Everything Else

My Legs Keep Moving, Don’t Seem To Stray: Hawks at Bruins Preview/Icee Party

By 1363

Hawk Wrestler vs. bruins country bear jamboroo

PUCK DROP: 6pm Central

TV/RADIO: CSN, Sportsnet Up Dere, WGN Radio

THEY FORGOT THEIR NAME, THEY TOOK A SHOT ON THE CHIN: Stanley Cup Of Chowder (sky point Days Of Y’Orr)

Bruins Stats

Bruins War On Ice

The Hawks will attempt to immediately back up a pretty satisfying victory over Former Scum with toppling the Bruins at home. Which these days, just about everyone does, as the B’s have been pretty putrid in the darks and pretty damn good in the whites. They’re basically East Coast Sharks, and that comparison actually works on a deeper level as much like San Jose it’s hard to figure out just what in the hell the Bruins are.

Everything Else

Dark Center Of The Universe – Hawks at Leafs Preview, Birthright Claiming

By 1378

evil empire at toronto leafs headupass

Game Time: 6:00PM Central
TV/Radio: CSN, NHLN-US, WGN-AM 720
Self-Appointed Experts: Leafs Nation, Pension Plan Puppets

The Hawks mini-Canadian swing makes its second and final and most important stop tonight, and that’s at the Air Canada Center in Toronto. And those who do not believe any of the above statements need to only spend about thirty seconds scanning the internet to understand just how important the Leafs and their fans consider themselves to be despite nearly a decade and a half of laughable ineptitude.

Everything Else

Double Dip – Penguins vs Hawks Preview, Frequent Flyer Miles Redemption

By 1259

budicepenguintin vs evil empire

Game Time: 7:00PM
TV/Radio: NBCSN, TVAS, WGN-AM 720
Thanks Mean Joe: PensBurgh

In its infinite brilliance, the NHL schedule makers have once again knocked hammered out an interconference season series in the span of 28 hours, give or take with the time zone differential. Naturally tonight’s telecast will be the one that is nationally broadcast as a RIVALRY game, one which will likely feature the very telegenic goaltending of two backups, which seems appropriate given all of the announcements surrounding the All Star Farce earlier today.

Everything Else

Recipe For Hate – Hawks at Kings Preview, Leftover Feast

By 1379

evil empire at king

Game Time: 9:30PM Central
TV/Radio: WGN Ch. 9, WGN-AM 720
Fountain and Fairfax: The Royal Half, Jewels From The Crown

Tonight the Hawks will conclude their annual November two-week displacement from the United Center at the hands of Sirs Barnum and Bailey on Figueroa against the Kings, who are taking a novel approach to their regular season by at least cultivating the image that they give a shit about it. But much like their visiting counterparts, they still do not give a shit about women or human decency. 

Everything Else

Hell Came To Breakfast, Stayed For Lunch – Flames vs Hawks Preview, Car Winterization

By 1269

eternal flame vs evil empire

Game Time: 7:30PM Central
TV/Radio: CSN, SportsNet 1, WGN-AM 720
Rodeo Clown Convention: Matchsticks & Gasoline, Flames Nation

The Jack Adams Award for the best coach during a given season has in recent vintage gone to numbnuts coaches who have helmed teams who drastically outscore their woeful posession numbers. Last year’s winner, Bob Hartley, proved no different as the Flames made a surprise entrance into the post-season and actually won a round against the hilariously mediocre Vancover Canucks. But as so often proves to be the case, a new season provides a violent market correction, and this year’s iteration of the Flames is not an exception.

Everything Else

Three Steps Forward And Two Steps Back: Hawks 4 – Wild 5

By 1231 0

Box Score

Event Summary

War On Ice

Natural Stat Trick

Remember when Paula Abdul was like the center of all your middle school fantasies, which basically amounted to holding a girl’s hand? Ah, the innocence…

Oh right, hockey. It would appear the Hawks are going to try things in reverse this season, if I’m going to make wild conclusions after 11 games because we’ve got nothing else to do. Usually their sloppy, barely bothered effort on the 2nd of a back-to-back on the road comes in February or March. While the Wild did enough to let the Hawks back into this one, the Hawks did more to cost themselves the contest.

It’s rare you see the Hawks so sloppy at both blue lines tonight. So many shifts saw them failing to get the puck out when given the chance and having to cycle back and defend. How many times did they nearly get caught on a change because of misplays at the offensive blue line? Four, five? Maybe more? They just aren’t the most cohesive of units right now.

Zucker’s opener was a result of misplays from a couple Hawks on the boards. Ryan Carter scored off a rush when Kane didn’t quite know what to do when covering for TVR at the point and got caught. The last two goals sprang from Hawks d-men getting caught too far outside, leaving a lane through the middle that either ended in a goal (Spurgeon) or a scramble that did (Niederreiter). It will not make for a happy Q.

To it.

Everything Else

You Can’t Imagine How Much Fun We’re Having – Hawks at Wild Preview, Mail Merge

By 1351

evil empire at wildthings

Game Time: 7:00PM Central
TV/Radio: CSN, WGN-AM 720
Commit This To Memory: Hockey Wilderness

Before beginning the preview in earnest, first a public service announcement for Halloween weekend.

Under no circumstance is going out in black face acceptable. Yes, it’s 2015 and it’s fucking preposterous that these statements have to be made, but such is the state of affairs. And it’s a particularly gross trend among hockey players. It is your responsibility as a human being to tell anyone even thinking of doing this that it’s a bad, at best colossally ignorant idea. Do not be like these assholes.

hawksblackface

raffi torres

tyler bozak