Everything Else

Kings fans have the same myopia about their local scumbag Drew Doughty as Hawks fans do about Patrick Kane, although somehow they’re even more righteous about it. Maybe it’s a California thing. They also seem to connect their self-worth to the national recognition Doughty gets, as it was Kings fans’ whining and bed-wetting about how no one watches their games that got Doughty a Norris Trophy he didn’t deserve just so they would shut up.

It would appear that Doughty is cut from the same cloth as his fans/sycophants.

Don’t worry, Doughty’s hair will probably earn him an analyst role whenever he hangs up his skates. Some would tell you he’s already retired and is just cashing his checks. The numbers certainly bare that out. So while Doughty is in such a hurry to comment on a fellow d-mans defensive shortcomings, let’s check in on what’s going on with the gap-toothed dickhead this year, shall we?

First off, Doughty has no even-strength goals. None. Not a one. Six on the power play, nothing at evens. Doughty never racked up much at even-strength, as his career-high in that is seven. Fuck, Erik Gustafsson has nearly doubled that this season. But hey, maybe Doughnuts has had some rough luck and is doing all the things he used to.

Nope. He’s averaging the least amount of shots per game in eight seasons. Least amount of attempts since his rookie year and that’s by a full attempt per game. His individual expected goals is the lowest since his rookie year as well. Doughty isn’t getting open, he isn’t getting up the ice, and he isn’t making things happen.

But hey, the criticism was about playing defense. Doughty doesn’t think Burns does. So how you doing there, Drew-seph? Oh look, you suck there, too. Expected goals against per game the highest of your career. Same with shots. Same with attempts. But hey, the Kings really blow and you’re not getting much help are you, you rut-faced bastitch, are ya?

Turns out, all your relative marks are below water or right at the team-rate too! So yes, the Kings might be a collection of things picked out of an alligator’s teeth mixed with funny water, but you’re not helping much! Tell you what, let’s give you another Norris! Just for funsies!

But that’s ok, because Doughty’s $11M per yer extension doesn’t even kick in until next season! That’s right, Doughty went into the tank and became gelatinous right after he signed it. Isn’t that strange? That a player would be placated and start just going through the motions after he secured the richest and last contract of his career? When he become unmovable? Totally weird, right? Say Dough-fuck, when did you sign that deal? Before this season? And you’ve sucked deep pond scum all year? So strange.

By the way that deal expires in 2027. After the Earth has actually melted, which strangely will make it look like Doughty’s face.

There was a time when Doughty was a true force. He made that ’10 Canadian team at 20, which is a real accomplishment. The Hawks had no answer for him in 2014. But Doughty started declining right after that, which is why the Kings own all of one playoff victory since then. That’s one in five seasons. And there’s a reason they’re a leading contender for a #1 pick. You can fall that fast when your best players stop caring.

Guess it’s a shame Duncan Keith only stopped caring this year, huh?

 

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