Game 1 Box Score / Game 2 Box Score

Game 1 Natural Stat Trick / Game 2 Natural Stat Trick


So this series is a little tough to judge. On the surface, the Hawks got beat in both games while getting outshot by a collective 61 to 40. Which, ya know, isn’t good. If you dig a little deeper, they also got skulled in possession metrics AND their coach got all angry face and yelled at them. BUT! Malcom Subban and Kevin Lankinen played very very well and may have gotten the team two points by themselves where they should have gotten zero. The Hawks now are the proud owners of a 5 game point streak. Hockey is dumb sometimes, folks!



-After the game Tuesday night, Coach Smoothbrain put on his best Angry Face and told reporters that he was NOT HAPPY about the team’s effort that night. He was mad about the forecheck. He was mad about the backcheck. He was mad about Kane not getting enough shots. He was mad (FINALLY FIGURED IT OUT) that Zadorov is the hockey equivalent of an NFL endzone pylon. He was just plain MAD. How did the team react to all of this MADNESS? By increasing their shot output from 19 to 23 and only losing the position battle 56% to 44% instead of 62% to 38%!  MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

-Seriously though, the first game was not good. As you see above, the Hawks got domed in possession and in shot totals. Kane went almost 21 minutes at one point without taking a shot. The reason the Hawks were able to steal a point in that game was goaltending. Pekka Rinne seems to have had age finally catch up to him, and Malcom Subban was channeling the ghost of Dominik Hasek the whole night.

-Another solid game from Kevin Lankinen with the same result for his efforts that Subban got. If he keeps this up, Hawks fans are gonna start telling him he’s really not that good and it’s the D in front of him that makes his stats look so nice. That’s how you know you’ve really made it as a goalie in Chicago.

-While the Hawks were playing without one of their best PP weapons in Alex DeBrincat, they still managed to notch another goal Tuesday night when Strome slammed home a pretty nifty backhand pass from Andrew Shaw off a rebound. Strome needs all the time he can get in front of the net to up his trade value the next two months and plays like this will highlight that.

-Another positive is the increased ice time from Dominik Kubalik, breaking 18 minutes in both games. Granted he was held off the score sheet in the 2nd game and had an assist in the 1st so we’ll see where DA COACH goes from here.

-In other ice time news, Kane lead THE ENTIRE TEAM in time with 27 minutes the 2nd game. If the goal is to have him fall apart like a Castlevania skeleton in the 2nd half of the season, having him on the ice more than any defenceman is the way to do it.

-Anybody thinking Nashville might be a playoff team should probably stop huffing so much ether.

-Brandon Hagel wasn’t able to get on the scoresheet, but he was very noticeable out there in game two. His speed is something this team is sorely lacking, and I’m waiting for the day when he nets his first breakaway goal by leaving both teams in the dust. As McClure said on Twitter, he may not know where he’s supposed to be or where he’s going but he can get there really fucking fast.

-More Kurashev and less Jan-Wall Mark plz.

-Next up is Columbus, which just banished it’s best young player to the Alabama of Canada because he wouldn’t play the shitty boring style of hockey that Tortorella wanted him to play and then somehow got Patrik Laine out of the deal. Hockey is stupid sometimes, folks!


Game 1 Box Score / Game 2 Box Score

Game 1 Natural Stat Trick / Game 2 Natural Stat Trick


While this series was different in form and function from the other Florida series, the end result is the same: the Hawks got broomed out of the building (and the state) without a win to their name. The offense was less offensive to the eye this series, but the defense and goaltending continued to be eye-meltingly bad, with Nikita Zadorov impressively the worst of the bunch. Colin Delia and Kevin Lankinen did nothing to settle the argument over who should be the poor soul forced to take the reigns and handle the majority of the starts going forward, and honestly if I was one of them I’d probably already have PTSD from the amount of rubber thrown their way. On the plus side, the Hawks now have 1 out of a possible 8 points. Yay?

To the bullets:


-Let’s get this out of the way at the start: If the purpose of this season is to fail, but in a way that the supposed future core of this team is learning from it, then they should probably BE ON THE FUCKING ICE to fail and learn from it. Kubalik, Kurashev, Mitchell and Boqvist being on the ice for less than 15 minutes each while Patrick Kane gets as many minutes as Duncan Keith (20) accomplishes less than nothing. Ian Mitchell and Boqvist not even seeing the ice in the 3 on 3 OT is borderline criminal. Then trying to throw the scoreboard operators of the COVID Coliseum under the bus as to why everyone’s ice time looked kinda low is almost stunningly ballsy. McClure had it summed up perfectly:

-This team is not built to win games, but it’s also not built to lose them in a way that creates future winning opportunities. It’s just…there. None of the signings that StanBow acquired this off-season are going to be anything the Hawks want on their team long term, nor are they the kind of players that teams are going to be clamoring to trade said young talent for at the deadline. It’s like he just walked into IKEA and asked for the “Mark” collection of forwards because, ya know, they practically build themselves. Trading Brandon Saad to the Avs for the hockey equivalent of an Easter Island statue on skates and not getting anything else AND having to retain salary is mind boggling. The absence of a plan is what’s most frustrating about all of this. Say what you want about the White Sox and Rick Hahn, but you could always see what the end goal was and it made the suffering a little easier to take. Looking to the horizon now, all you see is the volcanic mountains of Mordor.

-Speaking of the human obelisk, Zadorov’s play in these first 4 games shows clearly why the Avs were more than willing to rid themselves of his services. Night one featured the following from him:

That’s Zadorov at the middle of the left circle after he plowed through the crease from right to left, taking out his goaltender and Adam Boqvist. This is after he followed Boqvist’s man (along with Boqvist) into the corner. His lack of positional awareness is bordering on performance art, and I really need someone to explain to me how he not only has a spot on this roster, but is worthy of the 2nd highest ice time on the team. GALAXY BRAIN.

-On the positive side, the Hawks have finally discovered what the Caps and Ovechkin figured out a decade ago: creating a shot lane for your best snipers (Kubalik and DeBrincat) by moving the puck laterally and letting them bomb away actually is a successful proposition. Not having Duncan Keith firing rubber into the shinpads of the point defenders or holding the puck on the half boards with Kane seems to be working. More of this please.

-Despite not cracking 15 minutes of ice time with Coach Smoothbrain, Dominik Kubalik is already proving that last season was not a fluke. His shot is filthy, and he has the speed and hands to create the space that makes him dangerous. But hey, gotta find those minutes for Ryan Carpenter to do whatever it is he does.

-Kevin Lankinen showed some flashes last night, most notably whenhe was left to deal with a 3 on 1 in overtime and he stoned Weegar after a nifty passing sequence. I don’t know if he’s the answer going forward, but with Colin Delia and Malcom Subban pretty much known entities at this point, you may as well throw him to the wolves night after night.

-Next up is the rekindling of the old rivalry against the Red Wings, which might actually provide the Hawks the opportunity to get into the win column. The Hawks and Wings should be battling it out for a lottery pick this season, though none of us should feel comfortable about how Stan Bowman would use such a boon. Moving on.