Hockey

Bring Wood And Oil – Hawks vs Flyers, Golden Knights, and Sabres To Mercifully Conclude Season

At long last, sweet release is drawing nearer. There are only 3 games remaining in this utter nightmare abomination of a season, and not a moment too soon. There is nothing left to learn or discern from any of this, especially now that for some reason Lukas Reichel is setting Rockford rookie scoring records while ALSO having burned the first year of his contract. Truly impressive on a lot of fronts.

4/25 – vs Flyers

Game Time – 7:00PM CDT
TV/Radio – ESPN+/Hulu, WGN-AM 720
Don’t Get 2 Close (2 My Fantasy) – Broad St. Hockey

Speaking of teams left for dead months ago, the Philadelphia Flyers make a their lone late season visit to the west side tonight. They beat the Penguins yesterday afternoon at home with the Penguins coming off a game the night before, so now turnabout is fair play with them having to take part in one themselves. Since arriving in return for departed captain Claude Giroux, former lottery pick Owen Tippett hasn’t exactly set the world as ablaze as his hair appears with a mere 3 goals and 2 assists in 18 games. He wasn’t exactly doing much in Florida either with the benefit of being much more sheltered in the lineup where he still only had 6 goals and 8 assists. The Flyers have gotten an infusion of a bunch of kids since the NCAA season has ended as well, with Hobey Baker finalist Bobby Brink notching four helpers in 7 games so far. Late season youth call ups, what a novel fucking concept. Also, the goaltending duo of Martin Jones and Carter Hart isn’t really inspiring anyone, with save percentages of .917 and .907 at evens respectively. Those aren’t horrendous numbers, but in in a goal scoring environment which is seeing numbers not put up in a generation and the Flyers currently only boast 2 players at 50 points (Travis Koneckny and Cam Atkinson), that’s not going to cut it. Also, this is the only NHL game on the slate tonight and it is relegated to streaming only because the league hates all of us and itself.

4/27 – vs Golden Knights

Game Time – 7:30PM CDT
TV/Radio – NBC Sports Chicago, WGN-AM 720
I’ll Be Your Doug – Sin Bin Hockey

The only remaining matchup with any potential intrigue whatsoever, and even that could be gone by the time gametime rolls around on Wednesday. Thanks to allowing a Timo Meier goal with literally less than a second to play last night, the Knights are now in a position where they essentially cannot catch the Kings for #3 position in the Pacific, and a regulation loss to Dallas on Tuesday eliminates them completely and clinches a playoff berth for the Stars. Add to that the report last week from Emily Kaplan that everyone’s favorite activist Robin Lehner was having season ending surgery which coach Peter DeBoer immediately refuted, but then turned around and did not play Lehner last night in San Jose. This all sets up to have this trash ass Hawks team having the slightest chance of ruining the Knights’ spring on Wednesday, along with making Jonathan Marchessault, Lehner, and hockey writers across the continent cry, which is the most stakes a Hawks game has had in nearly half a decade. Mark Stone returned six games ago and has yet to record a point.

4/29 – at Buffalo

Game Time – 6:00PM CDT
TV/Radio – NBC Sports Chicago, WGN-AM 720
New Junk Aesthetic – Die By the Blade

Take a drink every time they mention that Buffalo is Garbage Dick’s home town. If you’re in the mute lounge, take a drink every time they show his pathetic loser father in the crowd. It’s a Friday night and if you’re watching this it’s clear you have no better options to not be getting catatonic drunk.

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