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Game #61 – Senators vs. Hawks Preview/Ninja Warrior Class: Now That’s A Fire!

By Sam Fels February 21, 2018 1854 0

vs.

RECORDS: Senators 21-28-9 Hawks 25-27-8

PUCK DROP: 7pm

TV: NBCSN Chicago, NHL Network for some reason

WISHING THEY HAD NO RECOLLECTION, SENATOR: Brian5or6

This season, especially lately, the Hawks haven’t gotten to face too many teams that are a bigger oil spill than they are. Of course, when they have that hasn’t stopped them from getting thwacked by Arizona or Vancouver (twice). But hey, at least the Oilers haven’t gotten one over on them since like, October! Anyway, the last team the Hawks put a DLR on before Saturday’s was Ottawa back in that nation’s capital, and things seemed a touch rosier then. The Hawks would then win two games over the next 36 days. That’s how you get where we are now.

For the sake of educational purposes, the Ottawa Senators will provide an example of what a team really in crisis, in a tank and in full rebuild looks like. The only team propping them up in the East standings are the simply dizzy and confused Buffalo Sabres, and that’s in the Atlantic Division where five teams can’t touch their nose. They’re about to ship off everything that’s not nailed down, and even if they do all that their owner might just fold the team or move them because he feels like it as he might be Canada’s biggest asshole this side of Don Cherry or the Barenaked Ladies.

All the drama for the Senators over the next few days will be if they’re going to move along Erik Karlsson, which they pretty much have to. He’s at maximum value now, and though you could never get equal value for one of the greatest d-men of all time, you’ll come a lot closer now than you would in the summer, where any team acquiring him would get two playoff runs with him instead of one. It’s funny, earlier in the year we were saying the Hawks should be in on that derby. Seems so quaint now. Whether the Sens like it or not there’s really no reason for Karlsson to re-sign there for all the money in the world unless he really loves having nothing to do and rarely playing games that matter. He’ll have 20 teams lining up to pay him what he wants soon, and few players get that chance.

Karlsson won’t be the only one packing his bags if he goes. Both Mike Hoffman and Mark Stone, two forwards who you would have heard way more about had they played somewhere else and/or ever had a real #1 center, look to be packaged goods as well, though Stone is a definite goner and Hoffman might stay. Derick Brassard is another who should get the movers ready. They’ve already packed off Dion Phaneuf because the Kings huffed some paint and decided that contract was a good idea. If the Sens were really adventurous they’d see if they could move along Matt Duchene again, because he’s not going to do them much good in the immediate future while they’re sucking hind-tit.

And then when you look at it, you see the Hawks are only a few games better, though in a far better division, and suddenly the world seems a very cold place indeed. The Hawks will be showcasing their own talent in Wingels and what looks to be Anisimov and Jurco tonight, as the latter two will skate with Patrick Kane. Either that, or Q has entered full, “Nothing Really Matters” mode and is just going to do stuff to do it and listen to a lot of Joy Division because how the hell else do you fill the time?

One intriguing line is Top Cat-Schmaltz-Duclair, because that’s something you could see being utilized in years to come. That is if Duclair closes the year strongly. You see what could be, but you also see what it is, and he’s going to have to show he can connect the two before we jump to any conclusions about where he’s going. Vinnie Smalls-Kampf-Hartman is at least a quick and entertaining fourth line, and hopefully they’re allowed to just be a kindergarten recess out there with their speed.

This is another scapler’s night off, and the Sens have never been much of a draw even though they might have the best player on the planet. Be curious to hear how many red seats are in the house tonight. This is the path they’ve chosen.

Game #61 Preview

Lineups & How Teams Were Built

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Game #61 – Senators vs. Hawks Q&A: It’s Dark In Them Thar Woods

By Sam Fels February 21, 2018 1695 0

Brian5or6 has been our Sens guy for a while now. But apparently this season has erased the light in his eyes (and if you’ve seen his Twitter videos, you know there actually was one). Again, that could just be the result of living in Ottawa, we don’t know. And we don’t want to know. But keep that in mind as you proceed here.

Let’s get the big one out of the way: Is Erik Karlsson a Senator after the deadline? Should he be?
If Erik Karlsson is not a Senator after the deadline, I’m moving to the forest. Going off the grid for awhile. Basically, I’ll need to find myself again. Come to grips with the loss and then just continue to give’r. Does that answer it?

If Karlsson goes, and everyone is available after him, do the Sens have anyone they want to build around?

Mark Stone is one hell of a player to build around, but let’s face facts here. If Karlsson goes, the team folds and its possible the actual city of Ottawa folds with it

What does all this mean for Matt Duchene, exactly?

It means that he is awesome but that he should start looking for a new job once Erik leaves. And I’m not talking another hockey job. Because when Karlsson leaves, hockey is dead to me. And to everyone else I’d imagine.

GM Pierre Dorion got a contract extension. How does that make you feel?

It makes me feel like shit

What is the endgame for all of Eugene Meylnyk’s diarrhea of the mouth? He’s not going to get a new arena downtown, right?

The end game is to get all the money. Everyone’s money. Your’s, mine, the janitors cleaning up piss in the bathrooms.

Game #61 Preview

Lineups & How Teams Were Built

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Game #42 – Hawks vs. Senators: Q&A With Brian. Nope, That’s It. Just Brian

By Sam Fels January 9, 2018 2062 0

We don’t know where exactly we found @Brian5or6. That’s the case with most of our friends. We just ended up this way. Anyway, you can read his stuff at Brian5or6.com.

Ok, so nine points out of a playoff spot, your owner is an asshat, the playing style is dross…. what’s getting you up in the morning?

I mostly get up in the morning to have a shower beer, if I’m being honest. Sometimes I just have a beer in bed. I like to reminisce about the good times when it was the best being a Sens fan. But ever since heart and soul player Marian Hossa left us, there has been something missing in my heart. And to fill that hole, I like to drink beer and lay out flat anyone who may get in my way. Like Gary. If you’re reading this Gary, I don’t forget! You know what you did.

Tell us about Guy Boucher. We always have a good chuckle when he’s thought of as some visionary. Twice he’s ridden a streaky goalie to a conference final while playing brain-puddle-forming hockey, and then seen that team bottom out when said streaky goalie streaks the other way. Are we missing something?

I’ll tell you about Guy Boucher. I want to remain calm but he gets my blood BOILING. He doesn’t adapt to today’s NHL game. If something goes wrong, he’ll still deploy the same old system THAT DOESN’T F’ING WORK. And then when the Sens lose and Guy Boucher blames it on things like “the schedule” or “illness” or “drunkenness” then I snap. I take the old AM radio and gently place it through my neighbors car windshield. And then the cops come. So basically, Guy Boucher is responsible for me being arrested and/or on probation

What exactly were the Sens going to do with Matt Duchene? Certain to lose Turris so they just had to do something?

Turris wanted to stay in Ottawa. But I’m pretty sure he got dicked around by ownership. Look what happened with the Alfie situation when he went to Detroit. In a knee-jerk reaction, the Sens went out and acquired Bobby Ryan to help calm the riots in Carleton Place, Ontario. This is the same thing. Something blew up in the Turris negotiations so they quickly went out and acquired Matt Duchene. Thank f**k Matt Duchene is awesome, so he’ll stick around. But it’s bittersweet because I had recently wrote a wicked pop song about Kyle Turris but had to trash it when he left.

How many players are going before the deadline?

Going where? Chuck E Cheese? Newsflash: Canada doesn’t have a Chuck E Cheese, and if I was an Ottawa Senator, that would be the last straw. I’d be asking for a trade out of Canada. So in reality, I expect at least 5 players moved by the deadline. Will someone take a chance on Dion Phaneuf? Chicago, I’m looking at you! Just kidding, I have no clue where Chicago is. The furthest I’ve ever been from home is Renfrew.

As painful as this is, Erik Karlsson has one more season on his deal. It’s fairly well obvious he’s no sticking around. His value may not be any higher than it will be at the deadline, assuming anyone can fit him in, so any team can get two playoff runs with him minimum. Doesn’t Pierre Dorion have to see what’s out there?

If Erik Karlsson leaves Ottawa, I leave Ottawa. I will run away somewhere and live in a forest, off the grid. That’s how much he means to me personally and how much he means to the Senators. No matter what you do in this life, there are only two certainties: Death and Taxes. And signing Erik Karlsson to an 8 year extension. The end. But if he leaves I’m probably gonna start a fire.

Game #42 Preview