Everything Else – Page 28 – Faxes from Uncle Dale

Everything Else

High On The Hog: Can Rockford Break Out?

By Jon Fromi April 1, 2019 1518 0

The Rockford IceHogs have six games in the 2018-19 season to wrest a playoff berth from a host of Central Division rivals. Whether the piglets can do so hinges on how this group of youngsters can finish up, starting this coming weekend in Texas.

The Stars, along with Milwaukee, put themselves in the catbird seat for the time being with a pair of wins in Iowa this weekend. The Admirals, who’s three-game sweep of Rockford last week propelled them back into playoff consideration, beat division leaders Chicago and Grand Rapids in back-to-back games.

The Hogs beat the Griffins 4-1 at the BMO Saturday night. They then dropped a 5-2 decision to the Wolves the following afternoon. A split was a pretty decent effort for Rockford. It just wasn’t enough to keep pace with Texas and Milwaukee.

Through 70 games, Rockford (32-28-4-6) are sitting in seventh place in the division standings with 74 points, three points behind the Admirals and Stars and one behind Manitoba. Fourth place is attainable. The road is uphill, but it is very, very clear.

How does Rockford break out of the pack? Simple. The Hogs must follow these easy steps…

Take care of business Tuesday night against last-place San Antonio. Do not leave the BMO with any less than two points. Overtime, shootout…doesn’t matter.
Sweep Texas this weekend. Two regulation wins. The Stars must be denied even a single point.
Beat the Ads April 9 in Milwaukee, then come to the BMO and beat them again in the final game of the regular season April 14. Regulation wins? Yup.
I was going to suggest that dropping the penultimate game on the schedule to Iowa might be all right if the first three steps were met. You know what? Better knock off the Wild as well.

Hey, if things had gone differently against Milwaukee last week, it wouldn’t be so dire. However, the Admirals have an eight-game point streak going and Texas has won three in a row. That postseason berth will have to be won. That may well mean running the table the last two weeks.

Setting Things Straight

In the action on Saturday (I was there in the stands) and Sunday (I was on the internet), I picked up a lot of frustration on the part of the BMO faithful. Whether I heard it live or via social media, a vocal portion of IceHogs nation have pinned the blame for the team’s struggles to match last-year’s spring awakening on the following transgressions, which I will summarize below:

The kids aren’t putting in enough effort.
The team doesn’t score because they aren’t shooting enough.
Derek King is a terrible coach because he stands behind the bench with his arms crossed.
Anton Forsberg is the worst goalie in the history of ever.

I lack the time to fully dissect these theories for validity, but respectfully disagree with each of the above takes. Last night, on my twitter page, I belched out a lengthy diatribe on the subject. Below is said diatribe.

My Twitter Diatribe (@JonFromi)

1. Reading a lot of fan frustration following the Hogs 5-2 loss to Chicago this evening. Words like “effort” and “coaching” and “Forsberg” trying to point a finger at what is a borderline playoff team.

2. RFD split the weekend and probably needed to get four points after dropping three straight games to MIL last week. Hogs are three points behind the Admirals, who have the fourth Central berth with six games to play in the regular season.

3. It’s not a lack of effort or a desire to hit the links this spring that has RFD in its current position. Interim coach Derek King is not the the anchor keeping the Hogs from another spectacular postseason run. Nor is it any of the three goalies.

4. The truth is that this is pretty much where last year’s club would have slotted…had they not been fortified with a slew of NHL-level players coming down from the Blackhawks. Don’t agree? Let’s look at the names…

5. David Kampf, Lance Bouma, Chris DiDomenico, John Hayden, Cody Franson and Adam Clendening were all added to the IceHogs roster in the spring of 2018, This is the sole reason that the IceHogs reached the postseason and why they went as far as they did.

6. This season, King lost his top goal scorer, Matthew Highmore, to injury. Then leading point-producer Dylan Sikura was called up. Peter Holland was obtained and has been a big part of the RFD offense. However, King received a pittance of the bounty provided for Jeremy Colliton.

7. Not sure King is going to have the “interim” removed from his title following the season. I will say this; no way Colliton gets substantially more out of the current piglets. They don’t score consistently, at evens or on the man advantage.

8. RFD may or may not get to the playoffs. They are kids; young teams are streaky by nature and effort has nothing to do with this. If King manages to coax the IceHogs into the postseason despite the AHL’s worst offense and power play, tip your cap to the guy.

In the spirit of honesty, the Hogs scored a power play goal this weekend to move up to 29th in the league with a man advantage.

Roster Moves

Brandon Hagel and Reece Johnson both made their pro debuts Saturday night. Hagel was assigned to Rockford by the Blackhawks; Johnson signed an ATO with the Hogs.

On Sunday, Spencer Watson was recalled to Rockford from the ECHL’s Indy Fuel. Fredrik Olofsson was released from his ATO.

Win ‘Em All

San Antonio visits the BMO Harris Bank Center Tuesday night. Then, it’s off to Texas for two pivotal contests.

Everything Else

Game #78 – Hawks 2, Kings 2 – Kings Win ’80s Night Breakdancing Contest

By Rose Rankin March 31, 2019 1811 0

This was a poorly played game for the most part, which I guess comes as no surprise given who the teams involved were. And yet, the contrast between the dull first period when both teams ended up with a handful of themselves and the excitement of basically every other televised sporting event in the nation tonight was striking. What was worse, however, was the ending, where the Hawks took one meager point and lost in OT on a power play thanks to a terribly poetic penalty by Jonathan Toews. We knew the season was over but this is a harsh exclamation point on it. Let’s get to the bullets:

Box Score

Natural Stat Trick

– As mentioned, the first period was mostly a back-and-forth affair between mediocre opponents, and although the Hawks ended up on the wrong side of the ledger in terms of both shots and possession (9-14 and 48 CF%, respectively), it wasn’t a painfully noticeable difference in play quality. The only part that was certifiably painful was Keith shattering his stick on a shot near the end of a late-period power play. Not only was that the personification of a sad trombone sound, but Kyle Clifford jumped out of the box just as it happened and the Kings had numbers going the other way. But fear not—Seabrook took a dumb penalty and the Kings were too useless to score on it…that time.

– Not useless was Alex DeBrincat, who scored a relatively soft goal by curling it just underneath Campbell early in the second. Top Cat is now tied with Patrick Kane as the team’s leading goal scorer, with 41, and his career total is…wait for it…69 (NICE). And yes, you’d make that joke too so shut up. Having DeBrincat and Garbage Dick on the third line is still some galaxy brain bullshit as far as I’m concerned, but I’d rather see Top Cat produce anywhere and any way that he can, rather than flail in the stupidity of bad coaching decisions. Remember, a 25-goal scorer tops, this guy.

– Erik Gustafsson‘s magic carpet ride continued with another goal, his 17th. Campbell likely was screened because he didn’t seem to see the shot coming from three miles away. However, Gus giveth and he taketh away, as his habit of doing confused pirouettes away from forwards left Michael Amadio alone in the slot to tie the game in the third. If you can’t stop a fourth-fucking-liner on one of the league’s worst teams you seriously need to re-evaluate what you’re doing and how you understand your job description.

– But wait! Before we pile on the crappy defenseman, at least he scored. Kane and Toews both point-blank fucked up multiple times in overtime. The fact this game went to OT is stupid on its own, but they had nearly a third of the 3-on-3 with control of the puck and couldn’t finish any of their shots. Toews followed that up with a penalty on Anze Kopitar, which is frustrating for its timing since that led to the winning goal by LA, and sad in its relevance for an aging, slowing legend trying to slow down nearly his mirror image. And it backfired in a pretty dramatic way, really putting the final nail in the coffin where the Hawks playoff hopes now lay. But had either he or Kane converted on any of their opportunities earlier, that penalty wouldn’t have happened. Maybe they’re tired after the amount of ice time (would be fair enough at the end of the season although tonight’s wasn’t too egregious), maybe they just don’t have it or don’t give a shit, but it did not inspire hope for the future.

– David Kampf broke some part of his face (or severely messed it up), and not that it matters now but still, not the way to end the season.

– I can’t say that Austin Wagner is any good, but I can say that he is fast. He absolutely scorched Carl Dahlstrom in the second for the tying goal (the first time), and he did it to Connor Murphy in the third but our Large Irish Son was bailed out by a Crawford poke check.

– Drake Caggiula seemed awfully excited to be back in the lineup, and yet I can’t help but wonder if he should try to avoid getting into fights rather than seeking them out, seeing as he just missed a month with a head injury. I dunno, just doesn’t seem like the best strategy. He had four shots, so that’s something, and he didn’t get into a full-on fisticuffs, but boy was he trying to.

I know I sound like a broken record but this has to be the end of the playoff delusion, even if the math doesn’t say it’s for certain yet. We all know it is, and really, if you can’t beat this lowly-ass Kings team any of the times you play them, do you really even deserve to be in the playoffs? The answer is no. Onward and upward?

Beer de jour: Sun Catcher by Revolution Brewing

Line of the Night: “Halfway through an almost scintillating first period.” —Foley, sarcastically saying what we were thinking.

Photo credit: NHL.com

Everything Else

Game #78 – Hawks vs. Kings Preview/Death By Exile: Here Comes That Vomit Again

By Sam Fels March 30, 2019 1497 0

vs.

RECORDS: Hawks 34-33-10 Kings 28-40-9

PUCK DROP: 9:30pm

TV: NBCSN Chicago

YOU HAVE SELECTED REGICIDE: They all hate us so we won’t list any of them

It’s funny. There are a fair few fans who wish the Hawks would have done what the Kings have done, no matter how unpleasant it would be to watch or experience. And you get it, because it would appear the Kings are going to have a top-two spot in the lottery, meaning they can’t drop any lower than three. Though it would be pretty sweet if they went through all this and ended up with the third pick in a two-player draft. I’d get a chuckle out of it, at least.

What’s even funnier is the Kings didn’t meant this. The Senators did, but the Kings definitely didn’t. They thought tye could build off their playoff berth last year. That’s why they signed Ilya Kovalchuk, who at 35 can only shoot and complain. I’ll give you one guess which one he’s done a ton more of this season. Anze Kopitar couldn’t ride the percentage wave any longer, and has returned to merely being a good player and a cautionary tale for Jonathan Toews. Jeff Carter combs his hair a lot. Drew Doughty has his mind on his money and his money on his mind and that’s it. Jonathan Quick is going to make sure that everyone realized he was never really that good by being terrible for the rest of his career. It’s so much fun!

Worse for the Kings is there’s not a lot here or coming that they can get excited about, except whatever they get in the draft. Carl Grundstrom might be a decent middle-sixer, as well as sounding like an itchy patch somewhere sensitive and funny. That’s about it. Alex Iafallo is probably a guy. Put it this way, when Trevor Lewis and Kyle Clifford are on your second line you are an affront to nature. Welcome to Kings hockey.

For the Hawks, with both the Coyotes and Avalanche getting points last night, as well as the Wild, they were basically putting more knives in the corpse of the Hawks. Like that scene in Escape From LA when Snake finds the first agent they sent it. But I guess the Hawks have to convince themselves if they run the table maybe possibly something could happen, so until you’re officially out you might as well go for it. Which should mean no lineup changes or alterations other than the defensive rotation and hopefully not having to bench Brendan Perlini again. But you never know with this outfit.

The last time the Hawks were in LA they might have put in their most uncaring, simply embarrassing effort of the season.They were supposedly back in it, needed a buzzer beater to get past the Ducks, and then simply looked like me going through Bumble at Staples Center. Hopeless, aimless, pointless. They could have done the same in San Jose on Thursday after losing their last chance, but they didn’t. So it would be really weird for them to lay an egg against one of the few teams they should probably be easily getting by. But again, you never know with this outfit.

Folks, I won’t lie to you. If you think there’s something amiss in your life if your Saturday night is centered around Hawks-Kings, I can’t convince you otherwise. It doesn’t mean disaster, but you might want to do a quick once-over about what’s going on with you. They have to be there. We probably do, too. You don’t.

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Everything Else

Game #78 – Hawks vs. Kings Spotlight: Why Don’t You Take It Easy There, Doughnuts? Stop Talking For A While?

By Sam Fels March 30, 2019 1422 0

Kings fans have the same myopia about their local scumbag Drew Doughty as Hawks fans do about Patrick Kane, although somehow they’re even more righteous about it. Maybe it’s a California thing. They also seem to connect their self-worth to the national recognition Doughty gets, as it was Kings fans’ whining and bed-wetting about how no one watches their games that got Doughty a Norris Trophy he didn’t deserve just so they would shut up.

It would appear that Doughty is cut from the same cloth as his fans/sycophants.

Don’t worry, Doughty’s hair will probably earn him an analyst role whenever he hangs up his skates. Some would tell you he’s already retired and is just cashing his checks. The numbers certainly bare that out. So while Doughty is in such a hurry to comment on a fellow d-mans defensive shortcomings, let’s check in on what’s going on with the gap-toothed dickhead this year, shall we?

First off, Doughty has no even-strength goals. None. Not a one. Six on the power play, nothing at evens. Doughty never racked up much at even-strength, as his career-high in that is seven. Fuck, Erik Gustafsson has nearly doubled that this season. But hey, maybe Doughnuts has had some rough luck and is doing all the things he used to.

Nope. He’s averaging the least amount of shots per game in eight seasons. Least amount of attempts since his rookie year and that’s by a full attempt per game. His individual expected goals is the lowest since his rookie year as well. Doughty isn’t getting open, he isn’t getting up the ice, and he isn’t making things happen.

But hey, the criticism was about playing defense. Doughty doesn’t think Burns does. So how you doing there, Drew-seph? Oh look, you suck there, too. Expected goals against per game the highest of your career. Same with shots. Same with attempts. But hey, the Kings really blow and you’re not getting much help are you, you rut-faced bastitch, are ya?

Turns out, all your relative marks are below water or right at the team-rate too! So yes, the Kings might be a collection of things picked out of an alligator’s teeth mixed with funny water, but you’re not helping much! Tell you what, let’s give you another Norris! Just for funsies!

But that’s ok, because Doughty’s $11M per yer extension doesn’t even kick in until next season! That’s right, Doughty went into the tank and became gelatinous right after he signed it. Isn’t that strange? That a player would be placated and start just going through the motions after he secured the richest and last contract of his career? When he become unmovable? Totally weird, right? Say Dough-fuck, when did you sign that deal? Before this season? And you’ve sucked deep pond scum all year? So strange.

By the way that deal expires in 2027. After the Earth has actually melted, which strangely will make it look like Doughty’s face.

There was a time when Doughty was a true force. He made that ’10 Canadian team at 20, which is a real accomplishment. The Hawks had no answer for him in 2014. But Doughty started declining right after that, which is why the Kings own all of one playoff victory since then. That’s one in five seasons. And there’s a reason they’re a leading contender for a #1 pick. You can fall that fast when your best players stop caring.

Guess it’s a shame Duncan Keith only stopped caring this year, huh?

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Everything Else

Game #78 – Hawks vs. Kings Q&A: All The Kings Men

By Sam Fels March 30, 2019 1410 0

Jesse Cohen runs the “All The Kings Men” podcast, and you can follow him @KingsMenPodcast.

Much like the Hawks, how do the Kings rebuild with this much bad money around? They can’t buy out everyone, and they can’t trade most of it either.

I’m not sure there’s much the Kings can do but hope the contracts aren’t as bad as they seem. I don’t think there’s going to be a ton of interest in most of the players deemed to have “bad” contracts. Dustin Brown was considered one of the worst contracts for a few seasons but rebounded nicely.

Let’s say they have…. 9 “bad” contracts? (oh god it hurt to write that): Kopitar, Brown, Kovalchuk, Carter, Toffoli, Doughty, Martinez, Phaneuf, Quick

I could see a scenario where they buy out one (Phaneuf), trade 1 or 2 (Quick/Kovalchuk), get moderate on ice value for three (Kopitar/Doughty/Brown… don’t fight me on this one), get reasonable on ice value for 2 (Toffoli/Martinez).

BUT it’s a lot of “ifs”

Is there anyone under 30 on this roster worth caring about?

Under 30? Like presently in a Kings uniform? I think Carl Grundstrom has some interesting potential as a second liner? There are some decent role players but anybody like an Elias Petterson? No.

Are we far away from Jonathan Quick ceding the starter’s role to Jack Campbell or someone else?

The Quick issue comes down to other teams interest. If someone out there is willing to pay what the Kings want my guess is they’ll have no problem turning the net over to Cal Petersen if there aren’t any takers then I think we’re all Ride or Die for Jonathan Quick

Would Jack Hughes solve all the problems here?

Jack Hughes MIGHT solve ONE problem. Whoever they draft in the first round is for the future not the present. Whether or not that would go any distance towards solving other problems… well… I kinda doubt it but I’m a pessimist.

*Smash cut to Jack Hughes lifting the Stanley Cup in LA next year as I am proven an idiot once more.*

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Everything Else

Game #78 – Hawks vs. Kings Douchebag Du Jour: Deep Thoughts

By Sam Fels March 30, 2019 2311 0

We have this friend. He goes by @BookOfLoob. He sometimes helps us out when the Flames are playing the Hawks. But he’s capable of so much more. Sometimes you just have to admit that someone’s done it better than you. So now we share Floob’s view on Drew Doughty:

Drew Doughty looks like he’s perpetually having an allergic reaction to the Axe Body Spray he refuses to stop wearing

— Floobris (@bookofloob) April 21, 2016

Drew Doughty looks like he consists almost entirely of oatmeal

— Floobris (@bookofloob) January 20, 2015

Drew Doughty looks like Silly Putty that lived under the couch motionless for 25 years

— Floobris (@bookofloob) March 30, 2017

Drew Doughty looks like those dinosaur sponges that grow to like ten times the size when you soak them, except instead of dinosaurs, it’s bed sores, and instead of sponges, it’s bed sores

— Floobris (@bookofloob) March 26, 2019

Drew Doughty looks like Dean Ambrose six years after he dies

— Floobris (@bookofloob) November 22, 2018

Drew Doughty looks like the gonads and strife squirrel from Internet 1.0 fame

— Floobris (@bookofloob) April 16, 2018

Drew Doughty looks like he’s rebooting Beverly Hills Ninja in his own vision and casting himself in the starring role

— Floobris (@bookofloob) April 19, 2016

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Everything Else

Game #78 – Hawks vs. Kings: I Make A Lot Of Graphs

By Sam Fels March 30, 2019 1156 0

Game #78 Preview Suite

Everything Else

Game #78 – Hawks vs. Kings: Lineups & How Teams Were Built

By Sam Fels March 30, 2019 1212 0

Notes: We assume Coach Cool Youth Pastor won’t deviate from a successful lineup, although Slater Koekkoek should be deposited in the nearest wood-chipper after his tour de moron on Thursday…We’re assuming Perlini won’t be scratched after his benching, but he might be to make way for John Hayden, because that will help things…You could also scratch Seabrook, as he was just as bad as Koekkoek but we know Beto doesn’t have the stones for that. It was also a true indictment that it was Seabrook who was staring at Sorensen elbowing Crawford in the head and decided to do nothing about it. Nice work, alternate captain…

Notes: You don’t see Ilya Kovalchuk here, as he’s been a scratch of late and then insulted his coach to the press so he could get a head start on his summer vacation. Who could have seen the disaster that would become except everyone?…Dion Phaneuf has also been a recent toss-aside, because he’s sucked for a very long time and now people are just discovering that…Kopitar has two goals in March…Toffoli is shooting 6%, which is almost half his career rate…

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