Game #56 – Hawks vs. Oilers: Hedley Lamarr’s Mugs, Pugs, And Thugs

These affront-to-The-Lord Orange Jerseys: It’s so sad, because the throwback blues of the 80s Oilers are almost perfection. They pop off the screen in HD. They harken back to the only time the Oilers mattered, which you’d think they’d want to hold onto given they’ve spend nearly three decades in the wilderness since. And now these orange things, which look like a hallucination on bad shrooms, don’t even have the right shade of blue. When will teams learn brighter is better? Their Alberta neighbors to the south get it, as the Flames are going all-retro next season. Imagine the old blue Oilers skating against the old school whites of the Flames? That’s a slice of heaven there. Instead, we’re left with this trash.

Zack Kassian: Look, we’ve all dreamed of punching a Tkachuk, whichever one happens to be available at the time. And maybe Kassian had a point with Tkachuk running around and then not answering for it. Except you can’t jump the guy and punch him on the ground. Also, Kassian is a doofus. And hiding behind some “code” or “hockey ethics” only makes you a bigger one. He can fuck off, except the Oilers just extended him believing that his production with McDavid is what he really is, instead of realizing some jerkoff peeing in the sink in the 300 Level of Rogers Place could get 10 goals on his wing.

Mike Smith: Too bad Shaw won’t be around for this one. We’ll just have to settle for Smith torpedoing the Oilers playoff chances in the last week of the season, which you know he will.


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