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Corsica

It’s been a grueling week. The Hawks have barely tread water over these last five games, and they’ve lost their best player due to some unspecified injury (groin, don’t you think? When it’s a goalie I always think groin. Don’t read into that statement). And this hell week ended with an exhausted whimper tonight, which left me feeling more pity than anger. To the bullets:

– So Panik didn’t get benched tonight but rather demoted. OK, whatever, the top line certainly needs to get better. But who got moved up? Was it the guy second in points and second in goals who needs faster linemates? Oh no, oh no no no, you silly person who thought that. It was John fucking Hayden. Now, in all fairness, Hayden hasn’t been playing all that badly (hey, he’s got nine points). Also, there are legit reasons to keep DeBrincat on the third line where he’s been making Heart Man better. But, if Q is going to start tinkering with the top line, the fact that he’d pass right over the chance to at least SEE what DeBrincat could do with Toews and Saad seems, well, both stubborn and stupid, which is the worst combination. And then Q went back to Panik late in the third and Toews scored…so what was the point of that change anyway?

– Fatigue showed tonight, as the Hawks started really slowly. By the mid-point of the first period they had managed only one shot. They finished that period with a paltry three shots. But they picked it up in the second and actually passed the Kings in shots. And they led in possession for the first two periods, 55 CF% and 65.7 CF% respectively. Seriously, it was fucking with me. I kept looking at it and, as we say around these parts, I was angry at numbers. How could the Kings lag in possession and yet still be driving the play? Or at least thwarting the Hawks’ many decent attempts in the second? Jonathan Quick was a big part of the answer to that, obviously. And once Folin scored the first goal in the third period, you could see the weight of the past week descend over them. Even Toews’ pyrrhic goal couldn’t change that momentum.

– The power play went 0/4 and continued to suck. You’re tired of hearing it, I’m tired of writing it, and yes the Kings’ PK is the best in the league. But it still sucked. No one could keep the puck in the offensive zone—I mean at times it was laughable. Some other great unintended comedy? On their first man advantage of the game, the Hawks managed to take a too many men penalty while they were on the power play for that very same penalty. It was very meta.

– Anton Forsberg is like the proverbial Rodney Dangerfield. If you look at his record with no context you’d dismiss him outright, but he’s actually played well. Tonight was no exception. A screen and some deer-in-headlights play by Forsling led to the first goal, but other than that he was spot on (the other two goals were empty netters so you can’t exactly hold those against him). He had a great sequence of saves midway through the second, and at no point did he really lose his net. This guy deserves much better.

– Speaking of a deer in the headlights, Brian Campbell is utterly unwatchable as an analyst. My esteemed colleague Adam brought this up after last night’s game, and I have to wholeheartedly agree. Campbell looks nervous and tongue-tied at every moment. And you know what? I don’t hold that against the guy—I can’t even imagine what a moron I would look and sound like on camera—but that’s why he shouldn’t have this gig. This team is cringe-worthy enough as it is; their on-air personalities needn’t be too.

So where to from here? The Hawks have a much-needed few days off, and then a sort-of-maybe soft part of the schedule (after the Capitals) with some relative bottom-feeders like the Sabres and Coyotes. However, now they need all of those points more than ever, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t concerned about where the season goes from here. No, I’m not trying to be over-dramatic and there is still a lot of season to go. But it’s been, as I said, a rough week where they kinda got dong-whipped, so let’s all pause, and try to get back on track next week. Onward and upward.

Quote of the night (actually it’s a tie because you’ve got to get a load of this amazing insight by Campell):

“Little mess-up by the LA guy there.” –Brian Campbell

“Because I can’t remember anything, I got some help with that movie.” –Pat Foley

Beer de jour: It was an all-Fort Collins night: Accumulation IPA by New Belgium and 90 Shilling by Odell. (Actually it was me rummaging through the fridge to see what was left over from the weekend, but it should tell you something about my beer inclinations.)

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Natural Stat Trick

Corsica

Tonight was a bit of a tutorial in what not to do in a hockey game. Malaise on special teams and defensive stupidity thwarted the Hawks tonight, making it fortunate they at least got one point. It wasn’t like Ben Bishop did anything to write home about (his SV% was a whopping .864), so we can’t say it was one of those miraculous goalie performances. To the bullets:

– Admittedly, I didn’t see much of the game against the Predators, so I’ll reference the two games prior: If in those games against the Panthers and Ducks the offense masked the ugliness of the Hawks’ defense, tonight said ugliness was fully exposed. Cody Franson was a hot mess on the power play. On their first man advantage early in the first period he had a shitty pass get picked off and Crawford had to bail him out. That turned out to be a veritable Power Play of Christmas Future because a couple power plays later, he did the exact same thing that led to Patrick Kane’s desperation hook, and the resulting penalty shot. The power play in general was a disaster, but that’s another rant. Franson single-handedly ruined two.

Second, there was the obligatory Seabrook fuck up, which this time led directly to Dallas’ third goal. He fumbled an attempt at pinching (at least, I think that’s what he was going for?) at the blue line, and Remi Elie (who??) waltzed right by him and caught Crawford off-guard.

And for good measure, Forsling shared some blame too. Yes, he had a key assist in the third, don’t get me wrong. But before those heroics were necessary, he splayed out in a stupid block attempt way back in the first, and Mattias Janmark was left open to score the first goal. So there’s a taste of our defense tonight…need I go on?

– On a related note, tonight wasn’t Crawford’s worst night but it also wasn’t his best. He was spectacular on a series of shots by Elie (again, who the fuck??) in the third, but he ended the game with a .886 SV%. He got frozen on the penalty shot and wasn’t the absolute monster we’ve come to both expect and rely on. It’s nights like these when the rest of the team needs to return the favor and bail him out. Goaltending is not the problem here, I think we can all agree on that.

– The second line played the role of top line tonight. There was yet another goal from ‘ole Wide Dick—in fact it was the only power play goal out of their seemingly endless chances when Kane made a beautiful pass to Anisimov who was positioned right at the top of the crease. Kane then had a redirect to tie it in the third (that aforementioned Forsling assist), and Schmaltz drew about 85 penalties. At least we have one line, eh?

– Alex DeBrincat is good. I just thought you should know that.

– The Hawks power play is not good. I just thought you should know that too. No, really, they were 1 for 7 tonight, including over two minutes of a man advantage thanks to John Hayden’s face getting mauled by Klingberg’s stick and they still couldn’t score. The Hawks had four power plays in the first fucking period, and yet their shots remained in the single digits until well into the second (and a few more power plays). With the exception of the Garbage Dick—Wide Dick play in the second, it was clown shoes all night.

–Something on the Stars is named Pitlick. So, ya know, whenever you think you’ve got it rough, imagine going through life with that name. It’s helping to cheer me up right now.

–Beer de Jour: Fistmas by Revolution. Because I’m in the holiday spirit, damnit.

The Stars are an eminently beatable team, and we’ll get another chance on Saturday. I don’t know if tonight’s fuckery will lead Q to #FreeKempny, but if this doesn’t do it, I don’t know what would. Or rather, I don’t want to know. Onward and upward.

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Corsica

The Hawks were absolutely dominant in the first, not so much in the second and third, but no harm was done. To the bullets:

– So we can all feel a little better about the top line. Saad and Toews scored, and even though Toews’ was a total fluke of him batting at a flying puck that then trickled through a classically hapless Luongo, it’s still better than nothing. Saad’s goal in the first was the result of him being in the right place at the proverbial right time, and basically capitalizing on a high-danger chance in the exact way you want to see it done. Saad had seven shots in the first (unfortunately only one after that but still…), and it was simply a relief to see some production and the drought ended. Don’t get me wrong, there were still plenty of bad passes, shots with no finish, and missed opportunities by this line, but they were good enough, which is all we really needed them to be. Hopefully this augers well for the near future.

– Kane’s goal midway in the second period was crucial. Even though it only made the score 3-1, it took the momentum right out of Florida, who had been kicking the shit out of the Hawks for the entirety of the second up to that point. It was looking like we were heading for yet another hot start where the Hawks then promptly shit the bed, but Kane’s patience with the shot showed his give-a-shit meter was at about a 7.5, and once they had a two-goal lead again the win started to feel like a foregone conclusion.

– Which brings me to my next point: why the fuck can’t these guys maintain the pressure and momentum beyond the first period? Is it age for some guys? Inexperience for others? I don’t have the answers, but this whole awesome-first-then-blow-a-lead thing is fucking old already. They can get away with it against teams like the Panthers (especially since in this case they didn’t blow a lead but only tried to), but as we saw on Wednesday against the Lightning, when they’re playing a good team this shit just doesn’t work. If this is how it’s going to go, the Hawks need to at least score 5+ goals in every first period, and then try to just not take dumb penalties.

– The fourth line was serviceable tonight. Bouma, Wingels, and Hayden all had a CF% over 60 at evens, and Hayden and Wingels even got some PK minutes. Hayden scored too, so that obviously helps things. Granted, they had plenty of stupid shit like Bouma whiffing on passes, but overall they were…acceptable.

– Who’s this MacKenzie Weegar asshole? His name sounds like that of a mean-spirited character in a Roald Dahl book. He pissed me off in the second period, but luckily it amounted to nothing.

– Speaking of amounting to nothing, the power play remained terrible. They only had one, and they did absolutely nothing with it, despite the fact that Florida is dead-last in PK percentage. I know the Hawks have had some success on the power play as of late, but they couldn’t even get a zone entry against the worst PK in the league so…that should tell you something.

– The defense was iffy tonight, in my opinion. The Panthers got 38 shots, and while there were 11 blocks and two successful penalty kills, there were enough shaky moments to keep me on edge. For example, Crawford totally bailed out Franson on a Trocheck shot late in the second, Forsling and Rutta on the PK were scrambling, and of course Seabrook fell down a few times for good measure. Yes it worked out, and I know these are the pairings we’re stuck with for now, but it wasn’t exactly a confidence-inspiring performance.

– However, Crawford is god. He finished the night with a .974 SV%. Yes, he let in one goal that he probably should have had, but come on, even gods make mistakes occasionally, right? I mean, look at the state of Alabama.

OK, in all seriousness the Hawks’ possession numbers were worrisome in a way that has become a shitty trend: 83 CF% in the first, 44.7% in the second, and 43% in the third. It’s definitely not what you want to see, and again it won’t result in two points against good teams. But, they needed this win just like they need every win right now, so even though it wasn’t always pretty, it was what had to get done and they managed to pull it off. Onward and upward.

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It feels like I should have some exciting takeaway or some great insight for you from this match-up of two perennial Stanley Cup contenders…but I don’t. It was an entertaining game to be sure, but it was also a midseason game (well, one-quarter-season to be exact), and it was a workaday performance turned in by the Hawks. Remember when they kicked the shit out of the Penguins to open the season? This game was not that, by any stretch of the imagination. To the bullets!

– Corey Crawford is a more worthwhile human than you or me. You probably already knew that—I know I did—but it bears repeating. He got domed by Evgeni Malkin in the first period, who was being the piece of shit that he is, then he went off for the quickest concussion protocol ever, and proceeded to give up just one goal and hold a .972 SV%. Yes, this got helped out by the second goal for the Pens getting called back for interference, which it was, but Crow battled through a lot of bullshit tonight including a bunch of shots at the end. The Hawks wouldn’t have won without his performance tonight, not like that is any kind of surprise. (And kudos to Anton Forsberg for covering those three minutes competently…not even being sarcastic, I mean it).

– Gustav Forsling scored on the power play. Did you ever think you would read such a ridiculous sentence? Yeah, I didn’t think I would ever write it either. Ready for another one? Both Hawks goals came on the power play. Wait, wait, I got another one: Artem Anisimov has 10 goals. Can you believe all this? After how terrible the power play has been I’m downright delighted to see this shit. Forsling finished with a 56.8 CF% tonight, so fine, whatever, if Kempny is going to get marooned in the press box forever you better fucking do something, asshole. And Anisimov with double-digit goals? Fine as well…if Toews is going to continue to fail at finishing, we need some center to do something. Have at it, pal.

– Nick Schmaltz continued his general awesomeness. He had speed all over the ice, some great breakaways in the first period, and somehow someway this second line is working. Schmaltz’s possession numbers with Anisimov and Kane at evens was over 50%. And the assholes on the Penguins were targeting him right up until the end of the game, when it was clear they weren’t going to do anything other than inflict pain and fuck him up, so that has to tell you something about this guy’s effectiveness.

– Look, I know in my rational mind that Phil Kessel is a very talented hockey player, but can we all just agree on something: this guy looks like he’s an insurance adjuster from Scranton and he’s playing men’s league on a Tuesday night just for fun. Seriously, this guy does NOT look like he should be in the NHL. I just, I just can’t get past it…I’ve never been able to get past it. Wherever he goes, I’m just flummoxed by this doughy dipshit-looking guy, who fortunately couldn’t get anything past Crawford tonight.

– Adam Burish can talk on TV? Who knew? I’ve actively tuned him out when he’s on the intermission desk-in-the-midst-of-obnoxious-assholes. So I never bothered to listen, but in the isolation of a studio I noticed he put rational thoughts together with the camera right on him…well done.

When it’s all said and done, the Hawks needed this win as they need every point they can get right now. And two PP goals? Love it. Their next game is against the fucking Lightning so I honestly expect an embarrassment…at least they’re walking away with this win. Onward and upward…