Hockey

Game #42 – I Told Ya I Was Trouble. You Know That I’m No Good – Hawks 5, Canucks 7

By John Pullega 1805 0

Box Score

Natural Stat Trick

For a brief moment, it looked like the Hawks would rise to the occasion. They roared back from a deficit to take a two-goal lead over a team within sniffing distance of them for a playoff spot, then proceeded to cower and hope that their porous defense—which at no point during this season has shown capable of holding any kind of lead whatsoever—would hold the lead. After 53 minutes of burying his two most effective players in ice time, the Hawks’s hopefully soon-to-be former coach finally put Kane with them, and the Hawks teased another comeback, only to watch a depth forward get beat, fall out of position, and give Adam Gaudette a wide-open look for the game winner. A tale as old as time. Let’s clean it.

– Connor Murphy had himself a game and continues to impress as the Hawks’s only consistently useful defenseman. He led all Hawks defensemen in possession with a 55+ CF% (10+ CF% Rel) despite having to drag Erik Gustafsson’s cratering trade value on his back for most of the night. And he scored his fourth goal of the year after Toews and Kubalik (much more on them later) dug the puck out of the end boards and slot, respectively. Murphy’s been a paragon of consistency this year when he’s been healthy.

– Duncan Keith also had a good game. He was a bit underwater in possession (47+%) and xGF% (48+), but he made two outstanding plays to make up for it. After shooting the puck too hard to the far side, Keith hurried back to snuff out a 2-on-1. Then, in the third, Keith made a gorgeous steal on the near boards at neutral ice and chipped the puck to Kubalik, who danced around a defender at the blue line and left the puck for Kane, who buried his wrister. Keith’s looked spry lately, and that’s never a bad thing.

– Jonathan Toews had himself a hell of a game tonight. Aside from doing yeoman’s work behind the net while setting up Murphy’s goal, Toews managed to bank a puck off Quinn Hughes for a goal after juking Alex Edler out of his elbows along the far boards. Toews led all Blackhawks with an astounding 70+ CF% and was second only to Kubalik in xGF% (60.45 vs. 60.75).

– Dominik Kubalik will likely carry the torch of least respected contributor once Corey Crawford leaves town. Despite three primary assists, leading the team in xGF%, and the second-best CF% (68+), Kubalik managed merely 10:42 TOI at 5v5 and 12:19 total. Only David Kampf (expected), Matthew Highmore (who blows), and John Quenneville (who sucks and blows) had fewer minutes at 5v5. I would love to know exactly what it is that Hopefully Soon-to-Be Former Coach Bevington doesn’t like about Kubalik, but whatever it is, it’s inexcusable.

In fact, through two periods, Toews and Kubalik, who dominated in possession and expected goals all night, were among some of the lowest ice-time receivers among all Blackhawks. Sure, Toews has special teams time, but it’s as if rather than promoting Quenneville to the first line, Colliton actually demoted his two best players throughout the game to the fourth line. This kind of galaxy brain shit isn’t cute. I get wanting to play Dach, Strome, and DeBrincat more—which is something Colliton did try to do through two—but that shouldn’t mean that your two best fucking players are getting the short shaft on ice time. To the surprise of perhaps only Jeremy Colliton, once Kubalik and Toews got to play with Kane, it turned into an almost immediate goal. When playing a game you’ve got to have, you can’t wait 53 fucking minutes to do this. Dylan Sikura and Ryan Carpenter may be fine players, but they should not be on a line with Patrick Kane on purpose for a majority of a must-win game.

On top of this horseshit, nary a compliment did Eddie have for Kubalik at any point. I don’t understand why no one seems to like him, but he was a top performer tonight.

– Speaking of Ryan Carpenter, it was a tough one for him tonight. Though it’s not his fault that his coach needed to flex his throbbing genious brain and have Carpenter take a defensive-zone faceoff in a 4–3 game following a TV timeout . . . actually, let’s stay there for a second. Carpenter has a 47+ FO% this year. Toews is at 56+%, and Kampf is at 52%. Following a TV timeout, after the Canucks have seized momentum, Hopefully Soon-to-Be Former Coach Gemstone throws his second-worst faceoff guy out there with Alex DeBrincat, Dylan Strome, and Erik Gustafsson. Let that marinate for a second, because you can taste the fucking stupidity.

Anyway, Carpenter lost the faceoff then completely lost his man in Pettersson, who launched a set-play rocket past Lehner for the tying goal. Then, he got pantsed by Adam Gaudette along the near boards for the game winner in the third. Carpenter is a fine player, but tonight wasn’t his night.

– I’m just as tired of talking about him as you are of hearing about him, and there’s no real alternative, but Dennis Gilbert fucking blows. Four of the Canucks’s five goals resulted from Gilbert’s positioning. On the first, Gilbert had the inside track on Vesser with the puck ringing around the boards behind the Hawks’s net. And Gilbert just let him go by. Then, he went chasing a hit after Vesser passed the puck out, leaving J.T. Miller untouched for a tip.

On the second goal, Gilbert turned the puck over behind his own net and went chasing a hit again, giving Virtanen time to pass out to Edler. On the third goal, which was a PK, Gilbert inexplicably ended up at the top of the circles to pressure J.T. Miller, leaving a wide-open lane for Quinn Hughes. And on the fifth goal, the puck redirected off Gilbert’s skate, which you can’t really blame him for, but fuck him I’m going to.

– Friendly reminder that the Hawks could have traded Erik Gustafsson at any time last year or during the off-season and gotten probably at least a second rounder for him. So it goes.

– Adam Boqvist’s assist on Kane’s first goal was excellent, but aside from that, he’s a kid playing scared. Whether that’s just jitters or by design, each game we see him hug the blue line on the power play makes us that much antsier. By no means have or should we give up on him so, so early, but something is off about the way he’s playing, based on what they told us he was.

Of course, all of this can and should be pinned on Hopefully Soon-to-Be Former Coach Jeremy Colliton. From yet another too-many-men penalty that led to a technically even-strength goal, to his abysmal use of his two best players, to his cowardice with a lead, to coaching scared against a team he had to beat, he continues to find ways to Lucy the football.

This supposed soft schedule doesn’t mean shit if the Hawks continue to piss in their shoes. A loss to Detroit on Sunday should be a fireable offense for all involved.

Onward.

Beer du Jour: Gumballhead

Line of the Night: “Now, he’s got some people coming on him.” –Konroyd describing a play by Sikura in the pregame show.

Hockey

Game #39: Islanders 2, Hawks 5 — Sittin’ Plush with a Royal Flush

By Rose Rankin 1827 0

Proving once again that the Hawks can somehow beat superior teams while also losing to terrible teams, we’re picking up right where we left off before Christmas, albeit with an officially reduced roster of defensemen. This game also proves that sometimes it just comes down to which goalie is better/having a better night. Let’s get to the bullets:

Box Score

Natural Stat Trick

–The Hawks took advantage of some weak-ass goaltending from Thomas Greiss, and honestly some of that was just luck, as pucks kept deflecting off Islanders defensemen all night but you know what? Fuck ’em. Gilbert’s goal was of the lucky variety, whereas Kubalik’s was a beautiful setup and a perfect reminder why John Quenneville has no business on the top line, and it should be Kubalik-Toews-Kane if CCYP is going to insist on breaking up DeBrincat-Strome-Kane, which seems to be the way the die is cast these days. Speaking of Top Cat, his goal was sorely needed for a guy who hasn’t scored a goal in what seems like years. Greiss got (rightly) pulled, but the Hawks had done enough damage and Robin Lehner was able to hold it down the rest of the time, despite the barrage of shots he of course had to face over the course of the game.

–From there, the Hawks just had to be good enough to hold the lead and they not only did that but they even padded it in the third with Jonathan Toews basically deciding he wanted to score, so he stole it along the boards, created an opportunity and finished the shot. Oh, and Matthew Highmore scored one too? On Semyon Varlamov. Hockey is just weird sometimes.

–Well, we’ll never see the back of Dennis Gilbert, will we? He scored his first goal (yay for you, guy), and managed to have a nice shot block on a PK in the second, and now we will never be rid of him. Nevermind that 44 CF%, right? HE SCORED A GOAL AND HAS THE GRIT AND HEART MY FRENT

–But let’s be honest, the Islanders got their first goal from a guy who’s basically their version of John Scott. Ross Johnston? WTF. However, not only did Greiss give up a goal to Dennis fucking Gilbert (not to mention the two other ones), as noted above, piece-of-shit Varlamov gave one up to Matthew fucking Highmore. Clearly not their best night, but you know what? Fuck ’em.

–I don’t love playing Strome on the wing, but at least he and Dach and DeBrincat are a line of talented young players so it sort of makes sense? They had a 50 CF% and a total of 8 shots, so this could very well be a workable line. Personally I’d rather see Strome and Dach centering lines so we have, ya know, a total of four centers when you add Kampf on the fourth line, but at least this isn’t offensive to the eyes, if it is still offensive to our sense of logic.

–The Hawks gave up 40 shots, which is still way too many. Lehner was up to the task so here we are, but it’s still not good. They also were underwater in possession through the first two periods (49 and 43 CF%, respectively). So number-wise they really shouldn’t have won, but you know what? Fuck ’em.

–The broadcast did their duty in singing the praises of Brent Seabrook and talking about what a “warrior” he is for playing through these injuries and whatta guy and whatta teammate and it was all unnecessary but not surprising at all. Of course Seabrook deserves nothing but admiration from this organ-I-zation and I fully expect Foley and Olczyk to be positively biased, but with all of the uncertainty around this situation I’m just tired of hearing the paeans.

As noted, the underlying numbers are still worrying, but the Hawks needed to come out after the ass-waxing earlier this week and play decently, and they did that. It was decent enough, at least. Onward and upward…

Hockey

Game #37 – Hawks 5, Avs 3: Ain’t It Fun?

By Sam Fels 1898 0

Box Score

Natural Stat Trick

Your delayed recap! And it’s for a win! And a fun one! Let’s not wait around, shall we?

The Two Obs

-There’s been a tenet around here for the entire time we’ve been doing this. Which makes it mesmerizing, and a little sobering, that it’s still true after all these years. But…when Duncan Keith is good, the Hawks are good. It’s really been that simple. Toews and Kane steal the headlines, which Keith is only too pleased to let them do, and they certainly are a large part of it. But no player has been a bigger barometer to the Hawks’ fortunes, nor more responsible. He can’t do it every game at 36, and that’s not on him that the Hawks haven’t found another solution. But on the nights he can, the Hawks actually look like a representative team.

Keith was everywhere last night, in a good way, in the way that it used to be. And he did it nursing along Adam Boqvist (more on him in a sec) and behind this still very fractured lineup. He didn’t end up on the scoresheet, but his influence would have been hard to miss. It even included kicking off the Hawks’ “hit or die” attitude on the night. The broadcast wanted you to think it was Gilbert’s fight. No, it was Keith laying Donskoi on his ass that everyone followed. It’s not a huge part of his game, but sometimes you forget that Keith is still about as sturdy as a fire hydrant and has that in his locker when needed.

We haven’t seen this Keith much over the past couple seasons, Some of it is age, some of it is thinking the coach is a moron and the team is headed in the wrong direction. He still thinks the coach is an idiot, and the team is still headed in the wrong direction, and he’s still old, but maybe through just professional pride or wanting to help the young players or whatever, we’re seeing this Keith more often. We should enjoy it. How much longer will it be around?

-The other tenet is “names on the sheet.” When the scoresheet has a lot of Kane and Toews on it (used to be Hossa and Sharp too, and the hope is Top Cat and Dach Holiday will take that role soon), the Hawks win. This is pretty simple stuff of course, as every team needs their best players to be their best players. The Hawks need it now especially, as they don’t have the cast of thousands to chip in. Toews wasn’t possessionally (it’s now a word fuck you) dominant, but got the goal that got the Hawks back in it and then kicked off the plays for their second and winning goals. Kane did Kane stuff.

Toews is also on a point-per-game pace his last 25, after that initial worry.

-The season still remains about what Dach and Boqvist become. It’s unfortunate for Dach that the only thing we really have to compare him to developmentally is Toews, because he’s the last center the Hawks took this high in the draft. Toews had a year of college before showing up, which probably makes a bigger difference than we think. At least as a freshman, you’re playing against other players your age or above. Dach wouldn’t have got that in Saskatoon, so he’s here. So there’s a higher learning curve, as he figures out what works now and what will work later.

You got a glimpse last night, as not only was Dach making things happen he was also not afraid to power through physically. As Fifth Feather pointed out on the podcast, we don’t know what Dach will be physically, because he’s got 20-25 pounds of muscle to put on yet. Which is kind of scary for everyone else.

Dach was put behind the eight-ball lately a bit, saddles with Zack Smith and Matthew Highmore or the like. Not only are they unskilled, they’re slow. So Dach could charge through the neutral zone and look around and see the world has abandoned him. With DeBrincat and a mobile space-opener in Carpenter, he’s got options to play off of. His goal showed off his hands and reach, because that was hardly an easy pass to catch and a chance to finish.

-To Boqvist. It feels, so far and there’s such a long way to go, that the Hawks are going about developing him the opposite way of how they should. Instead of just letting him be Adam Boqvist and figuring out where to shave off, they’re stripping him down and figuring out where to be Adam Boqvist. Compare that to how Duncan Keith came up. The stakes weren’t as high of course, and he had a full season in the AHL. But one thing you could say about Trent Yawney and Denis Savard is they let Keith be Keith and run around everywhere like he’d gotten into the pixie sticks. And then in time he figured out how to mold that into an NHL game.

Boqvist seems to want to move the puck along as quickly as possible, even if it isn’t to anyone. He is tentative to skate with it in his own zone. When the Hawks were trailing in the 3rd and they had to let him off the leash, you got a couple views of what he can do. Not only does he pinch but he’s so quick he’s getting to the puck at the circle instead of at the line, which gives him space to make a play. But he shouldn’t be trying to be Connor Murphy the rest of the time, and trying to spot when to be Adam Boqvist. It should be the opposite.

-The Hawks were intent on finishing checks last night, which is a good way to keep a much-faster team from getting away from you, especially if they’re not totally locked in. And without Makar, the Avs don’t really have another d-man to start transition so putting them all under pressure is going to cause turnovers and mistakes. I don’t know if the Hawks can play this way all the time, but it wouldn’t hurt to try.

-We occasionally get people asking us why we still do this, because our writing has gotten morose and despondent at times lately. And I understand the question, because it can seem like we’re not enjoying ourselves at all. I shouldn’t speak for everyone else here, but games like last night are why I’m still here. Because it’s still fun when they win a game like that. It’s still fun to watch Toews force his way into chances because he feels like it, or Keith to be an ice-wide blanket, or Kane to conjure something out of nothing or making a finish look that simple. It’s fun to get a vision of what Dach can do and might be one day. It’s fun to watch Connor Murphy drag Gustafsson by the dick into competence. We hope that we see more of it of course, and it’s that hope that keeps me around, I guess.

Onwards…

Hockey

Right Thoughts, Right Words, Right Action, Wrong Messenger

By Sam Fels 2089 0

Two days in arrears of this one, but thanks to the Hawks having a back-to-back we couldn’t get to Jeremy Colliton and Brent Seabrook until this morning. Such is life. But it’s worth diving into for sure.

So let’s get to the headline here, which came after Wednesday’s loss when Colliton was asked about scratching Seabrook and the reaction in the dressing room:

To quote modern philosophers Devo, “CRACK THAT WHIP.”

This wasn’t couched as it had been before both under Colliton and Quenneville when he scratched Seabrook. There wasn’t any mention of rest, or just giving him a different view, or any euphemism. That’s a straight-up “This guy sucks and I think we have better players.” Of course, the Hawks tried to cover their tracks last night by saying Seabrook was left behind for some minor injury issue while he was probably calling his agent and pouting. Certainly being hung out to dry in the press didn’t help his mood much. We saw how he reacted earlier in the year to this. It was a weak attempt, however. This is where I would insert a GIF of the scene from Ghostbusters where Melissa McCarthy and Kristen Wiig (my heart….) are debating whether or not you can put the cat back in the bag, were such a thing to exist.

Colliton went on to mention getting younger players in the lineup like Boqvist and Gilbert. Again, that’s not wrong, but it’s the talk of a rebuilding team which the Hawks have really Bird Of Paradise’d themselves to say they’re not doing. Boqvist at least should be playing all the time, and I suppose Gilbert can’t be that much worse than Seabrook now so it’s worth a free roll to see if he can be better. But it remains an organizational mixed message.

This also is basically telling the vets to shut the fuck up, and on some level you get it. They’ve had the run of the show here, and the team sucks now, so the Hawks really have to start thinking about what comes next. And what’s next is most likely to see Keith and Toews only contributors, not main cogs. Kane looks like he might still be a main cog, because he’s a mutant. Their leadership will be necessary of course, though Keith’s gruff ways have never lent themselves to being a great leader at times.

But at some point, “the core’s” wants and desires run in opposition to what’s best for the team. At least in this case, their desire to see Seabrook not fucked with does. Because the Hawks need to move on from him, plain and simple. And they know that. This was coming, as we’ve repeatedly said, no later than training camp next year when the hope would be Boqvist, Mitchell (if signed), and some other kid stake out a roster spot.

As we wrote the last time we went through this and a few times before, the Hawks had a delicate path to doing this to save face for Seabrook and themselves. They passed on that, so now they have this mess.

All that said, Jeremy Colliton is not the man to deliver this message. Because he has no cache or credibility with his team, especially the vets. We’ve known Keith has thought he’s a dolt from the get-go, and Toews basically joined him this year. Kane is placated by getting 25 minutes per night and scoring a ton, but how long that lasts I don’t know. Corey Crawford might firebomb the whole team, given what he’s been asked to cover for every start.

Colliton lost that cred by waffling on his strategy. Or by forcing seven d-men upon them to get Slater Koekkoek in the lineup against his former team who no longer knows who he is (it’s here I could argue they only had to dress seven D because Seabrook was a sacred cow still, but I won’t). The results haven’t earned him anything either. He’s been cut at the knees by both players and front office telling him to let his forwards cheat out of the zone more often, which hasn’t helped anything now that we have the greater sample on it.

So you can see why the vets would balk not at the message per se–they know Seabrook has played himself into this position, if they’ll never say it–but who is delivering it. He hasn’t earned anything from it, and they’re not going to accept it from him. I don’t even know if they’d accept it coming down from on high, given what’s gone on here the past few years. I’ll let friend of the program Chris Block settle it for you:

So he can do the right things, but they’re in the wrong time. Which is pretty much how the Hawks have operated for four seasons now.

Hockey

Angry At Numbers – 12/17

By Sam Fels 1514 0

Thought I would take the time to dig deep into some nerdlingers for you. Let’s get to it.

60.4, 42.7

We talked last night, you would have heard it this morning if you were so inclined, on the podcast about Jonathan Toews and Kirby Dach. The idea since Dach was drafted is that he would one day supplant Toews as the #1 center, and hopefully soon in that it would only make the Hawks stronger, not due to any decline of Toews. And after a slow start, Toews’s metrics are actually pretty stout the past 15 games. 54.9 CF%, 55. 2 xGF%. That’s probably more than stout. Dach’s numbers are obviously less so.

But what you’re seeing above is the offensive zone starts for Toews and then Dach the last 15 games. Which has to raise questions about how exactly you’re going to develop Dach by starting him outside the offensive zone 60% of the time, not to mention saddling him with fourth-line players. Dach’s certainly going to have to learn to play in his own zone, but right now he is a gifted offensive player and the Hawks are actually short on scoring. So why is he taking the ass end of shift starts?

If the Hawks would like to know why Dach hasn’t registered a point in 12 games, here you go. He’s not being given the best chance. And this is the future for your team, at least it had better be. Is there no confidence that Toews can turn the ice? It’s hard to know because this is how Toews has been used all season. But if the Hawks hope to get more out of Dach this year, they have to get him up the ice. And we know the Hawks can’t do that themselves.

+8.9

That’s Connor Murphy’s relative xGF% above the Hawks rate. It’s the 7th best mark in the league among d-men. To boot, no one else in the top 20 is getting worse zone starts than Murphy. Only Jared Spurgeon and Patrik Nemeth are even close. So next time Pat and Eddie are bellowing about how good Keith and de Haan have been and how they’re the two best Hawks defensemen, just remember this and that neither is anywhere close to Murphy. Who will have to be traded in the offseason for cap and roster space because no one is going to want de Haan and his one shoulder or Maatta and his no talent. And you should throw your hands up frantically accordingly.

.859

That’s Corey Crawford’s high-danger save-percentage at evens, which ranks third in the league behind Tuukka Rask and Henrik Lundqvist. This has been something of a specialty of Crow’s the past few years, as he tends to make just about the most amount of saves he shouldn’t make in the league. The past five years, only Sergei Bobrovsky has a better high-danger SV%, and Ben Bishop is right behind him, and both have been Vezina finalists while Crow never has. In that time, Crow also has the best dSV%, which is the difference between a goalie’s expected save-percentage and his actual. Hopefully, for his sake, there’s a contending team out there that sees these numbers and makes the Hawks a boffo offer for Crow at the deadline, because he deserves playing behind better than this utter trash fire as well as the lack of recognition he gets here. But I tend to doubt that will be the case, and instead he’ll just walk in favor of Robin Lehner and his gaping maw of a mouth to tell you just how hard he’s working behind the same shit defense.

Hockey

Atop the Sugar Pile – Taking a Breath

By Rose Rankin 1759 0

Don’t worry, this won’t be just hair-pulling and complaining about the terrifying lows…I mean, I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about it, but I wouldn’t do that (yet)…

The Dizzying Highs

The Kubalik-Toews-Saad line. This has been working, when so little else has been. Brandon Saad in particular has been playing well lately, including not one but two goals in the eventual collapse to the Blues on Saturday night. Dominik Kubalik has also been setting up Jonathan Toews pretty nicely and is proving that he does in fact belong on the top line. Going into Sunday night’s game this line had a a 52.6 CF% and an xGF% at a healthy 55.8. And they’ve been doing the basics like winning puck battles, hanging onto it, making good passes, etc., not to mention they scored the go-ahead goal against the Wild. This one line isn’t enough to solve the Blackhawks’ many, many woes right now, but they are still a functional top line.

Whoever decided to let Boqvist play 10 games. Having played 10 games, the first year of Adam Boqvist‘s contract is now officially in force. This means that he will likely play only here with the top club, which is exactly what needs to happen, not any contract chicanery for some imaginary future state. No, Boqvist isn’t some kind of savior, and he hasn’t been playing all that impressively quite yet, but the only way for him to develop into a reliable NHL-level player is to play in the fucking NHL. The Hawks cannot pull any Jokiharju-level nonsense this time: no sending him to the World Juniors to beat up on other children, despite whatever “confidence boost” people say that will have. You know what’s good for a kid’s confidence? Telling him, “you’re an important part of our future and good enough to play at the highest level.” How is no one else mentioning that? Besides, with the defense literally in shambles there is no other choice, because if the Hawks really don’t care about this season and consider it lost, they need Boqvist to develop and get better so that things don’t stay this way. Or, if they really do believe their own marketing slogan and think they can claw their way back into the playoffs this year, they absolutely need a fast, puck-moving defenseman who can also be on the power play. Either way, contract timing should not be the deciding factor and I’m relieved that it no longer is.

The Terrifying Lows

Dennis Gilbert. Whatta jamoke. This fool spent half the week taking dumbass GRITHEARTFART penalties that directly led to goals against them. About a week ago it cost the Hawks the game, leading Adam Burish to ever greater levels of dumbassery on the broadcast to defend these meatball tactics. By this past Saturday Gilbert was almost not offensive to the eyes, but then he got paired with Seabrook (not his fault but still) and was on the ice for both the second and the game-tying goals by the Blues. In fact, in his first nine games he was on the ice for just one goal but also out there for 11 against the Hawks. He is not an NHL player. Full stop.

Alex Nylander. Fuck this idiot, seriously. Well, actually let’s say fuck the stupid front office who traded a talented young defenseman for this idiot.

Erik Gustafsson. So many options for the Terrifying Lows this week, amirite? Gus was particularly awful against the Coyotes earlier in the week and really just couldn’t accomplish basic defensive coverage, stickwork, what have you. Oh wait, but then there was the pass to Mark Stone in the Vegas game (technically a turnover but felt like he just forgot which team he was on). And fucking up on the Knights’ short-handed goal that same game. Really, too many terrible moments to choose from.

The Creamy Middles

Connor Murphy. Connor Murphy is fast becoming the Rodney Dangerfield of this team and I am not having it. He is the only actual defenseman the Hawks have right now—and he’s been playing as well as the lone d-man on a bad team can. He’s leading the defense in CF% (51.3), and has been trying to cover for Gustafsson’s stupidity, which is quite the unenviable task. So he’s been on the ice for a lot of shots and scoring changes against lately (29 and 33, respectively, going into Sunday), but he’s still managed to be one of the only decent players on a regular basis. And he even had two assists last night against the Wild—one on a shot that Kampf redirected for the third goal, and another shot for a bizarro redirect that became the winning goal. Also, did I mention he’s the only actual defenseman they have?

Corey Crawford. The numbers won’t show it, but Crow has been keeping the Hawks in it over his last few games. Against Vegas his SV% was just .865 and against the Blues it wasn’t much better, at .895. But if you saw any of it, you know that Crawford has been one of the few reasons why things aren’t even worse, and his play is largely how the Hawks aren’t losing by a touchdown on a regular basis. Also please note this is not to say Lehner has been bad, but Crawford has borne this burden with class and a lack of appreciation, as always, so he gets the shout out.

Hockey

Game #33 – I Wait, But I’m Too Tired to Play Pretend. I’ll Suffocate Until the End – Hawks 3, Blues 4

By John Pullega 2052 0

Box Score

Natural Stat Trick

A win tonight would have been a steal. Other than Crawford, Toews, Saad, Kane, and Murphy, the Hawks did absolutely nothing to deserve to even be up by three, let alone be up by two with just seven minutes to go. This was a monumental breakdown that should cost everyone their jobs after tonight, but it won’t, because the organ-I-zation can do no wrong ever. You knew it was coming, but it doesn’t make it feel much better. Let’s tidy up.

– Before the third, Corey Crawford was once again the best player on the ice. And despite the last two goals, which Crawford probably could have had, Crawford kept this trash heap in it for as long as he could. Until the last seven minutes or so, Crawford was the number-one star, but you can only hold the dam for so long before the facts that Alex Nylander, Dennis Gilbert, and Brent Seabrook are skating serious minutes for this team bear shit fruit from their gigantic ass tree.

– Brandon Saad continues to shine as the best all-around skater on this wet-bag-of-diarrhea team. His first goal was certainly an excuse me, but his second one reminds you of what he could be if he showed that kind of finish regularly. The whole play was beautiful, really.

First, Toews pickpocketed Jabe O’Meester on the boards, which was right in line with the Blackhawks’s consistent member-berries theme of 2019. After the steal, Toews used Kubalik as a screen near the far post to pass to Saad. Saad streaked in through the back door and used a quick backhand-forehand exchange to pot his second of the night. Who, other than everyone but Jeremy Colliton, could have ever seen Saad–Toews–Kubalik working?

– Patrick Kane’s goal was pure filth. It’s easy to forget how lethal his wrister is when he’s got even an iota of space, but he made sure to remind us all tonight. After Strome and DeBrincat played patty cake with the puck near the blue line and in the neutral zone, Kane decided to gird himself, taking a loose puck off the near boards and going outside to inside before snapping his goal off in one slick motion. Creep can roll.

– I never want to see Alex Nylander on the ice in a Blackhawks sweater again. We all knew he sucked going into this year. But after tonight, there is no doubt that he is a total and complete bust with absolutely no feel for how the game works. What the fuck is he supposed to be doing here?

Or here?

Or here?

Alex Nylander didn’t lose this game, but you’d be hard pressed to find a game he helped win, either.

– We’ve been saying this for the past two months, but seriously, Jeremy Colliton should be fired after tonight. Two goals in 10 seconds, including the game-tying goal, with Seabrook and Gilbert on the ice for fucking both. On purpose. By design. Seabrook was easily one of the worst players on the ice tonight and the worst defender by far. Dennis Gilbert is Dennis Gilbert. These are the guys you want on the ice when the momentum has obviously swung? Fuck, disregarding the momentum, why the fuck are these two on the ice together at all? Fuck your injuries, there is no reason these two should be a pairing for any reason ever.

And this was after Gilbert had an inoffensive game for the first time in his short career. Watching him get his ankles broken off a Thomas pass right before Bozak’s second goal, followed by his wheel pose on de la Rose’s game-tying goal should be the last memory we have of him. But it won’t, because this is the Chicago Blackhawks, an organ-I-zation that can do no wrong. Just ask them.

Jeremy Colliton might be a great European coach. Maybe he can cut it in the AHL. But he’s entirely overmatched in the NHL. Even with the horseshit roster he’s been handed, he’s done nothing to show that he has the creativity or foresight to even try to put them in a position to win. (And if you’re more of a “fire Bowman for that” person, I’m with you.) Tonight ought to be the nail in the coffin. But it won’t, because this organ-I-zation has never once taken responsibility for its fuck ups. It is not going to start now. Bowman et al. have jobs to protect, and woe be to anyone who questions the talent smokescreen of the privileged.

It’s not surprising, but it’s nonetheless embarrassing. Even for a team as bad as the Hawks, allowing four unanswered goals, including three in the span of five minutes in the third period, is unacceptable. You can bet that Eddie O is putting all his money on being the head coach by the time we reach the quarter pole.

One goal: The lottery.

Beer du Jour: Hometown Coffee Stout (Westfax Brewing), Maker’s Mark, Miller High Life, Sour Monkey

Line of the Night: “Pick those up with some jean shorts in St. Louis.” –Pat Boyle on toasted ravioli

Everything Else

Game #30 – Coyotes 3, Hawks 3 (Coyotes get to face Robin Lehner in shootout) – The Air Is So Cold And Numb

By Adam Hess 1613 0

Box Score

Natural Stat Trick

The more of these recaps I do, the less I want to do them. Each game just gets more and more incredible, in a bad way. I almost feel like I, and perhaps Blackhawks Twitter/Bloggers in general, are out of things to say about this team that aren’t just the same old dead horses that have already been beaten time and time again. Shall we?

BULLETS

– For the second straight game that I have recapped (the last being the Bruins game on Thursday) the Blackhawks found themselves with a multi-goal lead after the first period despite the fact that they were the inferior team. The Hawks got dominated in attemps with a measely 42.11 CF%, and they were even worse in terms of unblocked attempts with a 39.29 FF%. They escaped with a 3-1 lead in large part due to a slightly-lucky-but-very-good play by Jonathan Toews early on, a good shot by Alex DeBrincat who got a goal in a third straight game, and a nice play by Dominik Kubalik. To their credit, they did have a 5-4 advantage in High Danger chances despite getting their clocks cleaned in possession.

– I am continually baffled by the audacity of the Blackhawks to put their penalty kill unit out so often despite the fact that it is so damn bad. They took six penalties tonight, and in the end it cost them as two of the Coyotes three goals came with the man advantage. Personally, I am shocked that the Hawks penalty kill did not hold up on a night they iced a paper mache defensive corps.

– Pairing off that last one, just to give you an idea of how impactful the Hawks penalties were tonight: The second period was played exclusive at 5v5 or with the Hawks on the PK (save for four seconds of a Hawks power play, which barely counts). At 5v5, the Hawks recorded a CF% of 68! That is incredible! But they only got to spend 13 minutes and change at 5v5, and spent the other 6-plus minutes on the PK, where they gave up two goals and allowed Glendale to tie it.

– The third period was worse than the first, which is kinda nuts. The Coyotes forward group is not very good! Their best forward is probably Nick Schmaltz, who I like and was a fan of in Chicago, but he’s not an elite talent in anyway. But the Hawks only managed a 34.48 CF% at evens in the third, and in the end they were outshot 47-29 by that group. That is just pathetic to be quite frank with you.

– Erik Gustafsson being on the powerplay in overtime is insulting to my intelligence and the intlligence of my grandchildren’s grandchildren. Fuck off.

– Hawks go next on Tuesday against Vegas. Until then.

Hockey

Game #27 – I Don’t Wanna Talk About It, Want to Forget About It, Wanna Be Intoxicated With That Special Brew – Blues 4, Hawks 0

By John Pullega 1876 0

Box Score

Natural Stat Trick

Terrible.

– Jeremy Colliton is not a fucking NHL coach. Bring on Sheldon Brookbank, I do not give a fuck. Jeremy Colliton is a smarmy asshole who made friends with other smarmy assholes and got a seven-figure job out of it, which is about as on brand as you can get for this fucking team now. He managed to coax a rigor mortis erection out of this fucking team for a few consecutive games in November, but tonight has once again hammered home the fact that he doesn’t know how to coach this team whatsoever, poor roster construction be damned. We could go on and on about his decision to put Carpenter between DeBrincat and Kane instead of Dach, but we won’t because you’ve heard that song before. But look at this goddamn clitoral sty:

David Perron leaves the puck in an area that Toews can’t be bothered to cover, giving Ryan O’Reilly all the time and space in world to pick it up. He demurs to Perron, and not one, not two, but yes, three fucking Blackhawks go out to the far boards—which is a very low-danger area, in case, like me, you were wondering—to cover Perron. This leaves O’Reilly whatever is beyond wide open right in front of Crawford. I’m not sure that I’ve ever seen an opponent get so wide open on a designed play since five games ago.

This is what the HIGH-OCTANE DEFENSE this mead-drinking bozo farts out produces. This is by fucking design. It is time to fire Jeremy Colliton. It’s brutally clear his team doesn’t want to play for him, and his designed system produces garbage like this. All we ask for is fun. This isn’t fun. Utterly embarrassing.

– They told us that Olli Maatta was an improvement. Olli Maatta, in fact, fucking sucks. His turnover at the end of the third was a travesty. Under absolutely no pressure, he threw a pass directly onto Tyler Bozak’s stick in the slot. Bozak, in what we can only assume was a reaction to such a bald-faced insult, pounded a shot past Crawford.

– But that wasn’t the only instance of the Hawks clearly giving up. On the very first goal, Seabrook and Nylander got caught floating back on defense, which gave MacKenzie MacEachern an open lane to swat a funky end-board bounce past Crawford. If you want to argue that there’s no way they could have predicted that bounce, fuck you. A bare minimum effort would have clogged up the slot and at least made that shot a little bit of a challenge. Glad to see Seabrook still has something to give and that we got this fucking Nylander loser for the mere price of an effective 20-year-old defenseman who was traded because his stupid fucking dweeb-ass moron coach didn’t like his attitude or whatever. Can’t wait to read the tell-all book where we learn that Jokiharju’s response to everything Colliton said was “Fuck off, nerd, you suck at this.”

– And we haven’t even touched the real shit. Stan Bowman should be fired immediately for not doing his due diligence on Marc Crawford. It’s clear that they brought Marc Crawford in to take over for Colliton if he shat the bed (and not only has Colliton shat the bed but also rolled around in it). But now, three separate players have accused Marc Crawford of physical abuse and regular use of homophobic language throughout his career. If you’re the kind of person that isn’t bothered by this, fuck you. This was a Stan Bowman decision. If his shitty off-seasons over the last two years weren’t enough to show you that he’s a total goddamn moron (Brandon Manning, Olli Maatta, Andrew Shaw, Slater Koekkoek), this should.

– It’s getting more obvious that Jonathan Toews wants nothing to do with any of this. He dragged around all night, such as in that clip we had earlier. But he was also aloof on the Blues’s third goal. After Kane’s pass for Toews got intercepted in the Hawks’s oZ, Toews couldn’t be bothered to get back to defend. This left Connor Murphy to cover Schwartz on the far boards, DeBrincat to cover Walker in the slot, and no one to cover the eventual goal scorer Brayden Schenn, because Olli Maatta was busy being too slow and shitty to adjust.

I can’t blame Toews, but if you’ve lost him, you’re fucked.

– On the plus side, Brandon Saad did what he does best: everything but score. He split a couple defenders in the third for a good chance that he couldn’t finish. He was one of only three Hawks who were noticeably good tonight.

–The others were Dominik Kubalik—who will undoubtedly be scratched on Thursday for REASONS—and Alex DeBrincat, who set up a nice scramble in the first with some nifty skating and a slick backhand shot that led to a Ryan Carpenter chance. He also hit iron off a good Toews pass in traffic. Perhaps if he had someone other than Ryan Carpenter centering him, he’d have more luck.

The Blues never had to leave first gear to grind the Hawks down like a twisting and dry leaf in a dog’s shitty, dragging asshole. The cherry on top is that the Hawks could only ice 17 players tonight because of salary cap restrictions and a sick (of this team) Robin Lehner. Truly a sign of a well-run org, that. If Rocky gave a single shit about anything, Colliton, Bowman, McDonough et al. would be on their asses tonight. But that sellout streak continues, so fuck you.

We need new pornos. Guess I’m still writing.

Beer du Jour: Half a bottle of 1792.

Line of the Night: Mario Lemieux didn’t have the heart, didn’t have the tenacity, didn’t have the drive of a Gretzky or Kane. – Steve Konroyd