Everything Else

You Get What Anyone Gets: Saying Goodbye To The Columbus Blue Jackets

By Sam Fels 2059 0

Since the NHL was measured in A.L. years (After Lockout ’04-’05), there are only three teams that have never won a playoff series. One is the Toronto Maple Leafs, you may have heard about them. One is the Florida Panthers. You probably haven’t heard about them, but I assure you they exist. And the other is the Columbus Blue Jackets. That will continue for another year, as the Jackets actually found a way to make the Washington Capitals look mentally strong. Perhaps they will be given an award for this, or certainly a commemoration of some kind, because they are the first to do so.

And looking over the entire history of the Jackets, this very well might be the only accomplishment you ever remember. Their other claim to fame is that they were the throw-in for the league to placate the Red Wings and move them to the Eastern Conference, which they’d only been bitching about for a decade and a half (and perhaps knew it was the only way they could maintain their then-pointless playoff streak). Essentially, the Jackets are the first team to be the “Player To Be Named Later.”

And really, that’s it.

The Jackets have strung together two good regular seasons, though both have been of the “hockey weird” variety. Last year it was a power play and Bobrovsky combining to see them eclipse 100 points. This year it was Bobrovsky and eventually the power play, though more sustainable success at evens as well. And it got them 100 points. And what it got us was a feeling that 100 points for a team doesn’t really mean anything at all.

What must be so infuriating for the Jackets is that they actually did a lot of stuff right this year, and it still doesn’t matter. They figured out Brandon Dubinsky sucks and has for a very long time. He barely played 10 minutes per game towards the end. They concluded that maybe Nick Foligno wasn’t all that good either, despite his heart and grit captaincy, and was on the third line. They discovered that Jack Johnson has always sucked and punted him into the pressbox when he started bitching about a new contract (or debt-servicing). For John Tortorella to come to these conclusions, one would have to start believing in a higher power.

And it didn’t matter.

Certainly Artemi Panarin turned some heads in the first three games, with two goals (including a gorgeous OT winner) and seven points to go with seven shots. He then didn’t scratch again when things got tricky in the next three games, was a -6, and there went any offense Columbus might have thought about having. Hmm, strange that. Doesn’t sound familiar at all.

And this is probably as good as it gets for the Jackets. They’ll have to give Ryan Murray and Boone Jenner raises this summer, even though no one can identify what it is they do exactly. That will eat up whatever cap space they have, as well as keeping their powder dry for when Panarin gets $10 million a year after what is assuredly going to be a nuclear free agent season next year. Good thing they have $11 million combined tied up in Dubinsky and Foligno. The going rate for guys who growl a lot is astronomical, isn’t it?

You can feel Torts burnout coming next year as well, because that’s how this works. Lucky for the Jackets, and Tavares-less Islanders team, a stunting development from the Devils, the Hurricanes collapsing under the weight of their bellicose owner, and a clueless-how-to-rebuild Rangers team are probably going to Homer-sperm themselves out of taking the Jackets playoff spot.

Which will give Sergei Bobrovsky another chance to spit up all over himself when everyone’s paying attention. Once again, this two-time Vezina winner spent a lot of time looking like the morning after on Bourbon St when the Jackets needed him most. A .900 SV% to slightly better his .882 from last year. We should also remember this is the asshole that made Timothy Leif a household name, so why did we ever give him any shine in the first place? At least there will be some hilarious trade rumors after next time. He just has to go to Toronto, right?

So thanks, Jackets, for whatever it is  you do. Also Columbus is a strangely redneck stinkhole and deserves nothing good. Thanks for providing exactly none of it for them.

Everything Else

Night Songs – Round 1 Day 2: Can’t Get Out Of Its Own Way

By Sam Fels 1685 0

I don’t know how the NHL couldn’t figure out to stagger the start of the playoffs, but then again it never does. Sure, I don’t know what the building conflicts are for each city, though there seem to be only a handful that are housing both NBA and NHL playoffs teams. Toronto, Boston, DC, Philly are the only four. But because of whatever, we had five games to deal with last night and only three the night before. And like the NHL playoffs always seems to do, some wonderful play and high drama is being overshadowed by the height of dumbassery and useless vengeance/dick-measuring that this time of year tends to descend into. And then the Leafs lose. Let’s go around:

Leafs 1 – Bruins 5 (BOS leads 1-0)

It’s never a good sign when someone on your team decides he’s going to out-Brad Marchand Brad Marchand. But step to the front of the line of imbeciles, Nazem Kadri! I know being a shithead has always been a part of Kadri’s game too, but when you’re already down and basically getting thwacked, it just makes you look even more like you emerged from some swamp somewhere and can’t count to four, which Kadri assuredly can’t. And the best part is Kadri had been penalized for a dumbass boarding call just minutes before he decided to reenact Asuka’s hip attack on Tommy Wingels’s head against the boards. That’s good coaching, Mike Babcock! What leadership!

If the league is serious about getting this bullshit out of the game, and it never will attain any sort of status until it does, Kadri should be tossed for the rest of the series. That’s a deliberate attempt to injure an opponent. There can’t be a bigger crime on the ice. Whereas if I squint and could see where Drew Doughty’s hit was simply poor aim or poorly executed but an actual attempt at a “hockey play,” this was simply assault.

Anyway, the Leafs blue line sucks deep pond scum and the Bruins are going to treat it like a lit up runway all series. And then we won’t have to listen to Leafs fans anymore and quite frankly I’m all for it. Oh, the Leafs firepower will probably spasm a win at home, maybe even two, but this won’t be as close as it looks when it ends.

Devils 2 – Lightning 5 (TB Diddlers leads 1-0)

Feels like this game went on in the dark. I still have no idea what the Devils are doing here other than Taylor Hall, and he did his best to drag them to a startling Game 1 win. But the Bolts are simply too much. They get you from so many places. Fast forward us to TB-Boston already. The rest of this is just a charcuterie plate.

Jackets 4 – Capitals 3 OT (CBJ leads 1-0)

Not much was expected of the Caps this time around, so you really have to hand it to them that they stuck to the script of throwing up all over themselves anyway. They even let Thomas Vanek score a playoff goal, which is a real trick. Three third period penalties is a stroke of genius, including Tom “No Seriously He’s A Good Player And Not A Detriment To The Team/Society” Wilson going full Battle Of Troy for a charging call that let Vanek tie the game. Watching Panarin come up with that to win the game didn’t exactly feel good, but then again I don’t remember him doing that at any point in the playoffs with the Hawks either. I still don’t know what the Jackets have outside of him and their top pairing, as Bob wasn’t particularly great last night, but if all you have to do is stand still while the Caps fall over, the Jackets are more than capable of that.

Avalanche 2 – Predators 5 (NSH leads 1-0)

As we kind of said in the preview, Nathan MacKinnon is going to do everything he can to make this a series. But given how limited the rest of the team was before Erik Johnson’s and Semyon Varlamov’s injury, there’s only so much he can do. Because as anyone with two eyes that aren’t Canadian or draped in yellow thought would happen, he ate Doughboy Johansen’s lunch and then spit it back at him. When he was out there against RyJo Sen, MacKinnon had a 74 Corsi % and an 85% scoring chance percentage. Laviolette quickly had to change gears and throw Bonino at MacKinnon, which was much better. But the Preds just have too many weapons for Colorado, which  you saw. And Rinne was excellent. But I have a feeling the Avs are going to at least lay down a blue print that Mark Scheifele will be very interested in. Oh, and Johansen should be suspended too for his charge, the only thing he did all night, but won’t be because the Preds have become the NHL’s little precious.

Sharks 3 – Ducks 0 (SJ leads 1-0)

There was a time when you’d take real joy in this. But now the Ducks aren’t even interesting. I’m not sure I knew they pipped the Sharks for home ice because A) it won’t matter and B) most of the time I’ve forgotten they exist. They sure played like it last night, getting skulled in the 2nd period when all the scoring happened, leaving the Sharks to do the beach chair act in the 3rd. Oh look, Ryan Getzlaf had one shot on goal. Not like him to just meander around the outside in the playoffs or anything. Ryan Johansen must have so many Getzlaf posters on his wall. The Sharks probably don’t even need Joe Thornton for this one.

Everything Else

Game #63 – Hawks vs. Blue Jackets Preview, Tub Scouring – What Jail Is Like

By Matt McClure 1828 0

 at 

Game Time: 6:00PM CST
TV/Radio: NBC Sports Chicago, WGN-AM 720
Maurice Clarett’s Tattoo Shop: The Cannon

As this Wannstedt-esque death march of a season trudges onward, the Hawks turn right around from last night’s win against the Sharks and head to Columbus tonight, where Torts and the Jackets hang on to the last wild card spot in the east by the slimmest of margins.

Everything Else

Game #2 – Blue Jackets v. Hawks: Spotlight – Pantera

By 1338

Whenever a player is traded,  no matter how loved, there’s an instinct to try and justify how his loss won’t be as big as your first reaction indicates. Sure, there are trades that are just so bad you simply can’t talk yourself into them (hi there, Trevor Daley). But for the most part, you’ll always run for some shelter of information that makes you feel like your team won a given a trade. Even though a perfect trade is one where both teams benefit, but we don’t live in that world and this is a capitalist society, dammit.

So a little of that went on here when Artemi Panarin was dealt to Columbus for Brandon Saad. Yes, Saad is actually younger and yes Saad has something of a more all-around game. We commented on Panarin’s shoosty-tendencies at the end of last year. How his feet didn’t move quite the way they did his rookie year and instead he was becoming more and more Ray Allen waiting for his corner three. That works when LeBron or Patrick Kane can kick it out there for you. But is that really the case?

Everything Else

Sit Back, Relax, and Strap it Down – ’17-’18 Blackhawks Player Previews: Patrick Kane

By 1587

Thankfully we’ve made it another offseason without Patrick Kane drunkenly committing crimes. Unfortunately for Kane the Blackhawks traded away his running mate of the last two seasons, and he heads into this preseason without an obvious fit for linemates. Luckily, Kane is still good enough to succeed with just about anyone that Q could think to put him with, and is also capable of elevating the play of those players around him. I just hope he isn’t giving them offseason activity ideas.

2016-17 Stats

82 GP – 34 G- 55 A

52.2 CF% – 64.4 oZS% – 35.6 dZS%

21:24 Avg. TOI

A Look Back: Despite not putting up league leading numbers again, Kane turned in yet another impressive season on the scoresheet last year, playing in all 82 games and producing more than a point per appearance in the process. His 89 points tied him for second in the NHL with Sidney Crosby, and his 34 goals had him in a three-man tie for 10th in the league. He managed 27 of those goals and a total of 64 points at 5v5, which actually wasn’t down that much from his 29 goals and 69 total points (NICE) at evens in 2015-16. The consistency there is a big encouragement, and also shows just how power play heavy his 106 total points that won him the Art Ross and Hart Trophies in 2016 were.

Kane spent most of the season with Artemi Panarin again, who saw his feet slowly started to fuse with the top of the left faceoff circle last season as he turned into the one-timer version of a bobblehead. Seriously, Kane and Panarin probably could’ve had another 5-10 points each last year if DoughBoy hadn’t been possessed the ghost of Patrick Sharp (who, based upon his play this preseason, is assuredly dead). Panarin is gone now, but he’s not necessarily missed. You’ll be hard pressed to convince me that it was Panarin who helped channel Kane’s success and not vice versa.

A Look Ahead: Obviously Kane is going to need at least one new linemate, and possibly two depending on how scrambled Anisimov’s brain is  after his concussions last year. I will maintain that DeBrincat should be on Kane’s opposite wing until it happens or I die. He has the speed, vision, and creativity to slot well on a line with Kane, and they would feed into each other’s strengths just like Kane and Panarin did. Those two would be a dynamic offensive duo regardless of who their pivot is, though I’d love to see Schamltz there. As I said in my ADB preview, Schmaltz’s playmaking ability would mesh well with ADB’s scoring ability, and having a top-five NHL player to distract opponent’s would free up ice for those young guns. Kane would be a solid bet for another 60+ point season at evens, and those two would take a huge step in their development as well.

Otherwise, we might see Anisimov pivot Kane again while Patrick Sharp flanks the opposite wing. Anisimov is still a good fit as a center for Kane due to his size and ability to crash the net/shove his ass in goalies’ faces, so that part isn’t so bad. The problem is that Patrick Sharp is like 50 years old, can’t skate, and has a cardboard hip. And he’s not even the Blackhawks’ hottest player anymore. Putting him on the wing opposite Kane would be like tying a piano to the back of your Hellcat. Kane could probably still produce fine with Sharp on his wing, and he’d probably even get Sharp to score 15-20 goals if they were together long enough, but it’s not the best fit at all. Please, Joel, do not do this (he definitely will).

In terms of production, Kane has been a point per game player in all but three of his NHL seasons. I’d call it a safe bet he does it again this year. My official prediction is an 85+ point season, or at least an 85+ point pace should he get injured. Pray that doesn’t happen, though, because even with the young offensive talent the Hawks have, losing Kane would take a huge chunk out of their offensive firepower.

Statistics via Hockey Reference.

Previous Player Previews

Corey Crawford

Anton Forsberg

Duncan Keith

Connor Murphy

Michal Kempny

Brent Seabrook

Gustav Forsling

The 6th D-Man

Artem Anisimov

Lance Bouma

Laurent Dauphin

Alex DeBrincat

Ryan Hartman

John Hayden

Vinnie Hinostroza

Tanner Kero

Everything Else

Sit Back, Relax, and Strap it Down – ’17-’18 Blackhawks Player Previews – Artem Anisimov

By 1906

It’s easy to take a guy like Anisimov for granted. When blinded by the light streaming from Artemi Panarin’s cherubic face, or from Patrick Kane’s…face, one might lose sight of the fact that wingers with over 30 goals must have a pretty decent center helping to make it all happen. It was a career year for Anisimov in a lot of ways, as we will see. But if this is any kind of fairy tale—brought back to life by the kiss of Quenneville after getting lost in the deep, dark Blue Jacket woods and getting his brain scrambled repeatedly—the clock is perilously close to midnight.

Everything Else

Post-Convention Grab Bag

By 1864

-There seemed to have been a bit of furor–in that whenever anything happens in July you have to make something out of it to pretend anything is happening at all–that at the convention Patrick Kane and Artem Anisimov expressed disappointment that Artemi Panarin had been traded for Brandon Saad.

It’s clearly obvious why Kane would be. His numbers are going to suffer. And that doesn’t make Kane out to be selfish or uncaring about the team. Most if not all hockey players are acutely aware of their stats, just as any athlete is any other sport is as well. Believe me, Jimmy Butler knows exactly what his points and assists are per game and Kris Bryant knows what he’s hitting. It’s part of the job.

Everything Else

Just Another Friday Morning

By 2236

Full disclosure, I’m writing this wearing my Brandon Saad Saginaw Spirit jersey, so that’s where I am emotionally.

Ok… let’s see if we can parse this altogether. It’s not going to be easy. So here’s the facts. The Hawks first traded Niklas Hjalmarsson to Arizona for Connor Murphy and Laurent Dauphin. Then, presumably getting buzzed on the fumes from that, Stan Bowman turned around and traded Artemi Panarin, Tyler Motte and a pick to Columbus for Brandon Saad, Anton Forsberg, and another pick.

Well…. well… let’s get to it, shall we?

I’m not going to bury the lede here on how we feel. The Hammer trade has the potential to be a very good one. Yeah I know, you’re throwing something at the screen right now, hoping it will somehow be absorbed by the internet and then spit out through my screen and hit me in the face.

But I know what I’m saying. Put the sentiment aside. For the second half of last year, Niklas Hjalmarsson was not good. Where before he could smother the best any opponent had to offer, he couldn’t do that last year. It wasn’t just Seabrook getting torched by the Predators last year. It was Hammer too. And as we’ve said repeatedly the past couple years, the aging curve on a less-than-mobile puck bag that Hammer was can get very ugly in an awful hurry. Think Rob Scuderi. Think Robyn Regehr. Think Niklas Kronwall. Think Brooks Orpik. Not pretty, no?

Everything Else

One More Special Message To Go: Hawks at Kings Preview/Estate Sale

By 1297

 vs. 

RECORDS: Hawks 50-23-8    Kings 38-35-7

PUCK DROP: 5pm Central

TV: CSN

HEY REMEMBER WHEN THEY MATTERED?: The Royal Half

Yeah, you know what? I’m not even going to bother with the normal preview. It’s the last game, neither of these teams are going to give the faintest of fucks, we have no idea who’s going to rest and who isn’t, and it’s an occasion best left to simply get out of the way before the Hawks can move on to the things that matter and the Kings can move on to figuring out… well, to figuring it out.