Everything you need for this afternoon’s gathering of the helpless on the lakefront.
vs. 
RECORDS: Chargers (2-5) at Bears (3-3)
KICKOFF: Sunday, 12:00pm
TV: FOX 32
Radio: WBBM 780 AM/105.9 FM
Is it possible for both teams to be looking at the same game as a “get right” matchup? Sunday at noon we’ll find out which of these teams is worth saving, and which one needs to start “assessing the talent on the roster” (tanking). The Los Angeles Chargers show up to Soldier Field on a three-game losing streak, and the Bears come in losers of their last two, but really let’s be honest the Bears don’t look like they could beat the bye week so let’s just say both teams are damn near on tilt. Barring huge turnarounds, this game (which looked like a great matchup six short weeks ago) will have zero national attention and no relevancy to anyone but fantasy football players. That said if you have any Bears players on your fantasy team who aren’t Allen Robinson, you should quit fantasy football (as I glare at David Montgomery on my bench).
Something’s gotta give, right? Looking strictly at DVOA, the Bears on offense are -12.5%. That’s bad. The Chargers on defense are 12.1%. That’s also bad. The Chargers are 22nd against the run this year, the Bears are the 28th ranked rushing attack in football. I’m picturing one of those electric football games to take place when the Bears offense is on the field, in fact it might be an improvement if it was. At least during electric football the margin of error is so big you couldn’t blame the offense for being hot garbage.
Brian Baldinger (he of the amazingly disfigured pinky) had an outstanding Baldy’s Breakdown video of a Bears run that I think encapsulates the problem. In the video, a shotgun run up the gut with Tarik Cohen, Baldy shows how Nagy’s jet motion brings the DB into the box that ends up going unblocked and stuffing the run, when otherwise there’s nothing but green grass in front of the diminutive speedster. Can Matt Nagy scheme his way out of a wet paper bag and embrace the run, or is this game another seven rushing attempts game? Will Joey Bosa destroy Mitch Trubisky? Can the Bears contain the one Bosa brother I actually LIKE rooting for?
The answer is going to depend on how well the Bears defense and special teams play. Remember when the defense was getting to the quarterback, stopping the run, and forcing turnovers? Last year seems so far away right now. The Bears are getting turnovers, but have been exposed by Jon fucking Gruden by all people. Teams know to run away Khalil Mack now that Akiem Hicks is out. The linebackers are getting blown up on the second level, and the defensive backs are playing more on their heels instead of jumping short routes. The Chargers have the blueprint to beating Chicago, and Chuck Pagano hasn’t adjusted.
The special teams is so bad. So, so bad. Sherrick McManis is still in concussion protocol as of this writing, so punt returner Desmond King has the chance for a big day, assuming the Bears punt protection holds long enough for Pat O’Donnell to get a kick in the air. He was only credited with one block last week against New Orleans, but it should’ve been two; and the Bears starting defense was brought in against the Raiders to stop a fake punt and couldn’t do that either after a running into the kicker penalty moved Oakland up, a sequence that eventually cost the Bears the game. A good punt and kick return over the last two games doesn’t negate the pisspoor blocking and kick coverage.
Keenan Allen is a stud at wideout, and if the Chargers are trying to get Melvin Gordon back into form they’d be wise to run him early and often. The team has rushed for 106 yards over the last three games COMBINED, and a goal line fumble by Gordon sealed their fate last week against Tennessee. Mike Williams and Hunter Henry are also outstanding players, even if Henry is basically a slower Evan Engram and Williams is almost exclusively a jump-ball threat.
Oh, and Philip Rivers is still around, somehow. The man has been the starting QB for the Bolts since 2006, which was three Presidents, like 18 children, and countless bolo ties ago. His 11 TDs to six picks this season looks a lot more impressive than it really is, considering most of it has come via checkdowns. Let’s find out if the Bears can stop Austin Ekeler and Keenan Allen from dominating with the short routes that make everyone look good statistically. Rivers is basically the upgraded Jay Cutler, with constant temper tantrums and meltdowns on various sidelines over the years, but if the Bears had Rivers during those early 2010s teams, Chicago would have at least one Super Bowl trophy.
Since around November 2nd 2016, Chicago sports has begun to worship the hallowed “players only meeting”. The Bears had one of their own this week, which is either a total indictment of Matt Nagy or just what they need to right the shit. Yeah I know that’s a typo, but if you’ve been watching this team you know why I’m leaving it in.
Final Score Prediction:
Chargers 23 Bears 6, and Virginia McCaskey comes down from the luxury box and fires Matt Nagy, making herself head coach. The Bears win out the rest of the year.
Hey it’s yr boi DJ Yung Milwaukee- Wes and I decided to collab again on a matchup post for Sunday’s weekly nightmare. One of the greatest things about football is it’s ability to take us away from the problems of the workweek or whatever. Watching the Bears in 2019 is still therapeutic, because no matter how bad things get for me at least I’m not on this team, I just write about them
*sobs to the tune of “Bear Down, Chicago Bears”*
The Chargers offense can boast the third highest average passing yards a game at 293 and change, but they’re only one spot ahead of the putrid Bear rushing attack at 74 yard/game. So while they’ve been able to move the ball through the air with some ease, they are just as atrocious running the ball and the passing yards are nice, but they’re a 11/6 TD/INT ratio through the air and fumbled five times, bringing the overall TD/TO ratio to 14/11. The Bears TD/TO ratio is 10/6.
This is NOT going to be a battle of competent offense/teams; things will be ugly.
Things aren’t getting any easier for the Chargers before they even leave for Chicago. Recently promoted G Forrest Lamp broke his ankle last weekend and will miss the rest of the season. It’s another hit to a line that’s already down Mike Pouncey and Russell Okung, though even with Okung reportedly be back this week you could expect some rust.
Melvin Gordon will continue trying to get up to speed after ending his hold out a few weeks ago, but neither he or Austin Ekeler have gotten much going at 2.3 and 3.6 yards/carry, respectively.
Ekeler is helping to prop up that passing game with 44 receptions for nearly 500 yards and four TDs, most on the team. He’s joined by Keenan Allen with 49/564/3, but after that it’s a steep drop to Mike Williams at just 23 catches. In fact, only TE Hunter Henry is in double digits for receptions on the season, and he’s gotten 14 of them the last two weeks. Philip Rivers has a game plan, and it’s to feed Allen, Ekeler and now Henry.
The Bears will need to get the pass rush back on track to create pressures and get Rivers forcing balls to those guys to early or into what should be some stiff coverage for his three favorite targets. Ekeler gets most of his on designed screens and check downs, so Roquan Smith will need to shake out of his funk to keep himself and his front-7 on task to stymie the few things the Chargers do well. The way that Allen makes more of his catches in the short to intermediate route tree, I’d like to see Prince Amukamara stick with Allen all over the field, but the next time we see the Bears employs such a tactic will be the first.
This really feels like the perfect “get back to basics” opponent for Matt Nagy and Chuck Pagano to hit the reset button. You already spoke to the offense having an opportunity to exploit a battered and ineffective defense. The Bears defense doesn’t really need a full reset, but they need an easier matchup in terms of the game as a whole, and if the offense can put even some semblance of sustained drives together, that alone will make the job a much simpler one for the defense. They’ve also got a strong potential for turnovers, which we know they thrive off of and use to build confidence.
This could game could lift a lot of spirits IF Nagy and Pagano and be simple, be basic and just play a clean game, because Anthony Lynn’s Chargers are more than capable of demolishing themselves if you give them slight trouble and can mitigate the big play here and there. Would be nice to see that from the other side in 2019.
For only the 2nd time this season, the Bears will face a quarterback who can and will beat you on his own. The unathletic, and punchable-faced Philip Rivers, with his 29 children, will waltz in Soldier Field to take on a team that has no idea who they are. The good news for the Bears is that neither do the Chargers. It’s gonna be a real barnburner on the lake my frients!
Not to many QB’s in the history of the league have done what Rivers has done for as long as he has done it. If you can look past the first name Philip being a top-5 worst names of all time, you’ll realize that Uncle Phil Rivers is a generational talent whose career has been overshadowed by names like Rodgers and Brady and Brees. But make no mistake, Rivers belongs in that class. Just because he’s a lunatic and generally unlikeable, doesn’t mean Rivers isn’t one of the greatest to every play the game. Take Rivers’ ALL-TIME statistical rankings for a quick spin:
• Passing Yards – 6th All Time/3rd Active
• TD Passes – 6th/3rd
• Completion % – 7th/4th
• Passer Rating – 10th/7th
• Passes Completed – 7th/4th
While Rivers isn’t the talent he once was, he is still more than capable – as he is currently ranked 4th in passing yards and 10th in TDs this season. Last week against the Titans was vintage Rivers; throwing for 329 yards and two touchdowns while completing 63% of his throws.
So…How Do The Bears Stop CRA (Constant Red Ass)?
Scheming for a Philip Rivers offense is especially difficult because he is so smart, makes accurate throws to all segments of the field, and will attack you at every yardage. Last week’s throw chart looked like a 13-year old’s face; with dots covering the entire landscape:

Stats like you see above can be considered the norm with Rivers, as shown by his 2018 passer rating chart:

Worried yet? Yeah, me too.
So now that we understand that Rivers can make basically every throw on the field, who is getting the rock?
Uber-dependable Keenan Allen is getting the most targets, at 10 a game. But with only 44 receptions on those 70 targets, you would like to see a little more productivity from this pair, especially since Allen is the best route runner in all of football.
Running Back Austin Ekeler, and not Allen, is surprisingly the guy leading the Chargers with 49 receptions. What makes this more impressive is the 49 catches were made on 53 targets. That is the most efficient catch-to-target ratio in the entire league. Ekeler also leads the team in TD catches with four. You won’t see Ekeler with a lot of rushing attempts, due to most LA’s “run” game being quick, short passes into space.
On the opposite side from Allen is WR Mike Williams, a dependable 2nd receiver who has become a big play threat for the Chargers, averaging over 15 yards per catch and 19 catches for 1st downs. Williams probably hasn’t played up to his 7th overall pick expectation at this point in his career, but he will stretch the field and has big play talent.
Rivers’ career safety blanket, future Hall of Famer, Antonio Gates, is no longer in the league, but TE Hunter Henry has found his own niche within the Rivers-led offense. Henry is coming off a 6 reception, 97-yard game and is averaging 14.3 yards per catch, which are Gates-type numbers. Henry will eventually become a top tier TE and he should thank Rivers every day because of it.
So, what does all this BS mean?
It means that the Bears secondary will be facing a quarterback who is far better than almost all the other QB’s they’ve faced this year. For a defense that is suddenly having trouble getting to the QB, Rivers, if given enough time, is a tough matchup. Uncle Phil will take some chances with the ball, but only when he is being pressured and has been knocked around early. The Bears defensive line is the key to this game as their productivity is in direct correlation to the success of the defensive backfield.
In a season where you have no idea what to expect from the Bears on a game by game basis, I think the defense gets after it this week and dominates their way too much needed W.
Bears 13 – Chargers 10
Bears Offense vs. Chargers Defense

Chargers Offense vs. Bears Defense

Welcome back to THE VAULT, the much celebrated weekly history column where I try to remember why I still care about this team in spite of the many heartbreaks they’ve given me. I’m going to spend these next couple weeks while I’m between jobs rewriting Kanye’s magnum opus “808s and Heartbreaks” to make it about the Bears, so look for me in the FFUD “Album of the Week” section crooning over some reverb-drenched synths. My version of “Love Lockdown” is gonna be about Nathan Vasher. Million dollar idea right there.
Potential album titles:
“85 Bears and Tears” (doesn’t rhyme but I’ll make it work)
“Jim Miller is a Homophobic Idiot” (true but not as catchy)
“One Night Stands and Josh Bellamy’s Hands” (there it is)
2003, week 9 of the NFL season. The Bears limped in to this home tilt against the San Diego Chargers at 3-5, and the Chargers somehow hobbled into Soldier Field at 1-7. Bear in mind this Chargers team had Drew Brees at QB and LaDainian Tomlinson in the backfield, with noted PED user and future “Crime in Sports” episode subject David Boston lining up outside next to perennial “undersized with a big heart white WR” Tim Dwight. Tim Dwight was always one of those wideouts that announcers described as “a student of the game/a gym rat/sneaky fast” which for some reason are only superlatives given to white wideouts. Whereas receivers who are nonwhite are always considered “freak athletes.” It’s weird.
Casual racial bias aside, the wildest thing about this game is the fact that DREW FUCKING BREES was benched in this game for DOUG FUCKING FLUTIE, who massively outperformed the QB who would go on to define this generation (screw Tom Brady, he’s just the best system QB of all time- Brees is the GOAT). It’s almost a fever dream to think about a Bears team led by Chris Chandler, Anthony Thomas, and David Terrell sticking it to the Chargers with two future Hall of Famers in their backfield so severely that they thought it prudent to bring in Doug Flutie.
The 2003 Bears were, you guessed it, a fucking mess. The QB carousel featured the aforementioned Chris Chandler coming in to start for Kordell Stewart for his 3rd game in a row. The 2003 Bears had hotshot Rex “Sex Cannon” Grossman on the bench as a rookie, which is kind of like having the opportunity to re-watch a movie knowing how the tragedy is going to unfold. They also drafted useless defensive lineman Michael Haynes in that first round. After that nightmare first round, they picked up Charles Tillman in the 2nd and Lance Briggs in the 3rd, which is almost “Sayers-Butkus” levels of draft success. As much as it sucks to see that the Bears could’ve drafted Troy Polamalu instead of Haynes, at least they didn’t pull a Detroit Lions and draft Charles Rogers with the 2nd overall pick, he of the multiple failed drug tests. Fun Charles Rogers fact: three career failed drug tests, four career receiving touchdowns. Trust me, I’m not trying to shit on a dude that would’ve maybe had a chance in the NFL a few years from now, when players are finally allowed to use marijuana to help with pain relief. I feel bad for those players who can’t medicate with something that isn’t a habit-forming painkiller that actually shortens people’s lives.
The Bears went on to hold off the Flutie-led Chargers 20-7, keeping LT to a measly 82 total yards on 16 carries and four catches. Drew Brees went 7-15 for 49 yards and an interception in this game, with his pick lobbed into the hands of Charles Tillman before Peanut was suplexed to the ground by the aforementioned David Boston, who looks like those cat memes where people sketch in preposterous muscles on pics of napping kitties. Tillman also downed a punt at the 1-yard line, which is always a play that gets me going. His downed punt led to a game-sealing interception of Flutie by Jerry Azumah, a regular here in THE VAULT.
Anthony Thomas led the team with 31 carries (!), 111 yards, and two scores. Honestly, as bad as those teams were, it’s refreshing to watch the old highlight videos of the Bears lining up in the I-Formation and running up the middle with success, instead of watching the offense line up in the shotgun and send the smallest player on the roster up the gut on 1st and 10 when the other team has 36 men in the box. David Terrell and Dez White each had seven catches, which would be a career day for most of the players on the 2019 squad. Bobby Wade, Justin Gage, and even my all-time favorite Bears undersized useless WR Ahmad Merritt caught a pass from Chris Chandler. Man, I miss Ahmad Merritt, who didn’t do anything in the NFL but was a BEAST in NFL Europe, catching 6 TDs for the Berlin Thunder. What a weird fucking sentence.
The Bears in 2003 finished 7-9, before finishing 5-11 in 2004 with what is considered one of the worst offenses in NFL history. Welcome to heartbreak.
Our Bears crew bands together to try and pick through whatever the hell that was on Sunday.
So…um…is that a definitive statement on who the Bears are and who they will be?
Wes French (@WFrenchman): Bleh. What a disappointing, disastrous game for the home team.
- Matt Nagy
- The Running Game
- Mitch
- Defense
I said it weeks ago, Nagy has been figured out, which happens in this league. But what is surprising is that he hasn’t yet counter-punched. He’s lost.
#2 above is really an extension of #1. To become a one-dimensional passing team with a bottom tier QB is just plain bad.
Trubisky threw for 251 yards and 2 TDs with no INTs – his best game of the year. What am I missing here? Besides the 4th quarter.
When your offense blows, and you are on the field again and again after three-and-outs, its not only physically exhausting, its mentally draining.
So, to answer your question. YES. This is both who they are and who they will be.
Tony Martin (@MrMartinBruh): I got fired this morning and even that was less painful than watching the Bears continue to shit the bed, because at least I had low expectations for that job. It’s just amazing to me how after growing up watching the offense struggle under notable chuds like Ron Turner, Mike Martz, Gary Crowton, John Shoop, Mike Tice, and Aaron Kromer, THIS is what might be the biggest disappointment. Hey Matt, I know you want to “BE YOU”, but maybe you can “BE A COACH THAT SETS HIS TEAM UP FOR SUCCESS”, or does that not matter because it won’t fit on your play card? I’ve never seen a team with so much talent look so incredibly lost.
Ooof.
The Bears Coach Might Be Broken-Brained – I joked about it in the preseason. It was only semi-serious. But Matt Nagy’s fixation/psychosis about one missed kick last season seemed to be far too big of a story, and one they were pushing themselves. It seemed so odd and so unnecessary, but in the end you didn’t fear that it would get in the way of too much else. The biggest hope was that they were using it as a smokescreen, to cover for Nagy’s offense going cold in December, or to keep hit off Mitch. It was still a leap to think that that weirdness was clouding their view of the rest of the team.
What my book presupposes is…maybe it did?
Matt Nagy had two weeks to reshuffle his offense, figure out what might work, and to prepare to slide a QB who had been out injured–and lacking confidence anyway–back into the lineup gently. He was facing a team without its two biggest offensive weapons.
And he came up with that.
As Brian said in the recap, they ran the ball seven times. It feels like there are two Matt Nagys, or at least he thinks there are. There’s the one calling the plays, and then there’s the one who shows up at the postgame press conference and wonders why they didn’t run the ball or the run game didn’t work. Not that the Bears went exactly anywhere with those seven rushes, but seven isn’t enough to know that you can’t do anything.
It also puts your questionable quarterback into a nearly impossible situation. He’s got to win a game all by himself, something he probably can’t do when he’s healthy and in rhythm anyway. But they didn’t move him out side the pocket. They didn’t try and give him any obvious throws. Your line still sucks, and there weren’t any changes in scheme or anything to help them out either. Even just trying to run the ball at least lets them do something different, gives them a moment.
The special teams suck. They have for a while. Throwout the kick return, which is more individual brilliance than anything. They had two punts blocked. They had two big returns against called back because the other team held or blocked in the back. They lose that battle every game.
The entire summer was fixated on one kick and another kicker and having them locked in the American Gladiator Death Ball. And now we can’t help but wonder if that fixation blinded them to the fact their O-line was leaky, their QB might not be good, their special teams don’t do anything, and their defense is predicated on two guys and having both of them.
Insert “THE GODDAMN PLANE HAS CRASHED INTO THE MOUNTAIN!” gif.
Their Quarterback Is Bad – I’ve tried to defend Mitch, mostly because I just want a Bears QB to be good and I still have all my Jay Cutler tools still lying around. And as above, he didn’t get much help from his coach. As Brian pointed out in his recap, when the line is bad things get hurried, and when things get hurried they look unsure. They look hesitant.
And that’s the thing I can’t get past with Mitch. His throws don’t have any conviction. I’d almost live with wrong decisions if he stepped his back foot in the ground, stepped into a throw and did it with confidence. It might be wrong but I believe in it! Though that would just give us Rex again, I suppose.
But almost every throw Mitch makes look like a pitcher trying to aim instead of throw. There isn’t any feel of, “This is where the ball goes now.” It feels more like, “I guess this is where the ball goes? Maybe?” Which is why passes float, miss their targets, or are just heaved into triple coverage.
Take away his first read, and he feels like he doesn’t know what to do. Take away Allen Robinson and he loses all confidence to make another play. He’s not even running anymore.
Mitch has ten games to save his Bears career. That’s it right there.
They Don’t Have An Answer Without Akiem Hicks – Akiem was an All-Pro last year, rightly lauded in this town, if not downright worshipped. And he still might be under-appreciated.
What makes the Bears special, or did, is having two guys on the defensive line that you couldn’t do anything about. You could double both but someone would make a play because you just ran out of guys to have block. And they’d probably get through those double-teams anyway. You couldn’t just run the ball up the middle because Hicks was standing there, asking just what in the fuck you thought you were doing. You couldn’t run outside because the linebackers were too quick.
You can do all of it now. Khalil Mack is watching run plays go up the middle that he can’t do much about. He’s watching quick passes fired out before he has a chance to get there, with no one up the middle moving the walls into the QB. He’s seeing triple teams when they need time. And no one else is doing much about it. Leonard Floyd has gone to that mystical place that Leonard Floyd goes for weeks at a time, that only he can find. There’s a reason Roy Robertson-Harris doesn’t start. There’s a reason you don’t hear Eddie Goldman’s or Bilal Nichols’s name much right now, other than, “Watch this guy get run over and become one with the soil.”
Secondary doesn’t look as good now. Neither do the interior linebackers. They actually have to do all the shit now. And maybe they can’t.
This isn’t going well, is it?
This is what I get? Off a bye week. After a loss. This is how you respond. Go ahead and ask yourself; can you remember a worse 3-3 football team? The Bears suck right now, and I don’t envision a scenario where they are going to get any better.
Before you go off on Mitch Trubisky and how he’s a joke of a QB, lets address the running game. A running game that really isn’t a running game. The Bears tried to run the ball seven times. Seven times in an NFL football game. Who in the actual fuck runs the ball seven times in actual NFL football game? Not in a drive, not in a quarter, not in a half, but in a game. What you ask, did the seven rush attempts yield? A grand total of 17 yards. That means 2.4 yard per carry. Not only did Matt Nagy call for seven rush attempts, he asked his lead back and prize draft pick to carry the ball two times. Again. TWO times. There is not a quarterback alive that can expect to see any sort of open passing lanes when the threat of a run is non-existent. It’s tee off time, 1-Mississippi type of rush that the Bears are facing. This is especially dreadful when you have an O-line that can’t block for dick.
When you have a terrible offensive line, you, in turn, have a quarterback who wants/needs to rush everything. This results in first read throws that are hurried, but more importantly, throws that your quarterback is not convinced he should make. Its easy, and borderline lazy, to say that Trubisky put up his respectable numbers when the game was over. But what do you want the guy to do? Stop playing? Start throwing picks? What he showed me is that he wanted to compete. He wasn’t great early, but he didn’t quit. I appreciate his effort and so do his receivers. Probably none more than Tarik Cohen, who played his ass off in route to nine catches. Cohen competed until the end, something you love to see.
Anthony Miller had five catches, but its clear there is a disconnect and unhappiness between him and Trubisky/Nagy. His poor body language was evident late in the game and he simply quit on some routes late in the game. I don’t know what’s going on with this guy, but its time he makes a name for himself on what he’s done instead of what he’s going to do.
I have never been a big Corradelle Patterson guy, but there is no question that he balled out today. Guy was everywhere and made plays in all phases. He’s going to be an Pro-Bowl special teams players and is someone that the young guys on the team can learn from.
Much like this entire Bears team, this defensive unit isn’t as good as we thought they’d be. 36 points allowed to a Saints offense that was without Drew Brees and Alvin Kamara? Get the fuck outta here. Not only did backup running back Latavius Murray run for his second 100 yard game against the Bears in two games, but Michael Thomas caught 9 balls for 131 yards against a Bears secondary that has continued to struggle this season. Saints QB Teddy Bridgewater continued to impress in a reserve role, throwing for 281 yards, but more importantly, only getting sacked one time.
This is going to be a long week for the Bears. Especially so: Mitch Trubisky and Matt Nagy. Questions are many, answers are few, and we still don’t know who this team is seven weeks into the season.
Everything you need for this afternoon’s tussle with The Fleur-De-Lis.
