Everything Else

Cheli Comes Home

By Sam Fels 3787 0

A lot of us can trace how we’ve “grown up” in our feelings toward Chris Chelios.

Earlier today, it was announced that Chris Chelios will become a team ambassador for the Hawks, leaving the Detroit Red Wings as he wanted to be closer to his family here in the area. That will make him the only team ambassador who can stand up 75% of the time and isn’t a total, raging piece of shit (though Chelios might be kind of a piece of shit but we’ll leave that for another time).

Chelios’s journey in the hearts of Hawks fans actually ends up being one of the stranger ones I can remember. Cheli was beloved here in Chicago for not only being the greatest Hawks d-man of all-time (and he is, at least until Duncan Keith retires), but by essentially being one of us. He was from here. He grew up in the old Stadium just like we did. He played like 75% of the crowd at the old Stadium would have if you’d tossed a jersey and pads on them and let them on the bench: completely unhinged, like every shift very well might be the last, and completely in the face of every opponent. Chelios was just about the toughest d-man you could find, and was simply a torture rack for any forward who came across him in the corner or in front of the net. But he was so much more than an over-caffeinated security guard. He had a hell of a shot, was a decent passer, and could get up on the play. He could do anything, really.  His pairing with fellow Yank Gary Suter was probably the best Hawks defensive pairing until Keith and Seabrook showed up. They were also major parts of the US’s World Cup victory in ’96 in Montreal.

And Chelios found himself more in the hearts of Hawks fans because he wore his distaste for the Red Wings, Blues, and North Stars on his sleeve. Sometimes to his detriment of course, because Chelios was leading the idiotic charge against the Stars in ’91 when the Presidents’ Trophy winning Hawks were too stupid to live and somehow lost to the woeful opponents from Minnesota, with dumb Chelios penalty after dumb Chelios penalty (he racked up 46 PIMs in six games, for fuck’s sake). Chelios even went on to declare he would never play for the Red Wings. Those kinds of meltdowns were common, like ’93 against St. Louis for another example.

Of course, all those things changed when the Hawks did their head-first dive into the league’s septic tank. Chelios had already seen Roenick and Belfour get shipped off for a drunk and garbage disposal run-off, and it was clear where things were headed for him. Back then players couldn’t wield much control, and the Wings were the only team that came in with an offer. That offer was Anders Eriksson and two first rounders that became Steve McCarthy and Adam Munro, and if you don’t mind I’m going to take five minutes to punch myself in the face until my nose and brain become one.

Chelios would actually spend longer in Detroit than he did in Chicago, and Hawks fans didn’t seem to want to forgive him for it for the longest time. Then again those last few years he wasn’t much more than a very slash-y, cross check-y mascot for the Wings, but it stung. I admit to being enraged when he brought the Cup to Wrigley Field during the summer of 2008. Where did he get off? Was he just rubbing our noses in it?

But this was his home. Where else was he going to bring it? Really what I was pissed at is it still felt then like I might not ever see the Cup in Chicago for the right reasons.

Were really pissed at him? Or were we pissed that yet another Hawks hero had to find success somewhere else because the Hawks were simply just too incompetent? Were we just angry that what should have happened here with a player who wanted it as badly as anyone to happen here had to happen somewhere else? My hunch is it’s more the latter.

I don’t think I’m alone when I say my moment of clarity came when he had his Heritage Night. The boos still rang out for him, because he was still identified as a Wing. But you could tell it hurt him. You could tell he thought it was time to let go. And you know… it was. And is.

Chris Chelios loved being a Hawk. He did everything he could for an organization that quite simply didn’t deserve him as a player. And he only decided to leave when it became beyond obvious it was going to be futile from there on out. He didn’t force a trade to the Red Wings. That’s just where he was sent.

Chelios isn’t without black marks. He has that DUI from 2009 (though with the Hawks that makes you head coach material). He was one of the members of the US team that destroyed their rooms in the Olympic Village in 1998 when they turned to shit in the tournament. There’s probably one or two others.

He’s also no worse than the second-best player to man the blue line for the Hawks. He was a celebrated captain. When it comes to native Chicagoans to play for the Hawks, his accomplishments and importance simply dwarf Eddie Olczyk’s. On some really, really good Hawks teams in the early and mid-90s, he was clearly the heartbeat. Really, Brent Seabrook shouldn’t be wearing #7 because it should be hanging from the rafters. It may yet still, with the two of them claiming it.

But it doesn’t, mostly for reasons out of Chelios’s hands. It wasn’t his fault that the organization became a cartoonish heel towards its fans and players (though I guess he can take a little responsibility in those teams from ’91-’95 not winning. Not ’96, when the team doctors numbed his whole leg and nuts before the critical Game 4 against the Avs and he couldn’t play. Had he played, the Hawks very well might have won that and taken a 3-1 lead and then who knows?). It wasn’t his fault he got shipped off to our most hated rival, who just happened to be one of the greatest teams the league had ever seen at that point. It wasn’t his fault that the Wings treated him as the Hawks should have. And it’s not his fault that the jealousy and bile Hawks fans carried against Detroit for so long was taken out against him.

None of that matters now. And it’s not like team ambassador is an important position. But Chelios is back where he’s always belonged. It should have never taken this long. It probably should have never happened at all this way.

Everything Else

A Show About Nothing

By Rose Rankin 2494 0

So this is a serious question: have you ever attended a Blackhawks Convention, and if so, why? (OK, that was actually two questions but don’t be like that.) Personally I’ve never gone, and I ask because these types of choreographed interactions with autograph signings and Q&A sessions and whatnot generally make me cringe. Plus given my misanthropic tendencies, I usually end up hating public figures (and people in general) once I actually meet them.

Yet this multi-day event has become a staple in the McDonough-Rocky era, and thanks to the former half of that duo it’s a fixture of the Chicago sports scene (can you believe the White Sox do one of these things? I’m a lifelong fan but I would rather eat glass than sit through their attempts to be as popular and loved as the Cubs.) So as it approaches—and the reality draws near of my walk to work getting complicated by there being even more people stumbling down Michigan Avenue without paying attention—I’m curious what fans get out of it, and for that matter, what the team will get out of it.

The corpse of Corey Crawford

The Convention is supposed to be the big reveal that Crawford is in fact not dead! That’s what Stan and the rest of the brass kept saying—he’d be there at the Convention. Which begs a couple questions: first of all, will he actually attend? One would think at this point he’ll have to, regardless of what his actual health is like, because if he’s a no-show, the media and fans who are still paying attention will collectively lose their shit at the realization that Cam Ward is definitely the starter. If they have to go full-on Weekend at Bernie’s with his ass, I’m pretty sure at this point they’d do it.

Second, will he field real questions from fans? Part of why I ask is that I’ve never attended so I don’t actually know how vetted and choreographed any parts of the event really are, but given this team’s penchant for non-speak, I highly doubt they’ll let any meathead fan ask an unplanned, anything-besides-a-softball question, even if it’s as simple as “Hey Corey, is your concussion better?”

So if Crawford will mostly smile, sign autographs and give bland platitudes to the organ-I-zation for sticking by him during his recovery, this big reveal will be the exact opposite—it will answer nothing, nor give fans who parted with hard-earned money any real reassurance that the most important player is functional.

Celebrities…they’re just like us

Is this why people go? Is it to hear Jonathan Toews and Patrick Kane pretend to joke around and act like they like each other? Does Duncan Keith have to do any talking? I feel like he would be so awkward at one of those things, and I certainly don’t blame him. Brent Seabrook is not listed as an attendee, which will hopefully fuel some wild speculation. In reality it’s probably because he made a prior commitment to take up residence at a King of Donair or destroy an all-you-can-eat buffet somewhere in Canada.

And what about the coaches and management? Again, these guys talk but never say anything, so what are they going to do to fill the time? My guess is they’ll trot out the same tired lines about “we’re expecting deez guys here to step up and have a big year” and “we’re pleased with the young talent we drafted” and blah blah blah.

I know McDonough values nothing more than the slick marketing ploy and some carefully crafted messaging, but as we’ve covered, the lack of information about the Crawford’s health, the rebuild on the fly vs. win-right-now strategy, why they couldn’t get Hossa’s contract off the books before July 1 and maybe have been positioned to take advantage of free agency—really anything of substance—makes it seem like this Convention is going to be just another time that management passes on an opportunity to connect with fans or media on any meaningful level, especially since, as we’ve determined, they don’t really have to.

Along those lines, I’m not saying Bowman or anyone else should give away any deal that may be in the works. And I don’t think Q will suddenly divulge that he’s going to maroon Top Cat on the third line again just because he’s a crusty asshole who makes crazy lineup decisions. But if they’re not going to say anything and don’t have to, why sit through these events?

Has-been or never was?

Does anyone really care to meet Ben Eager or Colin Fraser now? I certainly hope not. It appears that John Scott will be there too, just as a reminder that sometimes some lucky bastard gets way more out of life than he or she brought to the table, because the universe makes no sense.

And there will be yoga…that’s right, Hawks fans dedicated enough to attend this bullshit-filled marketing stunt…in yoga pants.

Alright, enough snark from me. It may not be my thing but hey, have a good time if you’re going. Just stay the fuck out of the way when you wander north on Michigan.

Photo credit: NBC Sports

 

Everything Else

A Restless Fourth Estate

By Sam Fels 2975 0

One day soon, I’d love to see Stan Bowman say he’s going to meet with the media and no one show up. I think both sides would probably be happier that way. He never says anything, so the media doesn’t get much to write about. And he clearly doesn’t enjoy talking to them. This is a loveless marriage where they just show up to see their talentless kid’s recital and spend the whole thing loudly exhaling, wondering how things turned out this way.

So after Day 2 of Prospects Camp, Bowman met the media yesterday and said nothing. Yes, the Hawks have more cap space, but he may or may not use it. He may be looking for another d-man, but he may not be. They may add to the team, but he might not as well. Maybe, maybe not, maybe fuck yourself. This is basically all you get from Stan ever.

And clearly some of the beats are getting a little agitated, though you can see the frustration. There’s only so many words you’re going to get out of Cam Ward, Brandon Manning, and Chris Kunitz, and all the people yelling at you on Twitter don’t know who those people are anyway. So you get this from Mark Lazerus. Or this from Scott Powers. Or maybe this from the irredeemably handsome Jay Zawaski.

And all of it seems to suggest that the Hawks don’t have a direction, or a plan, or if they do they’re not saying anything. And we’ll never know because they won’t say anything ever.

But here’s the thing, and we’ve been over this before, there’s really no reason for them to.

I know we live in a town where both baseball teams have now been as transparent as can be, and it would be awesome to be in a world where every team does that. But when you’re about to embark on a full blown tear-down and rebuild, it’s easy to be transparent. Both the Cubs and Sox had been utterly useless for years before they decided to blow it all up. It was obvious what they had to do. Everyone knew it. Once you trade one aging star with an expiring contract, even if you haven’t said anything the cat’s out of the bag and it’s clear the rest will go.

And you’re prepping your fanbase that way. You’re saying it’s going to be rough, please stick with us and keep buying tickets and we promise it’ll pay off. Chances are you’ve already stopped selling as many tickets, or any in the Sox case, and you’re basically just trying to cauterize that  wound.

The Hawks aren’t in the same place. They’re not doing a full rebuild, and we’ve been over why they can’t. It really wouldn’t do Stan any good to say to the assembled media, “Well I’m going home every night and lighting a candle in my Justin Faulk shrine and then doing a seance hoping to force  Don Waddell to fall down and hit his head on a fire hydrant on the way to work and gives me him and Skinner for Artem Anisimov and the Other Sikura.” (side note: Waddell might be this dumb anyway but we’ll find out) While those on the inside know what the Hawks are looking for, publicly declaring it only erodes leverage.

Secondly, at least not yet, the Hawks haven’t stopped selling tickets. The TV numbers might be down, but the tickets haven’t gone that way. Yet. While they may have done some padding to keep their beloved sellout streak alive, they’re still at or near capacity every night. But it’s a fragile hold. Declaring “we’re gonna be THE SUCK for a bit while we groom these kids” is going to erode that unstable foundation of fans in a hurry. The Hawks might get there anyway by New Year’s Day if they start at .500 again or worse, but they have to salvage what they can.

Thirdly, Stan can’t declare that he isn’t satisfied with his roster because what does that tell the players who show up at camp right now? What’s that motivational speech on the first day? “Well guys, here we are, I wanted to add to this misshapen dreck but couldn’t and I really don’t think you’re going to the playoffs unless God miracles your ass there, so now give us everything you got!”

Honestly, I don’t think the veterans on this team are stupid enough to not see what’s going on here, but they don’t want their GM shitting on it, too.

I don’t want to be seen to be a staunch Stan defender, though I am a defender. He’s made his mistakes, and lord knows we’ve cataloged all of them here repeatedly. But when it comes to this, even though he’s bad at talking, I don’t really know what he’s supposed to say. If he comes right out and says, “We’re looking for another d-man because our blue line currently resembles upchucked Fruit Loops, but for the right price,” and then doesn’t get one, he still gets pilloried. It looks like he’s afraid to pull the trigger.

The other problem for Stan is that when you’re a mediocre team, you have no strength to trade from. What’s the surplus on the Hawks right now? It’s not d-men. It’s not centers. It may have been shifty, fast forwards who might be middle six guys but they just traded the one they had to lose to also lose Hossa’s contract. They can’t lose Schmaltz. They can’t lose DeBrincat. They can’t really lose Saad unless it’s a knockout deal, because that would just be running in place. Now, that erosion of a reservoir of talent is on Stan, at least to a point. This again, is where losing Johns and Teuvo for literally nothing is so detrimental, Because now you don’t have anything to trade for what you need. I’d throw Danault on the list, but he was at least flogged for what the Hawks thought would be something. If you had those three players now and not enough spots to go around, you best believe you could put a package together for Faulk or even Karlsson.

That’s the problem for NHL GMs. While they’re overwhelmingly made up of morons, nincompoops, and ignoramuses (ignorami?), they have no margin for error. There’s only two trades in there that Stan had to make to lose a contract, and now he has no flexibility. So I don’t know what good talking about it would do.

Everything Else

The Comfort Or Punishment Of Anonymity

By Sam Fels 2192 0

As the Hawks’ prospects continue to toil in the West Side heat, and I assume beg adults to buy them beer back at the hotel at night, I am left to wonder what could happen with the Hawks both on and off the ice when the season starts. And I wonder what the effect of having it happen totally in the dark in the Chicago sports scene will be.

One of the things that broke the Hawks’ way, and something that had nothing to do with John McDonough and Rocky Wirtz, is that their rise from hockey purgatory to the aristocracy was perfectly timed with the collapse of the rest of the Chicago sports scene. The ’08-’09 season started just days after both the White Sox and Cubs ate it in the Division Series (the Cubs much more spectacularly than the Sox), and neither would even come close to a playoff spot for another seven seasons. Well, actually, the Sox came within three games in 2012 but you didn’t know that because no one went and no one cared. TELL ME I’M WRONG FIFTH FEATHER.

To go along with that, the city’s juggernaut, the Bears, have only made one playoff appearance in this Hawks’ era. Sure, the end of the ’08-’09 season saw the Bears trade for Jay Cutler, and at the time that was a far bigger story than the Hawks ever produced (which might be why he dropped the puck at Game 1 that year). But the Lovie doldrums persisted, and we know what happened after that. The Bulls spasmed one conference final run, where it was promptly snuffed out as soon as LeBron started guarding Derrick Rose. The Cubs run started just at the end of the last Hawks’ championship. Quite simply, for more years than you can believe now, the Hawks had the stage to themselves. They were the only story in a city that had been starved for championships…because the Sox one doesn’t count, obviously. Nor did it ever happen.

That won’t be the case this year. The Bears, whatever they’re going to be, are going to be awfully interesting and awfully watched. The Cubs likely have a fourth-straight October to navigate. Even the Bulls, who will still suck most likely, have done SOMETHING this summer, even if signing Zach Lavine is a touch weird for that money and Jabari Parker might have one knee. It’s something they can push when the season opens. There are new toys to at least carry some novelty.

So even if the Hawks were to start say, 3-7-1, the front pages of the various sports sections and sites around town aren’t going to be adorned with a picture of Quenneville looking bemused with a headline like, “There Is No Joy In Quenneville.’ (Like they’d ever come up with something that creative!) Columnists around town, even if the collection of them would struggle to define what offsides in hockey is, are not going be penning a host of works calling for massive changes. They’ll be focusing on one out pattern MITCH BETTAH HAVE MY MONEY threw against the Lions. The external pressure, other than from impatient fans in the building–and even that’s questionable given how many sell their tickets early in the season–and the yappy construction workers that act as McD’s focus group, is just not going to be there.

Which leads me to wonder if that’s a comfort or an annoyance for the Hawks. No question they loved the spotlight. But given the iffy decisions of late and some of the facade of what they are falling down around them, do they enjoy the darkness? The lack of scrutiny? Would they want real questions being asked?

Or would the lack of attention really bother them? Would they do something–firing Q or a big trade or something of that ilk–to try and get the lights back on however much they could? Would they abandon whatever plan they have if they felt they had fallen too far back in the consciousness?

One way or another, we’re going to find out what kind of hockey town they’ve actually created here, and how they feel about it when we do.

Everything Else

The More You Think About It, The More Joel Quenneville Is Doomed

By Sam Fels 3021 0

I know the folly of taking the Hawks at their word. Their pronouncements from on-high have gotten weirder and less sensical as the team’s fortunes have slipped, and even more so now that less and less people are paying any attention. This is an organization that still considers itself the cream of the NHL, and yet when it came time for the most coveted free agent in recent history to hit the market the Hawks weren’t anywhere close. To be fair, John Tavares wasn’t ever going to sign with the Hawks over the Leafs, if only on emotional reasons, but for the Hawks to not even to be in the room says a lot. And whether they’ll tell you this or not, they missed out on other targets too, though as we know the rest of those targets sucked and maybe the Hawks are lucky they didn’t have the cap space or the attraction. Ian Cole was not going to make you run to the closet and sweat through the beloved sweater in July in pride, to be sure.

Still, if we take the Hawks at anything resembling face value on what they say, which is that they will ring the changes if the Hawks don’t bounce back from last season’s what-have-ya, then it’s hard to see how Quenneville is going to survive the season. Again, that’s if you take them at face value, and I’m not here to tell you that you should.

While McDonough and Rocky have hit all the notes about last season being unacceptable, along with Stan Bowman, and McDonough has pulled his noted and solo trick of bullying his employees to let everyone know just how very red and angry he is, Stan Bowman has continued along a path of a “rebuild on the fly.” All of his quotes about what the Hawks are doing at least reference keeping powder dry for next contracts to Schmaltz and DeBrincat, and what he hopes for Sikura and Ejdsell and whoever else. He continues to push Forsling as a solution on the blue line, and as you saw at the draft they took the biggest project–though most talented player– available at that spot. The Hawks have steadfastly refused to discuss Saad or Schmaltz in a trade, keeping an eye on two or three years down the road when those players have to do the heavy lifting. Either they can’t and the Hawks will suck or they become something more and the Hawks will…only kind of suck.

Everything that’s been done has been with an eye on the future. You wouldn’t do that unless you had assurances from the higher-ups that you’ll be able to see the plan through, whatever that plan might be. If a GM was trying to sit on two chairs at once, building a team to at least be competitive if everything broke right at the moment while maintaining players and hope for the future, any team that fired said GM and brought in someone else to either tear it all up or carry out the same vision with a different set of eyes would be a team that didn’t actually have a plan or organization. That very well could be the Hawks, but they at least want you to think it’s not them.

Let’s put it this way, a GM truly on the hot seat and having his job dependent on what happens this year, and maybe even just the first half of this year, would probably act with just a touch more urgency than Cam Ward, Chris Kunitz, and Brandon Manning. Just a hunch.

So where does that leave Quenneville? We know the easiest lever to pull for any organization when things go pear-shaped is to fire the coach. Rarely does it have a huge effect, though there are examples of that, but it shows you’re doing SOMETHING. Even with a coach who draws as much water as Q. Sometimes it’s just rearranging the chairs, but sometimes it provides a lift to the players who can at least hear something different when they arrive at work.

And really, what’s Q going to do here? You forget that even before Corey Crawford went down last year, the Hawks were clinging to the last playoff spot or even the chase for that like it was a tiny crimp. They were barely .500. On Dec. 22nd, they were 17-12-5, tied with Calgary for the last playoff spot and fifth in the division. A juggernaut this was not. So if we get to Christmas again, even with a healthy Corey Crawford and one who can put up THOSE numbers after missing half of a season, and that’s where the Hawks are again is that enough? Barely scraping for the last playoff spot? You wouldn’t think so. And they could be worse than that. I can sit here and say right now there are three teams in the Central assuredly better than they are right now, and Colorado, Minnesota, and Dallas could very well be and the first two finished miles ahead of them last year. Even if the Hawks were running 4th in the Central at Christmas next season but entrenched in a wild card spot, is that enough? Is “wild card” synonymous with “One Goal?” It’s an improvement, barely, but it’s not a resurgence.

I mean… I guess the team ahead of Crawford is a little better than last year’s? It is if Schmaltz and DeBrincat take a step forward (and are deployed correctly). It is if Dylan Sikura is something more than just getting to play with Adam Gaudette in college, and/or EggShell’s AHL playoff performance portends to something more. It is if Brandon Manning isn’t just a thug, and if the Hawks can finally conjure something from Gustav Forsling or fit Jokiharju on the roster. But again, that’s a lot of ifs.

What’s more likely, all that happens or Jonathan Toews’s aging curve continues the wrong way, as does Duncan Keith’s? Brent Seabrook continues to move around like Pizza The Hut? Forsling and Gustafsson prove to be nothing more than third-pairing bum-slayers and Q doesn’t find room for Jokiharju and he gets sent back to Portland? Sikura has a rough rookie season? And most of all Crawford isn’t Crawford, or isn’t even there?

You know which is more likely, even if only 50% of it happens. So either the Hawks mean what they say, and Q is out on his ass before 2019 hits, or they’re just whistling dixie, Jerry Angelo.

It wouldn’t be much of a hit anymore. A mid-season whacking (and who doesn’t love a good mid-season whacking?) would only see Q on the books for another season and a half, and that’s something an organization constantly in the mood to tell you they’re still not profitable would consider, especially when it’s the highest paid coach in the league.

Basically, we’ll know if the Hawks mean what they say come the Holidays, or it’s likely that we will.

Everything Else

Friday Foofaraw: World Cup Final Preview

By Sam Fels 1758 0

In case you’re curious, that top photo is for a close friend whose favorite player was Croatian legend Alen Boksic. 

The weird thing about World Cups is that unless you’re a fan of the two countries participating, the final comes as something of an afterthought. Or the feeling of finally being put out of your misery pervades. There’s been multiple football matches on every day for two weeks or so, when you’re used to the pace of just twice a week during the domestic season of your choosing. Even after the group stage and first knockout round are completed, there’s still pretty much a match on every day except for a day off here and there for yet another week. By the time we get to the sharp end to crown someone which was the whole point, you’re exhausted, kind of just want it to be over so you can get in a few weeks of not watching soccer at all before the European season kicks off again in early August (sorry MLS, but who are we kidding?)

Croatia and France will bring this tournament to a close, a tournament that’s actually been one of the more entertaining major ones in a while. There have been a ton of great games, captivating stories, upsets, and now we do have two worthy finalists. Yes, Croatia may be small but it’s still boasting possibly the best midfield in this tournament, and if it isn’t then France probably is.

There are two problems going into Sunday, though. One, World Cup Finals are usually just dire occasions. Germany-Argentina was a slog until Higuain missed and Goetze didn’t. Spain and Holland may have been even worse, and that involved perhaps the greatest international side of all-time. Italy-France started off well but then devolved into trench warfare, pretty much literally in Zinedine Zidane’s case. Brazil-Germany took place at 6am and I had been drinking until 4 in Boston the night before so I couldn’t even really tell you what happened, and that Germany squad was utterly awful. France-Brazil was fun only because Ronaldo may have in fact been replaced by a cyborg with faulty wiring by Nike the night before the match. Quite simply, the sheer enormity of the occasion almost always gets the better of the match. This is the only match that players of this quality know they get to play in exactly once in their entire careers. Everyone in the world is watching. It’s too much.

Secondly, it’s a real mystery if anyone on the Croatian side can stand up for 90 minutes now. They’ve played an entire extra match in the most high-pressure situation thanks to three straight extra-times. The World Cup requires seven matches in a month, which is a lot for even these guys, and now Croatia have crammed in an eighth, or a fifth in just two weeks basically. It’s not ideal. This makes England’s capitulation al the more infuriating, though with Alli and Kane barely half-fit it was always on the cards and THAT’S NOT WHY YOU CALLED.

Even if fully fit, France come equipped with the players to finally shackle Ivan Rakitic and Luka Modric, which no side has been able to do yet. N’Golo Kante basically eats the entire middle of a midfield every game, and if Didier Deschamps didn’t huff too much glue before this one he could deploy Tolisso to do even more so and leave Modric and Rakitic with no space or time. Do that and this Croatia side lacks inspiration. Those two have also played every goddamn minute of this run for the Croats, so how much can they possibly have left?

Croatia also hasn’t seen anything like the mutant Kylian Mbappe during their run, as England, Russia, and Denmark simply don’t have anything like it. Given Dejan Lovren’s habit of chasing every ball in the air (believe me I know) and leaving space in behind him, Mbappe could simply destroy Croatia from there. So could Griezmann if Giroud can occupy the centerbacks. It’s scary to think about.

The other thing about France is the nexus of Kante, Varane, and Umtiti has basically been impenetrable. They suffocated one of the most talented teams here in Belgium last round, and while Argentina spasmed a couple goals out of nowhere, it’s not like they were raining down.

Still, this is France. They were miles better than Portugal on paper and playing at home two years ago, and barfed up their eclairs all over themselves to let a joyless, hobo-laden squad without Cristiano Ronaldo walk off with the European championship. This Croatia side is better than that, assuming they’re not all dead, so if France freeze in the bright lights again there’s more than enough here to pick them off.

Also, Paul Pogba looks exactly like Velveteen Dream and I can’t look at him the same way ever again.

Everything Else

Stan Bowman Clears Sand Out Of His Eyes, Drool From His Face, And Makes A Move

By Sam Fels 4739 0

Finally, something. Thank you John Pullega for taking the Fels Motherfuck into new places and spurring something resembling action from the Chicago Blackhawks.

There’s a lot of flotsam in this trade, so here are the exact details: The Hawks send Marian Hossa’s corpse and contract, Vinnie Smalls, Jordan Oesterle, and a 2019 3rd rounder to Arizona for Marcus Kruger, the amazingly named MacKenzie Entwistle, Jordan Maletta, Andrew Campbell, and a 5th rounder in 2019. There’s a lot here. What’s sad is that there isn’t a lot here that matters.

Let’s start with what the Hawks are sending away. It was no secret that the Hawks wanted to get Hossa’s contract off their books to free up cap space that wasn’t LTIR. Hossa is never going to play again, we all know this, the Yotes need to get to the floor, and it hopes up Hossa’s entire hit. The problem is that this would have been a good idea to do before July 1st so the Hawks could have been more involved in the free agency market than picking up whatever everyone else left on the floor. But hey, we don’t shout at the rain here and what’s done is done.

Jordan Oesterle sucks. There’s no other way to say it, and though he spasmed a decent month with Duncan Keith and the Hawks could probably use more of his “KEEP FIRING ASSHOLES!” methods from the blue line in the offensive zone, the Hawks are currently stuffed with third-pairing d-men, and really anything that gets Jokiharju closer to the NHL roster should be applauded. He still is going to have to beat out Rutta and Forsling and Dahlstrom and whatever else, but hey, it’s a step.

Hinostroza is a loss. Everyone who’s been around here for any length of time knows I might be Vinnie Smalls’s biggest fan, as for a third line winger he generated top six levels of shots and chances. He’s ridiculously fast, which the Hawks need all they can get, and a positive forechecker and penalty killer. He makes shit happen. What might not ever happen is for him to have the finish to match what he creates and starts. He hasn’t at any level, though that could have come. This one might come back to haunt the Hawks, but if Dylan Sikura is everything the Hawks think he is (jury is very much still out on that one) then he’ll do everything Vinne would have done and more.

What the Hawks also get is a ton of cap space. They now have $9.3 million in space. If you can get Anisimov off the books, and Kruger’s acquisition might have that in mind, that’s $13M or so. Hey, Bobby Ryan and Erik Karlsson together this year are about $13 million in salary. Isn’t that interesting? I find that interesting.

Ok, let’s go to the other side. I’ll be honest with you, I had forgotten that the Hurricanes had dumped Marcus Kruger onto the Yotes. And the Canes had no use for Kruger at all. I can’t honestly tell you what happened there. Kruger, in only half of a season, still put up a positive Corsi-rel in Carolina while getting his usual dungeon starts. He didn’t produce offensively, because he doesn’t produce offensively. Kruger wasn’t quite as solid defensively as he was here, but a demotion to the AHL all year seems a tad harsh. Kruger is only one season removed from being the firefighter you remember here, and we know that Q knows exactly what he is. Let’s say he’s an improvement on David Kampf. And he only has one year on his deal, so if he’s another charred remains of a beloved warrior of victories past, well whatever.

The rest of this seems to be just Rockford filler. MacKenzie Entwistle, as badly as I want him to be a player so we can just keep saying, “MacKenzie Entwistle,” hasn’t really done much in the OHL and was a 3rd round pick. Let’s just say it’ll be a year or two before you see him near this team or something is wrong. Jordan Maletta is 23 and hasn’t sniffed the NHL for two organizations now. He be better get used to the comforts of Winnebago County. Andrew Campbell has played 42 games in the NHL over three seasons. Again, this is just a plug. None of this matters.

What this trade is about is the cap space. And maybe the security of Marcus Kruger on the 4th line, but at this point in his career if Kruger matters too much you’re fucking sunk. He’s not going to be The Black Knight of the playoff runs of ’13-’15 that you remember, or is highly unlikely to be.

So the cap space. As stated, it would fit Ryan and Karlsson with some rejiggering if Stan Bowman was suddenly feeling his oats and went all in. It would also easily accommodate Justin Faulk and Jeff Skinner, if one were so inclined. It fits SOMETHING. So before we can pass judgement on this deal, we have to see what the next move it results in is first.

Everything Else

The Silence Is Deafening

By John Pullega 2443 0

It’s been 19 days since the Blackhawks drafted Adam Boqvist with their first pick. It’s been 10 days since they signed Cam Ward, Brandon Manning, and Chris Kunitz. It’s been at least a week since any new flareups of the Hawks discussing a trade for Justin Faulk. And until someone of significant carriage traverses into the Convention to reach out a taint-damp hand to low-five the only player who can save the Hawks by himself, we won’t be able to confirm that Corey Crawford is even alive, let alone fit to play hockey.

While it is the doldrums of hockey summer, what the Hawks haven’t done stands at odds with all the scowling and growling about how things need to change and the unacceptability of quick-ending or absent playoff runs over the past three years. The dearth of activity is mostly in line with what the rest of the Central has done so far, save the Blues, but the Hawks were never really in a position to do as others have done this offseason.

But what it is that they can do now? They were spurned by John Tavares, and even if they had been allowed into the room in the first place, can you see the Brain Trust signing Tavares for more money and a higher spot on the depth chart than Jonathan Toews? Erik Karlsson—however unrealistic it is to hope for him—is still out there, but what would it take for Ottawa to even consider that? Are you comfortable shipping DeBrincat and Schmaltz out as part of that deal? The Hawks likely don’t have enough to offer even if DeBrincat and Schmaltz were both part of the deal, but if they did, would it worth it, especially if Karlsson wouldn’t want to re-sign?

The last big rumor we heard on the Faulk front was that Tom Dundon—who is working hard to establish himself as Not a Moron™ with his acquisition of Dougie “Don’t Call Me Yancey” Hamilton—wanted Brandon Saad in return, which the Hawks declined. So, we have an idea for what Dundon would want for Faulk as it stands, and it doesn’t look like he’s willing to sell short on him. The Hawks don’t have anything close to a player comparable to Saad (who would have thought that large, fast, 25-year-old, two-way wingers would be hard to come by?), so what can they even offer that’s in the same ballpark? Can you justify trading Schmaltz or DeBrincat for Faulk? In a perfect world, you’d jettison Wide Dick and Sikura. But given the original asking price of Saad and all the reports that say that the Hawks prefer to keep Anisimov, that seems vain (and maybe undoable, since we don’t know which 10 teams Arty has on his no-trade list).

Of course, all of this is probably moot if Cam Ward takes the lion’s share of starts. The continued silence around Crawford is a huge cause for concern, even when the Hawks go back to their boilerplate, “We expect him to be ready.” They’ve been expecting him to be ready since January, so the song remaining the same doesn’t really tell us anything.

And that’s where you might start to get itchy. The Brain Trust has been pounding their fists on the table about how things are going to change, but the only changes they’ve made so far include signing two guys who are old enough to use their ages as a basis for a calendar and a REAL HARD-WORKING defenseman who doesn’t move the puck and whom not even the Flyera wanted. As the summer churns on and the Hawks sit stagnant like an above-ground pool in Naperville during divorce proceedings, it becomes more and more likely that those were the changes they wanted to make. That’s a terrifying idea for next year.

I get that the Hawks have no obligation, and probably no desire, to keep any of us abreast about what they are or aren’t doing. It might be possible that they know for sure that Crawford will be OK and just aren’t telling anyone for HOCKEY REASONS. They might believe that this team as constructed is a playoff team. If I squint, I can maybe see it. But that requires Saad to show that last year’s shooting percentage was an anomaly. It requires Toews to dig himself out of an offensive decline that’s gotten worse over each passing year. It requires DeBrincat, Schmaltz, and Vinnie to further elevate their offensive games, and for guys like Sikura, Ejdsell, and Hayden to prove they belong in the NHL.

And then there’s the defense. Without a puck mover like Faulk or Karlsson, what is this D-corps supposed to be? Past a pairing of Keith–Murphy, which is by no means guaranteed in the first place, you’re working with what, Gustafsson–Rutta and Manning–Seabrook? That’s a whole lot of borderline 2nd pairing guys at best, AHL fodder at worst. It’s possible, and perhaps necessary, that Jokiharju can make the leap to the NHL at the tender age of 19, but even if he does, is Q going to use him?

There’s still some time and opportunity for the Hawks to make a splash at a puck-moving defenseman, which they desperately need as Keith’s engine starts to falter. Whether they can make a trade for one of them with what they have is becoming increasingly doubtful. But if they don’t, the silence that we want to interpret as calculated trade scheming must be viewed as the silence of men without answers whose asses will be one big blister if this year is a repeat of last year. And because no one from the front office can or will clarify exactly which direction the Hawks are going in, all we can do is assume that we’re in soft rebuild mode and hope that guys like Jokiharju, Boqvist, Schmaltz, and Top Cat are a core they can build around.

They told us change was coming. It might already be here.

Everything Else

Central Matters

By Sam Fels 2487 0

We took a bit of a tour through the league last week, but of the more local concerns, what have the other Central Division teams been up to this offseason?

Nashville Predators – The reigning champs haven’t really done much of anything other than watch PK Subban have the summer we all dream of having. They have a ton of cap space but have yet to use it, and Ryan Hartman and Juuse Saaros remain unsigned. Perhaps they’re keeping their powder dry for next summer when they sign Ryan Ellis and/or Pekka Rinne to utterly hilarious extensions. This is probably a team that could use more firepower up front, despite what they keep telling you. Maybe they’re spending it on the Eli Toivanen PR machine. Not sure. Still awfully silent on the Austin Watson case, and they’ll almost assuredly welcome him to training camp with open arms because David Poile is the same bag of shit that every other NHL GM is when it comes to that sort of thing, and don’t let Preds fans tell you different.

Winnipeg Jets – The Jets have also been remarkably quiet, but you can do that when you probably were the West’s most complete team last season. There are still extensions waiting for Hellebuyck, Trouba, Tanev, and Lowry, and the first two could be quite expensive. Even Lowry should get more than you’d think as one of the better checking forwards last year. They lost Stastny to Vegas, but this was a borderline great team before he showed up, and going Scheifele-Little-Perreault-Lowry, or moving Copp or Roslovic to the middle should still make for a great team. They still need a backup goalie of some kind because Hellebuyck isn’t going to play 70 games, and I’ll laugh pretty damn hard if they bring Pavelec back to do that. Still, this is a team that needs to keep space reserved for next summer when Wheeler, Copp. Laine, and Connor are all up for new deals. This is still a team you have to figure out why they can’t come out of the West instead of why they can.

Minnesota Wild – Other than scouring the black market for bionic limbs for Zach Parise, this is the same collection of “Oh that guy” it’s been for at least five years now. J.T. Brown or Eric Fehr don’t really move the needle, and they’ll count on kids like Kunin or Greenway to take this rabble any farther than it’s gone, which they can’t do. Matt Dumba remains unsigned, though they have plenty of space to accommodate whatever his number comes in at. Bruch Boudreau “GO GO GO” ways and Devan Dubnyk probably monkey-hump this team to another playoff appearance, the question for everyone is what good will that do? This is a team screaming for a major shakeup that simply can’t produce one.

Colorado Avalanche – This was a team whose main goal was to not fuck up their rebuild too much, though they’ve been whispered to be in on Erik Karlsson. Matt Calvert is an interest signing who didn’t cost much at $2.8 per, and if he’s restricted to middle six minutes would be a boon to their depth. Tyson Barrie is somehow still here even though they’ve been trying to trade him since the first Obama administration and now he kinda sucks. They brought in Phillip Grubauer to replace Semyon Varlamov, which should be an upgrade. Basically, this team is looking at how much Yost, Kerfoot, Girard, Compher, Rantanen, and Kamenev grow for whatever their improvement is going to be, and that’s basically all they should do. It’s not as promising in Denver as some would have you believe, but it’s far from hopeless either.

St. Louis Blues – We went over this last week, but this is how a team should react to missing the playoffs. Bozak and O’Reilly are massive upgrades on what they had, and that includes Stastny. $4M on David Perron is a complete waste of time other than to my sense of mirth, but given what’s here he can pretty much be restricted to third-line duties which is all he’s ever really been. The defense is still slow and overrated, and Jay Gallon is going to piss fire all over whatever they try and do, but at least it’s a team acting with some urgency.

Dallas Stars – They were poised to make the biggest splash by acquiring Karlsson, and then fucked it up by bragging to everyone how badly they were bending over the Senators and hence the Sens pulled out. So now they’re left with the same problematic squad Jim Nill has built over the years. The return of Nichushkin at least raises some eyebrows, because he flashed being a dominant power forward in his first go-around. It was just drowned in a sea of confused faces the rest of the time. Still, this remains a great top line with Jason Spezza trying not to disintegrate behind it and Martin Hanzal gasping for air. And that hasn’t been addressed. They brought in Roman Polak, which I’m basically out of words for, and he’ll kill Julius Honka’s will to live by December 1st. Ditto Marc Methot and Stephen Johns. Also whatever’s left of Ben Bishop is claiming to still play goal, though Khudobin is not a bad insurance policy.

So if you want to feel better, other than the Blues this is a division full of teams that have stood still. Except the Hawks were worse than all of them last year, and right now you can only see them topping Dallas and Colorado with the second being a real stretch. If Dubnyk finally goes off the boil the Wild actually have a chance to be real bad, but Boudreau never has teams that are real bad in the regular season.

So it’s an even bigger shame the Hawks didn’t do anything to try and jump up in the standings, because it was there to be done.

 

Everything Else

The Wickenheiser Debate

By Sam Fels 2595 0

As we settle into a deeper state of depression over the lack of activity, and the seemingly intended lack of activity, from the Hawks, let’s kick around some news outside. Eric Duhatschek of The Athletic did an interview with Hayley Wickenheiser, the most decorated women’s hockey player of all-time. Her comments about what a women’s professional league should look like has raised a few eyebrows. Here it is in full:

” I was just in the NHL offices three weeks ago meeting with them about WickFest, which the NHL is on board with and partnering with us on – and then we had a discussion about women’s pro hockey. The NHL is ready and willing and has a plan in place to take on women’s pro hockey. The problem right now with women’s hockey is the women in hockey. It’s not anyone else. It’s the women in hockey…

…I know the Canadian Women’s Hockey League would be happy to fold and hand it over to the NHL. They seem to be the reasonable people in all of this. The NWHL wants to make a go of it – or if they are going to hand it over to the NHL, want a lot of money to do so, and that doesn’t make any sense. So, I question the motives there.

But at the end of the day, the power in all of this is the players. And I’ve said this to many players. It’s time for the players to band together and rise up and they can make instant change if they wanted to – and make this thing (a unified league) happen. It was the same at the WADA event, watching the athletes of the world realizing, ‘wow, if we all collectively say something, we might make a change.’

It’s the same in women’s hockey. Get the best 40 women’s players in the world to say, ‘we aren’t playing in either league until we have one league to play in.’ That would be the easiest way forward. Gary Bettman does not want to be seen to be breaking any league — or want any lawsuits on his hands. I think that’s a weak way of looking at it. The WHA and the NHL, same thing happened (a merger). I think they should just do it. I don’t think there’s anything they can lose. They would put everyone else out of business and then be able to do it the right way. To me, that’s the only way forward – and again, people want to complain that women need pro hockey, and the women need TV. Well, then the women in the game need to do something about it. So that’s my view – and the first time I’ve ever said that (laughs).”

There’s some pretty meaty stuff in there, but I remain unconvinced it’s as simple as Wickenheiser says it is.

First off, it’s not really clear what is meant by Gary Bettman “being on board.” Does that mean they’ll simply lend the NHL’s name to a possible women’s league, a WNHL as it were, without taking ownership of it? A dual-marketing drive? Or does she mean more the WNBA arrangement where NBA owners also own WNBA teams? The latter isn’t as simple as well.

The NBA is bathing in money, and thus can afford to take on a loss like the WNBA (and the WNBA still does lose money, though not as much as it used to). The NBA recognizes there are benefits to having a women’s league associated with it, and is willing to deal with the financial ramifications. But it’s also in a position to do that.

While I’ll never truly believe the NHL’s claims on their books, it is clear it doesn’t make anywhere near the money. How many teams, if that’s what the NHL was actually considering, could take on a “WNHL” team, at least to start before finding new ownership? Toronto? Montreal? That might be it. Maybe the Rangers? I’m not sure. Again, it would be great if the NHL could take on a loss because “it’s the right thing to do,” but I’m not convinced it’s in that spot.

It’s also never sat comfortably with some that the WNBA is a league that the NBA basically lets use the gym when the boys aren’t. It’s a little more natural to have basketball in the summer, but would a WNHL take place in the summer to have more attention? Would it run along with the NHL season as the CWL and NWHL do now? There are marketing benefits to that obviously, but there are challenges as well.

Secondly, the idea Wickenheiser puts forth here that fans and especially players should just go along with his idea seems a bit short-sighted. I don’t have any idea what the actual reasoning the players would have to try and stay out on their own, but it wouldn’t shock me if some of them said, “Um, the NHL is trash?”

One, this is a league that’s about to have several teams competing to sign Slava Voynov. It’s one that’s put Patrick Kane front and center of its marketing. This list could go on long enough to cause a lot of us to throw up so hard we wet ourselves at the same time. Maybe that’s not something the players have thought of, but maybe it is. Quite simply, it could be the world’s best female players don’t want to be associated with a league that has demonstrated it couldn’t give a flying fuck about its female fans.

Secondly, we know the NHL isn’t that well run. Even if the first part wasn’t as big of a concern as it could be, you’d have to wonder if a possible professional women’s league that can’t really ever seem to unfuck itself.

It’s obviously ideal to wish for one, unified women’s league, as basketball and soccer have, but even the latter has had a dizzying time maintaining that and  that has more participation among kids than hockey does. The challenges are greater for hockey as well. Women’s basketball has been at least part of the sports scene at the college and Olympic level far longer. The NCAA tournament is on TV, so anyone who’s a fan can follow those players into the WNBA. Arguably the soccer team gets more attention because it has World Cups and Olympics to grab eyeballs, whereas the hockey team really only has the Olympics.

The CWL and NWHL at some point are going to have to figure out some merger, you’d have to think. And even then it will be a struggle. But there’s nothing to suggest the NHL is the one to help them navigate that.