RECORDS: Hawks 31-28-8 Red Wings 15-48-5
PUCK DROP: 6:30pm
TV: NBCSN Chicago, NHL Network
THE TRULY LOST: Winging It In Motown
They can’t fuck this up, right?
Whether or not you believe the Hawks have a shot at making the playoffs, they believe it. They kind of have to, but hey, they’ve won four in a row here and have a great chance to make it five. There’s a ton of home games. So you can see where if it’s your job, you psych yourself into it.
And even if it’s on the second of a back-to-back, you can’t get more of a layup than this. It sucks for a lot of reasons that the Wings moved to the East, but one is that we never got the reverse of when they were the all=conquering model of the league and the Hawks were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked and we essentially begged for mercy. The Wings were still a playoff team when they fucked off–or were ordered off in the most glorious way possible–and now that their a post-modern interpretation of sadness, the Hawks kind of are too.
Except not nearly as bad. The Hawks have twice as many points as this team. That’s hard to fathom. There’s 23 points to the next worst team, the Kings. 23! You can’t be more adrift than this. Their goal-difference is -121. They average getting beat by two goals per game. It’s the worst goal-differential this century, and they still have some games to play. Alex Biega is playing top pairing minutes here. They’re playing seven d-men and five of them assuredly suck ass. Their special teams both rank 30th. There’s literally nothing this team does well.
They’re paying Justin Abdelkader $4.2M for his three assists. Frans Nielsen lives in a mortuary and is taking home over $5M. Darren Helm and Valttieri Fillpula apparently still exist. I could keep going, but my lungs are turning into mush just reading this shit.
So yeah, you can’t lose this. Somehow the Wings have found an opponent that was breathing chloroform at intermission 15 times this year, and an additional five where they came to soon enough to at least win in OT. There’s no point in breaking this down or saying what the Hawks have to do. They have to show up and not completely stub their toes, fingers, nose, and frontal lobes. They spotted this team a two-goal lead at the UC and then blew them away after they came to. Dylan Sikura scored against them. Need we say more?
This is the game in hand the Hawks have on some teams, and you can’t ask for a better one. Some other results go their way and they could be within two points of the last wild card spot, though with a pile of invalids to hop over to get there. Whatever. Just do it.