Faxes from Uncle Dale

Tag: Blackhawks

  • Baby, I’m An Anarchist – Hawks at Blues, Preview, House Unamerican Activities Hearing

    250px-Ozymandias at Moran1

    Game Time: 7:00PM CST
    TV/Radio: NBCSN, WGN-AM 720
    Made America Great Again: SLGT

    blackhawks-lineup-card

    blues-lineup-card

    Well the world didn’t end. Not yet at least. And apparently there’s hockey to play down in West East St. Louis tonight.

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  • Wheel It Out Here, Carnac: C.I.’s Season Predictions

    Usually I do this myself, but this year the whole crew is chiming in so you can hang us all out to dry in April. Let’s kick this pig…

    Hawks Point Total and finish in the division 

    Cieslak – 104 points, 2nd

    McClure – 102 points, 2nd (lose on ROW)

    Feather – 110 points, 1st

    Fearless Leader – 108 points, 1st

    Leading Scorer 

    Cieslak – Kane, 91pts

    McClure – Garbage Dick, 90 points

    Feather – Kane, EIGHTY-THREE

    Fearless Leader – Kane, 89 pts

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  • Enough Already – Penguins vs Hawks Preseason Opener

    Enough Already – Penguins vs Hawks Preseason Opener

    I only caught the last 17 minutes of whatever the fuck this was, and that’s only because someone here had to. Anyone who watched all of this please consider re-prioritizing your life.

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  • Ten Second News – Game 3 – Blues vs Hawks Preview, Septic Tank Flushing

    bluestrumpet_jersey vs evil empire

    Game Time: 2:00PM Central
    TV/Radio: NBC, TVA-S, SportsNet, WGN-AM 720
    Holidae In: St. Louis Game Time

    After having the tide of the series flip on a dime on two controversial goal calls (and one not at all controversial slashing call), the Blues are now afforded with an opportunity to show the hockey world that their continual, perennial faith in them is justified. To show them, yes indeed, this time it will be different.

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  • I’m Saving Myself For Something Beautifully True – Hawks at Blues – Game 1 Preview, Debt Consolodation

    evil empire at imos blues

    Game Time: 8:30PM CDT
    TV/Radio: CSN, NBCSN, SportsNet360, TVA-S, WGN-AM 720
    If A Urinal Cake Were A Town: St. Louis GameTime

    As far as inevitabilities go, the Hawks and Blues meeting in the first round of the playoffs this year is right up there with death, taxes, and David Haugh writing something profoundly ignorant, stupid, and damaging. And with this series, all of the old war horses once again will be trotted out, from the Hawks “turning it on” and hockey followers everywhere from local to national believing beyond a shadow of a doubt that this time it will be different for the Blues.

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  • Take Me To The River, Take Me To Where All The Poisons Go – Blues Series Preview – Goalies & Defense

    Take Me To The River, Take Me To Where All The Poisons Go – Blues Series Preview – Goalies & Defense

    And so it begins anew, and the braintrust of the NHL gets what they ultimately want again with the divisional playoff format with a perennial occurence of legacy NHL rivalries along with an effort to fabricate new ones. The Hawks and Blues will meet in the first round for the second time in three years, with the Blues once again having home ice advantage thanks to their usual solid regular season. But even the florid, toothless cretins along the river are beginning to realize that that type of success and $2.50 gets one on the bus.

    Because everything the Blues does is predicated on the prevention of quality chances against, it’s appropriate to take a look at their back end of the blue line and their goalies first.

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  • Manifest Destiny – Blues vs Hawks Preview, Workplace Mediation

    bluestrumpet_jersey vs evil empire

    Game Time: 7:30PM
    TV/Radio: CSN, WGN-AM 720
    Toasted Ravs, Man: SLGT

    Tonight’s game between the Hawks and Blues is being labeled a playoff preview by all of the flapping heads around the league, and in one sense, that’s not accurate at all given the number of injuries on both sides that will surely answer the bell this time next week, as well as the fact that this first round matchup is anything but a foregone conclusion. And in that respect tonight already is a playoff game unto itself. Should the Blues gain a single point, they will clinch some form of home ice and the Hawks will be locked into third in the Central. However a Hawks regulation win still keeps them in position for home ice if not the division, depending on the outcome of Stars/Avs. The Hawks would still need some help from the Preds and/or Capitals on Saturday, but they still have to close out their regular season home schedule properly tonight to give themselves a chance.

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  • Kokopelli Face Tattoo – Coyotes vs Hawks Preview, Car Repair Estimate

    wileEcoyote vs evil empire

    Game Time: 7:30PM Central
    TV/Radio: CSN, WGN-AM 720
    I Hope Joe Arpaio Is Tortured To Death: Five For Howling

    It took until game 80 on April 5th for the schedule to finally roll around to a game of actual consequence that the Blackhawks on paper should give a shit about. Sitting at 99 points with three games to play, they can max out at 105, which is the current total for both the Stars and Blues. If the Hawks win tonight as they should, and can beat the Blues on Thursday, that at least puts home ice still seriously on the table on Saturday, as the Blues face the Caps in the closer, and the Hawks would hold the definitive edge in ROWs. There’s still barely a chance at the division as well, but on top of needing help from the Caps, the Stars get what could be an already eliminated Avs team on Thursday and then a locked-into-seventh Preds club for the finale. But failure to accumulate all six of the remaining points available makes all of this moot, and it begins tonight at home against the Coyotes.

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  • Innuendo And Out The Other – Bruins vs Hawks Preview, Bloody Mary Bar

    bruins fallon fever pitch vs evil empire

    Game Time: 11:30AM Central
    TV/Radio: NBC, SportsNet, TVA-S, WGN-AM 720
    You White, You Ben Affleck: Cup of Chowder 

    There really is zero excuse for an 11:30 start this morning, as the game isn’t necessarily running as counter programming to anything specific. But the NHL and marketing sensibility have never exactly gone together like bologna and Miracle Whip. So somehow what they’ll bill as in important game between two ORIGINAL SIX teams in its final pre-scheduled Sunday matchup still will start while the vast majority of the country is still sleeping. Great job again, everyone.

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  • Today’s Empires, Tomorrow’s Ashes – Hawks at Jets Preview, Vow Renewal Ceremony

    evil empire at benny the jet

    Game Time: 7:00PM Central
    TV/Radio: CSN, WGN-AM 720
    Sons Of Flin Flon: Arctic Ice Hockey

    Regardless of how long Duncan Keith is suspended for this afternoon- and he will be suspended for at least the remainder of the regular season- the Blackhawks are still in a position wherein they’re for all intents and purposes locked into their playoff spot barring losing the remaining five games or getting a tremendous amount of help from the opponents of the Stars and Blues. And while the former can’t be ruled out, the latter is still an incredibly low probability, as the schedule makers certainly did the Hawks plenty of favors by putting batting practice like the long out-of-it Jets on the schedule for the home stretch.

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