Everything Else

Game #20 – Hawks 1, Kings 1, Kings Win Rock, Paper, Scissors: Leaves Start Falling, Comedown is Calling

By Rose Rankin November 16, 2018 0

It took a really long time, but after about 46 minutes the Hawks and Kings realized they were playing a game in front of spectators and cameras, and they stopped skating around with their dicks in their hands and attempted to play something resembling hockey. Unfortunately for the Hawks it was a lot of the […]

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Their Emblems Built of Garbage – ’18-’19 Blackhawks Player Previews: Jonathan Toews

By Rose Rankin September 25, 2018 0

Oh, Jonathan Toews, what are we to believe? Is it all downhill from here? Is the slow, sad decline inevitable? Should we abandon all hope and just accept that the glory days are over and become accustomed to the wilderness stretched interminably before us? Alright, alright, that’s a bit dramatic—and particularly because it’s not actually […]

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Their Emblems Built of Garbage – ’18-’19 Blackhawks Player Previews: Artem Anisimov

By Rose Rankin September 20, 2018 0

For the last six months, pretty much any time I’ve thought about Artem Anisimov I’ve thought of the word trade along with him. Obviously this is what I decided I wanted to have happen and now I’m fixated on it. But it isn’t just me who’s stuck on this idea. I mean, come on—a 3rd […]

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Game #55 I Know What I Want But I Just Don’t Know How to Go About Gettin’ It – Hawks 0, Wild 3

By Rose Rankin February 10, 2018 0

Box Score Natural Stat Trick Corsica Hey, the bottom-feeding Coyotes came back against the Wild and erased a 3-goal lead, maybe the Hawks could do it too? Hahaha, that’s adorable. To the bullets: –It’s a familiar tune, but tonight the Hawks could. not. finish. They destroyed the Wild in shots (in just the first they […]

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Game #47 Desperation…it’s the World’s Worst Cologne – Hawks 0, Lightning 2

By Rose Rankin January 22, 2018 0

Box Score Natural Stat Trick Corsica Well, I guess anything is better than last Saturday’s shitshow against the Islanders, right? Anything is better than the, well, I won’t even call it a half-assed attempt against the Red Wings, it was a no-assed attempt. Is this the most pathetic way to rationalize a season that is […]

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Game #36 How Far Will We Fall If There’s Nothing Below – Hawks 2, Canucks 5

By Rose Rankin December 29, 2017 0

Box Score Natural Stat Trick Corsica A few days off, some time away with family members, a little breathing space—all of these things should have helped the Blackhawks to bounce back from two crappy losses, right? Wrong. The break clearly did little to cure what ails the Hawks right now. To the bullets: – Anisimov […]

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Game #27 A Broom is Drearily Sweeping Up the Broken Pieces of Yesterday’s Life – Hawks 1, Kings 3

By Rose Rankin December 3, 2017 0

Box Score Natural Stat Trick Corsica It’s been a grueling week. The Hawks have barely tread water over these last five games, and they’ve lost their best player due to some unspecified injury (groin, don’t you think? When it’s a goalie I always think groin. Don’t read into that statement). And this hell week ended […]