Everything Else

Hey, even Bill Belichick has a shit coaching tree. So maybe it’s just a thing that happens.

While the Hawks spiral more and more toward the seventh level of hell, the idea that Joel Quenneville is a hockey genius continues to grow. And maybe he is, though he wasn’t getting much more out of this team than Jeremy Colliton is. But an argument against that is that seemingly anyone who has worked for or with him, by his choice, ends up being an idiot.

Mike Kitchen hasn’t even been whispered for a head coaching job, even though he was Q’s right hand guy for years, because his tenure in St. Louis went so badly and pretty much everyone knows he’s a moron. Jamie Kompon got a coaching job in the WHL, fucked that up hard, and now is nowhere. We’ll see where Kevin Dineen and Ulf Samuelsson end up. Wouldn’t hold out much hope. Even Mike Haviland, who wasn’t Q’s guy but worked under him for the first Cup win, only managed a college head coaching job.

Marc Bergevin was actually with the Hawks before Q was, but had a major hand in bringing him to Chicago and might have been part of the plan all along. He has worked with him in the past. Bergevin was hired as an assistant for Denis Savard, who was fired mere weeks later. Hmmm…

And he’s been accidentally face-fucking the Canadiens as GM for years now.

We don’t have to go much deeper than Shea Weber for PK Subban. Trading Pacioretty for peanuts might get there as well. The Karl Alzner signing. Sergachev-for-Drouin. Two draft picks for Andrew Shaw, one of which just happened to be Alex Debrincat. There’s more, but we don’t want to be rude because French-Canadians are so considerate.

Bergevin might be saving himself by turning over the team to a bunch of fast, young forwards, but the blue line is still a mess (recurring theme, it seems). And he was the first Q guy to get his own job from the Hawks. But in six season at the helm in La Belle Province, he’s seen the Habs win all of three playoff series. They have won the division three times, though one of those was with essentially someone else’s roster.

Maybe that makes Q a genius, in a strange way, because he’s had to overcome the idiocy that he surrounds himself with. Not one of Belichick’s assistants has ever risen above the level of “chucklehead” when given their own head coaching job. Or maybe Bergevin is more off the Stan Bowman tree, as he served as assistant GM longer than he did as assistant coach. Either way, it’s been great television.

 

Game #31 Preview Suite

Preview

Spotlight

Q&A

Douchebag Du Jour

I Make A Lot Of Graphs

Lineups & How Teams Were Built

Everything Else

This isn’t some post to blast the Montreal Canadiens for telling Andrei Markov to shove off back to Russia today. Markov is yet another player who was massively overrated simply because he played in Montreal. Andrei Markov is fine. If he was on your second pairing, you could probably get away with it. The only reason the Habs got away with him on their top pairing for so long is because Carey Price was behind him, and for a lot of years PK Subban next to him.

No, it’s not that. What it is is to poke holes in what the Canadiens are and what they think they are. The Canadiens would like you to believe they are the NHL’s Steelers, or Cowboys, or Packers, or Celtics, or Lakers, or Yankees. This is in fact, utter horseshit.

Everything Else

You can catch Andrew’s work just about everywhere, but mostly at Sportsnet.ca and RDS.ca. Follow him on Twitter @AndrewBerkshire.

Ok, explain why the Habs think they need every asshat they can find and why it will or won’t work when things matter?

Bergevin has it in his mind that the number one reason why the Habs collapsed last season was that they were “easy to play against”. That was probably because they let in a goal every 5 shots scored on one of every 20 for like 3 months, then everyone got injured, but the team took it to mean GRIT and other crap. This same thing happened after the 2013 playoffs when the Habs throttled the Senators by every metric but Anderson stood on his head and Price was playing with a torn groin, so they lost in 5 and Bergevin brought in Douglas Murray and George Parros in the offseason. He’s a conservative GM for the most part, but he’s also extremely reactionary and seemingly mediocre at diagnosing weaknesses. 

Everything Else

There is a part of me that wants to turn this into a Canadiens blog for next season because their implosion is going to be utterly hilarious to witness and I’m probably going to want to laugh at it every single day. I won’t do that, but I will take the chance to chew up and spit out the latest piece of drivel that GM Marc Bergevin had spill out of that orifice in the front of his face. It was simply more ass covering. Let’s get the quote in full, just to admire how deep in his own excrement he’s actually launched himself:

“Two Stanley Cups in five years. I like guys who don’t like to lose. Everybody likes to win, everybody’s happy when you win. I want guys, when you lose, it gets them inside. It hurts. And then you go back to work the next day.

 I don’t want a guy who walks out of the rink thinking, “Everything is cute, everything is fine even though we lost the game, life goes on.” Yeah, life goes on, but I want guys who feel hurt by a loss. It’s the culture that I want. It’s the Chicago culture, that’s what I want.

Andrew Shaw has it. I was in Chicago long enough to know they don’t take losing with a grain of salt. I want guys who don’t like to lose.”

That’s nice. It’s also utter bullshit.