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Game #72 – Hawks vs. Sabres Douchebag Du Jour: Buffalo – The Phish Fans Of Sports

Every year, when the national TV schedule comes out, you probably have the same first reaction we do. You’ll look at it and say, “Why the fuck are the Sabres on so much?” You may mock how much the Hawks and Rangers are on, but at least they come from major markets and/or tend to be popular. But the Sabres? They’ve sucked since the Bush administration. What are we doing here?

And then you see them on TV, and you see opposing arenas filled with blue and white. And you wonder where the hell they come from. Did you know you had so many Buffalo ex-pats in your region? Or do they travel? Sure, you say, you can understand the impulse to get out of Buffalo anywhere from a few days to permanently, but at the rate you see them you wonder if there’s anyone left in Buffalo itself.

The Sabres have one of the biggest followings of any team. And we don’t know why other than BUFFALO. People from there are just either proud or mourning that fact, and wear it on their sleeve. Except Sabres fans don’t have the good grace to put each other through tables for our entertainment. They’re just in the way, either in the arena in person or on TV.

Like certain bands who sell out venues far bigger than you’d think they’d have any right to. How are this many people flocking to see something that sucks so far away? And yet it keeps happening. The Sabres draw well at home and invade every building in the league and they have blown chunks forever. It’s almost as if the sucking draws more of their kind out. Like it’s some fucking badge or something. The more the outsiders are confused it seems the cult is only more attached.

So fine. We hope the Sabres suck forever. Deep down, Sabres fans want it anyway. They love that living in their city is miserable and anyone with any slice of hope and dreams of anything leaves. They love that everyone thinks their city is a winter hellscape or the truly lost and forgotten. So why should the hockey team be any different? We know the Bills will never win a Super Bowl…

 

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Douchebag Du Jour

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