Football

Week 13 – Bears vs. Lions The Vault: Thanksgiving 2019

By Tony Martin 1335 0

Welcome back to another edition of THE VAULT, a weekly segment where I leave our global consciousness behind and ascend to an alternate reality where Curtis Conway is a first ballot Hall of Famer and all of our dads quit drinking in the early 90s.

Two weeks ago I did a Bears/Lions preview and to be honest I’m fucking sick of the Lions, and this space is where I get to talk all my shit, so let’s talk shit. Instead of bringing back some historical Bears game, I’d rather use this space to help prime you for watching a Bears game with your in-laws who range from “casuals” to someone who hasn’t watched a football game since the AFL/NFL merger but says they stopped watching when players started taking a knee during the anthem. This guide is for you, so that when they add you on Facebook and post their hot political takes/Minion memes/Ben Shapiro quotes, you’ll be able to safely unfriend or block knowing you did all you could to help them understand football.

Yes, you read that right: the only thing I have to offer as it pertains to how I can improve the lives of strangers is trying to teach them the finer points of the RPO.

Your in-laws and your extended family suck at watching football. Mostly, they’ll be on their phones or loudly talking over the broadcast if you live in one of those homes where people say “let’s turn off our phones this holiday” or you actually like your family. Luckily, the Bears play the early game of the day’s slate, so hopefully the game is damn near over before your uncle gets hammered and says something racist about some player being “one of the good ones”.

You’ll have to talk Trubisky with people who have no idea exactly what’s going on with his pisspoor mechanics or fragile mental state. Just tell them they’re right in their analysis and you read on Twitter the Bears are considering bringing in Colin Kaepernick for the rest of the year.

“What’s the deal with that Nagy guy? He only runs short passes or runs up the middle!” Yeah, you’re actually spot on with that analysis there, Uncle Kev. That said, you could try to explain the intricacies of the total oblivion that is the Bears offense, but he’s just gonna forget and then compliment your new romantic partner on their body. Tread lightly.

Your family is gonna be spewing takes straight out of Skip Bayless’ wet dreams, and it’s up to you to pick your battles. I wouldn’t try to defend the offensive side of the ball, save explaining anything about this team when the defense gives up a field goal after a turnover and your cousin talks about how shitty they look this year even though as far as being athletic is concerned, the only running that cousin has done in the last year is from child support.

My advice for you is to either get to the place hosting your Thanksgiving dinner after the Bears game, or get there early and hope nobody shows up until the Dallas/Buffalo game. That one’s the easy one, since everyone’s non-football fan family members remember Dallas and will probably root for them, and you can play bingo trying to keep track of how many of them compliment Cole Beasley for being “gritty” or “sneaky fast”.

The Saints/Falcons will be a great nightcap, and for once you can use your fantasy football team to get out of those post-dinner conversations. I’ve spent the end of multiple Thanksgivings in my car, blasting one-hitters while listening to the Westwood One broadcast of the late game; those late nights are some of my favorite Thanksgiving memories. I guess that makes it sound like I hate my family, but that’s not true. I just have a lot of reverence for this stupid game we all love and if I can use it to get away from the hot takes that my in-laws spew over the holidays, I’ll take it.

Football is a great way to ignore the politics of Thanksgiving, and this year we are lucky enough to watch our beloved Bears shit the bed on national tv again!

Football

Sons Of Wilber Marshall – Week 12: Is This Anything?

By Sam Fels 1088 0

Bears get a win, they actually break 300 yards of offense…and everything is still shit, right?

Wes French: It’s pretty shit, yeah. Defense was solid, but the two missed FG by NY were the difference, and that’s not real encouraging.

I think Mitch is hearing what’s been said lately too, because he made a point to not only call out the performance (his most passing yards on the season) as not good enough but also had some choice comments about what worked and what he’d like to do more of – moving pockets, hurry up offense and play-action.  Somewhere Brian is screaming “I BEEN SAYIN!”

Brian Schmitz: Things are mostly shit, yes. But I saw some bright spots. Allen Robinson is a legit NFL receiver and should go to the Pro Bowl. Khalil Mack was dominating once again, a much needed lift for the entire team. Mitch was OK, which is an improvement and as we have all said since July, all Mitch needs to be is not terrible.

Tony Martin: I was so glad that I chose watching Red Zone over the Bears game, and since I’m a masochist I’m also looking forward to watching it tonight. However I kept seeing Leonard Floyd flashing which was really nice!

I know they’re 5-6 but they’re 1-0 since I bought a Bears lighter at the gas station ironically. I’ll gladly take credit for this W.

With all the talk of the Bears QB going forward and the underwhelming names available via trade or free agency in the offseason, is still the best result Mitch finishing these last five games strongly? The defense should still be good next year, which means they really only need an average offense…

Wes: Mitch playing well or well enough week by week is something we know can happen. I think with those comments in the post game he put the onus squarely back on Nagy/coaching staff. You know what I do well, let me do more of it. I think if there’s something I’m looking at real closely the last five games it’s the running scheme. 66 yards against the 23rd ranked run defense is unacceptable. Take out Mitch’s 19 and you’re under 50 yards from your running backs, including a dreadful 1.7/per carry from David Montgomery. This was supposed to be the guy that fit the scheme perfectly. Between Mitch and Montgomery, maybe it’s the scheme that needs changing more than the players executing.

Tony: It’s a coin flip between looking at a replacement for Mitch or working on putting him in the best place possible to manage a game. Personally I’d like to see the latter. Let’s reinvest in the offensive line and tight end positions and scheme to the players they have, instead of the players they want. If Nagy is as creative as he was touted to be, let’s see him design new stuff instead of just shoehorning in stuff that looked good in KC, because this team sure as hell doesn’t have a Travis Kelce or an equivalent offensive line.

Football

Three Things We Learned From Week 12: Approaching Suck

By Sam Fels 1178 0

The Bears Offense Is Basically My Creative Writing Process – I’ll let you in behind the curtain a bit. From time to time, I like to dabble in fiction writing. Just to do something different, just to see if I can, just for myself. I have these big ideas, and occasionally one of them sounds pretty cool. And I poke around the edges, feeling like I might crack the case on a truly great story that might actually go somewhere one day. I come at it from different angles trying to find what will feel right. I prod, I rewrite, I ponder. But I never really get to the middle of it. Whether laziness or stubbornness or simple lack of talent, I just can’t quite bring to the page what I only have a loose grasp of in my mind. It never looks like it I think it should, even if I can’t actually state what that is clearly.

Maybe that’s why I identify with what the Bears have looked like the past few weeks so closely.

There are times when Matt Nagy and Mitch Trubisky look like they’re really moving toward what makes the Bears offense move. Whether it’s rolling him out, play-action, no-huddle, simplifying everything, the Bears actually get down the field. You saw it. There are big plays. People look open and Mitch looks decisive.

And then it just goes away. For whatever reason. Maybe a penalty, maybe one bad throw or bad decision, or sometimes just overthinking it and a constant telling of themselves, “You aren’t this you are something else so go back to your home, loser!” Or thinking it’s not creative enough and no one will care. And you saw that too, and you keep seeing it, with various pitches to receivers or RPOs or Tarik Cohen finding the next best way to run to the sidelines.

The Bears are inching, at an excruciating pace, to what would have made for an average offense. And it’s probably too late. Mitch has looked better, at an increment you can’t see without various tools, each week. But he only had one way to go. It’s sad, because even the meager total of 19 points every game would have seen the Bears with three more wins and not only in discussion for the playoffs but the division again. And 19 points isn’t even good!

Maybe both the Bears and myself have to hold ourselves to lower standards, and believe that through steady work we can crack open something. Or maybe I just like identifying myself in the ways I choose to waste my time.

I’m Sorry For Ever Doubting Khalil Mack And Am Terrified He Will Come Looking For Me – As you’ve probably guessed, from the very first half against Green Bay last year, Mack may be my favorite Bear of all time. There’s just something about a player who can make other people who are the best in the world at their job look so helpless. So maybe I was just disappointed I wasn’t getting to see him simply throw people out of his way like they were beaded curtains as often this year.

It’s hard to fathom that Mack went through a game like last week that he didn’t scratch anything on the stat sheet. Surely it was Chuck Pagano’s fault for not finding new ways to get him one-on-one. Or maybe it was everyone other players’ fault on the defense for not taking advantage of the wide berth he was giving them. Or, gasp, was it that Mack just wasn’t as good as we thought?

Pish tosh.

Mack has been facing two or three blockers every goddamn play, and without Akiem Hicks to Kool-Aid Guy his way through the middle of the line, the Bears haven’t been able to make that count. That’s not on Mack. And really, the Bears only need one or two plays from Mack to change a game. And they got one yesterday.

I’m sorry Khalil. Please don’t hurt me. I’ll never lose faith again.

Soldier Field Will Always Be Toxic – I don’t know that I’ve ever seen a team booed on the opening kickoff before, but I guess I can scratch that off the list after Eddie Piniero sent that kick out of bounds. After missing two field goals last week, he always was going to have a short leash. And I want to believe a lot were doing it out of humor, but I doubt that. Because when have Bears fans had a sense of humor?

I’m not saying a team should always be cheered when they play like garbage. And lord knows Bears tickets are expensive enough that when the product before the customers is that unwatchable at times, bile and ire are going to rise at a quick rate. But it feels like we’ve become the new Philadelphia, where fans are simply waiting for the chance to boo and are almost only there to do so and are becoming the show. It’s part of the identity now.

And it’s been this way for a long time. If Bears fans had earned any cred, maybe you’d go along with it. But this is the same group that makes as much noise as it can while the Bears are on offense. Who openly bitched about Lovie Smith’s defense and then spent years pining for it again. Turned on Jay Cutler about four minutes into his Bears career. Still thinks Mike Singletary was any good or should be coach now. Ditka.

Look, the Bears have deserved a shit-ton of criticism and booing this year, there’s no getting around that. But when it becomes the main objective, what are we even doing?

Football

Week 12 Giants vs Bears Preview: On Letting Go

By Wes French 1276 0

 

vs.

 

Giants (2-8) at BEARS (4-6)

Kickoff: Noon 

TV: Fox 32

Radio: 780 WBBM

For your future’s sake
I’ve got advice I’d advise you to take
Don’t keep betting on it
“Well, it’s gotta light me up sometime”
You lost your turn

Matt Nagy is getting some emo treatment this week, at least from FFUD. The lyrics of Anthony Green spell out where I think a lot of the media, NFL sources and Chicago fans are at with Nagy: If you can’t stop trying to force whatever it is you’ve convinced yourself is the plan on offense, you’re not long for this job. You could also argue this fits for Ryan Pace as well; you’ve lost this season but you can still assess what’s worth keeping for the run in 2020 and beyond – if you’re smart enough. Even Chicago fans can take the quoted advice – Let go of the sky high expectations and accept that this ain’t it. Wait for your next turn.

Will that turn be in 2020? Nagy, Pace and co. will certainly say all the right things and plan for that, but it’s whatever that plan entails that holds the fortune for this current Bears GM/HC contingent. That starts this week at home against the New York Giants, a team still trying to find it’s own way throw a plethora of odd management decisions and draft picks. Pace can learn a lot by looking across the sideline/press box, mostly the pitfalls he should avoid as he moves forward to try and fix his own debacle of a team.

The Giants limp in losers of six straight, though they do tend to keep it close with other cellar dwellers having lost one score games to the Jets, Lions and Cardinals in that stretch. Rookie Daniel Jones has taken over under center and been mostly bad with a few highlight reel tosses mixed in…sound familiar? The Giants bypassed Quenton Nelson, among others like Roquan Smith, Sam Darnold and Bradley Chubb) for the opportunity to take Saquon Barkley second overall in 2018 and make him the true focal point of the offense. Barkley has been one of the best weapons in the league since, but it hasn’t translated to success for the Giants, especially in year two where the offensive line and pass catchers have let them down in a big way. The defense is even worse, ranking 27th or lower in all relevant defensive metrics. The Giants are a -12 in turnover differential with only the Miami Dolphins below them. Barkley can go for 150-200 yards easily, but if the team around him is this terrible, what was the point of spending the second overall pick on a Ferrari you can’t get outside your own neighborhood?

Dave Gettleman and the G-men did themselves no favors, dealing WR Odell Beckham Jr. and DT Olivier Vernon for next to nothing and letting All-Pro safety Landon Collins walk away for nothing. Collins situation was especially absurd, as the team could have tagged him, didn’t, refused to make any sort of passable contract offer to him and ended up pissing him off to the point that he sought out a deal in Washington so he would have the chance to play his old team twice a year. Yikes. They also dealt OBJ mere months after handing him a fat extension, costing themselves millions in dead cap space in the process. I haven’t even gotten to the odd coaching hire decisions and the bungling of Eli Manning‘s contract. The Giants are trash, on the field and off it.

The Bears, at 4-6, are not going to make the playoffs. They’re not going to have a first round pick in April, either. Pace can’t do much about either of those things right now, but what he can do is work with his Head Coach and make sure that they’re giving reps to the players they need to make decisions on in the near future. Mitchell Trubisky remains the great mystery box, at least to Pace/Nagy. Many in the league and the fan base have given up on Trubs (including yours truly), but the fact is they still have six games with which to assess the young signal caller. Nagy has argued, with some pretty favorable, timely quotes from Chase Daniel, that Mitch has absolutely been better the last two weeks. Some have stated the choice to pull Mitch at the end of the Rams game was more about sending a message veiled as being all injury related. The stats are a little uneven, but a strong outing against a bad Giants team to follow up the disgusting offensive display at the Rams last week would do Mitch and Nagy a lot of good.

There are players all over the roster that need assessing as well, and the scrutiny is going to start coming in the form of analysis like “You’re going to need to see more from (insert player on a rookie deal) on a play like that to keep him in the fold” from pundits and the media alike. “I’m not sure if you keep (veteran on a deal that can save the Bears more than the dead cap hurts) if these are the types of efforts you keep seeing from here” should also be pretty prevalent. The good news is that the Giants present an opportunity for a lot of these guys to start making compelling cases as to why they deserve another deal or to keep the one they have/get new money. The list of players with something to prove is a bit larger than a year ago when off season business was kept to a minimum – Eddie Jackson, Leonard Floyd, Tarik Cohen, Allen Robinson, Roy Robertson-Harris, Nick Kwiatkoski, Nick Williams are all playing for new money; Prince Amukamara, Taylor Gabriel, and Eddy Pineiro are just trying to keep their jobs; ANY offensive linemen and tight ends are playing to earn a shot at all.

I guess I haven’t really gotten into any X’s and O’s of what these two teams might try to do this weekend, but I also don’t really know that they know what the hell they’re going to do. Neither has managed sustained success in any facet in 2019, but both have plenty they’d like to point to and prop up as “the Future” of their franchise. For Chicago, that needs to start with a passable display from Trubisky and the offense and some steady play and added pressure on the young QB Jones (looking at you, Khalil Mack) from Pagano’s defense. A loss, or even another terrible day of paltry offensive execution, could spell real doom for Nagy and Pace and a bunch of players up and down the roster. It could also be the spring board to some encouraging results in tough matchups to close out the season. Here’s to hoping Nagy takes the advice.

Prediction: Bears 22, Giants 17

Football

Week #12 – Giants vs. Bears Matchup Spotlight: Apathy and Exhaustion

By Tony Martin 1223 0

Tony Martin: Today’s matchup post is going to look a little different than usual- since this year has been anything but normal, we are having to seriously discuss how to spend our Sunday afternoons. I just started a new job, I’m still in grad school, and I still play in multiple bands- that time of the weekend would be perfect to spend it on anything other than shitty football that I’m emotionally invested in.

Yet I know for a fact that I’ll be parked on the couch this Sunday, watching the lifeless Bears play against the Giants. I’m not sure if I’m watching to see if they have something to prove or if I do it out of sheer tradition. I feel like if there was a Dawn of the Dead style zombie apocalypse, instead of lurking to the mall you’d find my dead ass sitting on the couch with a half cashed bowl and a LaCroix within arms reach of my rotting arms, waiting for the Bears to come on.

What do the Bears have to prove over these last few games? Is this just a talent evaluation process by now? It could be. I’m thinking they need to assess what options they have at so many different positions- both sides of the line, tight end, linebacker, kicker, and the defensive backfield. At this point, let’s see what this team has going forward. A lot of what Pace and Nagy should be focusing on where the holes in this leaky sink are coming from, because even though Mitch is the most glaring problem, the reason we are where we are is deeper than bad QB play. If Kyle Orton can win games as a starting QB, so can Mitch, but the franchise needs to build and play to his strengths. A great game plan can help mitigate a lot of deficiencies if done right.

This team absolutely has a playoff core, but Pace/Nagy need to spend the offseason figuring out what the identity of the franchise actually is and then building towards it. The end of last season covered up a lot of the problems with this roster from an identity standpoint on offense. They had a bruising running back and then a scatback, an all-star caliber wide receiver and a bunch of undersized speedsters, and a tight end that was not worth the money. All they did was replace the running back with a much better prospect that fits the offense, but they get away from running as soon as they fall behind, even if it’s by something as small as a first half field goal. Now might be the time to find those things to build upon, but it’s going to be boring as shit from a fan perspective to see it.

To wrap this part up, I’ll tell you what I’m looking for as the Bears play us off (insert Bill O’Reilly impression here):

-Is there an NFL-caliber tight end on the roster?
-Is Anthony Miller consistent enough to warrant a spot as the starting slot WR?
-Which defensive linemen could create pressure on their own in the absence of Khalil Mack?
-Does Leonard Floyd still play for this team?
-Eddie Goldman somehow has a grade of 74.3 so far from PFF- how much of 2018’s 88 rating from PFF was aided by the presence of Akiem Hicks?
-Do the Bears look to extend any of the following players: Danny Trevathan, Haha Clinton-Dix, Aaron Lynch, Nick Williams, Nick Kwiatkoski, or Roy Robertson-Harris?
-Are the Bears interested in taking a harder look at Javon Wims or Ryan Nall?

 

Wes French:Tony, I have to admit – If there is a Dawn of the Dead style scenario, I’d like to come find that couch and help you finish off your party favors. Barring a Hollywood situation on Sunday, though, I think I’m checking out on the Bears for a week.

It’s the Sunday before what’s basically a holiday week – yeah, I’ve got to work a few days at the beginning, but am I REALLY working? Fuck no. And the fact the Bears don’t really seem to be working the last month+ makes me unsure about investing another 3-4 hour block of my weekend, especially against a putrid trash heap like the New York Giants. I guess this might be the BEST time to check in, since the Bears should be able to get a W against the rookie-QB led G-Men, but the last time we had that narrative was all of two weeks ago against Detroit and that game was about as entertaining as a wet fart. Plus we’ll get that same wet fart four days later, bright and early before we’re all stuffed.
Am I interested in another slog between trash teams trying to sort out how exactly to best use the players they employ? No, no I’m not. Tony outlined plenty to look for in terms of WHY you may want to check in to this game on Sunday, and beyond the Bears sorting themselves out for a hopefully more spirited run in 2020 I could see you being mildly interested in who this Daniel Jones character is playing QB for NYG and wanting to see the sometimes electric Barkley do what he does. Outside of those two, the Giants have nothing to hold the interest of anyone but the diehards in the Big Apple and even those dummies are probably on to other things by week 12 of a 2-8 season. The Giants are pretty terrible and deserve no one’s attention, and in the immortal words of Local H – And Fuck New York, Too.

So what else should you be doing on Sunday? I’m going to play hockey and casually catch a nice dose of Red Zone with NINE noon games. Why the NFL can’t sort themselves out enough to have a better division of games through the day (there are only TWO late afternoon contests, but one is DAL @ NE) remains a mystery, but I digress. There are some strong teams on bye this week (KC/MIN), but while the schedule at first glance looks like a mirror of Bears/Giants, I’d say we’re in for a noon slate of some wild football with goofy fun matchups galore: 
– SEA @ PHI: The best game on paper at noon, Seattle looks to keep the Eagles down as they chase the 49ers for the NFC West/#1 seed. The Eagles are maddening, but always capable of a breakout performance and still have a shot at their own shitty Division
– TB @ ATL: Human Turnover Machine/Piece of Shit Jameis Winston goes into Hotlanta, quietly one of the best defensive units in the league since Week 5; I’ll guarantee at least 3 INTs and a DEF TD
– DEN @ BUF/ OAK @ NYJ: On the surface, the Bills and Raiders should cruise, but the Broncos have proved a difficult out and the Jets are scoring in bunches of late. The Bills and Raiders also remain the Bills and Raiders, so place those bets cautiously
– PIT @ CIN: A once fierce rivalry reduced to Mason Rudolph against Ryan Finley. I’ll be honest, this one excites even less than the Bears, but it does produce a decent opportunity for the Bungals to get their first win…it could totally be worse, Bears fans
– CAR @ NO: This sees two teams heading in wildly opposite directions, with the Panthers looking like they might be onto their third QB of the season and just about dead in the NFC at 5-5. Saints are aiming for NFC’s top spot. Divisional games can be weird, though
– MIA @ CLE/DET @ WSH: These two matchups pit four of the leagues worst franchises (of late, at least) against each other, and while on the surface the matchups look shit you should NEVER discount a game between the worst of the worst. How will Cleveland respond after the brawl to end last week’s game? Can Miami make it 3 wins in 4 after starting 0-7? Will the Lions continue to be the tonic that aids young/under-performing QBs for Dwayne Haskins and the Racial Slurs???
TUNE IN TO FIND OUT
Football

Week #12 – Giants vs. Bears QB Study: Danny Dimes

By Brian Schmitz 2018 0

Ladies and gentlemen, please let me introduce New York Giants quarterback Daniel Jones. Daniel went to The Charlotte Latin School, in Charlotte, NC; which I know first-hand is full of guys named Daniel and Chad and Harper. From Charlotte Latin, Jones went to Dook University. Dook is a place where guys named Daniel and Chad and Harper go to college and meet girls from New Jersey named Piper and Huntington. In an effort to make Daniel Jones more unlikeable, I’d like to let you know that he has a sister named Becca and a brother named Bates.

So, despite an upbringing that would and probably did lend itself to uber-entitlement, Daniel Jones has excelled athletically at every stop in his football career: 3X NCAA Bowl Game MVP, 6th overall pick in NFL Draft, rookie starter in NFL.

With the Giants, Manning took over for potential Hall of Famer Eli Manning during Week 3 and as he has gotten more comfortable, he has continued to put up big numbers for a team that isn’t exactly oozing offensive talent.

Jones’ unspectacular overall numbers don’t paint an accurate picture of the type of year he has had thus far:

Now before you run to the window to bet the Bears at -6, take a look at what Jones has done over his last 3 games:

Are these blown up because of the inferior competition Jones has faced over the last four games? Maybe. Is Jones getting more comfortable in the Giants system and in the NFL in general? Absolutely. Over his last four games, Jones has thrown for 10 TDs and 2 INTs, which means in the five games before that, he threw for five TDs and six INTs. This is what you call, say it with me, T-R-E-N-D-I-N-G!

When you look at the receivers Daniel Jones is throwing to this season, you immediately appreciate the numbers he’s putting up. Tight end Evan Engram is leading the team in receptions, targets, and yards. That’s right; a tight end you’ve probably never heard of is leading an NFL team in most receiving categories. Unfortunately for Jones and the Giants, Engram has yet to practice this week due to a foot injury. Keep an eye on this.

Retread malcontent and noted doughnut thief Golden Tate is fine, just like he’s always been. Tate is averaging 70 receiving yards and about 5.5 catches per game, so he’s not completely useless.

Rookie Darius Slayton has had a very promising first season and is capable of big plays and big games; evident by his 10-catch, 121-yard, 2-TD performance his last time out. Slayton has all but replaced Tate as Jones’ first option on the outside.

WR Sterling Shepard has been a disappointment this season. Shepard started the season as a #1, and was an Eli Manning favorite, but as Slayton continues to get more targets, Shepard has become more of a possession receiver.

Look for otherworldly Saquon Barkley to see more targets out of the backfield this week, similar to his late October performance when he had eight catches for 80 yards. Barkley has at least five targets in every game this season with a high of 10. I believe his number will be closer to 10 than five this week against the Bears because it provides a safety valve for Daniel Jones in regards to both his physical well-being and mental health.

So dickhead, what does all of this nonsense mean come Sunday afternoon?

For the Bears, if Mitch Trubisky is healthy enough to play, then we will get a good chance to compare quarterbacks that are very similar. Mitch has the advantage of experience, and Jones has the disadvantage of going up against one of the best defenses in the NFL, but both guys are top 10 draft picks, who are playing for bad teams in big markets, whose fans think they reached for each player in the draft. I’d be surprised if either guy passes for more than 200 yards and either team scores more than 17 points.

Bears 17 – Giants 13

Football

Week #12 – Giants vs. Bears The Vault: 2006

By Tony Martin 1628 0

Welcome back to THE VAULT: my weekly musings about Bears history, making me the Carrie Bradshaw of the Bears or at least of this website. If you track the metaphor a little bit deeper, you’ll find that Josh Bellamy is my Mr. Big, whereas Dez White had my love slip through his fingers like so many 3rd down passes.

Today’s blog is, like a Sex and the City article, based on a series of vaguely existential questions; questions that make you really stop and think. Questions like:

“Why don’t Bears fans give Dez Clark the amount of respect and reverence for his time in Chicago as they do Greg Olsen?”

“With an understanding of the roster at the time, is Cedric Benson one of the worst Bears draft picks ever?”

“Was Muhsin Muhammad right when he said Chicago is where receivers go to die? Is Mark Bradley dead?”

“What do you think Tommie Harris is doing RIGHT NOW, and is it more or less interesting than whatever Mark Anderson is doing?”

Finally, and most importantly: “Why is it that whenever any national sports broadcast shows the Devin Hester missed field goal return they never use the WBBM call?” Jeff Joniak CLEARLY has the superior play by play call of that score and Tom Thayer’s exuberant ‘NO WAY!’ is so so so good.

These questions are all above my pay grade as a single woman trying to find love in New York City. Speaking of the Big Apple, the 6-2 Giants hosted the 7-1 and eventual Super Bowl-bound Bears on Sunday Night Football.

This of course was back before we were blessed as a nation with Carrie Underwood welcoming us to the “Nasty Showdown” of the week. Instead,m we were listening to Pink singing roughly the same song with a few major exceptions. Pink’s version has the lines: “All right, Sunday night, where are you? Just kickin back from the things that you do”, whereas Carrie Underwood’s version until 2015 starts: “All right Sunday night, where are you? Waiting for the game that bleeds red, white, and blue.”

Look, I know. I know how this is gonna sound, because both my short and long term memory has been ravaged by decades of recreational drug abuse, but hear me out because I fell in a pretty deep rabbit hole here: the Faith Hill 2010 Sunday Night Football theme song is the first one since the song debuted in 2006 with the patriotic lyrics in the first verse, and it ran until Carrie Underwood’s revamped version hit the air in the 2016 season without those lyrics.

As some of you may recall, the NFL and the Department of Defense were essentially selling the military to fans between the years of 2011-2015, where several teams received a combined amount of more than $5 million in taxpayer money to run promotions for the armed forces (1). It also needs to be noted that the NFL didn’t have players on the field during the anthem as standard practice since 2009 (2).

How much money was Carrie Underwood getting paid under the table to change the lyrics to the Sunday Night Football theme to make it coincide with a massive pro-military, nationalistic push deep into the very concept of the National Football League? How deep does this all go? Did Carrie Bradshaw ever feel like this, like an Alex Jones level journalist, exposing the hidden agenda of the deep (NFL) state? How deep does this rabbit hole go? All I’m saying is if you type “Roger Goodell” into an anagram generator, one of the results is “Old Leg Gore Or” and while I’m not trying to convince you that this is all a ploy to fuck my fantasy football team, I’m not denying the presence of old legs Frank Gore has SEVERELY impeded on Devin Singletary in multiple weeks for me this season.

Okay yes I am trying to convince you that the Department of Defense, Carrie Underwood, Faith Hill, Roger Goodell, and the NFL have all formed a secret cabal to screw me out of fantasy football money.

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, the Bears won this game. Rex Grossman looked competent, Thomas Jones was excellent as always, and every time the Bears scored they mocked the stupid Giants jump-shot celebration. Look, if you’re gonna pretend to hit a fadeaway jumper, you better be playing for the same city as the guy who made that move iconic. The Giants should’ve stuck to an iconic New York basketball move of their own, like maybe they could pull an Ewing and celebrate by pretending to miss a wide open finger roll at the buzzer in game 7 of the Eastern Conference Finals.

REAL JOURNALISM HOURS:
1- https://www.pbs.org/newshour/nation/defense-department-paid-5-4-million-nfl-honor-troops

2- https://www.nbcsports.com/boston/new-england-patriots/nfl-teams-being-field-anthem-relatively-new-practice

Football

Sons Of Wilber Marshall – Week 11: Our Empire Of Dirt

By Sam Fels 1130 0

Ok, we’ve got all winter and spring to worry about the future, but with everyone talking about firing everyone…would you give Matt Nagy another year with a revamped offensive line?

Brian Schmitz: Would I give another year to figure himself out? No. I think he’s overmatched and as I’ve been saying – he’s been found out and hasn’t been able to counterpunch.

Will the Bears give him another year? 100%. He is Pace’s hire and the firing him would be an admittance of guilt. Similar to Shaheen still being a uniformed NFL player and Mitch starting games.

Wes French: I’m not sure I’m giving anyone another year right now, but before we even get to Nagy/Oline…where the hell is Ryan Pace? Nagy has been front and center through this whole thing, which might be more detriment at this point, but his GM hiding out this whole time is really starting to give me even worse feelings about all this. 

Nagy is looking a lot like his QB right now, continuing to do the same things over and over and not learning anything. 3rd and short was a disaster, again. They become the 2nd team to score only seven points while running at least 74 plays, and they have now gone 9 of 10 games under 300 yards of total offense. Nothing changes, but he expects different results. 

 Pagano has been here for 10 games and you can see tangible changes IN REAL TIME. Is his defense perfect? No. They still gave up another 4th quarter TD, but they also allowed just 37 rushing yards in the 2nd half after getting gashed for 73 in the first half. 

 Can any of you think of a time where Nagy made an adjustment that sustained any kind of success, week to week let alone in game? 

 Tony Martin: Y’all, this is the definition of “forgotten season” in the best case scenario for Pace, Nagy, and Mitch. Is it reactionary to just let Matt Nagy go at the end of the year? Something has gotta change, this window is open for what, two more years tops? 

 I was listening to something on the radio the other day about Lamar Jackson- the Ravens offense is specifically designed to maximize his talents and minimize his shortcomings, and in turn he has had time to develop aspects of his game while immediately being put in the best position to win as he is. They draft and sign players to compliment his skillset, and they scheme to his benefit specifically. 

 Can Matt Nagy gameplan like this? So far nothing I’ve seen would lead me to believe so, but I’d like to see if the plan is to either find a QB to fit in the system, or spend the offseason building their roster to Mitch’s strengths. 

 

It seems like every young player, on both sides of the ball, have just flattened out this year (with the possible exception of Allen Robinson, and that might just be health). Is that on Nagy or is that just who these guys are, which would put it on Pace?

 Tony: Could it be a combination of both? All these Bears players have limitations that were mitigated by gameplanning- putting them in a position to win. This year, it’s no surprise Tarik Cohen looks like shit when he’s running up the middle from the shotgun because the box is loaded. 

 Wes: I don’t think the players are the problem. Virtually the same group were the darlings of last season, and this year I think it’s a lack of confidence in the coach and the QB as the season has worn on. The defense might be a little of Pagano learning (slowly) how to best get the right players in the right roles in terms of pressure/coverage in the front 7. 

 On offense I put it squarely on Nagy being insane on account of trying the same shit week in and week out and expecting different results. Tony makes a great point about Baltimore/Jackson and designing a system that the QB can grow within while setting him up for the best possible results in the short term. The rub, though, might be that Trubisky is just THAT BAD and we’ve seen that he can’t even hit the easiest of plays or make the simplest of reads. I think it might be too far gone to be salvageable, considering this season is shot with the injuries to Trubs. 

 Expecting to be able to strip it down even further and hope for better next year would be foolish without at least bringing in some kind of veteran competition. Sure, you can point to the Oline a bit and that needs sorting, but the Oline isn’t constantly throwing to back shoulders regardless of that being the best spot. 

 Brian: It’s probably somewhere in the middle of each. Nagy isn’t putting a lot of guys in position to succeed, but at the same time, he has been given some bums that he’s trying to make real NFL players.

 Cohen, for instance, is a guy who we know can play. However, he needs to put in creative positions in order to succeed; and we have seen far less of this this season.

 Anthony Miller, on the other hand, may just be a guy who is all hype and is becoming a malcontent. This blame can be placed on Pace for falling in love with a guy and then talking about how much they love him.

Football

When You’re Just Scenery

By Sam Fels 1292 0

I popped into the local last night to watch the rest of the Chiefs and Chargers. Neither is having a particularly standout season, and the Chiefs didn’t play all that well last night. But as the game wore on and they started to find their rhythm, and the ads and promos for what was to come in the next week or playoff chases to be sorted out, I had that thought that goes through every fan of a bad team’s head, “My team doesn’t even play the same sport as this.”

That’s probably the worst part, for me, about this disaster of a Bears season (which is strange, because we definitely have seen Bears teams much worse than this, and more than a smattering of them. Just given the expectations…). No sport like football makes you feel you support a second tier or irrelevant team. The other sports have so many games that pretty much every game gets shuffled into the background at some point. There are no important February games in the NHL and NBA. But in the NFL, there’s at least one every week.

There’s a clear split between “The Show” and “The Scenery.” When you’re in the first group, your games have the bigger fonts on the promos for next week’s slate. They’re at 3:25 or flexed. You get the video or graphic during the week. People randomly talk about your game who don’t even live here. There are ads for your team during regular TV programming. You’re the first one mentioned as Red Zone is warming up. Pretty much everything around is getting you ready to watch your team. By the tine it actually kicks off you’re about ready to put your head through a goddamn wall. You’re the show. Your team is important and matters. The week has led to this.

But when you’re this, and the Bears have been this far too often considering they’re the CHICAGO GODDAMN BEARS, you’re filler. You’re the game RedZone cuts to because it has to, generally with a joke or a jibe from the host. “The Bears are actually in the red zone!” You’re the smaller font. You get the shitty broadcast team who have to pretend to be happy to be there (not that I need more Tony Romo in my life). When your national TV appearances approach, everyone inside and out acts with a sense of dread or contrition for subjecting the masses to your team. You’re not even an appetizer., You’re basically the other people in the restaurant to give it ambience, to seem full. It’s the sporting fan version of, “I got a rock.”

And it spreads to watching those games in “The Show.” It doesn’t look the same. Why can’t our guys get that open? Why don’t they make that play? They’re running something consistently. The distance between the bad team you support and the good ones you merely watch in the NFL seems infinite at times, more so than anywhere else I think. It’s hard to even conceive how your team will ever get there. You watch the Chiefs or Packers slice through a defense on a drive where every play gains no less than eight yards, and then you turn to the Bears and see Mitch back up and desperately heave something out to the flat that gains -1 yards and you’re sure there is no path between the two.

Sure, the NBA had the Warriors there for a bit or players like Michael Jordan and LeBron that you can’t conceive of ever having on your team (strange that Bulls fans will feel that way now). But it’s not the same.

It’s more painful now, because the Bears were in “The Show” last season. For the first time in years, maybe since 2010, we got to feel that everything else was building to our game, our team. We were what the networks and coverage pivoted around. We had the big font. We were supposed to again.

And when you’re a bad football team, the only conversation around you is who will get fired and who will be moved on. Everything in the past is just relegated to steps to a mistake. It’s almost as if last year didn’t happen to the football world. An anomaly. A blip. A ghost in the machine. And we’re starting over.

We have the small font. We’re just filler. And it feels like it was ever thus.