Hockey

Game #53 – Sometimes It Snows in April. Sometimes I Feel So Bad – Hawks 2, Wild 2 (Wild Win Anime-Drawing Contest)

By John Pullega 1759 0

Box Score

Natural Stat Trick

Since Prince’s untimely death, there hasn’t been a redeeming quality to speak of regarding Minnesota. And for the first 50 minutes tonight, all was as it has ever been since then. But a flutter puck and bad-angle goal later, the Hawks were on the brink of being one point back for the second wild card spot. They managed a point from it all, and they were fortunate to get even that. Let’s clean it up.

– Bruce Boudreau has made a career out of winning games that his opponents can’t be bothered to play during the doldrums of the season. Tonight’s first 50 minutes was a master class in that style. The thing is, the Hawks don’t have the luxury of falling prey to a team that’s playing like it’s the last week in April with a spot on the line. But there they were, dragging ass and just hoping that Crawford would pull them out of the sling, which he almost did. It’s hard to find an excuse for it.

Through the first two periods in fact, just two Blackhawks had CF%s that weren’t in the negatives: Gustafsson and Murphy. The Wild kept the Hawks on the perimeter as is their wont, and the Hawks 10,000-pass setups were even more useless than they usually were.

– If the Hawks are going to rat fuck their way into the playoffs—and I still think they will—it’s going to take the kind of small miracles we saw from Boqvist and Maatta. Adam Boqvist was having a putrid game until his goal. He and Keith got clobbered in possession, but more worrying was how tentative Boqvist looked on the power play again. After the Koivu trip on Kane, Boqvist looked like he was going to charge through the neutral zone ass ablaze, only to just stop along the far boards in the neutral zone and nearly turn it over. When the Hawks finally got the puck in, Boqvist did end up turning it over anyway.

Boqvist occasionally flashes a charge only to curl back, and you have to imagine it’s by design. But we’ve seen what happens when he’s tentative, and it’s not pretty. When he just says “fuck it,” like he did on his wrist-shot goal, good things tend to happen. His wrister was more of a floater than a snapper, but he’s got a real weapon with it regardless.

– Olli Maatta was also having a terrible, terrible game prior to his goal, which is one of the more absurd goals we’ve seen this year. He was on the far boards and managed to pot the shot far side. Sometimes it doesn’t need to make sense.

– Alex DeBrincat needs a fucking hug. He had two or three quality chances snuffed or overshot, and you can see it’s really taking a toll on him. On his near breakaway off the Donato turnover in the first, Top Cat had a couple of steps on Donato. But as the play developed, it looked like DeBrincat was skating through sand. Donato managed to catch up and bother DeBrincat while he shot, ruining the chance. Him coming around in these last two months is going to be crucial to any playoff hopes the Hawks will have.

– Kirby Dach makes me forget about Bowan Byram sometimes. He was a beacon light in the third period, and nearly scored a highlight-reel goal after completely breaking Jonas Brodin’s ankles in the near circle. There’s such fluidity to his skating and puck handling. Plus, he’s now on a four-game scoring streak (1 G, 4 A) after going 12 games without. He’s going to be special; it’s just a question of whether it’ll be here when it all comes together and whether it will matter when it does.

– Connor Murphy was outstanding tonight. He broke up a Foligno breakaway halfway through the first and should have had a primary assist late in the second, if not for Brandon Saad passing up a gaping net to pass to a heavily covered Patrick Kane in the crease.

– Erik Gustafsson had a stereotypical Erik Gustafsson game. His fancy stats were nice (65+ CF%, 75+ xGF%), he tallied an assist, and then he turned the puck over in OT, leading to the loss. He hasn’t been an open sore lately, but we also had 10 days off, so that’s probably factoring into the memory of him.

You’ll take the one point because they really didn’t deserve any. A win tomorrow could put them within one point of the second wild card spot. What a world.

Onward.

Beer du Jour: Michter’s Small Batch

Line of the Night: You best believe this was a Mute Lounge Game.

Hockey

Game #43 – Wings 2, Hawks 4 – Better Than The Alternative

By Adam Hess 1700 0

Box Score

Natural Stat Trick

Even in the midst of a shitty Hawks season and an even shittier Red Wings season (not that those are anything new in those parts), it still feels nice to watch the Hawks get a nice win over that trash heap franchise from that trash heap city. I just wish this win hadn’t felt so… itchy. Let’s get into it:

DETROIT SUCKS

so do the Hawks, just a little less

-As good as the win over the Wings felt, it took the Blackhawks way too damn long to realize that they were playing an AHL team, and react accordingly. They were straight up asleep for the first period and a decent bit of the second period as well – despite having 55% of the shot attempts, they still lost the scoring chance battle 9-6 and the high danger chance battle 3-1 in the first. While they started playing in the second period, it wasn’t until they were able to quickly strike back-to-back goals with just shy of five minutes left in that frame that it really felt like the Hawks came to life. Not the most encouraging  play against an opponent like this, but in the end getting the win is still much better than it would’ve looked had they lost to this Detroit group, so I won’t bitch too much.

– Alex DeBrincat was a gosh darned force tonight, with straight up dominant metrics across the board. He posted a 68.75 CF%, 70 FF%, 71.6 xGF%, and a 55.56 SCF% (scoring chances for). He also made two great plays in the leadup to Strome’s opening goal for the Hawks, first to get the puck of the Hawks’ defensive zone onto the rush, then winning the puck off the boards behind the net and then feed Strome in the slot. The results have unfortunately not always been there for Top Cat this year, but he’s been playing solid so if he keeps up more games like this (easier said than done) he will start to see the production rise.

– Congratulations to Dylan Sikura on his first NHL goal. It only took him more than half a regular season’s worth of games to get it.

I kid, I kid. Sikura hasn’t exactly bloomed in the way that I think many of us would have preferred He didn’t get a ton of ice time tonight (just 9:39 at evens) but made the most of it with a nice 56.25 CF% and adding that goal. Just build off of it moving forward and please don’t make us wait another 43 games for the next one.

– Adam Boqvist fucks. He is so offensively skilled and creative, he just needs to tap more into those abilities both as a PP QB and at 5v5 play. He has all of the tools to be a true force and produce at a 1D level in the NHL. His goal tonight was a thing of pure beauty and I look forward to many more like it coming.

– It cannot be overstated – God Bless Corey Crawford. While the team was figuring their shit out tonight, Crow was solid and kept them much more in it than they should’ve been for a while, including an awesome series of saves after a really rough play in front of the net by Duncan Keith. May Crow live on in our hearts forever.

– Blackhawks go next on Tuesday against the Flames.

Hockey

All Along I’ve Been The Traveler

By Sam Fels 1531 0

The Hawks are halfway there. Tuesday’s win was the 41st game of the season, so it’s always a good time to assess where they are and how you’re feeling about them.

And the thing is, there’s not really much to feel about them at all. Last year at this point, they were trying out a new coach, they were woeful defensively, they were a .500 team essentially, and they didn’t look very likely for the playoffs. And now, the only difference really is that they get saves. They’re still woeful defensively, they’re basically a .500 team, they look unlikely for the playoffs. Except after another year of spinning their wheels, vitriol for management and coach is higher than it was at this time a year ago.

As I was walking the dog last night (when I do my best thinking, honestly), I considered what were to happen if the Hawks actually made a fist of getting into the playoffs again as they did for a couple minutes there last year, and if they somehow snuck in. Barely sneaking into the playoffs is a good thing for teams on the rise or trying to build something. For example, the Avs scraped in the past two years, and look at them now. The Canes snuck in last year, though they had been underlying a much better team than that for years. Still, you can see the arc on them.

But the Hawks aren’t on an arc. They’ve told us there is no plan. Whether they somehow goof a #8 seed or not, would you really feel like they’re on an upward trajectory? Or that they just somehow floated to the top of a collection of very unimpressive teams? Teams whose endgame is merely getting into the playoffs are jobbers. They’re the Brooklyn Brawlers of the NHL. It’s not a jumping off point.

The argument would be that moving forward, the growth of DeBrincat, Strome, Dach, and Boqvist is what’s going to push the Hawks beyond this current level. But that has to be canceled out by whatever decline is in store for Keith, Toews, and Kane (if the last one ever declines, that is), as well as whatever cap casualties are coming (Saad, Murphy, maybe both).

The Hawks skipped the step where you have a bunch of exciting prospects just under the surface and waiting to join the ranks. There’s no one in Rockford who is projected to change the course much. Ian Mitchell isn’t having as good of a season in Denver as last year, and it’s still a wonder if he’ll sign at all. There is little at the college or juniors level. Basically, Dach and Boqvist are here and that’s it.

Once you start digging into the numbers, it’s not much better. The Hawks had a 48.6 CF% last year at this point. It’s 47.2% now. They gave up 59.2 attempts at even per 60 last year. It’s 60.4 now. They had an expected goals percentage of 45.7% last year at the halfway point. It’s 45.3% now. There’s been a marginal improvement in xGA/60, from 2.7 to 2.6. No one’s going to submit something to a poetry slam about that. The only thing the Hawks do better is kill penalties (and that’s actually a really good thing) and get saves. And the Hawks have capped the number of attempts and expected goals they surrender on the kill.

But that’s hardly enough. Who would you say has taken a huge leap from last year? It’s not DeBrincat, who’s been about the same but can’t get the puck to go in. Strome has improved a touch, but the 61 points he’s on track for isn’t a huge leap from the 59 he put up last year combined between being a Yote and a Hawk. And the sad thing is those are the only two to consider. Kubalik, Dach, and Boqvist are all rookies, so there’s nothing to leap from yet. One has been great, one has flashed at times, and one looks a bigger project than we might have thought that isn’t even being developed correctly yet.

And probably worse yet, I don’t know what the Hawks want out of this second half. What they should want is merely to see Dach and Boqvist show that they can be not just contributors in this league, but actual stars. They should trade everything that’s not bolted down, including Saad and both goalies. If that causes some ruckus amongst the three core players left, deal with it. Might be time to move on anyway. That’s how the NHL works now. Almost no one gets to finish where they started. Crosby and Ovechkin might, but their teams have been run better to keep them competitive or more. Come back to this in three years for both. The list of stars who had to move on in the back-nine of their careers is a long one.

The Hawks need to use this second half to actually put a plan in place. My fear is that they’ll use it to desperately claw at a playoff spot that they won’t get, but that would be some sort of figment validation for them. And you know, if by some miracle they did sneak in with Robin Lehner on a heater, they could make life difficult for someone I guess for six or seven games. But that would give them all the wrong lessons and the wrong things to champion.

The Hawks need more spins, via draft picks and prospects. Even if Dach and Boqvist max out, it’s not enough. There’s no winger to get excited about in the whole system, unless you squint and count Kubalik who is probably more a contributor in the long run. Is there another d-man? Especially if Mitchell won’t sign? Maybe you only get 3rd and fourth round picks and B- and C-level prospects for what you can move (you could do better than that for Lehner though). But every team needs a little luck like when those become something much better than forecast. More tries, the more chance you find one or two.

The malaise amongst the fanbase isn’t because the glory days are gone or the Hawks are bad. It’s because it feels like nothing is moving at all.

Hockey

Game #40 – Scrape for a Dollar, You’ll Die Smilin’, Learnin’ the Same Lessons Once Again – Hawks 2, Jackets 2 (Hawks Win Malort-Chugging Contest)

By John Pullega 1925 0

Box Score

Natural Stat Trick

Afternoon hockey always has the agonizing sting of digging out an ingrown hair from your inner thigh with a hot pin and missing. And for the first 40 minutes, it remained a tradition unlike any other. But a tip here, and a couple of redemptions there, and the Hawks come out of Columbus with two points. We may have learned all the same lessons we knew, but it was fun, and that’s all we ask. To the bullets!

– Erik Gustafsson scored the game-tying goal, and that’ll probably be all that matters. That’s a good thing, because before that goal, Gus had had one of his most embarrassingly bad games of the season. Just look at his positioning on the Murphy penalty:

First off, any defensive structure that makes Alex Wennberg look like Wayne Gretzky is fucking bad. There’s no reason whatsoever for Wennberg to have that much time and space on what’s essentially a 2-on-4. Yet, here we are. But after Gus fails to clear Wennberg’s botched shot, look how far out he goes to defend Ryan MacInnis. This is a low-danger spot. Yes, Matthew Highmore sucks and shouldn’t be behind the play. (Notice that he couldn’t even skate backward trying to keep up with Wennberg as the play developed, which is definitely something you should see happen at an NHL level.) But there’s little point in meeting him out there, especially when Wennberg ends up occupying the spot you just vacated to cover a low-danger chance.

Gus was also directly responsible for Columbus’s second goal. His turnover pass into the slot in his own zone is the kind of mistake Gus makes all too often. Toews was nowhere near where the pass ended up, and so Dubois had nothing but time and space to set up the shot that led to the rebound that set up his goal.

Despite these boners, Gus managed to tie the game with a knuckling slapper past a good Carpenter screen, which is enough to get you a second star in this Late Rites of a hockey game.

– The DeBrincat–Dach–Strome line was dominant in possession, with respective 68+, 64+, and 66+ CF%s. DeBrincat is having a terrible season shooting the puck, with his S% sitting at around 8%. His two previous years produced 15+ and 18+. With Dach and Strome’s passing skill, and especially Dach’s constantly improving and impressive vision, you should expect that to jump at some point. Today simply wasn’t that day. But it looks like Colliton might have found something nice with this, even if it means putting Kane with Nylander and Carpenter.

– Ryan Carpenter was a good signing. He was toward the top on the possession ledger and had an excellent fly-by screen that contributed to Gus’s game-tying goal. He probably shouldn’t be playing with Toews and Kane regularly, but when asked to step into an outsized role tonight, he did well.

– Duncan Keith also had himself a pretty strong game, aside from getting blown away by Seth Jones in the third. His positioning and anticipation were good throughout. Playing him with Boqvist seems to bring something out of him.

– We can only wish the converse were true. Adam Boqvist is only 19 years old, but he’s already looking concerningly tentative. While QB’ing the PP1, Boqvist turned the puck over in his own zone to start, then spent the rest of his time demurring, relying on Kane to set everything up. You get it, but that’s not why you’re up here. He did have an excellent one timer that Korpisalo almost let get by, but outside of that, he looked lost and scared. At some point, he’s got to let loose on the offensive side. How he can do that when he chooses to defer as his first option is hard to see.

– We understand that there are lots of injuries and not many options on the blue line. But Slater Koekkoek is not, has never been, and never will be an answer to any question other than “Which player would you ice if you were actively trying to lose a hockey game?” He doesn’t ever do anything right. Look at this positioning on Nash’s goal:

Why cheat to the outside when you have Gilbert covering that spot? How are you letting Riley Nash break your ankles on an inside move? Why are you giving him that much space in the first place? So many questions, and the only real answer is that he’s not an NHL-caliber player. Yeah, Robin Lehner should have had that, but he was likely distracted thinking about what he’d say to the media about Koekkoek’s positioning after the game, because he’s SUCH A GOOD QUOTE or whatever. And yeah, it went off his skate. But if he closes the gap earlier and doesn’t cheat to the outside for whatever reason, we probably don’t see that shot.

– Dennis Gilbert is high comedy at the very least. Getting bulldozed by Nathan Gerbe is an all-time laugher, as was his missed hip check in the third.

– Robin Lehner won in a shootout because hockey is the beautiful game. And if Torts isn’t lighting his own pubic hair on fire in front of Gary Bettman after losing his goaltender because of a shootout, it’ll be a first. What a stupid gimmick.

They made it fun and got two points to boot. Not a bad way to close out the penultimate game of 2019. Flames on NYE.

Onward.

Beer du Jour: Zombie Dust

Line of the Night: “You know, the players can’t hear you.” Eddie O doing his best Neil DeGrasse Tyson impression about fans who slap the glass.

Hockey

Atop the Sugar Pile — Yuletide Edition

By Rose Rankin 1770 0

The level of inconsistency this past week was mind-boggling, so why not examine the good, the bad and the marginally acceptable? There was plenty of all three to go around.

The Dizzying Highs

Dominik Kubalik: A Little Bit of the Kubbly has been downright impressive these last few games, not counting the game against the Devils on Monday where the entire team got their dicks kicked in. Look past that, and Kubalik had a goal and assist against Colorado (a good team, mind you), and he had three points in his last four games. He’s fit in well on the top line, even with Brandon Saad now out of that picture. And speaking of that, the Hawks really need Kubalik to step into a Saad-like role, ideally with more finish, which seems entirely possible at this point.

Patrick Kane: It feels lazy to put Kane here, I know, but I’m working with the material in front of me, OK? Garbage Dick had a four-point night against the Jets and pretty much owned the entire game. Hell, he even made Alex Nylander look good in that game. Six points over the last week. Creep can roll.

The Terrifying Lows

Injuries: Listen, we can sit here and complain about a LOT of things, but in the spirit of Christmas I’m going to take the high road and only complain about some shit that isn’t directly anyone’s fault—injuries. On Monday night Adam Boqvist got hurt, and while it’s impossible to say that he would have changed the outcome, it certainly didn’t help to be down a defenseman in a game rife with defensive breakdowns (even more than usual). Add to that Calvin de Haan being out  and possibly needing shoulder surgery again. Even if de Haan does come back this season, this is the worst possible outcome of that move because now his shoulder will be gum and tinfoil for the rest of his career, and he was at least passable on defense, albeit too slow. Let’s not forget about Brandon Saad either, who had finally started scoring a little right before he too got hurt. Luckily his ankle injury isn’t a blown knee or a concussion, but for a struggling team none of this is good. Keith being out for a stretch did them no favors. And wtf is going on with Brent Seabrook? Not like having him IN the lineup is exactly helping the team, but whatever is going on is just another element of unnecessary drama for this team. If his voice and presence in the locker room is really so valuable, then this mysterious disappearance can’t be good.

The Creamy Middles

Kirby Dach: We’ve seen Dach’s potential on display in the last few games. His goal against Colorado was a pretty one—his reach and ability to hold onto the puck have been good to see. Playing him with Top Cat has been helpful too. Even in the ass-waxing against the Devils they led the team in possession with a 60 CF%. (DeBrincat’s had no finish lately so he doesn’t get an honorable mention here.) Dach can’t save the team on his own, but he’s showing he just may be the top center we’re going to need sooner rather than later.

Hockey

You’re Inconsistent Because You’re Bad And Dual Prisms

By Sam Fels 1495 0

You hear a lot of this from bad teams. “We do it one night and not the next.” “When we do the things we’re supposed to we can play with anyone, but when we don’t we lose.”

“We just need to be more consistent.”

These are the kinds of quotes leaking to flooding out of the Hawks’ dressing room as the losses pile up. You got this from Saad, Lehner, and Kane last night. You’ll get it again after the Hawks are likely done getting brained by the Blues tomorrow. We can do it one night, so we just need to do it more often.

Here’s the thing. The Hawks are inconsistent because they’re bad. Not the other way around. Most bad teams are. It’s just how these things work.

Look, just about any NHL player is capable of playing a great game. A hat trick can come from anywhere on any given night. Hell, we’ve seen Michael Frolik dominate multiple playoff games. And that’s true with just about any sport. Anyone can go 3-for-4 one afternoon with a couple homers. I even saw Todd Hundley do it once. Some night, things come together and the 7th man goes for 21 points and 10 rebounds.

What separates the good players and great players from the rabble is that they can do it every night. That’s the baseline of their performance, a level they get to each and every night. Bad players peak there and then return to whatever it is they do and the abyss from which they emerged. That’s why they’re third and fourth liners.

You’ve seen Alex Nylander have a great game or two. And then he goes back to being Alex Nylander, which is someone waiting for the puck to get to him in space and then panicking when he gets it while he spills it into the corner. You’ve seen Erik Gustafsson at times genuinely look like an exciting d-man. And then he returns to turning the wrong way and having no defensive instincts whatsoever and being slow. I could go on.

The Hawks can sit around and wish for consistency, but they’re not going to get it with this roster. It’s not some mental deficiency. It’s not a matter of wanting to be consistent more often. They’re simply not good enough to be. Although I guess if your teammates are telling the press you’re just not good enough, that’s probably worse.

-It’s hard to know how to watch, or judge, or cover the rest of this season. It can get so depressing so quickly, especially of late. But seeing as how the Hawks have yet to tell us what the aims are or what they’re trying to do, we can only view it in the dual prisms they’ve given us. This is what I attempted to do last night.

Essentially, you have to watch the Hawks on two levels. One is their flaccid attempts to get back into the playoffs, which they’re abjectly failing. The goalies haven’t helped stop the slide, the vets they picked up either provide the character “Major Suckage” or are hurt. They don’t look to be moving toward anything.

The other is something of a redevelopment, or rebuild, take your pick. And that isn’t judged or hinging on the results. That’s what Adam Boqvist and Kirby Dach and still DeBrincat and Strome look like after a stretch. Are their games growing? Do they appear to be learning? Are they getting better? The first two are incomplete because they simply haven’t been around long enough and/or are being supplied with plugs to play with. Strome looks like his game has expanded a bit, as his skating is a little better and he’s being trusted in his own end a touch more (though with very mixed results).

Top Cat is a harder study, as for the first time he can’t buy a bucket. His attempts and scoring chances are down, though his individual expected goals is still on course. So is he contributing in other ways? So far the answers aren’t encouraging, as all his metrics are way down. But this is the first time we’ve seen his finishing not cure all, so he needs to be given room to breathe as well.

That’s just about the only way I can tell you to watch the Hawks these days, until they give you a clearer picture of what their map is. Assuming they have one.

Hockey

Atop The Sugar Pile – 12/9: Get To The Working Overtime Part

By Sam Fels 1621 0

Three overtime games this week as the Hawks ended up with five of six points that somehow doesn’t feel as good as it should? Anyway, who did what this week?

The Dizzying Highs

Top Cat – Scored in all three games this past week, so it makes him a pretty easy choice. And two of them were the kinds of goals that only he and maybe Kane are coming up with–the snipe against the Bruins that hit top cheese and the finish from in close last night.. There hasn’t been too much panic about his lack of goals so far this year, because everyone knows this is a world-class finisher whose shooting-percentage is almost half of what his career mark is. Some of his metrics are slightly down from his first two years, and you never know how someone will respond to their first real contract even if it starts next year. But the slightly less attempts and chances he’s getting could be partially attributed to constant line shuffling, and since being paired with Strome and Kane and being left alone we’ve seen those numbers start to arc up. And the Hawks need it. The assumption was they’d find enough goals, but that hasn’t been the case with Toews’s struggles. Top Cat and Kane have to be scoring at a top-tier pace or this team is sunk every which way. Hopefully we’re getting back to that.

The Terrifying Lows

Andrew Shaw – This isn’t anything about what Shaw has done of late, and that’s the point. This is about how the Hawks handle Shaw from here, because you probably can’t get a more clear case of a player who needs to be protected from himself. We know that if given the choice, Shaw will head out there tomorrow and throw himself face-first into anything and everything. It’s pointless to try and do a concussion count on Shaw, because we know there were times even in his first stint as a Hawk where he played through it. Looking back on his Game 6 in Boston where he was knocked out cold and yet still barely missed a shift…that almost seems criminally negligent now. Shaw would tell you that’s what he wanted, and most players would in that situation. Would he tell you that 10 years from now? 15? Is he going to be able to remember it?

We’ve been critical of the Hawks’ handling of concussions in the past, pointedly with Marcus Kruger. Of late that doesn’t seem to be an issue, and perhaps Corey Crawford forced them to really make changes. Yes, Dylan Strome played a game through one, but he didn’t report anything to the Hawks and took himself out after that. Again, this is an injury that somewhat relies on the player being honest with the medical staff, which we know a lot of them aren’t. The Hawks and hockey have a long way to go, but at least they seem to be headed in the right direction for once.

Shaw was put on LTIR today, and it would not be a surprise if he’s out a lot longer than the minimum of past Christmas. It would behoove the Hawks to have a long talk with Shaw and really explore whether having him sit out the rest of the season is a viable option. We know of four or five of these for him already, and he missed some serious time with the Habs because of it. We can be pretty sure what Shaw wants, because what else is he going to do? But the Hawks might want to have his better interests in mind.

And when he gets back, perhaps the applauding of any fight he picks should be put down? He can still be physical and play a Shaw game without taking unnecessary risks, because you feel one good straight right and his career is going to be over. These are the kinds of things Shaw needs to be told, because if left up to him…again, we know the answer. If he’s not 100%, and really 100% and not close enough to it that the Hawks can give themselves a pass, by the time his LTIR stint is over, it feels like the risks to have him play this year are too great.

The Creamy Middles

Dylan Strome – Did you know Strome was playing at a 63-point pace? I guess I didn’t realize it that much either until now. But he’s been pretty damn consistent when healthy, and even if that’s his ceiling that’s solid #2 center production which was the idea the whole time. Strome’s metrics, while by themselves are hardly shining, are much better relative to the team than they were last year, which is encouraging. He got clocked a bit last night but had some glittering numbers against the Bruins and Devils. He’s been exactly what you would have asked for, even if you don’t notice him pop quite as much. In a stretch of time where it feels like Stan Bowman hasn’t gotten anything right, this one counts as a good move.

Hockey

Game #29 – I Got the Glass, I Got the Steel, I Got Everything, All I Need Is Your Head on a Stake – Hawks 1, Devils 1 (Hawks Win Scotchgard-Huffing Contest)

By John Pullega 1877 0

Box Score

Natural Stat Trick

The Hawks win a game that looked like mononucleosis on ice. There were some really nice highlights from guys you care about, too. Let’s keep it tight, cuz it’s a drinkin’ night.

– Corey Crawford might not get his number retired. He probably won’t make the Hall of Fame. But he’s now a 250-win goaltender and has firmly established himself as at least a Top-3 Hawks goaltender of all time. It’s easy to take him for granted because he does so well without the panache of someone like Robin Lehner, but once again, he proved to be the crux of a Hawks victory. He stoned three of four Devils power plays and held on in the shootout, stopping 29 of 30 overall. The fact that Dennis Gilbert got Player of the Game just reinforces that Crawford is Chicago’s Rodney Dangerfield.

– Kirby Dach had himself a nice game, too. He was aces in the first period with three shots on goal and a smooth steal to set up his first shot. The scuttlebutt has been that Dach needs to shoot the puck more, and tonight he showed he took that idea seriously. His forehand deke in the second was just a bit wide, but he had the right idea. Though the shootout is a waste of everyone’s time, his patience on it got the Hawks the extra point. It’s still extremely dumb to see him playing fourth-line minutes with Smith and Carpenter, even though if you squint, you can sort of get the logic—having him play against trash and all. Let’s get him more time against better talent and see what he can do going forward.

– If Brandon Saad had any sense of finish about him, we’d actually get to call him Hossa Jr. Once again, he was strong in possession and dominant on defense, but he also got stoned on breakaways twice. His pass to a wide-open Kubalik in the waning minutes of the third was art, and if not for Kubalik gripping his stick too hard it could have been a game winner.

– We got to see Dominik Kubalik skate with Toews and Saad for a bit, after Nylander once again proved that he’s done nothing to deserve that spot. Saad–Toews–Kubalik has all the potential in the world to be a strong, right-kind-of-heavy line for this team if only that coach of theirs would let them. Credit for doing it at all, but do it more, now.

– The DeBrincat–Strome–Kane line was a threat all night. DeBrincat’s goal showcased all the things they can do when they’re clicking. Kane came toward the circle off the near boards and lofted a pass to Strome. Strome batted it out of the air with the shaft of his stick in one of the more impressive displays of hand-eye coordination we’ve gotten to see this year, then fed Kane for a quick, hard shot. The rebound deflected to an uncovered Top Cat, who bit the snake back with a backhander. Eddie gave Toews the credit for standing in the crease, but Dylan Strome was the real hero on that play.

– The next time Brent Seabrook tries to tell you that he’s still got something left to give, remember this clip:

There’s no reason for Brent Seabrook to be that far out for that long, unless you’re running Supre Brain Genious Jeremy Colliton’s dumbass system. The Hawks were fortunate that Hughes didn’t pot that shot.

– We shouldn’t be surprised when Foley and Eddie dump all over Subban, but listening to Eddie do a three-minute Andrew Dice Clay impression about Subban’s scoring woes just minutes after claiming that the things Dennis Gilbert does are things “you can never get enough of” is pitch-perfect HOCKEY MAN bullshit. Wad that up and shove it in your dick, Eddie.

Four points is four points, and the Hawks get the added bonus of leaving New Jersey. Overall, not a bad trip.

Onward.

Beer du Jour: High Life

Line of the Night: “It IS meaningful.” Pat Foley describing Dennis Gilbert’s fight, trying harder to convince himself than any of us.

Hockey

Game #28: Hawks 3, Bruins 3 (Hawks win toilet seat toss): Breathing Deeply, Walking Backwards

By Adam Hess 1696 0

Box Score

Natural Stat Trick

It was a weird night for the Blackhawks, who got out to a nice lead, managed to piss it away, and then still won* in overtime in spite of themselves. The Bears are also on, and let’s admit we all care about that more, so let’s hit the basics:

I HAD THE BEARS ON AT THE SAME TIME

– Strange first period for the Hawks, as they were really getting dominated until they scored two goals in quick fashion. First, Ryan Carpenter tallied his first goal as a Blackhawk on a shorthanded effort following a really nice takeaway and rush. We knew that Carpenter wasn’t anything special when the Hawks signed him, but he’s proven to be a worthwhile addition as a botton-six, penalty killing puck winner for this team, and has played both the pivot and wing. His play here was just great all around, as he forced the turnover in the defensive zone, took it up the ice before making a nice pass to Connor Murphy, and then filled the proper lane to get to the front of the net for Murphy’s rebound, which popped right to him.

Shortly there after, David Pastrnak (who is one ugly motherfucker, by the way) took a penalty, and the Hawks struck quickly. Dylan Strome had a nice screen out front and deflected an Erik Gustafsson shot right in front of the net, making a quick impact in his return from concussion protocol. Good to see from him. Those two goals came just 37 seconds apart.

– Those two quick goals on opposite special teams were the only real bright spot of that first period for the Hawks though, as they got shelled in shot attempts with a paltry 41.38 CF% at evens.

– Second period was better for the Hawks from a possession standpoint (53.33 CF%) but they were largely lucky to still be up in the game after giving the Bruins PP 4 total tries in the game in the first two period. Lehner stood on his head and the PK-ers made some nice plays, but it was pretty sloppy from the Hawks overall.

– Alex DeBrincat finally was able to break out of his shnide and found the back of the net for the first time in forever. That goal came #17seconds into the third period, and put the Hawks up 3-0. It did not go well from there.

– No doubt in large part to score effects, the Bruins ended up with a 62.16 CF% in the third period, and it ended up costing the Hawks in a big way. They ended up coughing up the lead, and while it’s easy to point out some bad plays from Gustafsson (which is beating a dead horse) or others, in reality it was just the Bruins getting some hockey justice for all of the domination earlier in the game. It also was the better team finally getting their payoff for being the better team.

– Jonathan Toews legitimately has ice water in his veins. The guy just has a knack for big goals in OT, especially on breakaways. I wonder if any goalies have nightmares about him coming at them alone in OT or on the shootout. I probably would.

– BEAR DOWN MY FRENTS.

Hockey

Game #27 – I Don’t Wanna Talk About It, Want to Forget About It, Wanna Be Intoxicated With That Special Brew – Blues 4, Hawks 0

By John Pullega 1856 0

Box Score

Natural Stat Trick

Terrible.

– Jeremy Colliton is not a fucking NHL coach. Bring on Sheldon Brookbank, I do not give a fuck. Jeremy Colliton is a smarmy asshole who made friends with other smarmy assholes and got a seven-figure job out of it, which is about as on brand as you can get for this fucking team now. He managed to coax a rigor mortis erection out of this fucking team for a few consecutive games in November, but tonight has once again hammered home the fact that he doesn’t know how to coach this team whatsoever, poor roster construction be damned. We could go on and on about his decision to put Carpenter between DeBrincat and Kane instead of Dach, but we won’t because you’ve heard that song before. But look at this goddamn clitoral sty:

David Perron leaves the puck in an area that Toews can’t be bothered to cover, giving Ryan O’Reilly all the time and space in world to pick it up. He demurs to Perron, and not one, not two, but yes, three fucking Blackhawks go out to the far boards—which is a very low-danger area, in case, like me, you were wondering—to cover Perron. This leaves O’Reilly whatever is beyond wide open right in front of Crawford. I’m not sure that I’ve ever seen an opponent get so wide open on a designed play since five games ago.

This is what the HIGH-OCTANE DEFENSE this mead-drinking bozo farts out produces. This is by fucking design. It is time to fire Jeremy Colliton. It’s brutally clear his team doesn’t want to play for him, and his designed system produces garbage like this. All we ask for is fun. This isn’t fun. Utterly embarrassing.

– They told us that Olli Maatta was an improvement. Olli Maatta, in fact, fucking sucks. His turnover at the end of the third was a travesty. Under absolutely no pressure, he threw a pass directly onto Tyler Bozak’s stick in the slot. Bozak, in what we can only assume was a reaction to such a bald-faced insult, pounded a shot past Crawford.

– But that wasn’t the only instance of the Hawks clearly giving up. On the very first goal, Seabrook and Nylander got caught floating back on defense, which gave MacKenzie MacEachern an open lane to swat a funky end-board bounce past Crawford. If you want to argue that there’s no way they could have predicted that bounce, fuck you. A bare minimum effort would have clogged up the slot and at least made that shot a little bit of a challenge. Glad to see Seabrook still has something to give and that we got this fucking Nylander loser for the mere price of an effective 20-year-old defenseman who was traded because his stupid fucking dweeb-ass moron coach didn’t like his attitude or whatever. Can’t wait to read the tell-all book where we learn that Jokiharju’s response to everything Colliton said was “Fuck off, nerd, you suck at this.”

– And we haven’t even touched the real shit. Stan Bowman should be fired immediately for not doing his due diligence on Marc Crawford. It’s clear that they brought Marc Crawford in to take over for Colliton if he shat the bed (and not only has Colliton shat the bed but also rolled around in it). But now, three separate players have accused Marc Crawford of physical abuse and regular use of homophobic language throughout his career. If you’re the kind of person that isn’t bothered by this, fuck you. This was a Stan Bowman decision. If his shitty off-seasons over the last two years weren’t enough to show you that he’s a total goddamn moron (Brandon Manning, Olli Maatta, Andrew Shaw, Slater Koekkoek), this should.

– It’s getting more obvious that Jonathan Toews wants nothing to do with any of this. He dragged around all night, such as in that clip we had earlier. But he was also aloof on the Blues’s third goal. After Kane’s pass for Toews got intercepted in the Hawks’s oZ, Toews couldn’t be bothered to get back to defend. This left Connor Murphy to cover Schwartz on the far boards, DeBrincat to cover Walker in the slot, and no one to cover the eventual goal scorer Brayden Schenn, because Olli Maatta was busy being too slow and shitty to adjust.

I can’t blame Toews, but if you’ve lost him, you’re fucked.

– On the plus side, Brandon Saad did what he does best: everything but score. He split a couple defenders in the third for a good chance that he couldn’t finish. He was one of only three Hawks who were noticeably good tonight.

–The others were Dominik Kubalik—who will undoubtedly be scratched on Thursday for REASONS—and Alex DeBrincat, who set up a nice scramble in the first with some nifty skating and a slick backhand shot that led to a Ryan Carpenter chance. He also hit iron off a good Toews pass in traffic. Perhaps if he had someone other than Ryan Carpenter centering him, he’d have more luck.

The Blues never had to leave first gear to grind the Hawks down like a twisting and dry leaf in a dog’s shitty, dragging asshole. The cherry on top is that the Hawks could only ice 17 players tonight because of salary cap restrictions and a sick (of this team) Robin Lehner. Truly a sign of a well-run org, that. If Rocky gave a single shit about anything, Colliton, Bowman, McDonough et al. would be on their asses tonight. But that sellout streak continues, so fuck you.

We need new pornos. Guess I’m still writing.

Beer du Jour: Half a bottle of 1792.

Line of the Night: Mario Lemieux didn’t have the heart, didn’t have the tenacity, didn’t have the drive of a Gretzky or Kane. – Steve Konroyd