Everything Else

Suggestion Box: Fix Replay

By 1565

One day, if it hasn’t already, colleges are going to have classes that demonstrate how replay in sports demonstrate the perils of technological advancement in society. Because when you first hear of it, or in a vacuum, the idea of using video to aid  in the officiating and administration of sports makes total sense. And then you get it, and problems you never envisioned lead to other problems you never envisioned and suddenly we’re lost.

So it was with official reviews in the NHL, which used to only be restricted to goals themselves. And then we got the toe-in-the-crease debate. And then that went away. And then goalie interference came into it. And now it’s offsides and delay of game and whatever the hell else. And we end up asking ourselves every time, “Did it count?”

So let’s fix it.

Everything Else

Help Wanted: C’mon Lisa, Join The Family

By 1396

Hey kids. We’re going to be making some changes on here for next season. We’re still hammering out what that may be, but we know that you’re going to like it. There’s going to be way more content in our own special way. Maybe even a new look. A new method, while holding onto the things you have come to love… or tolerate. But in order to do that, we need to hire some new writers.

Not just anyone of course. We’re looking for people who know what we do here. Not just the snark and music/Simpsons references (though if someone else can help out with the wrestling ones, bonus points for you!). Not just being a functional alcoholic (though Slak might not be considered “functional” anymore) But also able to break down games and the sport in the same way we do. So it probably would help if you’ve been reading us for a while, but not necessary.

If you’re interested, email me at committedindian@gmail.com with “New Writer” as the subject. If you have links to previous things you’ve done, great. If you don’t, we’ll come up with some sample ideas you can can tackle to show us what you’ve got.

And ignore the photo, we would certainly welcome long-haired, freaky people.

Everything Else

Suggestion Box: Do Away With Road And Home Jerseys

By 1547

Over the next few days, or maybe week or two, we here at The Lab will be suggesting things that we think could help the league. These won’t be pie-in-the-sky, go-four-on-four-all-the-time type bullshit, though we may suggest blowing up St. Louis just on general principle. We spend a lot of time around here tearing down. It’s time we tried to suggest how to build back up. Not that anyone ever listens to us. So let’s kick this pig…

As is always the case it seems, the NHL has been beaten to the punch by the NBA. As you might have seen, the NBA this year will have no “home” or “road” jerseys this season. Every team will have four to choose from, one of which will be white, and the home team will pick what they will wear first and the road team will have to then wear something that doesn’t clash. I’ve only been screaming for the NHL to do this for years, pretty much ever since the Leafs-Wings Winter Classic. And long before that.

But that doesn’t mean it’s too late for the NHL.

Everything Else

Ein Minuten, Bitte. Ich Habe Einen Kleinen Problemo Avec Diese Predators

By 1742

Here was a headline that caught me somewhere uncomfortable the other day:

“Ryan Johansen’s Blockbuster Deal Could Set Up Predators Dynasty”

Ambitious stuff for a team that’s been past the second round exactly once, don’t you think? Look, I get it. Best top four on the blue line in the league, arguably. A raft of fast, young forwards not bereft of skill. A pretty good coach, though has a track record of flaming out quickly in places. A rabid fanbase and unique (whether you think it’s good or bad) atmosphere that tends to cloud the judgement of neutral observers (don’t tell me that doesn’t happen). A division where everyone appears to be standing still at best, if not falling backwards. Really, who else in the Central has an upward trajectory at the moment? So it’s easy to fall in love with Nashville.

But let’s take a look, shall we?

Everything Else

Friday Foofaraw: These Are The Words I Can Do Without

By 1362

As a writer, “professionally” so for about 10 years now, I’m always fascinated by how the language is used in some places. I’m always on the look for words bent into adjectives or trying to find better verbs and whatever else (and the fact that I usually resort to “whatever else” means I’m not all that good at this). On the flip side of the coin, watching sports programming most of the time means I’m seeing the language get butchered. The problem usually lies in that those doing a lot of the talking are former athletes which probably means A) they stopped going to school for any real purpose somewhere around 7th grade and B) have been repeatedly hit in the head, knocking loose whatever education they did get.

But they’re not always the culprit. So here are the things that bother me the most when watching broadcasts:

Everything Else

The Montreal Canadiens Are A Fraud

By 2351

This isn’t some post to blast the Montreal Canadiens for telling Andrei Markov to shove off back to Russia today. Markov is yet another player who was massively overrated simply because he played in Montreal. Andrei Markov is fine. If he was on your second pairing, you could probably get away with it. The only reason the Habs got away with him on their top pairing for so long is because Carey Price was behind him, and for a lot of years PK Subban next to him.

No, it’s not that. What it is is to poke holes in what the Canadiens are and what they think they are. The Canadiens would like you to believe they are the NHL’s Steelers, or Cowboys, or Packers, or Celtics, or Lakers, or Yankees. This is in fact, utter horseshit.

Everything Else

Post-Convention Grab Bag

By 1852

-There seemed to have been a bit of furor–in that whenever anything happens in July you have to make something out of it to pretend anything is happening at all–that at the convention Patrick Kane and Artem Anisimov expressed disappointment that Artemi Panarin had been traded for Brandon Saad.

It’s clearly obvious why Kane would be. His numbers are going to suffer. And that doesn’t make Kane out to be selfish or uncaring about the team. Most if not all hockey players are acutely aware of their stats, just as any athlete is any other sport is as well. Believe me, Jimmy Butler knows exactly what his points and assists are per game and Kris Bryant knows what he’s hitting. It’s part of the job.

Everything Else

Your FFUD Convention Primer

By 1702

Every year we take you through the Convention schedule to give you the real low-down on what you’re in for if you’re headed downtown this weekend. For reasons we’ll never understand, but people do feel the need to be surrounded by sweaty people in Hawks jerseys in the middle of July. Also, it’s going to be stupid steam-bath hot this weekend, making it even more fun. The combination of Convention goers and Cardinals fans downtown… WOOF. 

Friday Night

5pm: Opening Ceremonies

Basically an excuse to defrost Jim Cornielson from whatever freezer they keep him in during the summer so he can for some strange reason sing the national anthem. Seriously, how many conventions do they sing the anthem at? I really don’t know, I’ve never been to a convention. I went to a ComiCon (ComicCon?) in Rosemont when I was a kid once. That’s it.

Then the players will be introduced and will come and give that awkward five from the stage, and in no way will be ogling a portion of the audience. They’ll also be in their jerseys, because we can’t recognize them without them. You’ll also get to see how awful the new collar on the new jerseys look in real life. Which won’t stop three-quarters of the fanbase running out to get one.

Everything Else

I Don’t Care About Jaromir Jagr, And I Certainly Don’t Give A Rat’s Ass About John Scott

By 2188

We here at the FFUD labs get accused of being overly negative. And it’s true, we are, and we need to work on that. When you’ve done this as long as we have, and have to watch the same stupidity over and over again–from front offices, from media, from fans–it leads one to get jaded. There are so many things we do enjoy about doing all of this, we just have to sift through a bit more than we used to to find and hang onto them.

So let me say that the fact that Jaromir Jagr can at his age, be a useful if not plus-plus NHL player is quite amazing. His metrics really do standout, and it probably will be a while before we see someone who does the same thing at his age. Not that someone couldn’t stay in shape that long–hell, Hossa would have done it if his skin would allow–but is the motivation really there when you’ve made so much money and maybe won all that you set out to win.

Here’s the problem with Jagr’s production, though: None of it has mattered in years.