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What Jail Is Like – Jackets vs Hawks Preview, Pregame Thread, Shamrock Shake Brain Freeze

vs

Game Time: 7:30PM Central
TV/Radio: CSN, NHLN (US), WGN-AM 720
Love Rollercoaster: The Cannon

I heard you missed us, we’re back!”

Yeah, no, not so much.

At this point, finding something to say about the Blue Jackets for the second time in five days is probably harder than actually having to play them. In a uniquely Blue Jackety way, they have somehow managed to come into tonight’s game significantly worse for wear than they did even on Sunday, with James “Metal As FUUUUUUUUUUCK, Bro” Wisniewski and now John Moore missing from their blue line. Moore’s injury actually took place at this morning’s skate, putting the Jackets even further up Shit Creek and likely only dressing 5 defensemen tonight.

 

On the plus side of things for the Jackets, Artem Anisimov figures to be in the lineup tonight after his fluke injury against Scum last weekend, just in time to replace Derrick Brassard, who will be out for the next couple of weeks after being injured in Dallas. Anisimov was one of the pieces that came back from the Blueshirts in exchange for speculated wiener tucker Rick Nash. Prior to his injury Anisimov wasn’t exactly setting the world on fire with 2G, 4A and a -6 rating, but he’s still taken the most draws on the team even after missing a week, so that’s…something.  Sergei Bobrovsky figures to get his first look at the Hawks this season tonight after Ma$e got the first two since the Jackets have been off since Tuesday.

(Update: I am hilariously wrong. Mason goes again tonight.)

It was on Tuesday that the Jackets nearly jumped up and bit the Stars in the dick, tying the game twice in the third period before ultimately falling in OT. And that’s the lone difference in this group of plugs, they don’t quit as they have in the past. But all the “grit” and “jam” and “character” the likes of R.J. Umberger, Derek Dorsett, and Cam Atkinson may have end up being just polite euphemisms for “bad” when they’re this hopelessly outgunned.

As for our Men of Four Feathers, tonight is the meat of a 3 game in 3 and a half days sandwich, with a matinee with Scum in the Joe on tap for Sunday Brunch. At press time the lineup changes haven’t been made official, but reasonable speculation would suggest that Ray Emery will once again start tonight after Corey Crawford myyyyyysterrrrrriousssssly left last night’s Blues game with an injury that the Hawks won’t elaborate on and the beat reporters seem content to not follow up on. It’d be surprising if Dave Bolland dresses tonight given the context of things, but stranger things have happened, like putting Brandon Saad on the fourth line while Gorilla Salad skates with Toews and Hossa. Enough of that bullshit please?

Once again, it’s not out of line to say that this game is only a trap if the Hawks decide to make it one. If the Blue Jackets’ season were a pet dog, it’d be euthanized. Do the humane thing. Let’s go Hawks.

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