Everything Else

Panic!

Well, if this were really what we wanted to talk about, I guess we should lose our shit over Rockford’s 6-1 exhibition loss opener to the hated Chicago Wolves. Right, let’s try.

ALEC RICHARDS IS TERRIBLE! OUR HOPES OF GOALTENDING IN THE ORGANIZATION ARE IN THE TOILET! WE HAVE TO GET RAY EMERY STARTS AHEAD OF HIM!

NICK LEDDY DIDN’T HAVE SIX ASSISTS! HIS DEVELOPMENT IS NEVER GOING TO MOVE FORWARD!

CLENDENNING? MORE LIKE CLEN-SUCKING! (did he even play?)

DAT KARL BEACH, HE ONLY SCORED DA ONE GOAL AND DIDN’T EVEN BREAK ANYONE’S FIBULA! WHERE’S DA TOUGHNESS DAT DA HAWS ARE GONNA NEED WHENEVER THEIR RICH PAMPERED ASSES DEIGN TO PLAY HOCKEY AGAIN? (would this meatball character use the word “deign”? I’m guessing he probably wouldn’t)

WHY ARE DEY PLAYIN’ IN ROLLIN’ MEADOWS AND NOT BACK AH DA YARDS?! (Does Back of The Yards have a rink? That would be pretty ace I think. Maybe. Maybe not.)

Ok, well I tried. Anyway, if you can’t make any sense of that – and why would you be able to — the Icehogs started a three-game preseason last night against the Wolves and got spanked. Alec Richards, one of the four goalies the Piggies have in camp, was Adam Dunn-like in net (now that the season is over Sox fans will stop yelling at me for no reason, right? Even McClure doesn’t yell at me and he LOVES yelling at me). They play Milwaukee tonight in Rock Vegas and it’s completely free if you want to go. That’s right, free. The only price you’ll pay is the drive to Rockford, which admittedly is a lot (unless of course you’re driving there in 1988 to see Guns N’ Roses in a movie theater of about 300 people as my brother did in high school, which I will never, ever forgive him for even though I was like six and wasn’t quite ready for a GNR Live show. Just barely).

Anyway, we’ll check in with the Frozen Swine again before they officially kick off next Saturday at Rose Mizon (if you think I’m going to call that place what it actually is named now you’re very much mistaken).

 

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