Everything Else

Your Friends And Neighbors – ’17-’18 NHL Team Previews: Believe It Or Not, This Team Did Matter Not Too Long Ago

By 1533

These days, I have to concentrate to remember when the Canucks and Hawks was the NHL’s fiercest rivalry. You may have forgotten as well. They were the four regular season games we looked forward to most. Their playoff series, as ugly and nasty as they got at times, were basically all the reasons we watch hockey. It had villains and drama and heroes and moments.

And yet the last time anyone talked about the Canucks without a tone of pity, amazement (the wrong kind), or scorn was five years ago. And it’s not going to change for a while either. Which breaks my fucking heart, let me tell you.

Vancouver Canucks

’16-’17 Record: 30-43-9  69 points (dead ass last in the Pacific)

Team Stats 5v5: 47.9 CF% (26th)  46.6 SF% (29th)  46.2 SCF% (28th)  7.0 SH% (22nd)  .924 SV% (15th)

Special Teams: 14.1 PP% (29th)  76.6 PK% (28th)

Everything Else

I Don’t Even Know What This Is Supposed To Be: Canucks at Hawks Preview/Juice Cleanse

By 1326

 vs. 

RECORDS: Canucks 22-19-6   Hawks 29-14-5

PUCK DROP: 6:30pm

TV: WGN down here, SportsNet up there for Hilljack Hockey

CRYING INTO THEIR VAPORIZER: Nucks Misconduct, Hockey Dipshit

PROJECTED LINEUPS

ADJUSTED TEAM CORSI %: Canucks – 47.5 (24th)  Hawks – 50.0 (16th)

ADJUSTED TEAM xGF%: Canucks – 46.4 (28th)  Hawks – 47.5 (26th)

POWER PLAY %: Canucks – 13.2 (29th)  Hawks – 18.1 (16th)

PENALTY KILL %: Canucks – 79.7 (23rd)  Hawks – 75.6 (28th)

The Hawks will entertain the Canucks tonight, a half-hour later than normal for a Sunday because it features on SportsNet’s hilariously weird “Hometown Hockey.” For the uninitiated, every Sunday Rogers sends Tara Slone–who must’ve run over someone’s cat/child to be punished in such a way–out to some Canadian outpost/backwater/truck stop/hobo circle jerk where she gets stared at by a bunch of glassy-eyed, slack-jawed locals who are only slightly intimidated by all the blinking lights of the camera. There they talk about how much they love hockey, shocking for a Canadian city I know, while the children have to wear their gear for four hours and wave to the camera when told, which turns out to be a real task for them, because y’know, CANADIAN. Ron MacLean joins the fun to interview some doddering old codger who barely knows where he is because he spent 10 years toiling for the fucking Golden Seals or something and getting beaten about the head. But he’s from whatever ice-fishing hut they’re broadcasting from, so he has talk about how much they love hockey in this particular section of frozen hell. It’s really something.

Meanwhile, George Stroumboulopoulos kicks it at home with his awesome socks and thanks his lucky stars he doesn’t have to put up with any of this shit anymore.

Anyway…

Everything Else

Hey Rocky, Watch Me Pull Two Points Outta My Hat: Hawks 4 – Whatever They Are 3 (OT)

By 1270

Box Score

Hockey Stats

Natural Stat Trick

I won’t lie to you, dear reader. None of us thought the Vancouver Canucks were worth wasting one shred of a Saturday night over. So let’s try something different and follow the game through our favorite Canucks fan’s eyes, @HockeyDipShit.

https://twitter.com/HockeyDipshit/status/800046181120282624

https://twitter.com/HockeyDipshit/status/800046438088486913

Everything Else

Ds Equal Degrees: Hawks 3 – Canucks 2

By 1360

Boxscore

Event Summary

War On Ice

At this time of year, and with the way things had been going, points are pretty much all that matters. You can worry about the style points later. Which is good, because the last two wouldn’t really have any outside of the 4th line and Scott Darling. The Hawks clinched a playoff spot, not that that was in doubt, and can at least claim a mini-winning streak. They did what they had to, even if it was by the skin of their teeth, Dave Mustaine.

On the other side, needing you goalie to bail you out against the dreck of the Pacific Division isn’t going to cause anyone to write songs. The Hawks gave up 15 shots in the 3rd period to a team with four forwards (maybe) and two defensemen that you’d call NHL quality. I think the past two games are more the Hawks struggling to find interest more than anything structural, as past games against better teams probably have been. But whatever changes they have in store we’re not going to see for another two weeks, so let us deal with what is.

Everything Else

I Think Feather Has Made A Dr. Feelgood Joke Before So I Can’t: Hawks 4 – Flames 1/It Could Happen To You: Hawks at Canucks Preview

By 1293

Boxscore

Event Summary

War on Ice

Let’s spin it all in one today.

I’ve seen a few on Twitter, nearly begging for reasons for optimism in this March Of The Pigs (as Slak called it and I’m going to use for the last four days of March and again next March). Last night was clear evidence of what one of those pieces can be. Though it was only the Flames, the Hawks’ 4th line essentially ran the show on yet another night where it looked like the rest of the team could barely be arsed.

Piece of evidence of that: Marcus Kruger’s line started 8 shifts in the d-zone and two in the offensive. They were still double-digits in the black in attempts. This is what Kruger does, and why he’s making more money than most of the hockey world can fathom. Again, only the Flames but it’s hard to think of a team that is going to toss out an equivalent 4th line. If the Blues didn’t insist on dressing professional rodeo clown for the insane Ryan Reaves they might. The Stars are close. But Desjardins-Kruger-Shaw is probably the best 4th unit you’ll find.

Everything Else

This Used To Mean Something, This Used To Be Important: Canucks at Hawks Preview/Gould Burial

By 1227

Lumberjack_Song vs. 250px-Ozymandias

PUCK DROP: 6pm Central

TV/RADIO: WGN for both locally, Sportsnet for the hosers

WHISTLER REFUGEES: Nucks Misconduct, Canucks Army

Canucks Stats

Canucks War On Ice

The Hawks continue this homestand against the trash of the Western Conference, the Preds were the only surefire playoff team on it and that wasn’t even technically part of the homestand, against what used to be their tastiest rival the Vancouver Canucks. Now? Just a bunch of has beens, whosits, and weird twins.

Everything Else

End of Phase 1: Hawks at Canucks Preview/Pajama Party

By 1124

250px-Ozymandias vs. All_canucks_logos

PUCK DROP: 9pm Central

TV/RADIO: WGN, CBC, Sportsnet, WGN Radio 720

GARBAGE THROWERS: Nucks Misconduct

However it might have looked, most teams will take three of four points on the road and call it job done. While it came against two of the worst teams in the West, and the performances were borderline abject, the haul was not. The degree of difficulty gets turned up starting tonight. I mean I guess it does. The standings say it does, except I can’t figure out what it is the Canucks do well.

Everything Else

I Just Checked In To See What Condition My Condition Was In: Michal Rozsival 1 – Hawks 3

By 1182 0

Box Score

Event Summary

War On Ice

Natural Stat Trick

In the Hawks’ quest to make me look like a Grade-A moron (because that’s totally the only reason they’re doing it, duh), tonight wasn’t as authoritative as the win over the Kings or the measure of testicular fortitude that the comeback over Winnipeg was. It actually had the feel, if you’ll excuse the comparison, of how the Jordan Bulls went about wins in their heyday. An early thrust to see if they couldn’t end that one early, and when that didn’t work sort of biding their time until a short, unstoppable burst towards the end of the game that ends proceedings.

While the Hawks didn’t smother the Canucks in the 1st, they were certainly more in control and would have gotten out of it with a 1-0 lead or more if they hadn’t hit a post and THOU WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED didn’t serve up an equalizer like a virgin to a volcano. The Canucks were much improved in the 2nd without looking a constant menace, and because they didn’t take advantage it only took the Hawks two 3rd period minutes to cinch this one.

Anyway, let’s do it:

Everything Else

Call The Understudy: Canucks 5 – Hawks 4 (OT)

By 1225 0

I thought it was pretty cute when the Hawks pulled off two of their better wins this season last weekend against division opponents. I thought it was encouraging that they did it by stripping things down to basically their most elemental level, i.e. being defensively secure and concentrating on their breakouts and taking the chances when they showed themselves.

Little did I know the Hawks would go total fucking prog rock for the first two games of a homestand that could have spun the meaning of this season. It went from three chords and three minutes songs to everyone getting a fucking solo, which is why the Hawks have basically coughed up a hairball for at least 4.5 periods of the six on this homestand already.