Everything Else

Roy Radke – Everyman Prospect

With the Hawks opening camp today, their roster is currently about 3 times the size of what it will be three weeks from now, peppered with draft picks, invitees, and career AHLers (and in Tyler Motte’s case, the ECHL according to Fifth Feather). And one entry on the list stands out among all the others.

Roy Radke was taken by the Hawks in the 6th round last year as the 164th overall pick. And what’s striking about him is not his projectable frame or his mediocre OHL point totals, but the fact that he is for all intents and purposes a child under 20 years old named “Roy” in the age of Jadens, Cadens, Braydens, and such and such. Add to it his family name of Radke, and the name is an anachronism for a fresh-faced hockey prospect.

So here at the Committed Indian Chuckle Hut, we have devised a list of hardscrabble occupations far more befitting the name of “Roy Radke”

  • Hard Boiled Detective
  • Stevedore from Season 2 of The Wire
  • Assistant GM at the Buffalo Grove Mariano’s
  • Paralegal at a Dad’s Rights law firm
  • Christmas Tree lot proprietor at Lawrence & Hoyne
  • CTA blue line train operator
  • Short order cook at the Golden Nugget at Western, Diversey, & Elston
  • United Van Lines owner/operator
  • Kane County Cougars beer vendor
  • Cintas uniform services deliveryman
  • SuperDawg maintenance man
  • Wedding bartender (he has an oddly graphic forearm tattoo that is making people ask questions)
  • Head curator of the Edmund Fitzgerald exhibit at the Great Lakes Shipwreck Museum
  • Ticket taker at the Tilt-a-Barf, Taste of Orland Park
  • Cash only electrician only know through word of mouth referrals
  • Roustabout
  • Shrimpin’ boat captain
  • Proprietor of Radke’s Tobacco Only smoke shop
  • Boxing instructor down at the Fight Club
  • Sells illegal Cuban cigars out of the trunk of his ’87 Tercel
  • Assistant manager of Streets and Sanitation in Traverse City
  • Host at the local Steak n’ Shake
  • Retired school janitor
  • Exotic pet store owner
  • Truck driver for Kronos Gyros