Sam Fels – Page 146 – Faxes from Uncle Dale

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Game #30 – Hawks vs. Knights: I Make A Lot Of Graphs

By Sam Fels December 6, 2018 1308 0

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Game #30 – Hawks vs. Knights: Lineups & How Teams Were Built

By Sam Fels December 6, 2018 1368 0

Notes: Last night was truly sobering. DeBrincat and Jokiharju barely got 10 minutes of even-strength time. Why? What are you holding onto here? Forsling played with Keith just as much as anyone, and we know how that goes. This is the last game you’ll have to watch Manning regularly though, so that’s nice. Maybe. Also, Corey Crawford basically sucks right now. And the season hinged on him. Which isn’t fair to him considering what he’s been through, but that’s the reality.

Notes: Marchessault hasn’t scored in his last eight…Wild Bill has scored in four of his last five…Eakin has six points in his last four games, including three against the Hawks last time even though that line has struggled with him at center…The real strength of late has been their bottom-six, which no one seems to be able to match. Especially the Hawks.

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Game #29 – Hawks vs. Ducks Preview/Doorknob Repair: When You Put Your Hand In A Pile Of Goo…

By Sam Fels December 5, 2018 1660 0

vs.

RECORDS: Hawks 9-14-5 Ducks 14-10-5

PUCK DROP: 9:30

TV: NBCSN

HERE WE GO AGAIN IT’S NEVER GONNA END: Anaheim Calling

God, writing that record out just hurts.

The Hawks quickly jaunt out west this week for a back-to-back against Anaheim and Vegas, and I’m sure landing in Vegas really late curtails any urge to enjoy the splendors and luxuries of Sin City–what I’m saying is that the Hawks will look like particular shit tomorrow night. But we’re not there yet. Let’s deal with a slog with the Ducks first.

Starting with the local Westside Hockey Club. There wouldn’t appear to many changes. Having failed to launch Chris Kunitz headfirst into a landfill at great speed, our best hope is that his “veteran leadership” that cost the Hawks any chance of a point on Sunday lands him in the pressbox for the foreseeable future. Erik Gustafsson should draw back in after a one-game ball-tap, which should send Jan Rutta back into the darkness of the Honda Center on his way to Rockford. Connor Murphy is on the trip but is not likely to play either game, but Sunday against Les Habitants would seem to be likely.

As for the rest of it, there isn’t much left to say. The forwards will get jumbled. Patrick Kane will play everywhere. We hope to notice Brendan Perlini at all. We hope that Dylan Strome builds on what was a decent game on Sunday. But if there’s ever a time to claim some new ground, it’s tonight.

Because don’t be fooled by the Ducks record or placing in a Pacific Division that has all the momentum of a pig in shit. This team BUH-LOWS. They’re on pace to give up a record number of shots per game. They give up the second-most attempts per game, and have the fourth-worst xGA/60 (care to guess who has the first?). They basically get shelled every night, and only heroic work by both John Gibson and Ryan Miller have kept this team from loitering around the entrance to the drugstore with the Hawks, Blues, and Kings.

Gibby, I can call him that, has cooled off a touch since his unholy October, but still came up with a .921 in November and had put up a 34- and 44-save effort in his two starts before getting clocked by the Capitals. Perhaps because of that, and blatant lack of respect for what the Hawks are, they’ll get to see Ryan Miller tonight, who’s only been at .954 at evens this year. So that’s nice.

Up front, the Ducks have a clear delineation from their top-six to the bottom-six. The top line of Pontus Aberg– Ryan Getzlaf–Rickard Rakell has been a weapon of late, with Aberg benefitting the most. I’m not telling you Getzlaf found his long-lost fuck to give, but he’s more than talented enough to set up plays while floating around the outside and reading…well I don’t think he can read but whatever dumbass fucks like him read. The second line is being carried by Adam Henrique, and both of these units start exclusively in the offensive zone. The next lines start exclusively in their own end, and because Ryan Kesler has maggots crawling out of every orifice now, they can’t escape.

The defense had been missing Hampus! Hampus! for a while, and will be without Cam Fowler for longer still. And while they want to believe that Brandon Montour and Josh Manson are that good to justify giving up on Shea Theodore as he excels in Vegas, they’ve been having their brains turned into potato soup most of the year. Maybe a fully-healthy Fowler and Lindholm help that, but this is a Randy Carlyle team and Randy Carlyle teams are terrible metrically while he finds reasons to justify his “Helmets Cause Concussions Because They Make Brains Hot” theory (this is a real thing).

Look, we all know the Hawks are going to get stuffed tomorrow night because they have in every meeting with the Knights. So if they actually still care, and I’m not convinced they do, and want to get a win just to see if they can still feel anymore, this would be the time. The Ducks are bad. The Hawks already deservedly beat them once this season.

Just get a win. Because it might be a nice change of pace.

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Game #29 – Hawks vs. Ducks Spotlight: The Worst Contract In The League?

By Sam Fels December 5, 2018 1661 0

We’re not writing this through cramp-causing giggling. Honestly, we’re not (we so are).

Ryan Kesler has been, or had been, perhaps the main Hawks foil for years. Starting in 2009, when Andrew Ladd broke his jaw, and continuing for another six seasons, no one drew the ire of Hawks players and fans more than Kesler. He was Lex Luthor. He was The Joker. He was the boogeyman. His clashes with Jonathan Toews verged on Shakespearian. And he did it with two teams, taking his King Asshat Act down the coast from Vancouver to Anaheim.

He kicked off fights, brawls, sparring in the media. frothing in the crowd. Kesler harkened back to an age in the sport where there were true heels that made you think if there wasn’t glass separating the crowd from the players, he very well may have been attacked by a baying throng all carrying Old Styles.

And Kesler couldn’t have produced that kind of emotion if he couldn’t play. There was a time when he was a dominant player. He scored over 70 points twice, if you forgot. He potted over 20 goals in nine of ten seasons, and the one he didn’t he was hurt. There was no better checking center, and it was Kesler who really did the heavy lifting for both Henrik Sedin and Ryan Getzlaf as they decided to be wallflowers in the destructive dance of the playoffs.

But it was clear that Kesler’s style couldn’t last. It was far too physical, far too in the muck, and when his body started breaking down, it wouldn’t stop. And so it has proven.

That didn’t stop Bob Murray in his infinite wisdom from handing Kesler a six-year extension that didn’t kick in until last year when he was already 33. And now you wonder if it isn’t the absolute worst value there is.

Kesler’s cap-hit is $6.8M, which is the 48th-highest in the league (tied with Brent Seabrook for a chilling bit of symmetry). Kesler put up .31 points per game last year, and is at .23 this year. Looking at the names above him on the cap-hit list, the only names that jump out that you could argue are Seabrook, Dion Phaneuf, and Bobby Ryan. But Ryan is younger, and at least averaged 0.5 points per game last year, though both he and Kesler missed big chunks of time with injury. Neither is anywhere near a guarantee to suit up for most of the games on the slate now.

Phaneuf is trash, but his deal was signed five years ago. It was a bad deal then, mind, but that’s the neighborhood Kesler lives in (along with Seabrook). Somehow, Kesler only makes a shade less than Patrice Bergeron, whom Kesler’s agent assuredly used as a comparison and Murray somehow bought it.

There wouldn’t seem to be any way out of it. Kesler isn’t going to retire and leave $20M on the table. He has a full no-trade until the last year of the deal, but there aren’t going to be any suitors who come sprinting when the Ducks hang a “Must Go” sign on him. His actual salary remains rigid throughout, so there’s no out for the Ducks that way.

His injury history might give the Ducks an out, where they can LTIR him into the abyss if his physical condition doesn’t allow him to play in the next three years. But Kesler would have to agree to that, and he doesn’t seem like the type.

The Ducks have some problems on the horizon, as Jakob Silfverberg goes UFA after this season and Brandon Montour RFA the summer after that. They should just about be able to keep everyone, but that’s keeping everyone on a team on pace to give up a record number of shots and chances against this season and only being bailed out by their goalie. Where’s the addition?

If you need something to cling to in this winter of discontent for the Hawks, know that Kesler lost all the fights. He didn’t get a Cup. His words always ended up on a plate for his dinner. Save 2011, the Hawks always got the better of his team. He became an anchor to his team for now and the future. And it won’t get any better. That should do it.

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Game #29 – Hawks vs. Ducks Q&A: Jen Neale Bails Us Out, Like Always

By Sam Fels December 5, 2018 1591 0

Usually, we try and give our Q&A correspondents a few days for these things. But because we try and block out Anaheim’s existence out of our minds, both team and place, we forgot to send these to our dear friend Jen Neale. Because she’s an angle, she helped us out anyway on short-notice, because she apparently loves a charity case. Follow her on Twitter @MsJenNeale.

Is the Ducks bewildering placing near the top of the Pacific solely because of John Gibson keeping Randy Carlyle in a job? Do you still hate Gibson?

The Pacific Division is an absolute dumpster fire this season. That’s the only reason the Ducks look somewhat ok. I will admit the Gibson is helping their cause but he’s not the sole reason. The Ducks came back to beat Washington in their last game after Gibson was pulled in the first. They’ve been straight up lucky lately.

And I don’t hate Gibson. I just strongly disagree with the Ducks keeping him over Freddie Andersen. I also don’t think Carlyle will lose his job while Bob Murray is still GM. He doesn’t want to fire his BFF twice. I’ve been actively campaigning for the Ducks to hire Q but he’s priced himself out of the Samuelis budget.

How does a team with Hampus! Hampus!, Fowler, Montour, and Manson giving up this many shots and chances?

Silly Blackhawk, Hampus recently returned from injury and Fowler has been out for a while with a fractured orbital bone that required surgery. The high shots against totals is becoming rote for the Ducks. It’s a signature of a Carlyle defense. I’ve given up looking at shot totals because I know I’ll be disappointed.

How does Pontus Aberg have nine goals?

Because he has the best name on the team … and he’s playing on a line with Rickard Rakell and Ryan Getzlaf. This is Murray’s one wire pickup (or trade) a season that works out and keeps him employed.

This isn’t going to last, right?

Everything is going as it usually does. They start off like

because Carlyle overworks the team in camp. Around this time every year something kicks into gear and the team starts to win by slim margins. Usually Murray threatens to trade everyone in the press first but they’ve skipped that part this time.

Bold Prediction: First round playoff exit.

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Game #29 – Hawks vs. Ducks Douchebag Du Jour: The Pit Of Orange County, Which Is Saying Something

By Sam Fels December 5, 2018 1723 0

Let me tell you a story. It’s one of I’ve told before, but I think expresses why I feel such vitriol and bile for the Anaheim Ducks, the Honda Center, and the whole area as a whole.

It was February of 2008. The Hawks, as young and incomplete as they were, were making something of a push for a playoff spot. So I, living in LA but drunk on Hawks fever for the first time since I was in high school, found myself some tickets and headed down the I-5 to Orange County.

We found ourselves seated to some middle-aged palooka in a leather Ducks jackets. That’s where that starts. With that leather jacket. And not that I need to tell you this, but no, he never took it off the whole game. Of course he didn’t. Before he turned his attention to us, three Hawks fans, he talked with some fellow Ducks fans he knew around the section. And the entirety of all the discussions was based on which players on the Ducks weren’t fighting enough.

Y’see, this was when the Ducks were defending Cup champs. And they also came off that year leading the league in fighting majors. To almost every Ducks fan, this was a main correlation, not that they were throwing out one of the greatest d-men of all-time for 45 minutes per night in Scott Niedermayer or Chris Pronger. Nope, to Ducks fans it was their fighting prowess and the fear it drove into other teams (funny story, the Ducks would win one playoff series over the next seven seasons with all that intimidating prowess).

Of course, he eventually turned to us, and I can’t even remember what moronic drivel he attempted to entertain us with. What I am sure of is he couldn’t name one player on the Hawks, and I’m sure that’s still true today.

Anyway, as the second period approached, he as nowhere to be found. And remained absent throughout the second. But then right before the third, he showed up again. And what we came to find out is that he had four season tickets, two on each side of the arena. That way, he would never have to sit on an end the Ducks weren’t attacking.

You’d think with Niedermayer and Pronger in tow you’d at least consider watching the Ducks play defense occasionally. Or for that money just getting two seats at center ice in a better section. No, you’d be wrong. And it was next to him I had to watch a 20-year-old Brent Seabrook lose Teemu Selanne right off the faceoff after the Hawks had pulled into within one to complete Selanne’s hat trick. I hated Teemu. This was hell.

For the rest of the night we had to listen to a group of Orange County high- or middle-schooler turn the word “suck” into two syllables so they could complete their “Blackhawks suck” chant, one the rest of the brain-injury-impersonating Honda Center faithful gleefully joined in on, not sensing the problems.

I have no doubts it’s still the same down there, filled with the same truck stop rejects that couldn’t cut it in LA proper.

Fuck the Ducks. Fuck The Honda Center. Fuck Orange County.

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Game #29 – Hawks vs. Ducks: I Make A Lot Of Graphs

By Sam Fels December 5, 2018 1258 0

Game #29 Preview Suite

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Game #29 – Hawks vs. Ducks: Lineups & How Teams Were Built

By Sam Fels December 5, 2018 1397 0

Notes: It honestly could look like anything, Collition got awfully blender-y on Sunday night and they’ll have their skate after we post. Expect Kunitz to sit, though. For good, we hope…Gustafsson should draw back in…Maybe Fortin does too though he didn’t do all that much on Sunday either.

Notes: The Ducks are beat up. Fowler is out for another month at least, Eaves is long-term gone as well…the third line has been getting smoked, which isn’t hilarious at all…The first two lines have found some kind of chemistry though, as Aberg has six points in his last four and Henrique has a five-game point-streak…That bottom-pairing though, woof…As always, to entertain yourself tonight, or just to feel anything, makes sure you yell out, “COGLIANO!” in NBA Jam voice.

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