a playoff spot? Could they save themselves?
I believe the Oilers will make the playoffs. McDavid is that kind of generational talent that can put a team on his back. He’s practically carried Patrick Maroon around the ice in a fanny pack for a couple years now. They’ve effectively wasted the last year of McDavid’s ELC, but I’d wager a bit on them getting in and maybe even upsetting a California team, the Blues, or the Jets. This would buy Chiarelli a couple more years to fuck it all up, which is the McDavid Oilers’ destiny.
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Game #37 – Hawks vs. Oilers: Douchebag de Jour – Greek People Hate Milan Lucic and So Do I

By Rose Rankin 2124 0

It is well covered on this fair blog how stupid and self-defeating the concept of GRIT and FART is in this league, and yet it persists because of players like Milan Lucic. Where people should be lampooning this guy for being an oaf and a menace, instead he’s got a “physical style of play.” My ass. If you make your name by fucking up unsuspecting players AND manage to fuck up yourself half the time while doing it (see: broke a finger while hitting a guy), you need to re-evaluate. Or more importantly, your team’s GM needs to re-evaluate.

Maxim Lapierre, Freddy Meyer, Ryan Miller—these are just some of the guys who have been cheap-shotted by Lucic over the years, often resulting in an injury (e.g., Miller’s concussion after Lucic steamrolled him in 2011). The fact that Miller called him, and I quote, “a gutless piece of shit” will forever endear Miller to me. But just a few games later, he pulled something similar with Zac Rinaldo, and yet what did all this result in? A one-game suspension. One. Fucking. Game. And it was for the Rinaldo hit, because the NHL had already made themselves look like total jackasses by letting the Miller hit slide.

And this is why these dumb ideas about tough guys still exist in this league. Prior to those dirty hits I just mentioned, Lucic was part of the Stanley Cup-winning Bruins in 2010-2011, and the shine from that cup hides all manner of sins, both on and off the ice (hello, Patrick Kane), and it blinds coaches, GMs, officials, and league staff to the pointlessness of this type of play. Did having Lucic act out short man fantasies and be Mr. Tough Guy really help the Bruins win? No, his 62 points that year did. But being able to score doesn’t require you to be a piece of shit. You only do that because 1. you want to and 2. you know you can get away with. And he does.

I’m not saying that Milan Lucic ruined Miller’s career or the careers of any of the other guys I mentioned (or all the other dirty hits not mentioned here), but if the NHL wants to act like they give a rat’s ass about player safety, this is exactly the type of guy who needs to be reined in. Letting assholes like Lucic run amok while claiming to care about concussion protocols proves that the proverbial emperor really has no clothes. And now I just pictured Gary Bettman with no clothes and I’m going to be sick.

Anyway, I just hope that Top Cat and Schmaltz can stay out of his orbit tonight because they’re just the type of fresh-faced youngsters this goon will go after.

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