Look, everything is a goddamn mess right now. We don’t know what’s going on and neither do you. But Sam, John, and I have a podcast for you. That’s the best we can do. Enjoy.
With the season suspended, we thought we’d take a second to share some thoughts on Fels’s new adventure. Enjoy.
They say you should never meet your heroes. Sam Fels disabused me of that notion.
I can remember a game back around ‘08-‘09 with my uncle. We got there right as the gates opened, as is tradition whenever we go to any sporting event. As we approached the gate from our spot on Washington and Paulina, my uncle told me, “I need to get my Program.”
We walked around the gates until my uncle saw a man with a stack of papers in one hand, a wad of cash in the other, and a PigPen-esque cloud of cigarette smoke in his wake.
“Two Programs,” my uncle boomed in his deep clergyman’s bellow. As we walked into the United Center, I asked him, “What is this?”
It didn’t look like any program I had ever seen. It was homemade and had no gloss. It was cartoony. It said “fuck.” A lot.
“The Indian,” my uncle said.
I didn’t know it, but this was my introduction to Sam Fels, punk rock, and hockey as I now know it.
I remember sitting in the 300s, nary a soul around us, and laughing uncontrollably with my uncle. We each pointed out our favorite jokes and one liners. I pored over that Program the entire game. I don’t remember who they played or who won. But I remember the Program.
Since then, we’ve had three Cups and nine playoff appearances with the Blackhawks. Over the past 11-12 years, Fels has given us weirdos a voice, a guide, and more recently, a place to commiserate. He made the math fun and introduced many of us to why the stats mattered. More importantly, he clarified why this team mattered, on the ice and in our lives.
What always mattered most to me was the laughter and the irreverence at the bullshit. I remember killing time at jobs I hated, reading everything Fels wrote on SB Nation and finishing the day with a rare smile. From 2010-2013, Fels’s writing was a refuge from a reality I tried desperately to drink myself out of. And during the summer of 2015, Fels’s writing helped me confront and cope with a lot of problems I’d buried. It was always a bright light, even when the subject matter was dark.
Fels’s writing—in its punk rock, fearless, fuck-you way—changed us for the better. It gives me and people like you, dear reader, a sense of community and oftentimes respite. Fels’s writing combines art, arithmetic, and angst to create an easily adoptable identity and legacy. It’s a legacy we’ll do our best to keep alive here.
Fels’s writing is important. To me. To you. And now, to the wider audience fortunate enough to introduce themselves to it.
Congratulations, good luck, and smell ya later, Sam. You’ll do well. Because everyone’s got to get their Program.
The NHL did it right. Starting today, the powers that be have suspended the season until further notice.
Between Rudy Gobert and Donovan Mitchell’s respective positive tests for COVID-19 and the NBA suspending operations, this is the only correct move to make. The risks involved in carrying on vastly outweigh whatever benefits would come from playing in empty arenas.
There are tons of important questions that we do not and may not get answers to right away. What happens to hourly wage workers for teams league wide, for instance? Will they have protection and coverage while the league suspends games? You hope they do.
How long will this suspension last? Frankly, resuming play before this fucking thing is contained would be barbaric, and you can only hope Bettman and the owners understand that. They’ve gotten the front-end part right, which is a start.
As this suspension extends, we’ll keep you all posted on anything we hear or find interesting. For now, there’s not much more to say. This season for the Hawks was essentially over before the suspension, and this might make it official even earlier than any of us expected. In the meantime, we’ll keep rolling with scheduled baseball coverage, at least until they suspend that too.
But really, none of that matters right now. What matters is containing a pandemic. So, wash your hands and keep your distance. For more stuff you can do, visit the CDC’s website.
Stay safe out there, dear reader, and do your best to keep this shithead virus contained.
There is no use ignoring what is clearly the biggest sports story in at least a decade, and that is the spectre of the COVID-19 pandemic. And while the NBA had already been a bit more active in getting out ahead of things even with both the visiting Sharks and the Blue Jackets declaring their intent to play in front of empty buildings, the NHL still is insisting to this very moment that games will not be postponed or cancelled even as news of the NBA bringing things to a halt due to the infection in the Jazz locker room broke during the game. It feels like this might be the last game for the forseeable future, as shit is becoming real at a break neck pace. Both teams played like they were distracted for periods, and while the Hawks may have sold every ticket, it was sparse crowd that was even visible from TV. If nothing else, the Hawks braintrust will use the outbreak as a crutch to finally announce the sellout streak is over, and then brag that it took an act of god (or Satan) to halt them. With the win tonight the Hawks still remain mathematically alive, but then again, aren’t we all at this point?
vs. 
RECORDS: Hawks 31-30-8 SHA-ARKS 29-35-5
PUCK DROP: 7:00 p.m.
TV: NBCSN (WHAT A TREAT FOR THE NATION)
FLOTSAM, JETSAM, AND CHUM: Just follow @ItWasThreeZero
We’ll have our thoughts on The Maven’s well-deserved departure from this thing he created early next week. For now, the show must go on.
For all of our thrashing, wailing, and gnashing of teeth about this year, it’s nothing compared to what’s happened in the Armpit of Silicon Valley. Whereas some of us dummies unironically picked the Sharks to not only make the playoffs but also represent the Western Conference in the Finals, the Sharks may end up finishing with the worst possible outcome of all.
The Sharks currently sit in the bottom five in points, among other luminaries like the Red Wings, Senators, Kings, and Ducks. Though they’ve been a decent-to-good possession team all year (50+ CF% as a team), they simply can’t score. They’re bottom five in goals for. Their GF% is only better than Detroit’s. Shit, the Sharks are one of only about five teams to not have a single 50-point scorer thus far. Even Detroit has one of those.
Injuries have played a role. Erik Karlsson’s skeleton made of boogers Danse Macabre’d his season, as he’s been out since middle February with a broken thumb and won’t return this year. Tomas Hertl’s been out since January with an ACL tear. Logan Couture missed more than a month with a fractured ankle and might have a case of the dizzies tonight. The Sharks are seriously icing guys named Nikolai Knyzhov and former Blackhawk Brandon Davidson. Not great.
And the Sharks you do know have sucked. Brent “Glorified Erik Gustafsson” Burns is tied for second-most points on the Sharks with 45, which isn’t enough to cover for his disgraceful efforts in his own zone. Timo Meier is having a down year following his My First Real Contract signing last off-season, though he leads them in points. And though he’s been somewhat better recently, goaltender Martin Jones still has a sub-.900 SV% in the Year of Our Lord 2020, with a simply horrifying .863 SV% at evens.
And to top it all off, the Sharks were, in hindsight, pantsed and ass-slapped raw by Pierre Dorian in the Erik Karlsson trade. Despite likely finishing in a place that would give them lottery hopes, the Sharks will not have a chance at the lottery, having traded their 2020 first-round pick to the Senators as part of the Karlsson package. Though it’s hard to blame them for doing it then, it’s super easy to laugh at them for doing it now.
For the Hawks, the playoff run that never really was drags on. Though this is a Sharks team they should beat—based on the better top-end talent and real goaltending they have—we’ve often seen that, to quote Coach Cleft Asshole, the effort isn’t there against teams like this. Which, ironically of course, falls squarely on Colliton’s narrow and increasingly slouched shoulders.
Adam Boqvist will likely be out with a concussion after “Hacksaw” Oskar Sundqvist’s forearm shiver on Sunday, as will Lucas Carlsson. So, you’ll likely spend a third of the game peeking from behind your couch, as Nick Seeler, Olli Maatta, and Slater Koekkoek continue to be justifiably in a situation they’d rather not be in. On the plus side (?), we may get our first look at Brandon Hagel, thanks to Drake Caggiula hurting his hand in a fight. Here’s what Coach Gemstone said about him in January, according to Ben Pope:
“He brings something similar to [Matthew] Highmore in just his work ethic,” Hawks coach Jeremy Colliton said in January. “He’s a great skater, he wins races, he plays with a little edge. He’s got a little bit of rat in him, and we like that.”
Well, fuck.
We’ve said it all year: The only way this team has any hope is by Air Raiding and hoping their goaltending can be otherworldly. But too often, this team turtles at the first whiff of trouble. Or when they have the lead. Or when it’s tied. It doesn’t seem to matter. But this is a Sharks team whose defense might be as soft, if not softer, than the Hawks’s. If they come out with a KEEP FIRING, ASSHOLES game plan, they can continue ruining any shot they have at a lottery pick in a vain attempt to save everyone in the front office’s job. Because that’s the One Goal they have now. But if we’re looking for a reason, do it for Crawford. He deserves better than this.
Let’s go Hawks.
After a week that flattered to deceive with hope but landed with a big, wet thud, Sam, John, and I hash out just what can be done from here for what feels like the 879th time since November of 2018. No subscription required, audio after the jump.
As Feather points out regularly on our podcast, “reading the tea leaves” has gotten frustrating and fatiguing. It’s just about all we can do these days, given how little the Hawks let out and what does get out never puts them in a good light these days.
To say Duncan Keith is tired of Jeremy Colliton’s act is pretty much in the same fashion as telling you tomorrow’s Tuesday. Last night’s dejection doesn’t really change that. You can watch Keith play his own game that has nothing to do with Colliton’s supposed “system” and know he’s got no use for him. It’s been pretty obvious since Colliton took over that Keith at best eyed him with suspicion and at this point openly despises him.
Toews has always been the tougher read, but seeing as how he wasn’t afraid to bus-toss his coach in the media all the way back in November, it wouldn’t be a huge leap to suggest he’s pretty much had it as well. Toews is the captain and will always do his best to hold things together, but he can also hear the clock ticking on his career, or at least his peak years, and a third-straight year of going home in mid-April is not something that’s going to sit all that well.
Patrick Kane has hinted at wanting to talk with the front office after the season. It’s the closest Kane has come to suggesting he wants changes and won’t be afraid to say so to the people in charge.
Brent Seabrook is a different kind of case, given he just has to get healthy and what the plan is for him here long-term. Corey Crawford’s is as well as he’s a free agent and can simply turn around and head somewhere else if he doesn’t like what’s on offer, either for him or the team as a whole.
We’ve briefly talked about it on the podcast, and maybe we’ll get to it again this week, but what will the Hawks do if the main three, or all five, demand changes in coach or GM or both? Would they even? Would they go over Stan’s head? We’ve seen them go around the coaches before, when everyone wanted Mike Kitchen punted off Joel Qunneville’s staff in that summer that nearly ended with Q in Montreal and the Hawks with a new coach.
As we’ve always said, the main three don’t have a ton of leverage. They could demand Colliton be fired or they’ll ask out, but the Hawks don’t have to move them in that scenario. It’s hard to fathom that any of them would go public with a demand to get out, and short of that it’s hard to see how they could force it. The markets on Keith and Toews would be limited, and though Kane’s would be larger any interested team would still have to perform a variety of arm-balances to get his cap number in.
The question is why would the Hawks even want to go down that road? You don’t want to have the inmates running the asylum and all that, but rare is the collection of teammates who all have three rings (two in Crow’s case), two Norrises, three Conn Smythes, a Selke, a Hart, a couple Jennings. If there’s any grouping of players that can justify demanding changes to an organization, it’s this one.
Beyond that, what would the Hawks be holding on to? Why would Jeremy Colliton be the coach you’d go to the mat with these players with? He hasn’t developed any player, as no player is any better than they were a year ago. Dylan Strome has been on a wing. Adam Boqvist has been scratched at times and still doesn’t run the top power play unit nor has he shown his puck-carrying abilities. Alex Nylander sucks. Kirby Dach was a fourth-liner for too long. The power play is right up there with touching your face right now. What is the sign that things could improve with this coach down the road?
The answer is of course you wouldn’t. And it’s not like these players have a track record of downing tools or mutinies. Get a coach in here whom they believe in and respect and runs a system that they can see the benefits of, and they will suddenly form the kind of leadership any coach would dream of.
These guys are such loyal servants that I don’t know that stating Colliton and Bowman are going nowhere would cause them to agitate to move elsewhere. It feels out of character for all of them. But it’s clear they’re fed up. And Keith is definitely running out of time, and Toews and Kane can at least see the finish line for the first time. Crawford will have other offers. So if it would ever to happen, it’s going to happen this spring.
What would the Hawks do?
It all came crashing down on the Hawks this weekend, so who did what as yet another season is meaningless before St. Patrick’s Day, if it ever meant anything at all.
The Dizzying Highs
Corey Crawford – It feels like the Hawks are heading toward some sort of Bay Of Pigs with their veteran players, with at least Keith and Toews completely fed up with their coach. You don’t have to really jump that far on a conclusions mat to see that they might hint to the front office this summer they want this bespectacled doofus out on his ass or they’re going to be showing their thumb out of town as well. The funny thing is that Crawford’s name is never mentioned among “the vets” even though he’s only slightly less decorated than his cohorts. And Crow is the only one who could simply walk. Another week of a .917 makes him the biggest reason the Hawks could even mention the word “playoffs.”
There are certainly other goalies on the market, and Crow will be the oldest of them. Still, what if Crow joins his teammates and says, “I want to come back, I want to come back at a reasonable salary, but I don’t want to play for this guy?” What would the Hawks do? With every strong week, Crow strengthens his leverage.
The Terrifying Lows
Alex Nylander – I’m simply getting tired of putting Jeremy Colliton here, and he’s likely to get his own post later in the day anyway. He had two garbage-time points against Anaheim. And then in three important games, he didn’t do shit. Until the third one, where he gave the puck away in his own zone in the third period, and then was caught puck-watching while Alex Pietrangelo set up shop in the left circle to end that game. Keep in mind, Nylander spent the whole week on a line with Patrick Kane. And Dylan Strome, who seems to have struck up something with Kane since being moved back to center. Do you know how hard it is to go three games with a point with Kane on your line?
In a lot of ways, it’s not Nylander’s fault. He is what he is, and it’s not his fault the Hawks gave up on a useful d-man to bring him here to do nothing (other than get me a Greektown dinner). And the front office is almost certainly cramming him into the lineup to try and make up for the fact that they fucked up by punting Henri Jokiharju for him. I would have liked to see what Dylan Sikura would have done with the same opportunity. But he’s a symptom, or an example, of just how well and truly lost this organization is. Clueless in his own zone, costs too much, and not enough at the other.
As Fifth Feather pointed out in our private thread as the Hawks were spitting up to the Wings, that was a game where your depth should carry you through. A fourth line goal to get things going, or a third line performance because you just have better players there than a shit-assed opponent. Nylander is supposed to be that depth. He’s not. He sucks. And the thinking that brought him here sucks. And that’s why the Hawks lose these games.
The Creamy Middles
Patrick Kane – Four points in four games, but it sounds like he’s warming up to make some demands of his front office too. And he should, because he’s seen three seasons of his prime, and two of his most brilliant seasons, go in the toilet and for nothing. And while he might be as visibly seething as Keith or Toews, somewhat placated by playing 25 minutes a night, he’s already made noise about wanting to talk to the front office after the season and at least see if there is a plan. Kane is the only one who could ask out and probably find a host of suitors, which means he probably draws the most water. If he demands changes, the Hawks would have to listen. And if they choose this coach and GM over him, you’ll know they’re truly lost.
The Rockford IceHogs have had a three-goalie approach through the bulk of the 2019-20 campaign. With Kevin Lankinen undergoing shoulder surgery last week, it looked as if the Hogs would employ a more traditional two-man approach to the net.
Apparently, that’s not Rockford’s style this season.
The IceHogs inked Russian goalie Ivan Nalimov to a PTO Saturday. Nalimov, 25, has six seasons of experience in the KHL for a host of teams. He’s Chicago’s sixth-round selection from the 2014 NHL Draft.
Nalimov was released from his contract with HK Sochi when their season ended. In 24 games, he posted a 2.50 GAA and a .922 save percentage. With Lankinen on the shelf and Nalimov’s season over, this appears to be an opportune time to kick his tires.
I doubt that Nalimov has come all the way to Rockford to just sit around twiddling his thumbs. Look for him to get some action for the IceHogs. The question is…when?
Rockford has just come off a three-game weekend. They have this week off until Saturday, when they play Chicago at Allstate Arena. After hosting Milwaukee March 18, Rockford has a stretch of nine days in which they play six times.
Hogs coach Derek King has been riding Collin Delia the last couple of weeks. The Cucamonga Kid has played well and is more than capable of handling the workload. You have to wonder, though, just what Matt Tomkins is thinking right now.
Tomkins has performed well in Rockford, earning an NHL contract from the Hawks that runs until the end of next season. Since signing on January 24, he’s played in four of the Hogs next 20 games. He was solid in Sunday’s overtime loss to the Wolves. Now he’ll have Nalimov to share the few nights that Delia isn’t occupying the Rockford crease.
Snippets
- Rockford earned three points in the standings this weekend. After scoring an impressive 4-0 win over Grand Rapids at the BMO Friday night, the piglets were shut out 3-0 by the Griffins at Van Andel Arena on Saturday. Sunday, Rockford dropped a 3-2 decision to Chicago, with the game-winner coming on a Wolves power play.
- Delia’s 34-save shutout earned him First Star on Friday, but I left the BMO more impressed with the team effort against the Griffins. That might have been the best this group has played this season. It certainly was Rockford’s finest effort in a couple of months.
- He wasn’t one of Friday’s Three Stars, but Alexandre Fortin was a big reason for the Hogs victory. His breakaway goal early in the second period gave Rockford a 2-0 advantage and the boys didn’t look back. Fortin was set up by a nice pass by Joni Tuulola, but the finish was outstanding. Waiting out Griffins goalie Pat Nagle, Fortin deked with the backhand before pulling the puck to the forehand and into Twine Town. It’s a play he hasn’t been able to make in previous seasons.
- Fortin has been a honest-to-goodness threat to score the last month. In his last nine games, he has three goals. That pushes his season total to a career-high of eight. Not only is he getting pucks to the net, but the shots are challenging opposing goalies and have been creating frequent rebound opportunities.
- T. J. Brennan has yet to post a goal for Rockford, though he has three assists in his six games with the IceHogs. At times, you can see the rust from a season in which he hadn’t played much for Lehigh Valley. However, it looks as if Brennan is going to get the chance to play his way into shape with the Hogs.
- Gabriel Gagne put his sixth goal in his 19th game with Rockford. With Gagne nearing the end of his 25-game PTO, the Hogs signed him to an AHL contract for the remainder of the season, as well as the 2020-21 season. Smart move; Gagne now has 12 points in 21 games since coming aboard in January.
- Dmitri Osipov earned an extension to his current AHL contract for the 2020-21 campaign. Osipov hasn’t played since February 21.
- Tuulola has been a constant in the lineup in his second season. He is currently mired in a 36-game scoreless drought after finding the net in consecutive games November 30 and December 3. Tuulola may not hit last year’s point totals (4 G, 10 A), but he has been a pretty steady defender most of his sophomore campaign. His plus-five skater rating is the highest on Rockford’s blueline.
- Rockford is tied with the Wolves with 62 standings points. At this stage of the season, however, the IceHogs chances for the postseason hinge on point percentage until the teams of the Central Division have played an even number of games. With a .492 percentage, Rockford is tied for sixth with Texas. Playoff position is going to have to be earned, as opposed to maintained.
Follow me on twitter @JonFromi for news and thoughts on the IceHogs all season long.
Well, it was game #69 so insert NICE joke here…hahaha, I said insert. OK, enough Beavis and Butthead, we just had to sit through an awful game that was by turns boring and frustrating. The Hawks had opportunities and squandered them, the Blues were oafs and went after noted tough guys Adam Boqvist and Alex DeBrincat, which just shows you what bullies really are and why they’re such assholes. It wasn’t an embarrassing loss like the other night against Detroit, simply by virtue of the fact the Blues are contenders, but it doesn’t really feel any better. Let’s get through this together and break down this terrible game.
–So the first period was truly one of the most boring displays I’ve seen in weeks. There was a total of 14 shots combined (7 for each team) and it definitely did not feel like there were that many. I don’t have much else to tell you. Caggiula hit the post and Corey Crawford did his best Robin Lehner impersonation at one point–that was about it.
–Then the second period turned into an idiot-fest, with the Blues going full-on Blues, as Oskar Sundqvist basically pirouetted to make sure he jabbed Adam Boqvist’s face with his forearm and the butt of his stick, which resulted in a brawl between both lines. Duncan Keith managed to get taken down immediately and Drake Caggiula jumped in to take the heat off Top Cat. Now, I think at this point you know I can’t stand the fighting in hockey, and this maelstrom basically explains why. First, the fucking Blues went after Alex DeBrincat, who happened to be out there along with linemates Kirby Dach and Caggiula. So number one, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me, going after two children (Boqvist and DeBrincat). Literally you should fight me instead, you fucking pussies. Second, Drake Caggiula REALLY needs to stop fighting because of his concussion history. Third, the refs DOWNGRADED Sundqvist’s penalty to a minor! How is this even a thing?
It was a ridiculous example of everything that is lame with this neanderthal mindset in hockey, and even worse, Boqvist was knocked out of the game and this guy has finally had some strong games AND came back from whatever wrist issue he was having. If he’s got a concussion the Hawks need to shut him down for the rest of the season which is a fucking shame beyond words. Also, Caggiula didn’t return and while I’m not as concerned about the effect on the team if he doesn’t play again this season, I am concerned about his health as human fucking being. A ridiculous situation in every way possible, and the NHL should be fucking embarrassed that their reigning Stanley Cup champions and supposed big-market powerhouse from the Original Six had an important game (for one side) devolve into this bullshit that knocked out two Hawks players. Well done, dumbshits.
–Connor Murphy didn’t have a great game, let’s be honest. He lost Bortuzzo in front of the net which led directly to the first goal. And while we’re at it, Alex Nylander didn’t have a great game either, and his turnover at the defensive blue line led directly to the second goal. Murphy I can forgive because he’s usually handling such shit work that you can’t be too mad about a fuck up here and there. Nylander gets no such credit.
–Corey Crawford was outstanding again. I’ve got to be honest, I really want Malcolm Subban to get some time both to see what he can do, and also to give Crow a bit of a rest here. It really no longer matters for the Hawks’ season–those playoff pipe dreams are just that. But regardless of any of that, Crawford was solid as usual, and it was downright refreshing to hear the broadcast give him the credit he deserves, including going so far as to say the only reason they’re even in the playoff discussion is because of him.
–Oh, and then the Hawks went like 12 minutes into the third before they even got a shot off. It seemed like they knew the jig was up and just stopped trying. Are they wrong? No. Will it be tough to watch this for the next month? Yes.
–So it’s International Women’s Day and the NHL attempted to do something sorta decent by having an all-female broadcast crew, and honestly I’m here for it. For a couple reasons: obviously I think it’s pretty clear at this point that I care deeply about representation and addressing historical disparities with opportunities. Second, because I enjoy listening to anyone who isn’t Pierre fucking McGuire. And while I’m uneasy about the token-ness of this night–i.e., hey we have women on a special broadcast, see we’re doing things!!!!–the fact remains that female broadcasters need opportunities to hone their craft. Kate Scott was outstanding as the play-by-play call, and I would prefer her 10 out of 10 times to Foley or any other dope. AJ Mleczko was excellent on the color call, but I have to say Kendall Coyne Schofield still sounds uncomfortable on camera. Again, this can be addressed with more opportunities and experience, as it should be. Remember how cringy Patrick Sharp‘s first few broadcasts were? If he can get better at it, so can Kendall and so can other women broadcasters. Hopefully this is can be more than a token.
Well friends, this weekend kinda felt like the nail in the coffin. Maybe it is, and maybe they can manage a decent draft pick; I’m too tired to decode this into some great revelation other than it seems like they’re screwed. But, they’ve got another string of rather weak opponents coming up so perhaps a fool’s errand? Onward and…upward?
