Faxes from Uncle Dale

Recent Posts

  • Sit Back, Relax, And Strap It Down – ’17-’18 Blackhawks Player Previews – John Hayden

    Sit Back, Relax, And Strap It Down – ’17-’18 Blackhawks Player Previews – John Hayden

    In the infancy of this Blackhawks era, one of the litmus tests I came across for whether you were a “real fan” was to know who Éric Dazé was. With his hulking hockey body, high expectations, and myriad injuries, Dazé inhabited the intersection of “good enough to know” and “not good enough for bandwagoners to know,” serving as a marker between the bona fides of bandwagon fans and fans “who had always been fans,” which is an eternal pissing contest that’s about as dumb as having Jordin Tootoo on your roster. Now, I’m hearing more and more rumblings about local boy John Hayden, with his hulking hockey body and high expectations, and I wonder, “Who is John Hayden, and will he be another Dazé measuring stick 20 years from now?”

    2016–17 Stats

    12 GP – 1 G, 3 A, 4 P

    52.7 CF%, 61.9 oZS%, 38.1 dZS%

    ATOI: 11:41

    A Look Back: The Blackhawks signed Hayden to an entry-level contract last year, which our fearless leader Fels pegged as a move caused by being once bitten, twice shy over stairwell-shitter and professional thumb impersonator Kevin Hayes dumping the Hawks for the Rangers in 2014. When he came up in March last year, there were plaudits for his size and worries over his speed, but he managed to look OK over 12 games: a little bit better than “a guy” but certainly not a Dazé.

    The most noticeable thing about Hayden after his size (6’3”, 223) was his much-improved skating. He even found himself on a line with Toews every so often, which is where he scored his first and only NHL goal. While his 4 points over 12 games is a far cry from the 34 in 33 he put up at Yale before his quick call up, the ECAC (which is the conference Yale plays in) isn’t typically a hotbed for hockey prospects.

    There might be some promise in his CF%, which was 1.4% better than the team rate last year, but he only played 12 games and spent most of that time in the offensive zone. And you have to wonder whether Hayden is projected to be a “start in the offensive zone” kind of guy.

    A Look Ahead: Given the likes of Saad, Schmaltz, Sharp, Wiener Anxiety, and DeBrincat, who figure to slot in and out of the top 2 lines, it’s less likely you’ll see Hayden up there. Though with DeBrincat getting into a fight at a fucking prospect tournament to show just how low his nuts swing, it’s possible that Q expects DeBrincat to SHOW MORE, which could open up a spot for Professor Hayden, who’s smart enough to see what a terrible fucking idea that would be.

    For now, Johnny “The Brain” Hayden (sky point Bobby) figures to fight for a spot in the lower half of the lineup, but the only guys I’d take him over are Wingels and Tootoo, two of the suckiest bunch of sucks who ever sucked. Maybe if he impresses, he lines up on the right side on the 4th line, but then what? Q historically uses his 4th line as a defensive zone plug, and nowhere throughout his career has Hayden shown a talent or propensity for that. Hayden has made a name for himself by being the fat kid on the Kenny Hubbs team who threw 70 mph because he hit puberty at 9. That advantage goes away in the NHL.

    Barring some sort of epiphany or major injury, Hayden probably slates to start the year in Rockford. If he can exceed what he did at Yale there, maybe he finds a spot on the bottom half, but again, it’s tough to see whom he replaces, since we don’t have any evidence that he can or will play the left side. But he is just 22, and he did show dedication to improving his skating at Yale, so it’s possible that he can mold his game to play as a right-handed left winger, replacing a guy like Lance Bouma if he ends up making me eat crow for believing in him. (Is this what it’s like to be a disappointed dad?)

    So who is John Hayden? Hayden is a big, smart boy, but he’s no Dazé. He probably won’t be more than an answer to a trivia question in a few years (Who was the 20th Yale Bulldog to crack an NHL roster?). He’s the Atlas Shrugged of hockey players: not nearly as great as his proponents say, an overhyped tome of theoretical muck whose pedigree rests mostly on his size and standing out among the mediocre.

    At least he’s got a sort of Hasselhoff handsomeness to him.

    Stats retrieved from hockey-reference.com

    Previous Player Previews

    Corey Crawford

    Anton Forsberg

    Duncan Keith

    Connor Murphy

    Michal Kempný

    Brent Seabrook

    Gustav Forsling

    The 6th D-Man

    Artem Anisimov 

    Lance Bouma

    Laurent Dauphin

    Alex DeBrincat

    Ryan Hartman

  • A Shit Leopard Can’t Change Its Spots: Hawks 6 – Red Wings 1

    A Shit Leopard Can’t Change Its Spots: Hawks 6 – Red Wings 1

    Night 2 of the preseason! Some random thoughts:

    (more…)

  • Your Friends And Neighbors – ’17-’18 NHL Team Previews: Take A Long Look At Randy

    Your Friends And Neighbors – ’17-’18 NHL Team Previews: Take A Long Look At Randy

    Longtime guys on this blog will know that there really isn’t a team I hate more than the Anaheim Ducks. Their team is chockfull of shit gibbons and deutsche banks and it’s being watched by a bunch of buzzards and mouth-breathing giblets in the stands. And the whole area really could go away and I doubt anyone would miss it. It’s the most hellish suburbia one can imagine, and if you actually met a Lucille Bluth in real life you’d firebomb her house within seven minutes. I’ve met a real life Gob Bluth in Orange County, because everyone there is one, and believe me it wasn’t funny.

    So you know I’d love to sit here and spend 800-10000 words telling you how much the Anaheim Ducks will suck. Sadly, I’m not going to be able to do that. Let’s get through this together.

    Anaheim Ducks

    ’16-’17 Record: 46-23-13  105 points (1st in Pacific, lost to NSH in conference final)

    Team Stats 5v5: 49.6 CF% (19th)  50.5 SF% (13th)  50.9 SCF% (11th)  7.7 SH% (15th)  .930 SV% (5th)

    Special Teams: 18.7 PP% (17th)  84.7 PK% (4th)

     

    (more…)

  • Sit Back, Relax, and Strap it Down – ’17-’18 Player Previews – Ryan Hartman

    Sit Back, Relax, and Strap it Down – ’17-’18 Player Previews – Ryan Hartman

    Wowza, did you see that magazine story the Hawks were pushing a few weeks ago? Someone tell Patrick Sharp there’s a new cover boy on this team. Also someone tell Patrick Sharp he’s going to get overshadowed on the ice by this guy too.

    (more…)

  • Your Friends And Neighbors – ’17-’18 NHL Team Previews: Shake It, Madam

    Your Friends And Neighbors – ’17-’18 NHL Team Previews: Shake It, Madam

    I know you’re not going to believe this, but a Barry Trotz-coached team wasn’t able to get past the second round. And I know you’re not going to believe that the Washington Capitals, despite having the deepest team in the league by some distance and probably the best team they’ve ever had, couldn’t get past the Pittsburgh Penguins in a Game 7. But hey, they didn’t lead 3-1 this time! Now the Capitals have to see if they can try and scale the mountaintop again as something other than the favorite, with a slightly stripped-down roster. Actually, if you’ll allow me, the Capitals are being booked probably the way Roman Reigns should have been. They were at the top, everything was set for them, and they failed. And now they have to go through it again, with the most amount of doubt from the hockey world and within the organization themselves. They don’t even know if they can do it, or will ever be able. They have to overcome themselves even more than what’s on the other bench. Might being just outside the center of focus be exactly what they need? The Auld Enemy is almost certainly going to be waiting in Round 2, once again.

    Washington Capitals

    ’16-’17 Record: 55-18-8  118 points (1st in Metro, out in 2nd round)

    Team Stats 5v5: 51.8 CF% (4th)  52.0 SF% (3rd)  52.1 SCF% (6th)  9.1 SH% (2nd)  .937 SV% (1st)

    Special Teams: 23.1 PP% (3rd)  83.8 PK% (7th)

    (more…)

  • If It’s A Day That Ends In -y, Hockey Players And Fans Must Be Bitching

    If It’s A Day That Ends In -y, Hockey Players And Fans Must Be Bitching

    Y’know, for a sport where both players and fans can’t wait to tell you just how tough and manly they are, and how tough and manly you aren’t when you point out that anything they’re saying doesn’t make an ounce of sense, they sure do whinge a lot. And it really doesn’t take much for them to do so. Even the slightest change in rules, or coverage, or even an interpretation of said rules, and you get everyone losing their mud.

    So this preseason, because we have no evidence that this sort of thing will actually carry in to the regular season and have a strong hunch it won’t, the league is trying to change the ways it enforces faceoffs and slashing penalties.

    And it’s led to stuff like this. Or this. Or this. Or this. And believe me, I could keep going. Preseason games started three days ago, by the way.

    All it would take is the least amount of foresight from anyone involved to see what the league is doing here. The problem is foresight is territory for people who can reason and read. Those people do not find hockey to be much of a bastion.

    (more…)

  • Sit Back, Relax, and Strap It Down – ’17-’18 Blackhawks Player Previews: Alex DeBrincat

    Sit Back, Relax, and Strap It Down – ’17-’18 Blackhawks Player Previews: Alex DeBrincat

    It may sound kinda strange to say about a team that has had more success than all but one of the other teams in the NHL over the past decade, but the Blackhawks have only had a few prospects to truly get excited about in this era. There’s been Saad, Schmaltz, and of course my perfect and special boy Teuvo, but otherwise most of the prospects in the past few years have been mostly middle of the road guys, and most of those guys have ended up being disappointing. But when they were able to draft Alex DeBrincat with the 39th overall pick in last year’s NHL draft, they got probably the best scoring prospect they’ve had in a while.

    2016-17 Stats (w/ OHL Erie)

    Regular Season: 63 GP – 65 G – 62 A

    Playoffs: 22 GP – 13 G – 25 A

    A Look Back: DeBrincat has torn up the OHL for the past three years, with his best overall production coming just last season when he posted 127 points in 63 games for a 2.22 points per game average. He was essentially a lock to score a goal and assist on a goal every time he was in the lineup. That came a year after he posted 101 points (51 G, 50A) in 60 games during the ’15-’16 season and 104 points (51 G, 53 A) in 68 games in ’14-’15.

    DeBrincat has played most of the last three seasons with some damn good linemates. He was Connor McDavid’s winger in ’14-’15 and spent most of the past two seasons with Dylan Strome as his pivot. It’s no secret that playing with the best player to enter the NHL in the last decade and another of the game’s top forward prospects is sure to help any player put up some major points, especially in juniors. But watching DeBrincat play makes it clear he’s more than just a passenger along for the ride with elite centermen.

    He moves well in just about every sense you can think of. He’s fast and agile on his feet, and his passing ability and vision are just about elite. His wrist shot is quick, and is just about accurate enough that it could take down a buck at 500 yards. If he was 6’2″ with all of the ability, he’d probably have been a top-10 pick in 2016. Instead, he’s 5’7″, was ranked in the 20’s before falling to 39, and has critics – including everyone’s favorite HockeyBuzz fool – questioning his ability to stick at the NHL level due to his size.

    A Look Ahead: Listen, I get the fascination with size in the NHL. It’s a physical game, and in a physical battle you’re probably going to favor the bigger man. But hockey isn’t a game won by hit counts, PIM, or fights, it’s won with goals, and DeBrincat can stuff the fucking stat sheet. Besides, in a league that has seen the likes of Johnny Gaudreau, Tyler Johnson, Conor Sheary, Artemi Panarin, and countless others succeed while also being “undersized” (notice I omit the word “despite”), there’s no reason to think DeBrincat can’t succeed at the NHL level too.

    Now that I’ve stepped down off my high horse while discussing our jockey-sized hockey players (sorry), it’s time to think about where DeBrincat fits with the Hawks moving into this year. The assumption seems to be that he’ll start in Rockford, and not for lack of reason. The Blackhawks have shown a willingness to be patient with their top prospects in recent years, and even overpatient at times. They – namely Q – have a tendency to hold their top level prospects back a few months in favor of boring ass veterans who serve no purpose other than depth. Never forget that it took an injury to Carcillo to get Saad up here to begin with, and Teuvo spent too damn long in the AHL in 2014-15 as well.

    With that being said, it’s worth noting that the Hawks did not do the same last year with Nick Schmaltz, as he started the year with Chicago and ended up staying with them for most of the year, playing 61 games in Four Feathers compared to 12 in the Hog. And on a team that is damn near starved for top end forward production, if DeBrincat shines in camp (and he already got started at the Traverse City Rookie Tournament), they’d be folly to leave him out for some of the Nickelback rejects they have for forward depth.

    Regardless of when he does get the nod, I think it’s inevitable that we’ll see ADB (that’s his new shorthand name and you heard it hear first, motherfucker) in the Four Feather Sweater this season, barring injury or a major shitting of his pants in the A. There are two main places I see him fitting into the lineup. One would be on the wing opposite Kane, because dammit if DeBrincat isn’t as close to Panarin-lite as it comes. He can skate and pass with Mr. Madison 2012 all day long, and is almost certainly a better fit there from the start than Patrick Sharp.

    The other spot that he could slot in well would be on the third line flanking Schmaltz, who has a pretty similar playing style to that of Dylan Strome. Those two along with another fast, skilled forward (not there are a ton of them) like maybe Hinostroza could skate circles around opponent’s bum lines and create some havoc.

    In terms of what to expect from DeBrincat, using Behind The Net’s League-to-League conversion method, his 2.22 PPG last season would convert to roughly 52 points in a full 82 game NHL season. If he puts up those numbers, I think we’ll all be thrilled. Hopefully he just works on his hair choices.

    All Stats via Elite Prospects

    Photo via a guy on Twitter

    Previous Player Previews:

    Corey Crawford

    Anton Forsberg

    Duncan Keith

    Connor Murphy

    Michal Kempny

    Brent Seabrook

    Gustav Forsling

    The 6th D-Man

    Artem Anisimov

    Lance Bouma

    Laurent Dauphin

  • Here’s A Big Bag O’ Bums: Hawks 5 – Jackets 2

    A quick thought parade of the Hawks’ preseason opener

    -Most of these guys aren’t going to be anywhere near an NHL arena near you this year, and if they are ask for you money back. However, Nick Schmaltz being head and shoulders above really anyone on either team is something you’re more than allowed to be encouraged by. Schmaltz’s hands and vision made flashes last year, and if he carried the confidence he looks to have now into the season there’s really no reason to think he can’t be a genuine #2 center in the NHL. Of course, I’m sure Q will coach the actual movement he showed on the 5-on-3 to set up the goal right out of him, because the Hawks just don’t do that don’t you know?

    (more…)

  • Your Friends And Neighbors – ’17-’18 Team Previews – Travis Hughes STILL Owes Us Cheesesteaks 7 Years Later

    Your Friends And Neighbors – ’17-’18 Team Previews – Travis Hughes STILL Owes Us Cheesesteaks 7 Years Later

    We now move to the eastern portion of Pennsylvania, a state which answers the question “Hey, what if we had TWO St. Louises?”. An entire state arguing over which gas station has better food. A state so in love with college football that it is willing to overlook decades of systemic child abuse in the name of a statue. A state with the two most horrific English language accents imaginable. A state whose Appalachian hilljackery was the nail in the electoral coffin a year ago. And Philadelphia is its crown jewel, with the Flyers bearing no small responsibility in fueling the city’s long standing sports psychosis. And based on their current trajectory, the Flyera aren’t going ameliorate that any time soon despite there kind of being a plan.

    (more…)

  • The Falsehood Of Relocation

    The Falsehood Of Relocation

    Not that it’s going to stop us making jokes about the “Seattle Flames,” or “Quebec Flames,” but I really hope that this latest relocation drama ends up being anything resembling a line in the sand for this whole new arena/franchise relocation mishegas that really should be a crime. You hardly need me to tell you that cities building new arenas on the backs of taxpayers for the benefit of billionaires for no apparent result other than the enriching of the latter is one of many despicable aspects of modern government and society. But that list has gotten so long now I feel like it benefits from hiding behind the other ones.

    A quick recap if you don’t pay attention to things in southern Alberta (or as my Vancouver-native friend referred to it, “Fucking cowshit smelling fucking hellhole): The Flames have been angling for a new building for a couple years now, trying to replace the now 34-year-old Saddledome. It hasn’t gone anywhere, as Calgary’s mayor Naheed Nenshi has basically, rightfully told them to go screw. So last week, CEO of the Flames Ken King said they would no longer seek a deal with “this administration.”

    Basically, he’s trying to influence the mayoral election that comes next month. While that’s sickening enough, most of us don’t really bat an eye at a multi-million dollar corporation trying to swing elections simply for their benefit. Our entire country is now built on the fucking concept.

    But what I think Nenshi might realize, or hope that he does, is that cities should really no longer fear their teams moving away.

    (more…)