The Blackhawks and Red Wings played a hockey game at 11:30am on a gosh darn Sunday morning. On the same weekend as an NFL Playoff Game. That decision by the NHL alone was stupid, but it was not the stupidest part of this game. Just let me get through this:

– The Red Wings got started early with a goal less than five minutes in. This goal was comical on the Blackhawks part because Anthony Anthony-see-you (or something like that) took the puck wide below the goal line and then somehow put it through three Blackhawks to a waiting Dylan Larkin. He had a wide open net, and even if he didn’t Jeff Glass was in goal, so he scored. The three Hawks that allowed the pass through them were Keith, Oesterle, and Schmaltz. So.

– The second goal came from Mike Green, who slammed a one-timer home after a not-very-intimidating rush by the Wings was answered by a completely uninspired and careless back check by the Blackhawks. There were 3 Hawks going back with the play to try and stop 4 Wings, and right after Green scored the other two Hawks came into the picture – they were Brandon Saad and Vinostroza. First banner moment for this line of the day, more to come!

– The second period was basically nothing worth noting, though one moment that did stick out was an actually good save that Jeff Glass made! Except it was only a necessary save because he completely overcommitted as Ant-man came up the wing wide below the net (funny, he kept doing that and kept getting away with it), then basically froze up and looked around like “well shit, I’m fucked” before realizing the puck was still behind the net and he reacted like a lame duck, flopping across the crease and and barely stopping the puck. So good job cleaning up your own mess, Jeff! Please go away now.

-Goal number three. Oh, goal number three. A two on two rush toward the home team’s net, as both teams change, in the third period probably *should* bode well for the home team, because their bench is closer to the net. However, as Ray Ferraro emphasized for us, Anthony Mantha left his bench and skated 100 feet to take a pass and score a goal before a Blackhawks forward even got into the camera shot. That forward was Jonthan Toews. Hooray.

– I don’t even care about what happened on the fourth goal. It was a mess and the game was already over when it happened. The game was probably already over when Larkin scored.

– PLEASE LET THIS BE THE END OF JEFF GLASS. He isn’t a good story, no matter what every single fucking broadcast team on the Hawks games say. Pretty much every good moment he’s had has just been him cleaning up a mess of his own making, through bad rebound control or a bad read or both. 30 year old NHL rookies do not suddenly become actually good NHL goalies. Just end this pain before it consumes us all. And Corey Crawford please come back soon.