Records: CHI 1-1    WAS 0-2


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Fun Fact: The Washington football team name is racist!

Welcome back, sports fans! It’s Week 3, and we’re all eagerly anticipating the arrival of the Chicago Bears offense to the fold. Come join us, dudes! It’s been a pretty fun season for plenty of other teams and I’d like to be able to talk shit to the Packers fan I work with. After a wild Sunday where all the other NFC North teams won, the Bears need a “Get Well” game for the boys on the offensive side of the ball to maintain pace with the relevant Packers, Vikings, and the somehow 2-0-1 Lions. There’s “Must Win” cliches all over this game, since the abysmal offense has written the team into a corner early on just like a Stephen King novel.

This should be the game the Bears really lock it in and turn up, ideally with a trip to Club Dub after a thorough thrashing of America’s least-favorite perennial cellar dweller. The Washington Slurs don’t have the “woe is me” luck of the Browns, the tailgate ECW homages of the Bills*, or even the “How could this get any worse?” vibes of the 2019 Miami Dolphins.

*If the Bills are ECW, that makes Josh Allen Tommy Dreamer, which I fuck with.

Mitch Trubisky has talked all week about how close the Bears offense has been to breaking through, and this soft Washington defense gives us all the chance to see how close they are. The Bears should carve up this awful team. Their offensive line is held together with duct tape, their defense couldn’t stop any sort of running attack, and their QB has been garbage his entire career, save the year he had two top-10 wide receivers and an outstanding defense. Simply put: this team is shit-awful. They come in 0-2 after blowing a lead in Philly, and getting smacked in the face by Dallas. They’ve given up 50+ yard touchdown passes in both games, and have put up a majority of their (admittedly decent) statistical output in the first half of week one and in garbage time in Week 2. Basically: this is a get-well game early on in the season, and the Bears must capitalize.

Is this the week when the offense shows us what it can really do? It’s a question worth repeating. They’re a joke so far, looking downright lost and vanilla even with the most impressive skill position roster I can remember in my 33 years on this Earth. Ideally, the Washington pass rush continues to look like a calm summer breeze and Mitch can sit back in the pocket and pick them apart. Honestly, I’m sick of worrying about the offense. They need to come in and drive the ball up and down the field in a dominant way. Even though the offense looked better in the first few weeks last year than the first few weeks this year, it took Nagy’s group until Week 4 to hang a 40-burger on a team that they should’ve blown out. Let’s hope it happens earlier this season, and everyone executes in a way that eases some of our collective fears.

The biggest story this week is the uncertain status of kicker turned folk hero Eddy Pineiro, who hurt himself in the weight room and is listed as questionable as of this writing. If he can’t go, the Bears have until the early afternoon to pick someone up off the street to play in this game. It’ll be tough to see him not play if that ends up being the case, but let’s be honest with ourselves: if the game comes down to the kicker, the Bears have already lost. There’s no excuses here: no “we didn’t play starters in the preseason so they’re just getting warmed up”, or “Vic knows our offense well so of course they didn’t play super well.” This is it, the team has no reason to not look like a well-oiled machine tonight.

The defense has played stoutly so far this year, but need to really step up in the turnover department. So much of what made the Bears successful last season was how much the constant pressure led to quick changes of possession and the dramatic flipping of the field. With an offense struggling, having a short field will help the offense get into rhythm.

Look for big plays on offense, a couple turnovers, and solid play all around from our beloved Bears. If this team is a contender, Monday night should be easy and boring to everyone who isn’t a fan of the Blue and Orange.

Prediction: Bears 31 Washington 17




He did it again. “DJ Yung Milwaukee” lent his talents for another tandem matchups post from your resident Bears heads at FFUD.

“Big shouts out to my boy Wes for letting me drop another guest verse on a Bears positional preview; if our tandem breakdown of the Bears/Broncos was the FFUD version of Mariah Carey’s iconic “Fantasy” remix with ODB, let’s try to make this her even more legendary collab with Jay-Z on “Heartbreaker”.”


Tony on the Bears Defense vs the Racial Slur’s Offense

How ugly could Monday get? Writing about Washington’s offense is difficult. Case Keenum makes Joe Flacco look like Joe Theismann, and though I don’t want Case Keenum’s leg to explode it’s not hard to see Khalil Mack going full L-T on an offensive line missing its star LT. Statistics show that from 2010-2019 the average amount of games it takes for a first round quarterback to make his first start is 4.5, and if this game is a bloodbath (which it has the potential to be), it wouldn’t be too far of a reach to suggest there’s a chance Dwayne Haskins makes an appearance in garbage time.

Speaking of garbage time, this Washington team has gotten a lot of their offensive numbers in situations where they are down multiple scores late in games this season. So, the question is: which Washington offense shows up? Is it the offense we saw in the first half against Philly, or the offense that has played their other six awful quarters of football this season? The answer will be found through the air; “Scary” Terry McLaurin looks like a steal in the 3rd round of this years’ draft. He has speed to go over the top, finds the holes in the zone well, and with Chuck Pagano’s designed man-blitzes, look for Keenum to test the Bears with the deep ball.

Outside of Scary Terry, the skill position players on this team are a real haunted house of mediocrity. Paul Richardson isn’t a threat, Vernon Davis will put up a solid  three-catch, 24-yard performance, and the sun has set on All Day. Chris Thompson is an issue coming out of the backfield, so look for the Bears to drop down a safety or ask Buster Skrine to cover the backfield receiving specialist.

Washington’s run offense permits a pathetic average of 0.31 yards before first contact on running plays, so the Bears up front will feed. The right side of their offensive line looks so bad that any two fans sitting in FedEx field that Dan Snyder hasn’t personally banned might be able to do a better job, given they’ve had a couple $8 beers and are wearing hogs’ noses. The Bears defense is gonna steamroll these nerds.

Wes on Mitch Trubisky vs the Racial Slur’s Defense

Lets look at some numbers for this week’s exercise:

Mitchell Trubisky: 68.1, 39.1, 36.6, 15.1, 33.1 and 3.05

Racial Slurs Defense: 455, 78.3, 6, 168, 68, 34:54

Beep boop beep beep, numbers! Okay, so you’re not a computer and these all just look like squiggly lines and decimals. But here’s the story they tell…..

Trubs is bottom-10 in the league QB rankings with an overall accuracy-percentage of 68.1. This number drops to 39.1, still bottom 10, on passes that travel beyond the first down marker. Moves these numbers to 3rd down plays only, and you get a disastrous 61.1 accuracy %, which has translated to a comically bad 33.1 QB rating and 3.05 yards per attempt. That ain’t it.

Enter the Washington defense, just what the doctor ordered (or so Matt Nagy hopes). Washington is allowing an average of 455 yards/week early in the season and opposing QBs are a league-leading 78.3 in completion %. They’ve also allowed six passing scores thus far, good for 31st in the league. All of this shapes up to help improve the Bears sputtering offense, but how?

Trubs does lead the league in, wait for it…….targets to his RBs. By a lot. 36.6% of his targets have gone to RBs this season, a full 4% more than any other QB. Compare that with a sub-50% target share for his WR, good for second to last to only Baltimore (who lean HEAVILY tight end). Monday night presents the best opportunity to level this disparity out. Dak Prescott laid out the blueprint in Week 2: 25 of his 30 passes travels 15 yards or fewer through the air, continually abusing the poor coverage and soft zones to stack completions.

The Washington defense is also 31st in rushing yards allowed per game at 168. Herein lies another way to get Mitch and the offense going, through establishing the run and then exploiting the secondary through play-action. Mitch has only thrown out of play-action 15.1% of the time this season for 72 yards, more numbers that put him among the bottom third of the league. Week 2 in Denver saw Nagy lean heavily on the run after basically abandoning it against Green Bay. A more balanced play calling plan should open up the opportunity for big plays via play-action, again something everyone saw Dak do against this defense last week. That successful balanced attack shouldn’t be tough to do against a team that’s currently averaging 68 defensive snaps and 34:54 on the field each week.

Of course, the Washington defense could be looking at Nagy, Mitch and Co. and thinking the same thing – here’s the week that we right the ship against a bottom tier offense. Something’s gotta give between these two bumbling units, and which side prevails/how they execute will tell us if Nagy knows what he’s doing and if Mitch is capable enough to not waste this Chicago defense.

Passing stats from