Series Recap: LEAVE THE GUN, TAKE THE PRIMANTI – Cubs Sweep Pirates



Game 1 Box Score: Cubs 17, Bucs 8

Game 2 Box Score: Cubs 14, Bucs 1

Game 3 Box Score: Cubs 16, Bucs 6



You thought you were only getting one LFO joke? HA! Morph is still a genious.

The Cubs arrived back in Chicago for their final home stand of the 2019 regular season with the stench of desparation and a shiny new shortstop who had hearts all over the City of Broad Shoulders aflutter. Fortunately, their dance card had the Pittsburgh Pirates for the first three numbers. Meanwhile, they knew down in Dogpatch the Cardinals and Brewers would be beating each other’s brains out.


-The Cubs certainly wore their hitting shoes and took advantage of some launch-angle-friendly winds to hang some rec league softball scores on the Pirates. Double digit run totals in all three games of the series sounds like the type of run totals they’d put up against Schurz High School, not guys drawing National League pay.

-Nico Hoerner is a goddamn legend, and we’re just going to have to accept it. Any worries about whether or not his wrist would allow him to generate any real power were allieviated when he deposited the first big-league pitch he saw in the home of Elwood Blues into the center field batter’s eye. The next day, he responded to two of his teammates getting drilled by launching a Fuck You Dong over the wall in the left field well. He would have to have an absolute shit hemorrhage to not be the Cubs’ starting second baseman Opening Day 2020.

-They won’t factor into the post season, but the Brad Wieck and Danny Hultzen reclamation continue to bear watching. Both guys have just crackling stuff, and next spring they too should be able to secure roles with the Cubs – especially Hultzen, as he has no options left. He’s either with the Cubs (assuming they re-sign him), or he’ll get nabbed when he hits waivers.

-Clint Hurdle and all his bullshit with throwing at guys all year didn’t apply Saturday, when he had a guy (Clay Holmes) who throws hard, but has no idea where the ball is going. These guys are always around in September. The Cubs ran Dillon Maples out for the 9th, and he’s basically the same dude. Not a beanball war per se, but Maddon knew that the chances of Maples having Kyle Henricks-like command were pretty damn slim. So a couple Bucs got plunked without it being the Cubs’ stated goal.

-There could not be a better time for Kris Bryant to make the transition back to being a destroyer of worlds.

-Speaking Of destroyers Of world’s, how much as Nick Castellanos’ Cubs stunt driven up his asking price? He’s in reach of a 30HR 60 Double season. Scott Boras is happier than a dog with two dicks right about now.

-the Cubs are gonna need it too, after Anthony Rizzo rolled his ankle running in to field a slow roller in the third inning of today’s game. As of now, who knows when he’ll be back. At least X-rays didn’t show a fracture. Let’s see what tomorrow’s MRI says.

-Who the hell broke Jose Quintana? This is two stinkers in a row where he couldn’t even get beyond three innings pitched. He’s quickly gone from the Cubs’ most consistent starter to a dumpster fire at the worst possible time this year.

-Next up is three with the Reds. The Cubs have frittered away any margin for error they could have had to look past them and focus on the four game set with St. Louis next weekend. And with Eugenio Suarez breaking out his tonkstick and Joey Votto being a Cub-killer, it has the potential to destroy our stomach linings.


pitter patter.

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