Everything Else

The Montreal Canadiens Are A Fraud

By 2354

This isn’t some post to blast the Montreal Canadiens for telling Andrei Markov to shove off back to Russia today. Markov is yet another player who was massively overrated simply because he played in Montreal. Andrei Markov is fine. If he was on your second pairing, you could probably get away with it. The only reason the Habs got away with him on their top pairing for so long is because Carey Price was behind him, and for a lot of years PK Subban next to him.

No, it’s not that. What it is is to poke holes in what the Canadiens are and what they think they are. The Canadiens would like you to believe they are the NHL’s Steelers, or Cowboys, or Packers, or Celtics, or Lakers, or Yankees. This is in fact, utter horseshit.

Everything Else

Post-Convention Grab Bag

By 1856

-There seemed to have been a bit of furor–in that whenever anything happens in July you have to make something out of it to pretend anything is happening at all–that at the convention Patrick Kane and Artem Anisimov expressed disappointment that Artemi Panarin had been traded for Brandon Saad.

It’s clearly obvious why Kane would be. His numbers are going to suffer. And that doesn’t make Kane out to be selfish or uncaring about the team. Most if not all hockey players are acutely aware of their stats, just as any athlete is any other sport is as well. Believe me, Jimmy Butler knows exactly what his points and assists are per game and Kris Bryant knows what he’s hitting. It’s part of the job.

Everything Else

Your FFUD Convention Primer

By 1708

Every year we take you through the Convention schedule to give you the real low-down on what you’re in for if you’re headed downtown this weekend. For reasons we’ll never understand, but people do feel the need to be surrounded by sweaty people in Hawks jerseys in the middle of July. Also, it’s going to be stupid steam-bath hot this weekend, making it even more fun. The combination of Convention goers and Cardinals fans downtown… WOOF. 

Friday Night

5pm: Opening Ceremonies

Basically an excuse to defrost Jim Cornielson from whatever freezer they keep him in during the summer so he can for some strange reason sing the national anthem. Seriously, how many conventions do they sing the anthem at? I really don’t know, I’ve never been to a convention. I went to a ComiCon (ComicCon?) in Rosemont when I was a kid once. That’s it.

Then the players will be introduced and will come and give that awkward five from the stage, and in no way will be ogling a portion of the audience. They’ll also be in their jerseys, because we can’t recognize them without them. You’ll also get to see how awful the new collar on the new jerseys look in real life. Which won’t stop three-quarters of the fanbase running out to get one.

Everything Else

I Don’t Care About Jaromir Jagr, And I Certainly Don’t Give A Rat’s Ass About John Scott

By 2190

We here at the FFUD labs get accused of being overly negative. And it’s true, we are, and we need to work on that. When you’ve done this as long as we have, and have to watch the same stupidity over and over again–from front offices, from media, from fans–it leads one to get jaded. There are so many things we do enjoy about doing all of this, we just have to sift through a bit more than we used to to find and hang onto them.

So let me say that the fact that Jaromir Jagr can at his age, be a useful if not plus-plus NHL player is quite amazing. His metrics really do standout, and it probably will be a while before we see someone who does the same thing at his age. Not that someone couldn’t stay in shape that long–hell, Hossa would have done it if his skin would allow–but is the motivation really there when you’ve made so much money and maybe won all that you set out to win.

Here’s the problem with Jagr’s production, though: None of it has mattered in years.

Everything Else

51 Phantom

By 1908

From the moment Brian Campbell arrived, there were a lot of people trying to figure out how to get him out of here. Maybe it was the uneasiness we had in seeing the Hawks hand out a contract to a prime free agent on the market. And make no mistake, in the summer of 2008 Campbell was the best blue-liner to have. It was something that never happened. The last big free agent contract the Hawks handed out was Nikolai Khabibulin, and we know how that went (who then strangely would have a really good season before he hit the market again). Over the years, it wasn’t something the Hawks did. It was always washed up stars like Gilmour or Housley that they went for back in the day.

Maybe it was the sheer amount of money. $7 million a year is actually still a lot, but back then it sounded like he was basically being given the United Center.

Maybe it was the method. The Hawks had already showed off all their picks they had developed, as the previous season all of Toews, Kane, Bolland, Brouwer, Hjalmarsson had made their NHL debuts to join Keith and Seabrook. Adding a huge free agent to it just seemed so foreign.

Everything Else

So This Is Your Roster

By 1781

Couple nuggets the past couple days that pretty much lead one to believe this is your Hawks team taking the ice in October, if you didn’t already believe that. We have this from friend of the program Scott Powers that the Hawks aren’t going to LTIR Hossa until the season begins. And then there was Mirtle’s piece yesterday in Toronto’s Athletic about how the Leafs are using summer LTIR. If you’re getting confused, you’re not alone.

Ever since the announcement that Hossa wouldn’t play this season, Stan Bowman has been strongly hinting he didn’t want to use LTIR until the season began, essentially being cap compliant with Hossa’s contract on the books when the puck drops, because he wanted “flexibility” during the season. And that’s reasonable enough. Except it doesn’t appear to be that simple.

Everything Else

Tardy Ruthlessness

By 1594

The NHL offseason has basically become pretty much every fan laughing at the stupid decisions of GMs across the league, and fans of those teams those GMs preside over trying to sell themselves on others that they weren’t THAT stupid. Some of that has reached these pastures, and maybe some of it is deserved.

It seems to me that possibly every NHL GM just hasn’t figured out how ruthless you have to be in this hard cap. Or maybe they know it, and just can’t bring themselves to do it. Or maybe mechanizations within the organization haven’t allowed them to do so. I think that’s what we’re seeing here with the Hawks and Stan Bowman.

While the Penguins will be used as the model, it’s probably important to remember their three Cups and four finals span three coaches and two GMs. So Jim Rutherford could have looked at the roster he got from Ray Shero and not feel the same attachments. And the Penguins roster from their first champion to the second and third only retains three and a half important elements in Crosby, Malkin, Letang, and Fleury if you want to count him, though he wasn’t supposed to be involved at all for the last two.

Everything Else

Free Agency Opens, Hawks Try New Tactic Of Playing With No Centers

By 1520

It’s a beautiful day. Summer’s here, so I’m going to try and be as positive as I can. Patrick Sharp and Tommy Wingels don’t cost much… and that’s about that.

We’ve spent a week laying out why Patrick Sharp doesn’t make any sense here, no matter that he cost not much. Every dollar the Hawks spend counts. They don’t have flexibility. And the risks with Patrick Sharp are so glaringly obvious. First off, he just had hip surgery. He can’t even skate until at least September. I doubt he can start the season on time. Whatever Sharp has left in scoring touch is going to be hampered if he can’t actually get to the spots you remember him getting to. And it’s not like he’s had any interest in back-checking in a few years. So ask yourself, how does Sharp help a team that didn’t look fast enough last spring get faster?

Everything Else

Friday Foofaraw: Ok, You Can Have An Excerpt Of “Madison St. Station”- Perfect Flair

By 1551

In my continuing shameless self-promotion tour, enjoy a chapter from my book “Madison St. Station.” But this being a summer Friday, it’s one of the few that doesn’t have much to do with hockey. Because it’s my way. And remember, you can buy my book right here. 

 

Perfect Flair

December 19, 1991

Canadiens v. Hawks

I have never seen video of it. I have never seen any record of it. From what I can tell, the memory exists in my mind alone, which is a weird place. But it would be a few years before I would dabble in hallucinogens, and unless I absorbed the ones my brother and father had previously done through osmosis, this happened.

For those who might not know, for as long as I can remember, between the second and third periods of every Hawks home game, they would do a shoot-the-puck competition for fans. Basically, three fans would get the chance to shoot the puck at a net that had been boarded up with a mini-golf-like three openings set up in said board along the ice. If they accomplished that, they would get a chance to shoot at the other one, which had been reduced to only one opening. If they hit that, they won free flights or money or something.

Everything Else

Let’s Talk Ourselves Into Sam Gagner…If Bill Daly Will Let Us

By 1263

Before we delve into whether or not Sam Gagner would be a good pickup for the Hawks–they’re apparently batting their eyelashes at each other from across the free agency bar (that’s what people do when they’re attracted to each other, right? I really have no idea), we should let rip on Bill Daly and the NHL.

First off, let me say that I’m still somewhat surprised that Bill Daly remembers how to breathe throughout a particular day, given the powers of his mind. Today he came out and said the NHL still has not ruled on what Marian Hossa’s cap status or injury status or just status will be. I cannot, with every writing skill I’d like to think I have, express how universally stupid this is.

First off, it’s completely unfair. The Hawks need to know if they can put Hossa on LTIR in training camp or not. Otherwise they have no idea what they can sign this summer and where they have to be when camp opens.