Due to the expanded rosters, we can’t fit everyone on our lineup pages. And if the Reds bench players really matter to you, you should probably take a long hard look at your life.
Reds
Cubs
Schadenfeude: noun, 1. Pleasure derived by someone from another person’s misfortune. 2. When your rival team is even worse than your team. See: 2019-20 Detroit Red Wings.
2018-2019
32-40-10 74 Pts. (7th in Atlantic Division)
2.73 GF/G (21st) – 3.32 GA/G (27th)
47.1 CF% (28th) – 44.5 xGF% (31st)
18.1 PP% (19th) – 77.1 PK% (28th)
Goalies: In my mind Jimmy Howard is at least 65 years old, but turns out he’s only 34. Only. It’s safe to say his best years are behind him, and while he wasn’t a trainwreck or anything last year, his .907 SV%/3.07GAA at evens isn’t exactly going to save this shitshow of a team. Jonathan Bernier isn’t going to do it either. He’s certainly a serviceable back-up, and let’s be honest neither of these goalies are going to be what sinks the Red Wings’ season, but neither of them are good enough to bail out this team either.
Defense: Why is Mike Green still playing? I guess plenty of Wings fans could yell that right back at me but with the words “Brent Seabrook” in the middle of that sentence. But that doesn’t change the fact that if Mike Green is on your top pairing, you’ve got issues. Last season the Wings were 28th in the league in terms of shots against per game, placing them in the esteemed company of the Rangers, Hawks, and Senators. Only one defenseman (Filip Hronek) was above water in possession last year, and just barely—he had a 50.3 CF%. We know a few things about shitty defenses around here, and that’s what the Red Wings have.
Green will probably pair with Danny DeKeyser, Hronek and Dennis Cholowski maybe, and Patrik Nemeth and Jonathan Ericsson will round out to the main six. Will Trevor Daley stink up the joint for a while? Probably! But who cares? Fuck this team.
Forwards: A lot of teams are stuck with one top line and nothing else, but the Red Wings are really taking this situation to a new level. Bertuzzi-Larkin-Mantha is a decent top line—really, Dylan Larkin is probably the only good thing on this team. But all three are young and could be good pieces to build around. Or maybe they can gtfo to better teams, I don’t know.
Frans Nielsen and Valtteri Filppula are your centers behind Larkin, with Luke Glendening probably centering the fourth line. Andreas Athanasiou isn’t horrible, but I swear I hate that fucker so that’s literally the nicest thing I’m going to say. Justin Abdelkader is still playing on this team, for God’s sake.
Now, they have young guys like Filip Zadina, Taro Hirose, and Michael Rasmussen, who may develop into something, but that’s by no means certain and they weren’t lighting up the scorer’s sheet in the playing time they had last year. This team was dead-ass last in expected goals for. And so it goes with a rebuild—it’s going to be a lot of trial and error.
Prediction: Yes, Steve Yzerman is back and people will try to find the upsides, but let’s not kid ourselves—the Red Wings are going to suck this year. It’s entirely possible they’re at the bottom of the division, and I couldn’t be happier about it. If they’re not, it’s simply because the Senators are proving yet again why relegation is a viable strategy the NHL should adopt. The Wings will end up with somewhere between 75-80 points, and Larkin will be like a poor man’s Connor McDavid—not, he’s not anywhere near as good as McDavid so please do not misunderstand me, but he’s young, talented, and wasting it on a terrible team. But too bad. Fuck this team.
Stats from NHL.com, Hockey Reference and Natural Stat Trick
Previous Team Previews
vs. 
RECORDS: White Sox 65-84 Twins 91-58
GAMETIMES: Monday-Wednesday 6:40
TV: WGN Monday, NBCSN Tuesday/Wednesday
THEY LOVE HAWK: Twinkie Town
SERIES PREVIEW POSTS
Depth Charts & Pitching Staffs
After providing far too much hope for the Mariners future, the Sox head to Minneapolis to essentially form an honor guard for the Twins. Minnesota is goal-to-go for clinching the division, with a magic number of nine. They spent the weekend taking a doubleheader from the chasing Tribe, which essentially ended the discussion in the Central. 4.5 game lead with 13 games to go is going to be really hard to gag away.
So now it’s about setting up their rotation for the Division Series, getting guys rest who haven’t had it, and figuring out who can be in the bullpen and trusted with playoff innings. It’s a nice place to be, and perhaps another lesson for the White Sox on where they want to go.
That doesn’t mean the Twins are full-strength, or will be. Byron Buxton finally had to give in on his shoulder and have surgery, and he’s done for the year. Michael Pineda got suspended for taking a diuretic, which can be a masking agent but also can just be a diuretic. Still, MLB makes it pretty clear that anything taken should be checked with the training staff or league office, so if you get caught you had outs before. Still, MLB seems only to gobble up Latin players in this. Weird, no?
Which is going to leave the Twins short in the rotation, especially as they have to get through both the Astros and Yankees, in whatever order, to get to the World Series. And those two teams chew up really good pitching staffs anyway. Jose Berrios is your Game 1 starter, but other than him it’s basically Jake Odorizzi now and then a company outing. Berrios has the capability to shut anyone down on a crisp night, but he’ll most likely have to do it twice in a series for the Twins to have any chance.
Then again, the Twins aren’t going to feel like they have to apologize for anything offensively when the playoff roll around. They’ve hit more homers than anyone, so it won’t be automatic they get out-slugged in any short series. And seeing as hoe they get homers from everywhere, that makes their lineup just as hard to negotiate. It’ll be a coming out party for them in some fashion. Dylan Covey should probably just starting turning around and looking behind him now.
For the Sox, there probably is something to finishing the season strong, as after this they’ll have the long dead Tigers and recently probably dead Indians to finish out the campaign. 70 wins or 72 wins might not really matter, but it’s been a few years since the Sox eclipsed 70 wins and any step forward should be welcomed. The Twins will either already be daydreaming of October nights or hellbent on clinching ASAP to really start resetting their roster. If it’s the latter, then it’ll be worth watching how Lopez and Giolito do, not that the latter has anything to prove. Lopez kicked Cleveland’s dick in the dirt when they were hot on the trail, so maybe the brighter lights are what he needs.
And at least the Sox will be done with the Twins after this, laying the ground for bigger games with him as soon as next season, hopefully.
Perhaps we need the Yankees to pass the Twins in home runs, so that we’ll never remember that the Minnesota Twins–the TWINS! The harbingers of annoying, ticky-tack baseball, the slappy slappy Twins!–broke the MLB record for homers by a team with five weeks to go in the season. Because it doesn’t make a lot of sense. Let our colleague Fifth Feather sum it up best:
It’s totally normal that this Twins lineup is going to be the all time leading slugging team in the history of baseball. We’re all fine with this, apparently.
— Fifth Feather (@FifthFeather) July 27, 2019
Now, Feather’s distaste for the Twins is a touch outsized, in the same style that the Pacific Ocean is a touch outsized. Still, the fact that this Twins team is putting up numbers never before seen is truly strange, if not as insulting as our dear boy takes it. The Yankees you get, even though their biggest mashers in Aaron Judge and Giancarlo Stanton have spent most of the year injured. But they’re the big, bad Yankees playing in a shoebox with a jet stream right into Vinny from Astoria’s chest in right field. That’s what the Yankees do.
But the Twins don’t have any of that. Other than Nelson Cruz, who is three days older than water, before the year you never would have picked any of these guys to hit 30 homers. Four of them have and they might get a fifth. Then Max Kepler might double his career-high in homers (he needs four more for 40). Jorge Polanco might do the same. Mitch Garver (he’s Old Man Garver’s boy), who had never hit more than seven homers in a season, has 30. Aren’t there laws against that? Eddie Rosario has over 30, and CJ Cron is close. Also, Target Field is not exactly a hitter’s paradise, being one of the worst homer parks in the league for years now.
The Twins will tell you that it’s a matter of Rosario, Kepler, Polanco all coming of age, that they were always destined for this. That might be true to a point, but you can’t help ignore what the baseball has done for the Twins. And hey, more power to them, if they’re figured out to just keep getting the ball in the air with this Titleist and reap the wins from it.
The Twins score over half their runs on homers, and while baseball will feign ignorance on changes in the ball, that’s about the weakest conspiracy they’ve ever concocted, including collusion. Fuck, they bought Rawlings last year. How stupid do they think we are?
What MLB is going to have to figure out is if this is the brand of baseball fans want. No fault to the Twins, they’re just playing the game as it is now, and mostly better than anyone. But if homers are no longer unique but merely holding serve, they lose any specialty. And judging by TV ratings and attendance, though there are other factors, fans haven’t exactly flocked back to see this avalanche of dingers.
It’s a different game for sure, but one where even less happens. A homer is technically action, but it’s supposed to be the apex of a baseball game. A definitive pivot point. The spike in the EKG. Now it almost feels like it’s no different than a three in basketball. A brief surge but pretty normal throughout the game. If this continues to be the norm, it’s hard to see how it brings fans back that have already left (or in baseball’s case, likely died) Is this what the younger generation wants? It’s most likely MLB has no idea what the younger generation wants.
One wonders what teams like the Twins will do if the baseball goes back, if it does. Maybe they’d just hit a ton of doubles and be fine. Maybe they’d keep flying out to the warning track and never score.
With expanded roster, due to space we can’t include everyone, so we’ve tried to include everyone who matters. But then, does any of this really matter?
White Sox
Twins
As an introduction, this was something they had me doing at FanSided last year, but FanSided is evil and stupid so I’m going to do it here in my own playground. This is not meant to be serious football commentary in the least, but just one cockeyed fan’s view.
Matt Nagy Might Think Mitch Trubisky Sucks As Much As You Do
Before entering whatever they call Not Mile High these days, I was discussing with Fifth Feather that as a giant middle finger to everyone after criticism of the Packers loss, Nagy might run the ball 40 times. Well, he did, and the punk rock portion of my soul wants to believe that it was a middle finger to all the press and fans that have been calling for a fullback to somehow enter this offense, it felt like more likely Nagy was terrified of letting Mitch do anything.
Mitch attempted one pass down the field all day until the final, this’ll-never-work-holy-shit drive, and that was on the first drive of the day and after a third down scramble that he nearly hit Tarik Cohen on. Had he, perhaps the whole complexion of the game changes and Nagy feels more comfortable with a lead and a more confident Trubisky. Alas, from there Mitch average 4.4 yards per attempt the rest of the day.
It was particularly galling on the Bears second-to-last drive, protecting a pretty slim touchdown lead. Four minutes left, a chance to salt it all away. The Bears did get a first down with an actual pass, if you can believe it, but then stalled out. Two consecutive plays with eight yards to gain and Mitch barely threw over the line of scrimmage, much less anywhere in the area code of the sticks.
That’s the game. You can take it right there. If your QB can’t make the throws to ice a game, then you might have a problem. This isn’t about constructing a drive for a score to win from behind (which to his credit, Mitch did). You just need a first down. Surely there’s a 10-yard route you feel Mitch can make in his sleep.
You understand on one level why Nagy wanted to trust his defense. The problem is a scalding hot day at altitude are the exact conditions that might wilt a defense that had already been asked to do a lot thanks to the offense’s conservatism/balloon handedness. And so it told. If the game’s there, take it. Don’t wait.
Perhaps it’s just going to be a process. Maybe Nagy got spooked by Vic Fangio on the other sideline, salivating to take advantage of more Mitch dumbness (there’s an image for you). Either way, this bumpy ride is long from over.
NFL Rules Don’t Make Any Sense Because They Can’t
Before any Broncos fan comes in here to start tearing up the furniture while lambasting their lot in life after that roughing the passer call, let’s be clear that Eddie Goldman got one just as soft and Leonard Floyd’s unnecessary roughness wasn’t much better.
The spirit of the rule I agree with. Protecting QBs is a good idea not just because they are the faces of the league, a team’s season goes in the shitter when one gets hurt pretty much automatically, and they are the unique player that is eligible to be contacted when they don’t have the ball, at least for a short time.
Accepting all that, it’s nearly impossible to have rules that are going to navigate that perfectly .The whole “full body weight landing” clause to roughing the passer calls is clearly meant to avoid broken clavicles, but how exactly can defenders adjust how they’re landing in half a second or less? I think we all know an intentional body splash when we see one and what’s just a normal tackle.
The officials may tell defender to aim for “half” of the QB, thus being able to spin off to the side. But that’s only going to make getting any mobile QB near impossible to wrangle, which is what I guess the NFL wants.
The NFL already has a “did it count?” problem, with every play not really official until we see no flags or reviews. We’re getting close to every drop-back by a QB needing to be vetted as well, which makes it feel like everything you’re watching isn’t happening and then questioning what truly is reality.
Football Jerseys Do Not Do Well In The Heat
There are currently three undiscovered life forms in my Tillman jersey today after a day in the sun and heat with it. I’m afraid they will eat my suitcase in the overhead compartment as I travel back tonight and will be left with nothing but a rapidly growing organism with no sense of social graces.
Alright, let’s take this death march to the forwards, where the story is kind of the same—just as the defense is mostly a collection of 6th or even 7th guys, the offense is a potpourri of bottom-sixers. Case in point: the very guy we’re kicking this off with, Drake Caggiula.
2018-19 Stats (w/ Hawks)
26 GP – 5 G – 7 A – 12 P
49.71 CF% (1.17 CF% Rel) – 45.48 xGF% (0.92 xGF% Rel)
59.2 oZS% – 40.8 dZS% – 14:51 Avg. TOI
A Brief History: The very best day of Caggiula’s career with the Hawks came before he even dressed. That day was the day they acquired him in a trade with the hilariously stupid Edmonton Oilers that relieved us of everyone’s, particularly John Pullega’s, most-hated player, Brandon Manning. Caggiula could literally have been a beer league player of a bag of pucks and he would have been welcomed with open arms in exchange for Manning. And even once that rapturous feeling wore off, Caligula was not terrible on the top line with Toews and Kane. Granted, it’s hard to be terrible on a line with them but he did no harm.
Except to himself, that is. Because despite sustaining a concussion and missing about a month, this dumbshit promptly ran head first into getting domed by Dustin Byfuglien, which didn’t result in another (acknowledged) head injury, but it did show that he is a complete and utter oaf. And fortunately, everyone realized he’s really just a bottom-six guy with a bunch of missing teeth, so his position on the top line wasn’t exactly the linchpin of the offense.
It Was the Best of Times: Given the collection of flotsam the Hawks have acquired, Caggiula’s best-case situation is to settle in on the third line with David Kampf and maybe Brendan Perlini. Or Brandon Saad, if he gets marooned there. Or Andrew Shaw. That’s right—Andrew Shaw belongs at best on a third line, he’s not an elite scorer, and he’s a dumb piece of shit. I know, you don’t believe me, but you’ll see.
Anyway, this preview is about Caggiula, and while his mediocre possession numbers, despite very sheltered zone starts, don’t scream third line, ideally he’ll improve the defensive aspects of his game, and this is where he’d make the most sense in terms of the depth chart. Essentially, if you have to have Drake Caggiula in your top six, you’re fucked.
It Was the BLURST of Times: And that brings us to the worst-case scenario. Let’s say Saad has a slump, Kubalik doesn’t pan out, Nylander remains useless, and no one earns or deserves a spot on the top line with Daydream Nation so it falls to Caggiula. He likely wouldn’t do too much harm, aside from probably taking some stupid-ass penalties and getting brown brain a couple times, but he also wouldn’t provide the scoring ability the Hawks need. And it would exemplify how their bloated forward corps is really just a bunch of guys. A bunch of guys who don’t make the playoffs.
Prediction: Caggiula will most likely meander among the bottom six, possibly spending some brief stints on the top line as Coach Cool Youth Pastor figures out who’s awful and who’s useful. For his part, Caggiula will finish with around 20 points as a half-decent albeit very block-headed third- or fourth-liner, best remembered for being anyone other Brandon fucking Manning.
Stats from Hockey Reference and Corsica Hockey
Previous Previews
Game 1 Box Score: Cubs 17, Bucs 8
Game 2 Box Score: Cubs 14, Bucs 1
Game 3 Box Score: Cubs 16, Bucs 6
You thought you were only getting one LFO joke? HA! Morph is still a genious.
The Cubs arrived back in Chicago for their final home stand of the 2019 regular season with the stench of desparation and a shiny new shortstop who had hearts all over the City of Broad Shoulders aflutter. Fortunately, their dance card had the Pittsburgh Pirates for the first three numbers. Meanwhile, they knew down in Dogpatch the Cardinals and Brewers would be beating each other’s brains out.
Let’s…
Everything you need for today’s get down at Mile High (not really but they say so so whatever).
VS 
Records: Sox 64-82 Mariners: 60-86
Game Times: Fri 9:10/Sat 8:10/Sun 3:10
TV: Fri/Sun WGN Saturday NBCSN
Tis No Man, Tis A Remorseless Eating Machine: Lookout Landing
It’s always fun at the end of a season to have two rebuilding teams throwing whatever they can at each other. This matchup between the Sox and the Mariners promises to be no different, as they’re both basically in the same spot as each other in their rebuild. The both made big splashy moves in their off-seasons for the past few years, and now they’re both just sitting in front of the stove, waiting for the water to boil.
While the White Sox water may be bubbling more than the Mariners right now, it’s not by much. The M’s have a pretty interesting group of position players ready to take the next step in their major league careers, mixed in with some aging veterans who have been providing decent pop for the team. The Mariners as a whole are a better hitting team than the White Sox so far in the season, with their big bats being lead by Kyle “Not Cory” Seager and Dan “West Coast Palka” Vogelbach.
Seager missed the first 3 months of the season with a pretty nasty ligament tear in his hand. Before that he scuffled through the 2018 season, enduring his worst stretch of his career that saw him slash .221/.273/.400 and post an 83 WRC+, down almost 50 points from 2016-2017 seasons. He’s back at it this year however, as he has a .248/.331/.503 line thus far in 90 games, with 22 home runs. He’s been on a tear since the all star break, having hit 14 of those 22 home runs in the months of August and September. His .256 BABIP suggests that it’s pretty real, and actually he’s getting some bad batted ball luck in there as well.
The issue for the Mariners is not on the offensive side, as it’s their pitching that has let them down thus far in the season. They’re second worst in the AL, and third from the bottom of the league behind the BP machines that are the Marlins and the Orioles. Japanese import Yusei Kikuchi has not had the effect the Mariners were hoping for, as he’s gotten routinely shelled with a 5.24 ERA and 1.48 WHIP so far on the season.
Softball pitcher Mike Leake is gone, as he got shipped to ‘Zona at the deadline. The ghost of King Felix is here, who just returned from his 33rd trip to the IL since 2017 related to his shoulder which is “fine” and “structurally sound” and not at all “made from paper mache and balsa wood.” I joke here, but I actually love King Felix and were he on any other team than the Mariners would’ve had a pretty decent shot at being a Hall of Fame pitcher. Sam had a pretty great take a few weeks ago when they played the Cubs, check it out here. He’s also responsible for one of my favorite GIFs of all time, which is from last season when he struck out Adrian Beltre (who is also a national treasure) with a nasty change that resulted in a hideous swing, which Felix saw and prompted this reaction:
The only highlight for the M’s pitching staff is ace Marco Gonzalez, who came over from the Cardinals and almost immediately became the pitcher St. Louis had drafted him to be. Thankfully the Sox will miss him this time through the rotation. They will see Justus Sheffield (son of Gary) on Sunday, the prized rookie that came over from the Yankees in the Edwin Encarnacion trade. Sheffield was up earlier in the year and got knocked around pretty good. He got called back up a few weeks ago and has fared a bit better since then but still has a 4.43 ERA.
For the Pale Hose, the story remains the same. The Bullpen needs to be ready tonight, as they trot Dylan Covey out again to get decimated. Perhaps this time he makes it out of the 3rd inning, but I’m not going to hold my breath. Dylan Cease gets a chance to work on his fastball location again, and perhaps keep the walks down under 3. Nova goes again on Sunday. If the Sox pitching can keep the M’s off the board, the bats should have a good chance at feasting on sub-par Mariner’s pitching.
Let’s Go Sox
