Faxes from Uncle Dale

Tag: Ryan Kesler

  • Your Friends And Neighbors – ’17-’18 NHL Team Previews: Take A Long Look At Randy

    Your Friends And Neighbors – ’17-’18 NHL Team Previews: Take A Long Look At Randy

    Longtime guys on this blog will know that there really isn’t a team I hate more than the Anaheim Ducks. Their team is chockfull of shit gibbons and deutsche banks and it’s being watched by a bunch of buzzards and mouth-breathing giblets in the stands. And the whole area really could go away and I doubt anyone would miss it. It’s the most hellish suburbia one can imagine, and if you actually met a Lucille Bluth in real life you’d firebomb her house within seven minutes. I’ve met a real life Gob Bluth in Orange County, because everyone there is one, and believe me it wasn’t funny.

    So you know I’d love to sit here and spend 800-10000 words telling you how much the Anaheim Ducks will suck. Sadly, I’m not going to be able to do that. Let’s get through this together.

    Anaheim Ducks

    ’16-’17 Record: 46-23-13  105 points (1st in Pacific, lost to NSH in conference final)

    Team Stats 5v5: 49.6 CF% (19th)  50.5 SF% (13th)  50.9 SCF% (11th)  7.7 SH% (15th)  .930 SV% (5th)

    Special Teams: 18.7 PP% (17th)  84.7 PK% (4th)

     

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  • The NHL Is Out To Lunch, And So Is YCP

    The NHL Is Out To Lunch, And So Is YCP

    Man, am I fucking sick of writing posts like this. But the NHL, it’s rock-stupid/ignorant players, the league’s insistence on pretty much letting them be that, and the supposed-watchdog organization riding shotgun seem pretty fucking insistent that I and many others have to keep doing so.

    To recap the news, though you probably know it already, Ryan Getzlaf got caught calling someone a “cocksucker,” a homophobic slur whether you like it or not, the NHL fined him the change he found between his couch cushions, he came out after Game 5 and delivered the most insincere, backhanded apology one could muster, one so lacking in any emotion or regret even Jay Cutler thought it was patronizing, and You Can Play released a statement that was so soft and passionless it’s a wonder the paper it was printing on didn’t actually piss down its leg. So a good weekend for all around.

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  • Coming Through Your TV

    Coming Through Your TV

    I get that trying to support the Nashville Predators this spring has been a tricky proposition. There’s always a bit of angst about the team that knocked you out. Thankfully that’s been somewhat mitigated by their next two opponents being two teams I can’t stand, and I know I’m not alone.

    There’s obviously the bigger, much bigger, that this was the organization that stood behind and re-signed Mike Ribeiro, and also employed Mike Fisher and his non-stop bible-waving arm. So I get that, too. God knows if you’re a Hawks fan you’ve dealt with enough conflict in your hearts to add any more to it.

    And yet I find myself drawn to the Predators’ run here, not just because of PK Subban or Ryan Johansen simply caving in Kesler’s skull while calling him out on it, though those certainly help.

    It’s the noise coming through my TV.

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  • Boredom And Bullshit

    Boredom And Bullshit

    The Senators took a 1-0 lead over what looked to be a very tired Penguins team, and one that was already beat up, and all anyone could talk about was how boring the Senators are. Apparently most everyone hadn’t watched the Sens all year or in the first two rounds, and I can’t really blame you if you didn’t because the Bruins and Rangers hardly  move the interest needle either. This is what Guy Boucher does. Maybe you didn’t pay attention to what he did in Tampa, and again I don’t blame you if you didn’t because it really wasn’t worth your time.

    But Guy Boucher, and the Senators as a whole, don’t owe you anything.

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  • Some Page 8s – Q’s Lottery and The Anaheim Inquisition

    Just sharing our past couple Page 8s from the gameday program. For those who don’t know, Page 8 is where we kind of let loose and do anything we think is funny.

    The Lottery by Joel Quenneville

    Lottery

    The Anaheim Inquisition

    Anaheim inquisition bw

  • Shake It Loose – Ducks vs Hawks Preview, Fruit Canning

     vs evil empire

    Game Time: 7:30PM Central
    TV/Radio: CSN, NHLN, Various Regional SportsNet Affiliates, WGN-AM 720
    Tragic Kingdom: Anaheim Calling

    On a certain level it’s probably wrong to point and laugh at the AnaCouver CaDucks’ moribund start considering the relentless amorality of the Hawks from top to bottom. And there’s no way the Ducks are actually as bad as a lot of they have looked and much of their struggles are percentage driven, and calling them out on it will likely result in a STATEMENT GAME where they perform well tonight because jinxes are totally real. On another level, fuck the Anaheim Ducks, because no one in their right mind in this fan base should give even a quarter of a shit about a game in late October.

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  • In Search Of… – Game 7 – Hawks at Ducks Preview, Pregame Thread, Instrument Recalibration

    oldschool at draft_lens1960363module9273829photo_1209145008daffy-duck-donald-duck

    Game Time: 7:00PM Central
    TV/Radio: NBC, CBC, TVA, WGN-AM 720
    Story Of My Life: Anaheim Calling, Battle of California

    It has been 363 days since the Blackhawks lost a Game 7 in the Western Conference Final on home ice, blowing two separate two goal leads and a lead going into the third period. Tonight they will finally get a chance to take another step in righting the wrong that was last season, and all that stands in their way is the West’s number 1 seed on their home ice in the form of the Anaheim Ducks.

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  • Thinkin’ Out Loud – Game 4 – Ducks vs Hawks Preview, Pregame Thread, Neurologist Appointment

    draft_lens1960363module9273829photo_1209145008daffy-duck-donald-duck vs oldschool

    Game Time: 7:00PM Central
    TV/Radio:  NBC, CBC, TVA, WGN-AM 720
    All The Answers: Anaheim Calling, Battle Of California

    In Joel Quenneville’s seven year tenure as the Hawks’ coach, there has not been a single postseason wherein his squad has not trailed in a series at some point, including twice in each respective year that ended in a parade. So tonight’s Game 4 at home against the Ducks is not new territory for his team. But Game 3 certainly rocketed up the charts as one of his all-time coaching boners in what is already a greatest hits collection. The Ducks took advantage, and now tonight results in a crucial, near must-win for the home team.

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  • Thinkin' Out Loud – Game 4 – Ducks vs Hawks Preview, Pregame Thread, Neurologist Appointment

    draft_lens1960363module9273829photo_1209145008daffy-duck-donald-duck vs oldschool

    Game Time: 7:00PM Central
    TV/Radio:  NBC, CBC, TVA, WGN-AM 720
    All The Answers: Anaheim Calling, Battle Of California

    In Joel Quenneville’s seven year tenure as the Hawks’ coach, there has not been a single postseason wherein his squad has not trailed in a series at some point, including twice in each respective year that ended in a parade. So tonight’s Game 4 at home against the Ducks is not new territory for his team. But Game 3 certainly rocketed up the charts as one of his all-time coaching boners in what is already a greatest hits collection. The Ducks took advantage, and now tonight results in a crucial, near must-win for the home team.

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  • Come Out And Play – Game 3 – Ducks vs Hawks Preview, Pregame Thread, Student Loan Consolidation

    disco duck vs oldschool

    Game Time: 7:00PM
    TV/Radio: NBCSN, CBC (Anglo), TVA (Franco), WGN-AM 720
    Cohen Family Reunion: Anaheim Calling, Battle of California

    As the series shifts back to the United Center and the Hawks play at home for the first time in 18 days, they bring with them the requisite split of the first two games on the road to put themselves in solid position as the series moves forward. And coming off the longest game in franchise history just 42 hours ago, both the Hawks and the Ducks will have their depth and endurance tested tonight.

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